You are suffering from a psychological disorder-transsexuality. You have described the disease very clearly. The root of the disease is childhood, and you know it very specifically. Many people suffer from this mental illness, but the treatment is very difficult and there is little recovery. Psychotherapy generally adopts behavior correction, but the effect is not ideal. Plastic surgery has been carried out at home and abroad to alleviate the psychological pain of patients. From 65438 to 0945, plastic surgery was widely carried out in the United States, but after follow-up, it was found that 20% of patients were dissatisfied, so the decision to do surgery should be very cautious. But you can do it. Real life is rational, normal and successful, but it is very painful psychologically. Let me see, you should face up to the reality, accept yourself, allow women to exist psychologically, and be a woman secretly for a while when you are alone. Don't think of yourself as a freak or a pervert, but as a general disease that you don't want to treat. As long as you allow yourself, there will be less psychological contradictions and pain. Live a normal man's life in public, and secretly be a woman for a while when conditions permit. To vent, you can find that kind of psychological vent studio, vent in a certain way, or you can find a psychologist to hypnotize, and the effect is quite good. If you have quite good friends, you can release your depression by talking to them.

The above is for your reference.