no matter what kind of difficulties, you can't defeat a fighter.
The above is my biggest feeling after seeing Dr. Xu.
Dr. Xu studied in the United States and is the mother of two young children. Studying for a doctorate and educating children can't be said to be more difficult, but while handling these two things well, it is far beyond people's reach to open a rice ball to dispel doubts and doubts for novice parents. During the lecture, Dr. Xu was full of energy and respected everyone who spoke. He was also very humble and low-key in the subsequent photo-taking stage. He didn't have the feeling of being above others. He was deeply impressed by Dr. Xu's personal charm. I hope such a beautiful woman can have good luck with her all her life. After all, the harder she works, the luckier she is!
The theme of today's lecture is "Rules", which mainly focuses on "Do you want to set rules for children" and "How to set rules for children".
In fact, Dr. Xu herself doesn't like such high-minded words as "discipline" and "making rules", and she doesn't like to call some naughty children "Xiong Haizi". She prefers to use "boundary" to express the meaning of "making rules", and I agree with her.
At the beginning of the lecture, Dr. Xu gave a Weibo V's parenting viewpoint-never repress the child's nature, develop with the child, give the child full "love and freedom" without establishing so-called rules, and then the child will naturally "get better" when he grows up, and he can't repress the child's nature when he is young.
Taking this example, Dr. Xu actually raised a question: Should we make rules for our children?
In fact, the parents present basically agree with the view that "we should set rules for our children". Dr. Xu's attitude is very clear. "If all children will automatically become very good people when they grow up, then what do we need to do in prison and law?" Yes, since all human beings will get better when they grow up, why do people commit crimes?
(The definition of "good" here means that everyone recognizes the traditional advantages of "having self-control, perseverance, being polite and not attacking and abusing others at will" as "good". If you think that it is not bad to have no self-control and perseverance, and then use this as a basic point to argue, please move your finger and point a fork in the upper right corner or the upper left corner, and don't waste time reading this article. )
Not all children will get better automatically, and telling children the rules and boundaries does not mean limiting their free development. When children are young, because their brains are immature, they can't distinguish right from wrong well, so it is very difficult for them to learn how to behave in life and society automatically.
Those who think that children will get better automatically after playing enough and doing something enough may not exist. For some controllable things that are not so easy to be addicted objectively and physically controllable, it is indeed possible to do enough to solve the problem. For example, if you love to ride a rocking car, you can sit enough. This is time-limited and there is no special addiction mechanism. It is not impossible to play enough at a time. However, some addictive behaviors that adults can't resist, such as giving a child an ipad, do not limit his/her time of watching massive videos on the Internet, and he/she may indeed stop watching this behavior because of falling asleep. But when he/she wakes up the next day, he/she won't take the initiative not to watch these videos on the ipad. If you don't believe me, how did apps like Tik Tok become popular and seize a lot of social software traffic?
after reaching a * * understanding on the topic "Do you want to make rules?", the biggest question is "How to make rules?".
The control of human emotions is closely related to the development of the frontal lobe, which is the area where the brain matures at the latest, and it will only mature in the late adolescence. Therefore, when parents make rules for their children, the first thing to do is to set certain rules and boundaries according to the level of children's mental development.
Dr. Xu gave an example of his own child. When Dr. Xu's sister was in Disney, she wanted to walk on a small fence all the time. She found it very interesting. However, it was hot and sunny at that time, and my brother and grandmother had gone far to the shade and wanted to go indoors as soon as possible to start the next project, so it was not very appropriate for my sister to come again at this time. Grandma was anxious at this time, and wanted to solve this matter by force. She was so angry that she scolded her children for not being sensible. Dr. Xu stopped her grandmother, and then gently said to her sister, "Let's come down and go quickly. Look ahead, Spider-Man is waiting for you!" So my sister jumped down happily and walked quickly forward happily.
For younger children, there is often no need to go to the tough "what you have to do", and more often you can be flexible. When asking children what they must do, parents can ask their hearts, why should I make this rule? Is it because this matter is really important, or is my sense of authority offended? (I told you to come down, so you couldn't come down, so I was angry. It's not how important it is that you didn't listen to me, so I flew into a rage.)?
Recently, there was a very popular video about "making rules" for children (I haven't seen this video), to the effect that the educator who recorded the video advocated some guidance for children to develop their character when they were 3 to 6 years old, because at this time, children had certain emotional understanding ability. But in fact, should you respond to any behavior of your child before the age of 3? -of course, this is not enough.
Younger children, such as infants, can't fully understand what adults mean, but sometimes they have some troublesome behaviors, such as hitting people and hitting people in the face. At this time, this behavior is often strengthened by adults. For example, after seeing the child hitting herself, grandma felt that the child was really powerful and would hit someone. The child sensitively captured the changes of grandma's mood and expression. He felt that this incident could make grandma have such a reaction, which was very fun, so the behavior was strengthened.
this situation sometimes applies to older children. Dr. Xu's little brother came back from kindergarten one day, pointing his ass at his mother and shouting "Fart stinks you to death". At this time, as a mother, Dr. Xu wanted to laugh-the child was very cute. However, if this kind of behavior is done to the teacher or other people, it is very impolite, so Dr. Xu refrained from laughing and didn't go to see him. He told him coldly, "This is not funny" and asked the whole family to ignore the child's behavior. After several times, the child feels boring, and such a thing will not be done again.
mama said that for a while, I liked to purr water in bed before going to bed. This behavior began when I was drinking water before going to bed one day, and I accidentally purred it, which was very fun, and I couldn't stop it from now on. But the direct consequence of such behavior is that the bed is completely wet, and adults and children can't sleep and rest immediately. It takes some time to replace new sheets and bedding, which greatly affects the rest of the whole family and the activities of the next day.
For such a thing, there is no doubt that the rule "Don't pour water in bed" must be made. But for two or three-year-old children, if parents resolutely stop and refuse, the children are likely to be uncooperative at this time, and they will fight with you to the end and end up in discord. Dr. Xu put forward his own advice on this matter: as an adult, I sometimes think that the water is quite fun, but we can play with it when brushing our teeth and taking a shower, and stop playing when we sleep, so we can't sleep well when the bed is wet. If the child has to play, you can let him play under the bed, and then tell him to play at the right time in the future, and it is not necessary to force him to the end.
Dr. Xu's lecture was very interesting and informative, and the mothers present also contributed many classic cases. This two-hour salon really gained a lot. There are many contents, so I divided them into two modules. It's too late today, so let's finish here first.
This whole day, I made noodles with five babies in the morning, listened to the lecture with Mama Tian, Mama Boar and Mama Xiaoyuer in the afternoon, watched The Avengers in the evening, and arranged half of the lecture in the middle of the night. What a full day!
Thanks to the beautiful and wise Tian Ma, she didn't forget to bring us to both lectures, and both lectures made us gain a lot. Tian Ma herself is beautiful and good-natured. She always insists on studying, and her small family is very harmonious. Even though it is extremely hard to take care of her baby alone, she never complains. Instead, she loves her daughter wholeheartedly and maintains a strong learning ability and a peaceful mood. It is really a good example.
All girls who work hard will have the best luck. The beautiful, intelligent and sensible Tian Mei is also the best reward for Tian Ma's hard work. May two beautiful women, one big and one small, have their own best make it mine. Love you!
PS: I love this group of girls in bonus hunter very much. Time is not old, and we will not leave. I look forward to meeting everyone! I love you so much, Biexin!