Today, I will introduce you to three ways to deal with three different types of ostentatious fanatics to help you out.

Method 1: Results Method.

Applicable people: people who show off how powerful and awesome their friends are in front of you.

Wording template: "Your friend is really amazing. Then what have you achieved yourself? "

Once, I attended a party. On the way back, a girl I just met accosted me.

She asked, "What do you do?"

I didn't want to expose myself too much, so I simply said, "I'm a composer."

Unexpectedly, her chatterbox suddenly opened and she began to show off her friends crazily. She said, "You are a composer. I know a friend who is also a composer. What programs have you been on, how many fans you have, and wrote a theme song for a large-scale event ... "

I praised politely and sincerely, "Wow, your friend is really something."

Actually, I'm not that interested in how good her friends are. What I want to know more is whether she is strong or not.

So I asked her what she does: "What do you do?"

She said, "I'm a makeup artist. I tell you, I also know a friend. She is a fitness blogger and an online celebrity. She has as many fans as she has on a certain platform. Now she has received a six-figure advertisement. Have you seen her video? Let me show you ... "She said, turning on her mobile phone and showing me the video of her friend.

I watched the video and did a good job, so I praised it politely and sincerely: "Ah, this video is really professional, and your friend is really amazing!" "

Then, she added, "I have another friend. He is an actor. Do you know that he acted in that costume TV series? He plays male No.3, I'll show you ... "

Hearing this, I have a hunch that if I don't reverse the rhythm of the topic, our whole conversation will always be this mode of "she shows it to her friends and I praise her". This mode makes me very uncomfortable. So, I stopped her at this place and began to fight back with the result method.

I said, "So, did you make this actor's shape for him in the play?"

There was a guilty look in her eyes, and she said, "No, I didn't make this shape. The style I made is not this kind of clothing. "

I asked her further, "Oh, I see, so you are good at fashion modeling, aren't you?" Are there any fashion dramas you have shot? Can you show it to me? "

She hesitated and said, "Well, I'm not mainly a fashion model either. I do more wedding models. "

I continued to ask her, "Well, then show me your wedding style."

She swallowed a mouthful of saliva and said, "I don't have any photos in my mobile phone. Ok, I'll show it to you next time. "

I said, "It doesn't matter, then you can send it to me on your computer when you go home." I want to know about your work. If it is really good, I will be happy to recommend it to my friends around me. "

She said, "Yes ... I don't have any photos in my computer ... In fact, I'm in the process of transformation and may become a food blogger. I don't want to wear makeup, it's too tired for my body. "

At this point, I have completely punctured her cowhide, and the tone I have held in my heart has been released. There is no need to puncture the last layer of enough paper.

I agreed and said, "Yes, health is very important. The makeup business is really too tired, and it is not bad to change careers. "

In the later conversation, we talked about some variety shows of mutual interest. In the second half of the conversation, she never dared to show off her friends in front of me again.

This is the application of the result method.

For those who brag about how powerful their friends are, TA's weakness lies in that TA itself is not powerful, and TA itself has no results.

However, whenever TA has achieved something, with their flamboyant personality, it has long been taken out and blown to the sky.

Therefore, when we face such a boastful friend, if we don't want to wronged ourselves, we should directly poke the weakness of TA and ask about its own achievements.

The more TA dodges, the more we ask. Every time we ask questions, TA feels guilty. If we ask questions two or three times, TA will have enough pain and will naturally converge.

Method 2: Holding method

Applicable people: people who show off how powerful and awesome they are in front of you, and people who are alienated from you.

Wording template: "You are great, but I am not interested."

One afternoon, I received a private letter from Zhihu. The writer said, "Hello, I graduated from a prestigious school. I have tens of thousands of assets. Can I buy you a cup of coffee? "

According to my general rule, whenever I receive such a private letter, I will choose to ignore it directly. But that afternoon, I happened to be writing a manuscript for this poster, and this case came to my door on my own initiative, so I really want to see if the method I just invented has any effect.

So, I replied to him: "Not interested, thank you."

He was furious and unwilling, so he stepped up his show and said to me, "Do you know that I have three properties in Beijing's Second Ring Road? Do you know how much this is worth? " How much do you earn a month? You have a master's degree in Central Phonology, which means you can show off. My school is a famous university ranked XX in the world. Do you have a second-rate master's degree? "

So, I also increased the dose of "not interested". I said to him, "Oh, you are really rich and have a high degree, but I am still not interested in you, hehe."

As soon as this sentence was issued, I felt that my pores were extremely stretched and dripping.

I've been holding it for years. Every time I meet someone boasting in front of me that he is rich, highly educated and can afford luxury goods, I always respond politely "You are amazing, you are excellent", but I have never come up with a way to really hit the other person's pain point.

That afternoon, at the moment of confrontation with this conversation, I suddenly realized a problem:

These flaunters keep saying, "Look how rich, highly educated and awesome I am." In fact, they subconsciously said, "I long for you to pay attention to me, I long for you to like me, and I long for you to love me."

In the pretender's subconscious, I'm fine, which means you will love me.

But in fact, the truth is not like this. Letting others admit that you are great does not necessarily make others like you, respect you and love you.

Therefore, when you face a flaunter, if you want to poke the pain point of TA, you should send such a signal to TA-"You are great, but I don't like you."

-first hold TA and acknowledge its power; Then step on TA and tell TA that you can't win my love just by showing off your skills. This is the way to persist.

At this time, there will be a great sense of frustration in TA's heart. "Why? I am so powerful, why can't I get your love? "

-this painful feeling will force TA to reflect: "what can I do to get the love of others? "

-this step of reflection is precious, because TA will start to try to establish relationships with people in ways other than showing off.

Do you remember? I said in my previous article that only pain can make people change, but persuasion can't. So, don't be afraid to poke the pain point of the poster. It is this painful feeling that will bring real valuable reflection.

For those who are alienated, use spicy words and stop immediately, so that TA can stop after one pain.

Just like the conversation I met, when I said, "You are really rich and have a high degree, but I am still not interested in you", I hacked him directly and ended the conversation.

However, for close friends, we can't just stay in this stinging step, we should deepen it in the next step.

Method 3: Persistence+Requirements+Demands.

Applicable people: people who show off how powerful and awesome they are in front of you and are close to you.

Wording template: "You are amazing, but I couldn't concentrate when you said this just now. Do you know why? "

Once, I had dinner with an old friend I hadn't seen for years. He has been running a restaurant for many years, and his business has finally picked up. As soon as he sat down, the first thing he said was, "I made a net profit last month."

I said politely and sincerely, "Wow, great, you finally succeeded, congratulations!" " "

Then, he said in two sentences: "I went to a European country and bought a lot of luxury goods." Look at my watch, look at my bag ... "I have been listening to him explain these luxuries for the next 30 minutes.

Personally, I don't have much research and interest in luxury goods, but out of courtesy and concern for my friends, I try to stay focused, listen to him and respond to him from time to time: "Wow, this looks good." "Ah, this is of good quality."

After talking about luxury goods, he began to talk about cars. He got a new car, the number is millions, and I can't remember the brand. What about the performance of this car?

I am a car-blind+carsick star. The topic I am most afraid of talking about is cars. Speaking of which, I can't hold it anymore, and my limited attention resources are running out.

So, I shot rhythmically.

At the end of a paragraph, I said to him, "Brother, I see that your career has finally succeeded, and I am especially happy for you. You have the conditions to enjoy a high-quality life now, which I think is quite good.

But, I don't know why, I just can't concentrate on what you are saying. I tried to concentrate, but I couldn't help but be distracted. Do you know why? "

He said, "Ah, I know why. Are you jealous? "

I said, "I touch my breasts and swear to you, it's really not." If I feel jealous in our relationship, I will tell you directly. I really had a hard time concentrating just now. "

He said, "It's hard to concentrate? Oh, I see, is it because these luxury goods, cars, watches, etc. I said are all topics that you are not interested in? "

I said, "Mm-hmm, yes, yes, it seems so."

He said, "No? Are you not interested in cars and luxury goods? "

I said, "Yes, if you look carefully, you will find that when I took your words just now, it was basically a closed answer, with almost no extended answer."

He said, "What is a closed answer? What is an extended answer? "

I said, "the closed answer ends with a great, great, good answer, which shows that this person is not interested in this topic;"

The extended answer is this car. Nice. What's the displacement? Manual or automatic? This answer to expand the topic shows that this person is interested in this topic. "

He said, "Oh … I seem to understand. It's true. All right, forget about me. Let's talk about you. Have you written a new song recently? Ah, yes, I heard the preface you wrote for the Wang Teng Pavilion last time. It is antique and electronic. It's quite personal. Very suitable for me to listen to running ... "

Thanks to my friend's quick response, he finally remembered to pay attention to my needs from here

In the second half of this chat, we spent 10 minutes talking about the song I was writing recently, and then spent more than 40 minutes talking about Jin Yong's novels that we all like, and also spit out the newly filmed Jin Yong drama, which made both of us feel very happy.

Showing off is annoying because, in essence, when a person shows off himself, TA often ignores the needs of the other party.

Is this magical thing you show needed by others?

If what you show happens to be what others need, it doesn't constitute showing off, but real sharing.

For example, in the scene just now, if I happen to run a restaurant and I just need to ask this friend how to run a restaurant better, then he will show his financial resources to me and I will be happy to ask him how to succeed.

However, if what you show is not what the opposite audience needs, and the other party has shown signs of disinterest, you continue to show it, which constitutes showing off.

For example, in the scene just now, as a music creator, the management mode of my industry is still very different from that of the catering industry; The focus of my life goal at the moment is more on "accumulating works" than "accumulating wealth". It took him more than half an hour to show his wealth, which was really unnecessary for me.

For the first ten minutes, out of concern for him, I was willing to listen to his recent situation. However, after he talked for more than half an hour, my attention was already distracted.

Miraculously, when we talked about Jin Yong in the last 40 minutes, we were both very focused and excited, because this topic is what we both need.

Then, some friends may ask after reading this: "Sister Bach, the friend you met has a higher EQ. He changed immediately after you dialed it. But if the friend I meet is stubborn, even if I use the three-step method, TA still doesn't feel wrong, but says to me,' I don't care what topic you are interested in. Why should I care about your feelings?' Then how should I respond? "

In this case, you can use the method of self-evaluation to counter each other. I'll give you a wording reference:

A: "I don't care if you are interested. Why should I care about your feelings?" Aren't you tired of talking to you and thinking about your feelings all the time? "

B: "So you feel tired of thinking about each other's feelings in advance when chatting?"

A: "Yes."

B: "Do you think you are a person who knows how to respect others?"

A: "I think so. I respect people most of the time. "

B: "So, when your chat partner tells you that TA is not interested in talking about cars and watches, which of the following ways is to respect the other person's performance? -a Continue talking about cars and watches; B stop looking at the car topic and talk about topics of interest to TA; C pause the topic of the car table and talk about topics that two people have common interests? You can choose one more. "

A: "well, it's still C. I don't like to guess others." I'm so tired. Or talk about us?