That’s what I meant
When a prim old lady was watching a movie, a couple sitting in front of her
were being too affectionate, which she didn’t like. , patted the young man on the shoulder and said:
"This is a public place. Don't you have somewhere else to go?"
The young man turned around and said to her "Ah! Madam, I wish you could persuade her to come with me
!"
Refreshing
A certain man has a very straightforward personality.
One day, he was introduced to a lady’s house for a blind date. After talking for a while, he couldn't wait to ask: "Do you agree or not? If you agree, we'll get married. If you don't agree, we'll get divorced!"
Play the trick
A young man who was very reluctant to spend money came up with a plan because he didn't want to spend money when he went to his girlfriend's home for the first time.
As soon as he entered his girlfriend's house, the young man said with a grimace: "Today is so unlucky.
I bought a new watch. I wanted to give it to you, but unexpectedly, in the office** *The car was stolen by a pickpocket." After hearing this, his girlfriend was very grateful to him and just said sadly: "Be careful in the future." The young man immediately said! He replied: "Definitely,
certainly! Pickpockets are so hateful! Next time I come, I won't bring anything with you to see what you steal
What?"
Cold-blooded Animals
A couple had an argument over trivial matters. After the man got home, he immediately wrote
a letter. The woman's address was written on the top of the envelope, but the recipient column said "Cold-blooded animals."
After a few days, the letter was returned. The postman wrote on the envelope:
"The original address was checked and there was no such animal."
A mathematician is in love
A mathematician and his girlfriend were walking in the park. His girlfriend asked him: "I have freckles all over my face. Do you really mind?" p>
Several things to do.”
Bid-stealing
One family got engaged, and then the girl’s family changed and became rich
. The husband's family was afraid that the girl's family would not get married, so they chose a day to snatch the bride. Unexpectedly, in the confusion, they mistakenly carried their sister-in-law. The girl's family heard about it and chased her out, shouting loudly:
"I grabbed the wrong one! I grabbed the wrong one!" At this time, my sister-in-law urged on her back: "Don't
listen to him! “Not bad, not bad, run!”
Malon’s worry
Malon originally planned to hold the wedding seven hours after arriving in Beirut, the capital of Lebanon, but he had to take a bus His flight from Cairo to Beirut was delayed. He was restless and restless at Cairo Airport, so he sent a telegram like this to his fiancée:
p>
"The plane to Beirut is delayed. Before I arrive, please
not get married."
The ideal lover
A Girl chatting with her girlfriend. She said: "It would be great if the advantages of my two lovers could be combined into one - Xiao Zhao is rich, handsome, and witty; and Xiao Li wants to marry me. Wife."
The Philosophy of the Garden
A young man and a girl were sitting on the grass.
The young man drew a circle on the ground with his finger and said: "My love for you,
is like this circle, never ending."
" My love for you, like this circle, has no starting point!" The girl said coldly.
Excellent Love Letters
A pair of lovers were arty and used random words when communicating, which resulted in a big joke
.
The man wrote: "Dear, I think we didn't know each other not long ago, but now we are familiar with each other..." The woman replied: "Dear, you
That’s so good. Not only did I turn a blind eye to you, but I also turned a blind eye to you
”
Smart dealings
In the corner of the park, a young man wanted to kiss his girlfriend.
Unexpectedly, the woman pushed him away and said: "No, I can't do this before we get married!"
"Then, I I’ll leave you my phone number and please let me know after you get married.”
Love Chapter 4
Marriage Ceremony
A wife was worried that her 28-year-old daughter could not find a husband, so she advised her to place a classified ad in the personnel column: "You are young, beautiful and very rich
An interesting heiress, seeking correspondence with a cynical man who likes to travel.
”
Two days after the advertisement was published, my mother asked anxiously: “How is it?” Is anyone applying?
”
“Only one. "The daughter sighed.
"Who wrote it? "Mom asked.
"I can't tell you. "The daughter said.
"This is my good idea," the mother shouted, "I must know it
No! "
"Okay! The daughter said helplessly: "It's dad." ”
Waiting for good luck
One day, Miss Lillian’s beloved kitten climbed up and down the tree in the yard
and stopped coming. The kitten kept Mimi shouted, but Miss Lillian under the tree was very anxious. By chance, Tom passed by outside the courtyard wall, and Miss Lillian quickly called him, please. He helped to take the kitten down. The young man was of course very happy to help the girl. He quickly climbed up the tree and took the kitten down. The cat was very happy that she was safe, and she couldn't help but put her arms around Tom's neck and give him a kiss, which flattered him as he had never done before. Joy filled his heart.
When it got dark, Tom took a hammer, nails and a fish and climbed up the tree in Miss Lillian's yard with his hands and feet. The tree, nailed the fish to the tree
He knew that the cat loved to eat fish
Tom returned home, waiting for good luck tomorrow...
Bah
A man went to his pastor and complained to him about the emptiness of his life.
“What’s wrong? "The priest asked him.
"The one I love rejected my proposal. ”
“Ha! Don't be discouraged. "The pastor said confidently: "A woman's 'no' often means 'yes'. "
"But, she didn't say 'no'. "The man said sadly, "She just said 'bah'. ”
Gifts are reciprocated
When Mary’s mother learned that Mary was going to give a pair of diamond earrings to her boyfriend as a birthday gift, she was surprised. Question: "How do you give this kind of thing to a boy? ”
Mary replied: “Who asked him to give me a fishing rod on my birthday?
"
Looking for a son-in-law
Father: "My dear child, if you want to find a satisfactory husband, then marry the young man from the next door neighbor. Well, he truly loves you
. "
Daughter: "Dad, how do you know? "
Father: "I have lent him a lot of money for six months, but he
has never come to ask for it. "
When did you fall in love
When a young couple was going through the marriage registration procedures, an older
staff member asked: "How long have you been in love? ? ”
“Probably as long as you and your wife have been in love. "
" Damn it! "
"Why are you angry? Your questions are no smarter than our answers
. "
Coming in over the wall
The father said to his daughter's suitor: "Didn't I tell you not to enter my house again? "
"Sorry, I came in over the wall this time, hee hee! ”
Fifteen years later
Male: “You are the moon in the sky, and I am like the stars in the sky.” ”
Female: “I wish you were a comet!” ”
Male: “How do you say this?” "
Female: "Comets only appear once every fifteen years. "
Male: "..."
Money obsessed
A: "What do you want to find when you pick and choose like this?" What about women being
wives? ”
B: “My ideal wife: her hair is like gold threads, her voice is like copper bells
her teeth are like pearls, her cheeks are as red as clouds, and her eyes are like two diamonds. Son
..."
A: "I think you are obsessed with money! "
Stepfather
Suitor: "Dear! Please promise me. Although I am much older than you, I will love you more! ”
Girl: “Go and ask your mother!” "
The suitor (joyed): "Then you agree! "
Girl: "If mom agrees to you being my stepfather, I don't care
. ”
Penguin
A girl came to a marriage agency that uses computers
and entered her marriage requirements into the computer:
< p>“The person I’m looking for should not be too tall, like to wear dresses on weekdays, and like ice sports."
After the computer beeped for a while, she immediately gave her an answer: "Penguin
Goose. ”
It’s all in vain
At night, the young man sang a love song in front of the girl’s window with his guitar in his arms.
Two hours later, the window finally opened, and the girl's old grandfather stuck his head out and said: "Young man, thank you for your singing. It's time for me to go to bed now." "
Congratulatory letter
A mother wrote to her son to congratulate him on his engagement: "Dear son
Your father and I are very happy to hear the news. Happy, feeling very happy.
We are anxiously waiting for your wedding day and thank God for giving you this wonderful marriage.
"The son found this piece of paper when he was reading the letter.
Finally, he wrote a few words in another handwriting: "Your mother is looking for stamps
...Don't do such stupid things. Silly boy, live the bachelor life! "
Three Character Classic
Playboy asked a young and beautiful girl to go out. The next day
Someone asked him what the result was. He said: "She treated me well. There are really too many "Three Character Classics" mentioned.
"
"Really? ”
“Really. "Playboy replied, "All night long she was saying 'Don't do this', 'Don't move' and 'Let go'. "
Fortunately, I met in a letter
A girl proposed to a young man, and she took the initiative to write a love letter: "Everyone said I am a beautiful female wolf (man), if we two
...". The young man wrote her a reply politely and said: "Wolf Girl
Mom, thank you for your kindness. I'm very sorry that I can't agree to it. I
Luckily I met you on the letter. If I had met you on the road, I would have been dead. "
The girl is an aunt
A young man proposed to the girl and wrote a love letter. The first sentence
did not say "Dear girl". Instead, he wrote "Dear Aunt". A few days later, the girl returned his letter and attached a limerick: "It's your fault for being blind. The girl calls her aunt; if I marry you, I will be ashamed of my whole family. "
The young man was not convinced and wrote back. He wrote: "Mom is also mother, and mother
is also mother; mother and mother are the same, and girl is aunt. ”
Late for the date
A: “Why did you break off your engagement with that teacher?” ”
B: “Because once I was late for a date, he actually asked my parents
to write a note asking for leave. "
The last move
Manager: "The new Miss Wang in the company is gentle and beautiful. How do you plan to pursue her?
”
Xiao Zhang: “Please show some courtesy! "
Xiao Shi: "I want to give her flowers. ”
Xiao Zhao: “Well, then I’ll sacrifice myself.” ”
Cut yourself
A young man wrote a courtship letter to a girl. There were many typos in the letter
At the end, “kiss you” was actually written as “cut you” ".
The girl read it and couldn't laugh or cry. She immediately returned the letter as it was, and wrote a line on it
:
"I'm sorry, please still do it. Kill yourself! ”
Emergency
Ms. Chen is very beautiful, and many men are pursuing her. One day,
A man named Wu came to the office and saw He fell in love with Ms. Chen and was eager to date her. When his colleagues in the office found out, they advised him not to be impatient and to go through the "registration" procedures as usual before it would be his turn. Date. Unexpectedly, the man surnamed Wu said with confidence: "I don't need to register. I am suffering from an emergency, so I treated it as an emergency." ”
Proposal
A young man went to his girlfriend’s house to propose marriage. Afterwards, his girlfriend asked: “How did you propose marriage to my father?” ”
“I said, ‘If your daughter doesn’t marry me, I will commit suicide’. "
"What did dad say! "
"Your father said, 'Then I will bear the funeral expenses. '"
Encounter on the road
A gentleman met a fashionably dressed girl on the street.
Girl: "Sir, let's go to the park to have fun together. Is it okay to play? "
Sir: "No! When I see you like this, I think of the sea. "
Girl: "Oh, sir, I understand - the blue sea is so beautiful
It's so fascinating! "
Sir: "No! Dear Madam, I am seasick. I feel nauseous and vomiting when I think of the sea. ”
Stupid people
A young man who was not doing his job met a girl who was dressed up in a colorful way
. The two hit it off and immediately became affectionate. They started chatting
A few days later, the young man came to the girl's house and said to the girl's father: "I want to propose to your daughter. "
"Stop talking nonsense! Who doesn’t know that my daughter is not doing her job properly
? What ability do you have to support her? "
"I'm smart——"
"On the contrary, I think you are the stupidest person.
”
“How to see it? ”
“Because you proposed to my daughter! "
Suffering a loss
The mother said to her daughter: "Didn't I tell you not to go out with people who can't marry you? Being too casual will always lead to disadvantages! "
The daughter replied: "Mom, don't worry too much! The husband next door also often goes out with a girl who doesn't want to get married. What loss does he suffer? "
Beautiful wishes
Jack, a bachelor over forty years old, is describing his good wishes to his friends
Wishes: "...I will come back as soon as I get off work. A young, beautiful, gentle and virtuous wife stood in front of me, with delicious food and wine on the table... Do you think this is possible? ”
“Yes. "
"When will it be available? ”
“When you go to the wrong door. "
No problem
The son asked his father: "I like Miss B very much, please allow me to get married
Let's get married! "
The father said with a sad face: "I tell you the truth, son! She is
the result of your father's love affair with her mother when he was young. She is your sister,
so you cannot marry her. "
After the son knew this secret, he was very distressed. The mother couldn't bear it when she saw his
sad face, so she also revealed it to her son
A truth: “No problem, you are not your father’s biological child! "
Out of conscience
A young man and woman had just come out of the marriage registration office. They were talking on the road
.
The man was so proud that he said: “My dear, you are so beautiful! But out of conscience
I have to tell you now that the set of mahogany furniture and gorgeous furnishings I brought you to my home last time were all admired by me. Borrowed from someone else
. "
Female: "That doesn't matter. Out of conscience, I have to tell you truthfully now that the name written on the marriage registration form just now is my sister’s name. ”
The man was shocked: “Is it the disgusting ugly thing I saw in your house last time? ”
Female: “Don’t call her that, she is your wife now
! "
Trouble
The young and beautiful maid expressed her resignation to the hostess, and the hostess was concerned
Asked: "Why? Who has wronged you? ”
“No, everyone is nice to me, I’m so embarrassed. "
"What are you embarrassed about? "The wife asked."
The maid said: "The old master wants me to be his second string, the master wants me to be his young man, and the young master wants to take me to elope..."
p>Applied Mathematics
The mother said to her daughter: "You are no longer young, and you have reached the age of marriage;
However, there are many slippery people among today's young people. Mother I am looking for a five-year-old man for you. Are you willing to marry him?"
The daughter said: "Mother! I would rather marry a twenty-five-year-old man." p>
I don’t want to marry a fifty-year-old man!”
An experiment in courtship
On the street, a man with oily hair and pink face kept staring at a woman. Pretty
Beautiful girl.
The girl suddenly stopped, turned around and asked him: "Why are you always staring at me?"
"You are so beautiful, I love you!" he said bluntly.
"I am not beautiful. My sister is behind, she is beautiful."
The man immediately turned around and left, but he met an old woman.
"You lied to me!" The man turned around and scolded the girl.
The girl smiled contemptuously: "You lied to me first."
As soon as the east came to the west,
A certain family had a daughter, and two families came to propose marriage at the same time.
The young man from the East family is ugly, but his family is rich; the young man from the Western family is handsome, but his family has nothing.
The parents asked their daughter which family she would like to marry? She said: "I still can't decide.
It's better to eat at the host's house and live at the west's house."
Yesterday and the day before yesterday
A: "Why are you quarreling with him?"
B: "Because he proposed to me again yesterday."
A: "What's wrong with this?"
B: "But I agreed to his proposal the day before yesterday."
I liked it at first sight
The girl found the matchmaker and said: "You are lying, he has one eye." False eyes, why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” The matchmaker didn’t show any weakness, “It’s your first time meeting me.
Let me tell you, 'He has taken a liking to you at first glance.'"
Not afraid of suffering
A young man and woman met for the first time, and the man suggested that he invite the woman to watch a movie.
Shadow. The woman said: "I won't easily agree to go to the movies with a man I don't know well, because this is quite a disadvantage for women."
"The man laughed and said: "Then, it's up to you to invite me! Let me suffer more losses, and I will never care.
"
Bankrupt
Female: "How was your situation after I rejected your marriage request?
"
Male: "Bankruptcy! ”
Conclusion
A: “I proposed to Miss Wang and she cried. "
B: "Miss Wang will not
cry unless something extremely ridiculous happens to her. "
Sudden improvement
"Nurse, how was the heart reaction of the seriously ill patient this morning? ”
“Oh, great! Doctor," replied the pretty nurse, "he has proposed to me twice. ”
Unexpected disaster
A fashionable girl with heavy makeup - a nightclub singer
entered the record music sales department. After browsing the products, To the male salesperson: "Can you please give me "A Kiss Before Farewell"? "
The salesperson didn't say anything. He hugged her and kissed her across the counter. Now
he was in trouble! The girl screamed: "You damn dirty guy< /p>
How dare you touch me! At the same time, the pink fist was dancing wildly, hitting the inexplicable male salesperson on the cheek. He did not stop until the police arrived.
It turns out that "A Kiss Before Farewell" was a popular song at the time.
The salesperson's ignorance of the product caused this sudden disaster.
Not proposed yet
A girl happily said to her mother: "Shaker finally plans to propose to me
!"
"Has he mentioned it to you?"
"Not yet, but he shot his wife."
Victor
A: "...No matter what, you are always the loser in love.
You poor thing!"
B: "But on the other hand, I still Where is the winner?"
A: "How do you say this?"
B: "When she returns the gift, she also takes the gift given to her.
< p>Mucked in."Looking for a wife
Nike doesn't pay attention to his appearance and his clothes are sloppy. One day, the boss
said to him angrily: "Next time you come to work, you must ask your wife to nail the buttons on your clothes first!" After that, Nike doesn't come to work.
A few days later, the boss met Nike on the street and asked him why he didn't come to work.
Nike said with a sad face: "I am trying my best to find a wife."
Strange relatives
A: "That young man just now, you Do you know him?"
B: "Yes, he can be said to be my relative."
A: "What relative?"
B: "A very strange relative, he is married to my fiancée."
A permanent cure
A beautiful nurse hurriedly said to the doctor: "Please hurry< /p>
Go and see that patient, I just measured his pulse, it beats one hundred and twenty times a minute
And his eyes were staring at me motionless. "
The doctor said calmly: "First cover his eyes with gauze, and then measure them."
Yue. Coming Soon
On the dance floor, a girl danced with a strange man.
The girl asked: "You are really a magical person. Dancing
with you, I feel that the dance is getting shorter and shorter."
The man replied: "What's surprising? The band conductor is
my fiancée."
Future husband
A man with dissolute behavior and poor appearance After watching a movie, the woman said: "I wonder if my future husband will be as brave as the male protagonist in this movie?"
A gentleman next to him continued: "Miss, I believe your husband must be a hero, because when he decides to marry you, he needs to have superhuman courage
Angry."
It's hard to trust her for life
Daughter: "Mom, because you don't agree to my marriage to Jack, why don't you think
he took sleeping pills last night? Committed suicide."
Mother: "Really?"
Daughter: "Thanks to God, he took the wrong medicine."
Mother: "Look! I've told you before, how can he still be entrusted with a life-long commitment if he does even a small
thing wrong?"
Surprise win< /p>
A: "I think Mary likes me very much, and I love her too. Do you think
should I be more attentive?"
B: " Fool, you should appear to care less about her than other men.
This is called 'surprise'.
"
Reason for not getting married
"Caroline, why don't you find a husband? ”
“I have a dog that barks, a fireplace that smokes, a parrot that just
swears, and a cat that spends the night outside. You Why should I find a husband?
”
Calculation
Several young men liked Lily very much, but they all ran into trouble.
Then one day, Hank actually said that he had made an appointment. She looked very proud. He left the others playing cards while he left in a well-dressed
form.
Xiao Zhan had an idea. , when Hank almost arrived at Lily's house, he called Lily. Xiao Zhan asked Lily who answered the phone: "Is Hank there?" "Lily said he was there and asked: "Should you ask him to answer the phone? "
"No, no need," Xiao Zhan said politely: "Please tell him
and ask him to send back the shirt he borrowed from me immediately..."< /p>
News
The doctor had just finished examining a female patient and confirmed that she was pregnant.
He said: "Madam, I have good news for you. . ”
“It’s Miss, not Mrs. "The young woman corrected.
"Oh, miss," the doctor said quickly, "I have bad news for you.
"
Unmarried cohabitation
Afu is passionately in love with a certain lady and asks his father to allow them to get married.
Father: "Marriage is a lifelong event. You can't just look at her. The beauty of a person's appearance also depends on her inner self. "
Afu (blushing): "I...have already seen it. "
Confession
Lisa confessed to the priest that she was pregnant.
"Then the child should have a father, right? "
"Noble priest, I wish there were even two - because then
it would be easy to give birth to a pair of twins. "
Not a wish
Female: "If you marry me, you will have two children, a boy
and a girl. ”
Male: “How do you know?” ”
Female: “Do you still need to ask?” The two children are at my mother's house at the moment. ”
Know it well
A: “The nearly forty-year-old unmarried Ms. Wang in our company always
when we call her ‘old maid’ , she would feel embarrassed. "
B: "Is she embarrassed because she can't get married? ”
A: “No!” She felt she deserved it. "
It's unnecessary to worry
The mother said to her daughter: "Didn't I tell you not to let strange men
come into your room? I'm really worried about this kind of thing. "
The daughter smiled and replied: "Mom, it was me who went to his room,
so it should be his mother who is worried! "
Marriage period
Brother: "Little sister, when you look for a boyfriend from now on, you need to find someone whose parents are both
dead and who doesn't have a sister-in-law. "
Sister: "Why? ”
Brother: “Think about it, which mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have a good relationship?” Is there any sister-in-law who doesn’t have a sharp tongue? "
Sister: "Oh, I understand, you have to wait until your father and mother are dead,
I will also get married, then you will get married, right? "
Objection to matching
A: "There is one condition for me to marry you. ”
B: “My dear, tell me, as long as I can marry you, I can agree to any conditions
. "
A: "The condition is very simple. I want to bring my mother because she
only has my daughter. "
B: "This..."
A: "Why, you don't agree?" ”
B: “Did you know that now stores are against matching! "
Treat your daughter separately: "Mom, just as you said, if he supports his mother, I will brag with him
! "
Mother: "Shh--keep it down, don't let the back room hear it." "
Daughter: "Who else is in the back room? "
Mother: "Your brother's partner. "
A World of Two
The son went home happily and said to his mother: "Mom, Aying finally
agreed to build a two-person relationship with me. In the human world, a new family has been formed. ”
Mother: “Yeah! It's so good. So, when are you going to get married
? ”
Son: “It depends on when you are willing to move out.” "
Two legs missing
Fiancé: "Nowadays, young people marry in a ostentatious manner. "
Fiancée: "Don't worry, my dear. When we get married, I plan to have less legs
. ”
Fiancé: “That’s good, which two legs are you planning to lose?” ”
Fiancée: “Don’t miss your mother’s legs.”
”