Control desire
Definition: How motivated people are to control the events in their lives and how much control they have. The desire for control is a universal motivation for individuals to control events in their lives, and it is a personality trait with stable behavioral response. The desire for control is the need and motivation for people to control things around them.
Controlled personality
Strong desire for control: particularly strong desire for leadership, like to be the master. Controlling personality can be divided into talented controlling personality and incompetent controlling personality according to whether external positive effects are added.
? Genius personality control refers to strong leadership desire and leadership ability. Such people may be high-quality talents, and if they are placed in the right position, they will be beneficial to society. Non-genius leaders have a high desire for leadership, but they have no leadership ability. The desire for control is not satisfied in work and society, and the desire for control and leadership will be imposed on relatives and friends, mainly family members who feel safe.
? The most common example of having no talent to control personality is a strong mother. Can't control the strong, can't control the weak, can't control people who have a sense of security. I want to be a master and take care of the East and the West, my husband and my children.
There are four main manifestations of evil control personality:
? 1. Promote your preferences to people close to you. For example, her favorite dishes and clothes styles make others love the house and the person she likes.
? 2. The details of life are extended to families as truth. For example, how to chew when eating, and how many pieces of paper to wipe your ass with. If you don't understand the big things, just manage the small things.
? 3. Make decisions in areas you don't know. I like being a doctor for my family, especially Chinese medicine; Arrange work for children; Deeply involved in the marriage and love of relatives and friends, arrange children to choose a spouse according to their own preferences. There are also areas such as stocks, buying a house, studying, studying abroad, and immigration to make decisions.
4. Always treat children as children. When children grow up, they will be thrown as primary school students to manage. For example, what clothes to wear, what food to eat, reporting whereabouts, reporting work. Oral administration is for your own good, and a large part is to satisfy your desire for control.
Control the source of desire:
? 1. Jean. The desire for control and leadership has genetic factors.
2. formed the day after tomorrow.
For example, the formation of the environment, people who grew up in the 1960 s are about 30% controlled personality.
The other part is to imitate same-sex parents. If one of the parents is ambitious and likes to be the master, the child is willing to copy the behavior pattern.
Harm of controlling personality to family members
Controlling personality is manifested as "I am doing it for your own good", but in fact, the essence is selfishness, not for my own pleasure. Strong desire for control makes intimate relationships tense, affects the emotions of family members, and then affects their own emotions, and is prone to depression, anxiety and high blood pressure.
Examples of psychological trauma caused by parents' controlling personality to children;
Reaction after traumatic upheaval:
① Flashback:-Flashback to that state uncontrollably.
? For example, a mother controls her sexual personality, works as a doctor at home and kills people. As long as the mother speaks loudly, her children will flash back to the state where the mother has made a mess.
? (2) Traumatic changes, easy to cause "avoidance"
? For example, when I was a child, my mother controlled my sexual personality. When they grow up, many people subconsciously look for jobs.
? (3) Traumatic changes, easy to cause "generalization", mother-controlled personality, afraid of mother's generalization to other seniors, to women, all women, people (social phobia).
How to alleviate the desire for control;
It is difficult to fundamentally change the desire for control, and the ways to alleviate it are:
1. Hire a nanny;
2. keep a dog;
3. Be a teacher, especially a primary school teacher; If you can't be a teacher, it is also helpful to cultivate a little hobby and teach people to dance square dance;
4. drive;
? Other things include basketball and unimportant things for him to make a decision.
? A retired cadre insisted on being a leader at home, so his daughter-in-law had to print out a list of daily groceries for his instructions. Sign the word "agree" and sign your name.
Preventive measures to control desire:
? 1.？ Controlling personality is manifested as "I do it for your own good", but the essence is selfishness;
? 2. It is difficult to change the desire for control. It is necessary to find an expert to do deep hypnosis to adjust the subconscious mind, and combine cognitive therapy and humanistic therapy for deep adjustment; If the family is a controlling personality, it is best to give up changing each other's ideas;
? 3. Controllable personality is easy to be nervous in intimate relationship, and family members are easy to have negative emotions, which in turn affects his own emotions and psychosomatic diseases;
4. A family composed of two incompetent controlling personalities can't satisfy their own desire for leadership at work, which is prone to conflict, because both of them have a strong desire to lead each other.
Controlled personality