Alan Fromm, the author of "The Ability to Love," likes to emphasize "love yourself." You may have a social "disease," one that won't be cured by just one shot. You may be infected with the self-contempt virus, and the only cure is to take a massive dose of the “self-love pill.” But, like many others in society, you may have grown up thinking that loving yourself is wrong. Society tells us to think of others; the church tells us to love your neighbor. It seems that everyone has forgotten to "love yourself".
From childhood, you are told that loving yourself—even though it seems perfectly natural to you at the time—is tantamount to selfishness and pride. You learn to put others before yourself and think more about others, because this shows that you are a "good" person. You learn to bury yourself, and are often taught to "give your things to your sister." It doesn't matter whether these things are your treasures or cherished toys. Even though Mom or Dad may not necessarily share their grown-up stuff with others. You may even be told that you should "sit there and don't make any noise" or "you should behave."
Children naturally think of themselves as beautiful and important. But by the time they reach their teens, social education has taken root in their minds. Everyone has a self-denial attitude that becomes more and more severe as the years go by. After all, you can't always love yourself or how others will see you!
Of course, these subtle hints of social information are not malicious in themselves, but they do constrain individual consciousness. From parents, siblings, school, church, and friends, children learn these high-sounding social etiquettes—social etiquette unique to adults. Children never pay attention to these etiquettes among themselves except to please adults. Take a look at these etiquettes: stand up when an adult comes in; ask for permission before leaving the table; tolerate endless pinching of the cheeks and patting on the head... The message is obvious: adults are important, children are nothing. ;Others are important, yourself is insignificant. In this way, the first consequence is "don't trust your own judgment", and then there are many consequences that come with "politeness". These so-called "polite" rules and regulations are one of the reasons why you determine your self-awareness and reduce your self-worth based on the evaluation of others. It’s no surprise that these definitions of self-doubt and self-rejection continue into adulthood.
Lack of self-confidence is often the main reason for weak character and unsuccessful career.
There is an American doctor who is famous for his facial plastic surgery. He performed many miracles and transformed many ugly people into beautiful people through plastic surgery. He found that some people who underwent surgery, although the plastic surgery performed on them were successful, still came to him to complain that they were still not beautiful after the surgery, that the surgery had no effect, and that they felt that their appearance remained the same.
As a result, the doctor realized that beauty and ugliness do not depend on a person's original appearance, but on how he views himself.
If a person thinks he is beautiful, he will really become beautiful. If he always mutters in his heart that he must be ugly, he will really turn into a sharp-mouthed monkey with a dumb look on his face.
If a person is ashamed of himself, he will not become a beautiful person; similarly, if he does not feel that he is smart, then he will not become a smart person; he does not feel that he is kind-hearted - even in the bottom of his heart If he vaguely feels this way, he cannot become a kind person.
There is such a thing: a psychologist selected the most stupid and least likeable girl from a group of college students, and asked her classmates to change their previous views of her. On a sunny day, everyone rushed to take care of the girl, show her courtesy, and accompany her home. Everyone believed that she was a beautiful and intelligent girl. What was the result? In less than a year, this girl turned out to be charming and charming, and even her behavior was completely different from before. She told people: She got a new life. Indeed, she has not become another person - but she shows the beauty contained in everyone. This kind of beauty can only be achieved when we believe in ourselves and everyone around us also believes in us and loves us. will be shown.
Many people believe that the presence or absence of faith is innate and unchanging. This is not the case. Children who are loved by others in childhood feel that they are kind and smart since childhood, and therefore they are loved by others. So he tried his best to make his behavior worthy of the name and cultivate himself into a confident person. And what about those children who are not favored? People always reprimand them: "You are a fool, a loser, a slacker, and an idle thing!" So they really develop these bad qualities, because a person's character basically depends on self-confidence. Each of us has our own standards in our minds. We often compare our behavior with this standard and guide our actions accordingly. Therefore, if we want to make someone better, we should scold him less, help him improve his self-confidence, and correct his standards of life. If we want to transform ourselves and cultivate ourselves in some way, we should first change our view of ourselves. Otherwise, all our efforts to transform ourselves will be in vain.