2. At my friend's house that day, I couldn't find my mobile phone, so I borrowed my friend's girlfriend's mobile phone and dialed it to see where it was. Enter my number, press the dial button, and my name saved by her will be displayed on the screen: SB3 (and then I feel relieved, but fortunately I was the third runner-up ...)
3. I had a group meeting at school today, and suddenly I sneezed unexpectedly. When I looked up, I found that my nose was on the back of the girl in front. The girl didn't notice it, so she secretly wanted to help her erase it. Just put her hand up, and the girl next to me. ! ? "
5. When I was in college, my classmates gathered for dinner and drank one cup after another, and then my stomach reacted. . .
I rushed to the toilet and spewed out before I stood firm. It was all over the floor. . . . Rustling mouth go back and sit down, nothing happened. After a while, my friend got up and said he wanted to go to the toilet. I kindly advised, "Don't go, someone just vomited, which is disgusting."
6. In the afternoon, I got on the bus, took out my bus card and threw it into the slot with a crash.
7. When I was in middle school, I didn't do my homework well once, so I did it again.
I went to buy breakfast the next morning, and then I asked my deskmate to hand it in for me.
The most classic place appeared, and his old man was behind the redo. ,,,,,,,,,,,, More tragically, he didn't tell me until graduation soon.,,,,,
8. Walking in the crowded street, the horn suddenly sounded rushing and overbearing, and before I knew it, a Buick commercial vehicle hit my shoulder. I didn't get angry, just gently took out the key and drew a beautiful arc from beginning to end in the process of its progress
9. I bought socks at a stall, one pair at a time, which was cheap. I originally wanted to buy 3 pairs, but only the same black style was left. The sock seller told me that one color was good, and no one could see it when I lost one ..., So I bought thirty pairs ...
I changed them every two days ...
As a result, after almost two months, my deskmate couldn't stand it anymore, saying, You are so lazy. Why didn't you even say to change a pair of socks for two months?
I: ...
1. Recently, the temperature dropped, and I saw a strongman driving a car on the highway.
11. On a whim, I used my photos as my desktop ... and then my computer was poisoned ...
12. We talked in a dream together in high school.
"Love princess, love princess, don't leave me"
I'm petrified ...
After a while
"The Great Qing Dynasty just perished, and I'm not reconciled. I'm not reconciled to it.
I collapsed directly ...
13. Tell me about my wife.
The day before yesterday, my wife went online to find a financial software, so I gave her my computer. I watched, and my wife skillfully opened www.google.com, typed "Baidu" in the search bar, and then opened Baidu in the search results to continue looking for what she wanted-+
Now,
His parents have just started dating. One day when I went shopping, my mother took a fancy to a down jacket, but when she saw the price, she took her father away.
his father said: we can't afford to try it? His father forced his mother into the dressing room.
when his mother came out, his father looked around, grabbed his mother and ran away, saying, run! While the shop assistant is away!
His mother was wearing that down jacket, and the label was floating outside. She was dragged out by her father, and happened to pass by a pillar. Her mother held the pillar and cried. His father turned around and said seriously, Run! Are you waiting to be caught?
his mother cried even harder. Then his father laughed: Ha ha ha ha ... I paid for the clothes when you went in.
15, batch homework, see the students do geometry problems without drawing, with notes: no picture without truth ~
16, my girlfriend wants to check the phone bill, send a text message to 186: How much is my phone bill left
17, classmate A has a car accident and a broken foot, and is in hospital
Several of our good classmates went to see him
as soon as they entered the inpatient department. . 。”
his parents are green in the face. .
18. When I was in high school, the funniest thing
was that there was no money, and we often pooled our money to buy cigarettes. On that day, my buddy and I bought a box of cigarettes.
I was just about to go to the toilet to smoke, but it was the class teacher's class. Forget it.
When I was in class, I saw that guy secretly wrote a note, and then kneaded a big ball and gave it to me. I stood on the podium and began to read
Sweating. If I knew what it said, I'd rather swallow it than give it to her.
The head teacher said, "Yak (my nickname, if my classmates are on it)", and the whole class burst into laughter ...
"Take two cigarettes for ZJ first" The whole class continued to burst into laughter ... except for ZJ. It's not really what the boss) took two "and the whole class continued to laugh ... Except ZJ and the boss
" The rest of us are divided equally ",the whole class already laughed and their stomachs hurt ...
The most classic appeared
" If you want a box, you need one less, but if you don't want a box, you need one more ",the whole class directly laughed ...
I was completely speechless ... I am in Wuhan, and my ID card, bank card and photos of my girlfriend are all in the hands of female netizens in Guangzhou.
2. Yesterday at Wal-Mart, I suddenly had a stomachache and tried to rush into the bathroom. As soon as I squatted down, I started an earth-shattering eruption. As a result, the child next door burst into tears. Her mother asked her what was wrong, and she said, smelly ~ ~
21. I arrived at the coast and finished unloading. The exercise task is to assign a garrison division to carry out anti-landing exercises, and everyone immediately prepares the vehicles. I was oiling the load wheel with a grease gun. The fat division commissar stood behind me and watched for a while. He was concerned and said, Little comrade, you have worked hard! I didn't expect the tank to have 12 wheels to pump up. It's not easy for tank soldiers!
I was moved into tears.
22. When I was in high school, everyone always got together to smoke after class.
I happened to have something to tell you that day, and as a result, I smoked slowly.
Everyone else had finished smoking, and I had half a cigarette left. When I saw the class was about to start, I took two puffs.
Suddenly, the head teacher came in. I threw the cigarette on the floor and stepped on the two cigarettes I had just inhaled. Are you smoking?
I shook my head
Class teacher: talk
Keep shaking my head
Class teacher is angry: you talk to me
I: I … didn't … smoke … (accompanied by the continuous gushing of smoke from my nose and mouth)
Class teacher didn't stop laughing ……
23, today. When the boss saw it, he shouted, Come on! Change a pair of chopsticks for this lady
24. I bought a hand-made face soap for 5 yuan on the Internet. I used it for less than two days. When I tried to use it again at night, I found that it was already half thin, and there were still soap bubbles on it, which made me vomit blood.
My dad also said that this soap of yours is really easy to use, and it's slippery after a shower.
25. The first time I went to eat Italian pizza, I didn't know what to eat, so I ordered a set meal with 38 yuan and 8 yuan to get a cheese.
After the meal, I found something missing. When I thought about it, I was missing a piece of cheese.
So I shouted, Waiter, why hasn't my piece of cheese been served yet? I've eaten it all, should I let others eat it?
Waiter: Sir, your cheese has been poured in your pizza ...
Me: Nothing, go and get busy ...
26. When I came back to the dormitory at noon, I saw a coke in my cup and drank it all at once. I'm blue after drinking it. It turned out that the buddy in the dormitory ate jiaozi and bought a bag of vinegar. There was no place to pour it, so he put it in my cup. . .
27. The teacher likes to throw himself into the topic. One day, the teacher said, "My bottom radius is 2cm, and my height is 5cm, so I …" Someone answered, "It's an idiot …"
28. I'm rather forgetful. I forgot to turn off the gas after taking a shower last night ..
Then my mother helped me clean up the mess. Because it will definitely leave criminal evidence ...
29. After physical education class one day, I was so hungry that I ran to the restaurant to eat. It was crowded, crowded and chaotic, so I shouted to the aunt who cooked rice, "Hurry up!" Aunt shouted to the cook inside, "Hurry up inside! The beggar was anxious to wait.
3. When I was looking for my pocket, I dropped a key. I didn't find it at that time, so I went back to look for it later!
There was a couple on the roadside, and the man suddenly said excitedly, Whose is it? Whose is it?
at that time, I thought it was the key. I quickly said, mine, mine! It was my
who later learned that the woman was pregnant. . . . Pity my face. . . Pain for a few days
31, I am a real person next door to my sophomore year ...
A teacher found that A was sleeping in class ...
He was furious ... so he asked A to solve the problem in front of the blackboard ...
If he couldn't write, he was ready to humiliate A in public.
In fact, A began to scold him before he went to the blackboard ..
It's shameless to dare to sleep in class with such poor grades.
Isn't it shameful to put his head on it? However, he can write ... and solve it beautifully ...
The teacher is a little unable to get off the stage ... so he has to go back to his seat and leave him alone ...
I didn't expect him to choke on the teacher ...
I'll take a nap first. Will you ask me later?
32. My brother went to a primary school to play basketball and heard a low voice. The boy said helplessly, "My mother gave me money from 3 yuan one day, of which two and a half dollars were given to you to buy snacks. Do you think I love you or not?"
33. In other words, my girlfriend worked as a summer worker and sold mobile phones in a mobile phone plaza. < P > At noon one day, there was almost no one in the store during lunch time, and an uncle-level person came to the counter next to my girlfriend to look at her mobile phone, just before the MM at that counter had eaten. I didn't get up and put my arm on the counter to support my head, because the breast (crab) of MM was relatively large. The uncle looked at it and suddenly found that MM's breast (crab) ditch could be seen. My daughter-in-law found it and wanted to remind MM, but MM didn't respond. After a few minutes, MM said: Big brother, have you seen enough? After seeing enough, buy a mobile phone ...
As a result, my uncle bought a mobile phone without saying anything, and ran away ...
34. I heard from a friend that a relative of one of his colleagues came to Xiamen, and the relative gave him an e-cartoon of Xiamen and got on the bus. This person showed the e-cartoon to the driver and wanted to find a place. The driver stopped him and said, "Read the card." This man actually went directly to the driver's point and tried his best to read: "Xiamen E Cartoon", ... The car got out of control on the spot
35. One day, I was defecating in the toilet (the toilet in the school dormitory, squatting), and my legs were a little numb after squatting for too long, so I held the door with my hand to keep my balance, and then I felt that another stool was coming out, so I began to exert myself, and I unconsciously used my strength. . . . . I x, the door lock was broken, so I got out.
can you think of what your classmates saw outside? ! A naked classmate suddenly rolled out of the toilet, and at the same time, he was sprayed out of his PP with a poop, which was absolutely shocking! ! ! And everyone on the same floor basically knows each other, I x! ! I can't hold my head in front of these classmates in my life ...
36. My husband took me to work and left in the morning, and then I suddenly received his short message: "I just sent that bitch away, and I'll find you right away, dear."
37. In the morning, there was a MM with a mask sitting next to the bus, and it was a window seat. Now the flu is very fierce, so I don't feel anything. Everyone knows that there are many people in winter and the bus windows are closed, so the smell on the bus is naturally worse. Everyone is frowning. But that MM's expression naturally saw that she took out a straw from her pocket and put it on the corner of her mouth, and opened the window a gap, greedily sucking the air outside. . . . . This move is by no means ordinary people. =
38. Our math teacher always likes to tell jokes that nobody laughs at.
Our whole class discussed playing a prank on him. When he said the first sentence in class, we all laughed in unison.
When he came in that day, he was silent and said that his father had died.
I immediately laughed, and the others were silent.
39. Going to the supermarket
I saw a cashier carefully counting a pile of coins
A child ran by and sang: There are a flock of ducks passing by the bridge in front of the door. Come and count them quickly, 24678. . . .
Then the cashier was very depressed and poured the half-counted coins back and counted them again ...
4. When I was living in high school, a classmate came home and asked him to take something for me, so he sent a text message: Burn some clothes and money for me.
41. Dating my girlfriend, I saw someone in front who looked like my girlfriend, so I went up and patted her ass.
she slapped me as soon as she turned her head.
Then someone patted me on the shoulder ...
My girlfriend slapped me as soon as I turned my head.
42. I suddenly received a phone call that day: "Guess who I am? Guess there is a gift! "
I guessed all the possible people, but it was not right. Later, I got angry and asked, "Who the hell are you? Don't say I hung up! "
As a result, the man said, "I am a courier, and you have a package ..."
At that time, I vomited blood
43. Yesterday morning, a comrade-in-arms who had not seen each other for more than 2 years suddenly called my office and said, "Old comrade-in-arms, do you know who I am?"
of course I don't know who he is. He is from Shexian County, Anhui Province and works in a local foreign-funded enterprise. Recently, we have a vegetable here.