2. Go home with your wife at night. Suddenly three masked men jumped out of the roadside. "Only one can be left!" "I said," wife, run! " "Watching his wife disappear, the three men took off their masks: God, is it so difficult to find you to play mahjong now?
Be kind to your wife. Because one day, when you are lying in a hospital bed, it is not necessarily the doctor who dominates your life, nor your buddies who drink and drink, let alone those three small four, but your wife, and only she has the right to sign "continue to rescue" or "give up treatment"!
The wife was weighing herself and found her husband snickering. The wife was very angry and shouted, Do you think I am fat? The husband put away his smile and said seriously; According to your weight, you should be about 1.8 meters tall. So I'm not fat, but short.
5. I went to the bank to withdraw money today and told the teller "Take 100", but the teller said "Not so much". I was angry. I said, "You don't have one hundred in such a big bank, so you don't have to make an appointment in advance to get five hundred thousand. Do you look at other windows? " The teller then said helplessly, "You don't have that much in your card."
6. Go to the railway station fast food restaurant for dinner. After dinner, I said, why is this amount so small? The waiter said it was a waste to eat too much. I said I could eat three more servings with my physique. The waiter said that you should eat first and then give me some after eating. The result is really endless, because it tastes terrible.
7. I always give my parents good news instead of bad news when I work hard alone outside. Today, I finally had the good news that I couldn't help calling home: "Dad, Mom, I'm fine. I thought I would be sentenced to death, but I didn't expect to be sentenced to life. "
A woman has no choice but to marry a creditor because her father owes money. On the first night of the wedding, the woman said to the smug groom, I married you because my father owes you money. Don't be too proud! The next day, the woman opened her eyes, shook her sleeping groom and said, how much does my father owe us? You can't just let it go.
My wife took her 5-year-old son to the park. She installed him with a portable wireless network. She is sitting in a chair playing with her mobile phone. As long as the signal is weak, the child will stay away from her. ...
I am black and my wife is white. I am fat, and so is my wife. My friend teased me today: What will happen if I have baby skin in the future ... It must be very tangled. Me: "Do you know zebras?" Then I thought it was wrong. According to our size, I replied, "Do you know pandas?"
1 1. Go out for dinner with friends, who take his four-year-old daughter. In the evening, I ordered a cucumber dip, and a buddy ate it with a cucumber dip. Suddenly, a friend's daughter said loudly: Mom, how can this uncle eat with shit ... Her mother didn't hear her daughter clearly, so she said: He likes to eat like that. ...
12. I watched my mother-in-law and my wife just enter the kitchen. I secretly slipped some money to my father-in-law, who pushed it back with one hand and said firmly, "No! Really don't have to! I am not short of money, and neither are you. Keep it for yourself! " The landlord couldn't help getting hot at that time, or his father-in-law knew how to sympathize with me! I was about to put the money back in my pocket when my father-in-law put it away in one hand: "The thief girl came out just now and stood behind you watching!
13. Life is like a circle of friends. Just be yourself. There is no need to force others to like it. God will naturally arrange those good-looking and meaningful people to praise and comment on you.
14. A man's anger is like shooting a gun. It's just a matter of time. After the explosion, sweeping the floor will be fine. A woman's anger is like the integral of a membership card. It's no big deal to add a few points at a time, but if the score is above 100, you will be cuckolded.
There are few toilets in our school, so we have to queue up every time we go to the toilet. Once I was in a hurry to pee, and I finally got to the front, but someone stood in front of me ... I was grumpy, so I was in a hurry: the canteen jumped in line to grab food. Do you want to grab shit to eat when you jump the queue in the bathroom?
Sixteen years old. I went to the goddess' house just in time for dinner. His mother dragged me to sit down for dinner. I blushed and bravely said to my aunt, Aunt, the food you cooked is so delicious that I want to eat it all my life! Aunt's hand obviously shook: girl, this is not made by aunt, but, yes, I bought it from the restaurant downstairs.
17. The son said to his father, "Dad, there is a band in our school, and I want to join it. The school also said that I should bring my own musical instrument. " The father stared at his son for a long time, handed a chopstick and said, "My child is poor. Can you try to be a conductor?"
18. My dad called to ask, are you okay? I said, okay, what's wrong? He said: I received a text message saying that my son had been kidnapped. I must collect 0.2 million/200 thousand dozen in three days, or I will kill the ticket. I comforted my father and said, Dad, there is too much information about these liars. You should ignore them in the future. When did you receive it? My dad: Last month.
19. at the morning meeting this morning, the leader lectured: it is sexual harassment for male employees to harass female employees, which violates company regulations. Once they are reported, they will be fired immediately. If female employees harass male employees, it is considered as company welfare.
20. Friends have dinner, and everyone proposes: whoever doesn't drink will pay! So I hated drinking and picked up my glass. After a few drinks, I began to talk a lot, pointing to a table of people and saying, "It's my treat today!" " Don't take me from any of you. "
2 1. Teacher: The topic of today's composition is "If I were the chairman". Let's start writing. Xiaoming is sitting still in his seat. "Xiao Ming, why don't you write? Have you ever seen the chairman write his own composition? Go and call my secretary out.