After 90, I am about to face the age of the third grade. As the saying goes, you stand at thirty, but looking back, although you have been trying to find it, you have never stepped into the paradise you yearn for.
Recently, I read a book "Meeting Unknown Oneself", which wrote: Problems and dilemmas are not to trouble you, but to help you, help you find yourself, help you grow up internally and become a person closer to your own essence.
Meeting the Unknown Self is a novel by Taiwan Province writer Zhang Defen, whose theme is to find the inner "true self". As soon as it went on the market, the work ranked among the best sellers, and won many honors such as "Dangdang Five-Star Lifetime Best Book" and "Excellent Amazon Best Seller Award".
This book mainly tells the story of Ruo Ling, a female white-collar worker who graduated from a prestigious school, who was overwhelmed by life problems such as workplace and marriage, until she met a wise old man and began to find her inner self.
In fact, the role of Ruo Ling is the role that the author Zhang Defen once played. She turned herself into a character in the book, telling readers how to get out of the predicament and confusion of life.
At the beginning of the story, the protagonist Ruo Ling showed us her miserable life. My parents divorced when I was a child. My biological father only met several times. She was raised by my grandfather before I was ten years old, and my stepfather never treated her as his own daughter.
In order to escape from this cold home, she chose to get married early. But long-term infertility was severely cut by this marriage. The husband's family looked down on her, and her husband didn't sympathize. Although she works in a large foreign company and has made small achievements through her own efforts, she always meets little people at work and has no intimate friends.
Ruo Ling's portrayal is actually a reflection of us in real life. The misfortunes of life, marriage and workplace often make us turn ourselves into victims.
When I was a child, in order to escape the bondage of my family, I expected myself to grow up and work quickly.
After work, I found that the world is not as beautiful as I imagined;
I want to find a suitable person to share the future years with, but the result is endless pain.
These negative emotions make us feel lost and helpless all day. I have asked myself countless times, what is the meaning of living? In fact, we blindly pursue, but we lose our true self.
People's desires are endless. With wealth, you should pursue power. With power, you should pursue health. Everyone's life is spent in busyness and pursuit, playing different roles, such as good friends, good children and good parents. Because we wear different masks every day to play "another me" and never face up to the "real me" under the mask.
As mentioned in the book, in fact, our essence is love, joy and peace, just like a melon will fall to the ground when it is ripe. These are the laws of nature. We pursue these because we once had them. Imagine that a person who has never eaten or seen ice cream will have a desire for it?
However, this essence is surrounded by self-identity, thought, emotion and body, which makes us cut off the connection with the inside. So let's blindly pursue external material to seek satisfaction. So we will never be satisfied. Because outward development is like a vast universe without boundaries.
Uncle Sloppy, who was very popular on the Internet before, is well known by major netizens because of his good cultural background. Since Uncle Sloppy became popular on the Internet, many people tried to help him, but they were all rejected by this dirty-looking tramp. He said he had hands and feet and didn't need other people's money. If he sends books, it is still acceptable.
In fact, in my opinion, he is a person who lives his true self. Without any ideological constraints, we don't care about all external conditions such as appearance and identity, but pursue what we want internally. Although wandering outside, I lived what I wanted; Although I am in financial distress, I still live happily.
In contrast, many people wear glamorous clothes every day and shuttle through various high-level places, but they are still confused and at a loss on the road of life.
Anyone who can abandon his false identity and be free from the restrictions and obstacles of his thoughts, emotions and body can show his true self.
Ruo Ling's mother-in-law and sister-in-law are infertile because of Ruo Ling's marriage. She didn't give her spiritual care, but blamed all the negative emotions on Ruoling.
As a colleague of Ruo Ling, Yu Mei has always been regarded by Ruo Ling as the only friend of the company. However, in order to compete at work, Yu Mei framed and deceived her again and again.
These people actually represent the "perpetrators" in real life. We often treat people sincerely and expect the same response from each other. But in the end, we often play the role of victims. So we were sad, sad and angry, and roared and questioned why God accepted such unfair treatment.
There are three things in the world: your business, others' business and God's business.
We often treat our friends, colleagues and lovers sincerely. We think it's good for them, but think about it. Are we too concerned about other people's affairs, or are we more afraid to care about others and look at our own eyes?
For example, many parents discipline their children and make them study hard. How many of them are mixed with fear that children will lose face when they go out. Even their nameless and unknown fears about the future are projected on their children, thus increasing their burden.
In life, we can share and suggest with others, but don't set a pre-judgment value in our hearts. Because of my initial intention, it is easy to be influenced by the unsatisfactory pre-judgment value and change the trajectory. Therefore, as long as we do our own thing well, the rest is arranged by God and others.
Some time ago, I saw a video Because of repeated business failures and his wife's cynicism, the man finally couldn't restrain his inner grief and cried to vent his dissatisfaction with his wife. Because he didn't understand why he worked so hard, he still couldn't get his wife's approval and encouragement.
It is mentioned in the book that there are two kinds of suffering;
The first is the suffering of ignorance. At the same time, we are also complaining and resisting the pain that can't make us grow up.
The second is conscious pain, and we feel the pain of heartbreaking. We don't complain, we don't escape, we go through it wholeheartedly. Let this pent-up and hidden energy burst out and experience it with complete love and acceptance with an uncritical and irresistible attitude. This kind of suffering is an opportunity to get out of life mode and grow sturdily.
If things deviate from our ideal track, negative thinking habits will hinder our judgment. We tend to magnify things that we usually disagree with. Because our views on everything are based on our subjective consciousness, but we have never asked ourselves, is this really the case?
Behind every negative emotion, there is an idea to support it. Emotion is the reaction of the body after being stimulated by our thoughts. We can think back now, have you ever had these situations?
The other half won't show you his mobile phone, so he is suspected of having an affair. The customer who promised to sign the bill suddenly didn't come, and the phone couldn't get through. He thought that signing the bill failed. But in the end, I found that everything was my daydream. What should come will always come, and it is useless to expect what should not come.
Anything that affects our emotions is just emotions. Now that I'm here, I will definitely leave. We often get angry about one thing, but often after a sleep, this feeling will disappear completely. When we look back on our previous behavior, we will feel stupid. Since the mood is coming, don't avoid it, don't hide it, don't suppress it. Let it exist.
Pushkin once said: If life deceives you, don't be depressed or indignant! If something goes wrong, put up with it for the time being. Believe it, happy days will come.
Throughout the book, the old man acts as the spiritual mentor of the protagonist Ruo Ling. Whether in life, marriage or workplace, the elderly can help Ruo Ling untie the knot and light the candle of hope. This can't help but make us fantasize that in our own life, there can also be such a mysterious expert to point out the direction of life for us.
When I first read this book, I thought the old man represented the author Zhang Defen himself. She wants to use another identity to help and confuse those who are confused and helpless on the road of life. However, when I read the whole book, I found that in fact, the old man represents everyone's inner self, just like the beginning of the book: dear, there is no one outside, only yourself.
Looking back on our past life has always been a process of having problems and then looking for solutions. But we often hope to find the truth from other people's mouths and ignore our initial feelings. In fact, the main reason comes from my own "sense of worthlessness", and I have denied myself before a thing begins, so I often hope to find recognition and affirmation in others.
Many entrepreneurs have a hard-working heart and work hard, but they have never succeeded. In the early days of starting a business, they often seek the opinions of others instead of considering the angle that suits their abilities. Because in their subconscious, they may always think that they are a loser, which makes them unable to find their true selves and clearly understand their life patterns, so no amount of efforts are in vain.
We pay too much attention to "being" and ignore "nothing". As a result, everyone is manipulated by their own ambitions and walks into a dead end, just like a maze, with no exit.
Under the guidance of the old man, Ruo Ling found the answer to life. In fact, he thought from another angle whether the old man was the inner "true self" in Ruo Ling's self-redemption.
At the end of the book, in fact, we have been living at home and never left.
In fact, the mentor of life is ourselves. After all, it is our own life, and everything we need is from the heart. Reading thousands of books is better than taking Wan Li Road, and only we can answer.
The book "Meeting the Unknown Oneself" felt bitter and difficult to understand at first, but it will produce a lot of * * * sounds and feelings after careful tasting.
The author Zhang Defen has always been the representative of the winner in life in the eyes of others, but when she was forty years old, she fell into unprecedented confusion and suffered from depression. Everything in life means nothing to her.
In this case, she decided to overthrow the previous life value system and find herself again. So she resigned as an executive and became a full-time wife to re-examine herself.
After such a period of time, it is four years. During these four years, she devoted herself to exploring personal growth and psychology. Finally, after accumulating to a certain extent, she wrote this book "Meeting the Unknown Self" and became a best-selling author.
In fact, life is not only sweet but also bitter. Since we are here, we should accept it wholeheartedly, because this kind of training makes us know more about ourselves and the world.
Pain is like the night. Since it can't be changed, we will bring light to illuminate it.