01

Why are men responsible for most of the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?

I have read something like this:

The reason why mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have a rivalry is because they are unwilling to admit losing to the other and are worried that they will be a little shorter, but they are both willing Lose to the middle man.

If a mother loses to her son, she will not feel aggrieved, but will be happy, thinking that her son has grown up, is sensible, and has his own opinions; while a wife loses to her husband, it is okay, and she is convinced.

So, if this middleman does his job well, many conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can actually be avoided.

But sometimes, it is easier to say than to do, otherwise there would not be so many conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Because in life, most men are pretending to be stupid.

A friend said to me after getting married:

“My husband is just trying to make peace with me. Do you think he doesn’t understand my grievances? He has a clear conscience and he just doesn’t care. Just a few words and dismissed me."

Just like what many husbands do, her husband also asked her to keep her face in mind, not to be like her mother and say things like her mother's hard work. .

However, she thought that she was originally a precious daughter in the hands of her parents and was raised in the palm of her hand. Why should she be punished for becoming someone else's daughter-in-law?

Her husband's family was not as well off as hers. When they got married, her parents were afraid that she would be wronged and looked down upon when she went to another family's house, so they tried their best to prepare a dowry for her since she became an adult.

So, her dowry was more than three times as rich as the bride price.

But her mother-in-law just thinks that she is not worthy of her son because her husband is a graduate of a key university and she is a junior college student. Based on this, her mother-in-law has a strong sense of superiority.

They have been married for half a year, and her mother-in-law has said bad things about her in front of outsiders, saying that she cannot get into major universities, and is worried that it will affect her grandson's IQ.

She was very angry and asked her husband to argue. Her husband said: "Mom just said a few words casually, and it won't be a loss. Just don't listen."

02

Every time she encounters a problem with her mother-in-law, her husband has this attitude. It is obviously her mother-in-law’s fault and he is picking on her, but her husband still hopes that she can endure it.

In fact, she said that her husband is a more independent person at home, and her mother-in-law respects her son's opinions and views.

So, she believes that as long as her husband can say a fair word in front of her mother-in-law, so that her mother-in-law will not target her like this in the future, it will be more effective than a hundred words she can say.

As long as she speaks, no matter what she says, her mother-in-law will definitely have an opinion, saying that she dislikes her and is trying to sow discord.

But if her husband says something, the mother-in-law can indeed take it to heart.

However, her husband didn't say anything and acquiesced in his mother's behavior. He just let her endure it and reasoned with her, saying that her mother was the elder and they, the younger generation, had to take care of her.

As time went by, her mother-in-law naturally paid less attention to her and became more obvious.

Anyway, no matter what she does, her mother-in-law will express her opinions and give examples of how she was able to do it back then. Even if her husband catches a cold, her mother-in-law will blame her for not taking good care of him after she finds out.

The conflict between her and her mother-in-law was already quite serious in her opinion.

Because she has developed to the point where when she sees her mother-in-law, she feels panicked and dislikes her in various ways. This is a conditioned reflex caused by the long-term bad relationship with her mother-in-law.

But her husband still did not act, pretending to be stupid, and only wanted to make her feel wronged.

Finally, one time later, she had a big conflict with her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law became more and more excited as she talked, and finally slapped her and said that she would discipline her for her parents.

Her mother-in-law always said that she was unfilial and was not good to them. She liked to give examples of how other people's daughters-in-law behaved.

She used to keep a lot of words in her heart and would not directly argue with her mother-in-law.

But she said a lot that time, saying that if you envy other people’s daughters-in-law, you should first see how others become mother-in-law.

In the end, it must have ended on bad terms.

03

She was slapped by her mother-in-law, and even if she couldn't say it, she felt uncomfortable. At that time, one of her best friends asked her, why didn't she slap her back?

She said she was confused at the time and did not react for a while. Later, she thought that if she called back, her husband would definitely find fault with her, which would be more than worth the gain.

Although their marriage usually had many bumps and bruises due to their mother-in-law, her husband could not find any fatal flaws and he also had children, so they would not divorce.

Since there is no divorce, she does not want to affect the relationship between the two of them.

However, this tone is still acceptable.

She said that she just wanted to make herself happy. Then she thought of a method she had seen on the Internet. She said: "My mother-in-law slapped me, and the next day I bought a 20,000 bag.

”

This bag is something she has always wanted to buy, but to be honest she is reluctant to part with it. After all, although her family has a small amount of savings, they cannot afford such a hassle.

The day after her mother-in-law beat her, She went to buy this bag, and she felt a little relieved. After all, her long-cherished wish came true.

Her mother-in-law was very heartbroken because of this, thinking that the money belonged to her son, who could not spend this much in a year. It was a lot of money, but she used it up in one bag.

After buying the bag, her husband stopped pretending and started talking to her mother.

Because she told her husband. If the mother-in-law is so unreasonable in the future, she will want to buy a diamond ring next time, otherwise she will not be able to get over it.

Her husband has nothing to say because his mother beat his wife. She didn't fight back, it was a fact that she was wronged, so it was her fault.

I remembered seeing this sentence once:

Most men are more realistic and rational. I understand that your grievance is just pretending. Once a man's interests are touched, they will start to solve the problem. Otherwise, they will not see it no matter how grievance you are.

Just like my friend, she. Spending 20,000 to buy a bag would involve her husband's interests.

So he stopped pretending, because he knew that if he didn't solve this problem, his wife would still spend money like this if there was a conflict next time. Being able to occupy the moral high ground

A friend once met someone discussing this matter downstairs in the community, saying that a mother-in-law beat her daughter-in-law, but the friend did not hide, and said that the daughter-in-law was herself, and then said to her. She is a junior, so she must not fight with her mother-in-law.

Then, everyone praised her as a good daughter-in-law.

04

Her husband, because of the money she spent. After taking the matter seriously, she had a talk with her mother. Later, her mother-in-law obviously didn't talk as much to her as before.

She later said that it was fortunate that she didn't call her back at that time, otherwise things would not have been like this later. .

If she fought back, it would be out of anger, but she and her mother-in-law would definitely get into trouble later, and her husband would be estranged from her because of this.

This kind of bag-buying thing. This approach not only made her mother-in-law feel unhappy, but she didn't dare to say anything, but also gave herself a gold medal to avoid death in the marriage.

A year has passed since this incident, and the two of them sometimes quarreled. She would bring this matter up from time to time to pressure her husband, but every time her husband would have nothing to say.

I remembered that my childhood friend once told me an example.

Her father likes to play cards and loses a lot of money every time. When her mother was young, she said all the good and bad things, so she cried dozens of times. Her father would not change and secretly went to play cards whenever he had time. < /p>

Later, her mother stopped crying or begging. Every time her father went to play cards, her mother would smash his phone every time he came back.

She said she would smash it every time. After two times, her father really stopped going because of this.

Because he had to buy the phone if it was broken. If he bought it, her mother would definitely not take the money, and the father would have to use his own private money. After buying a private house twice, the money is gone.

Before this, her mother did not expect that what she did out of anger actually had an effect. She said that if she had known this earlier, she would not have blindly persuaded her from the beginning, and she almost cried. Done.

In marriage, understanding is needed, but sometimes games are also needed.

If both parties do not have this idea of ??understanding, blind understanding by one of them may only lead to a situation where he is wronged and the other party does not know how to be grateful.

In marriage, sometimes no matter how much you talk about it, nothing can be as violent as something that actually affects a man's vital interests.