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Young people have many illusions and hopes. In order to make it a reality, they resumed various efforts and even deliberately pursued it. When this demand cannot be sustained or partially met, it forms a setback. When the demand is not met, frustration will also become a state of tension. If setbacks are formed on more important goals, such as study, work, love, etc. Such a setback can be called failure; If this kind of frustration and pressure lasts for a long time and has a wide influence, it is called being in adversity if it is in a life position that is not conducive to physical and mental development. Frustration, failure and the psychological and emotional reactions that you can bring to young people such as disappointment, depression, depression, etc. are called frustration feelings or frustration psychology in psychology.

Frustration is more obvious in individual youth development. Young people in this period often experience frustrating frustration because of their thinking about life, their worries about their studies, their troubles about love and their troubles about social obstacles. The causes of frustration among young people are very complicated and can be roughly divided into two categories:

1, objective contradiction is the main reason for young people's frustration. Subjectivity refers to the self-demand of young people, and objectivity refers to the realistic conditions to meet their needs. Once there is a contradiction between the subjective and the objective, and the objective can't meet the subjective requirements, there will be frustration. The main manifestations of subjective and objective contradictions are: the contradiction between the needs of teenagers' material life and the limited material conditions of society, schools and families; The contradiction between the need for self-expression and the inequality of opportunities; The contradiction between the desire for academic success and excellent work and the competition between classmates and peers; The strong contradiction between love and discipline; The contradiction between social needs and the position of individuals in the organization.

Personal imperfection is also an important reason for young people's frustration. Although young people are full of vigor, active thinking, wide interests, bold exploration and creativity, their personality is not perfect in terms of social maturity. Such as emotional instability, one-sided understanding, excessive self-esteem and competitiveness, naive ideals, easy to be extreme, unclear world outlook, lack of solid practical foundation, and poor endurance. This imperfection of youth has formed a hotbed of frustration psychology.

In the face of setbacks, what we need is enterprising spirit and indomitable perseverance, and at the same time we need reason more. Specifically, we can start from the following aspects:

1. When encountering setbacks, we should calmly analyze, find out the reasons of setbacks from the aspects of objectivity, subjectivity, goals, environment and conditions, and take effective remedial measures.

2. Be good at understanding goals correctly and adjust your goals in time. Young people should pay attention to give full play to their advantages, set goals that suit them and devote themselves to their work. If in the process of implementation, it is found that the goal is unrealistic and the progress is blocked, it is necessary to adjust the goal in time to move on.

3. Be good at turning pressure into motivation. In fact, proper stimulation and pressure can effectively mobilize the positive factors of the body. "Great people have suffered a lot since ancient times, but never too much." People's best work is often done in adversity.

We should treat setbacks dialectically and always keep a positive and optimistic attitude. Setbacks and lessons make us smart and mature, and it is failure itself that ultimately creates success. We should be able to tolerate setbacks, learn to comfort ourselves, be open-minded, optimistic, eager for success, and strive for success with confidence.

People should learn to look at others with appreciation, experience life with gratitude and face life with rational thinking.

Original author: the mind has an appointment

Source: unlimited communication

Second, setbacks.

China psychological hotline

As the saying goes, nine times out of ten, life is unsatisfactory. People always have certain needs, desires and expectations in society. People's expectations or desires often exist outside the realistic conditions. Due to the constraints of realistic conditions, in most cases, setbacks are inevitable.

People who suffer setbacks, whether caused by external factors or internal factors, will be accompanied by complex emotional reactions, such as anxiety, tension, worry, anxiety, fear, depression, anger and so on. And the imbalance between psychological and physical activities. People's psychological experience of frustration is called frustration by Gopula.

In the face of setbacks, people may try to solve contradictions and conflicts with positive attitudes and methods; It is also possible to adopt negative attitudes and methods in an attempt to escape contradictions and get rid of difficulties.

In people's spiritual life, there is a tendency to consciously or unconsciously explain and deal with the problems between the subject and the objective reality in a way that is acceptable to them and will not cause too much pain and anxiety, especially those that are unfavorable to them. This is the psychological defense mechanism.

Judgment of signs of frustration

Psychological countermeasures after setbacks can not be met at any time, and motivation and behavior may not be realized when obstacles are encountered in the environment. If it can't be achieved, it will cause setbacks, bring negative psychology (usually manifested as anxiety, tension, anxiety, anger, disappointment and other emotional States), and affect the generation and realization of subsequent goals. The essence of frustration is that motivation is not satisfied.

Whether a person experiences setbacks is closely related to his ambition level, that is, to the standards he sets for his goals. The higher the standard, the easier it is to have setbacks. If the result of behavior falls between two standards, then if it is higher than the standard, it will produce a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction, and if it is lower than the standard, it will produce a sense of psychological frustration, regardless of whether the two standards were formulated by two people at different times or by the same person.

When an individual's important motivation is hindered, he feels greater frustration; When the less important motivation is hindered, it is easy to be overcome or replaced by the satisfaction of other motives, so it only constitutes a lost psychological feeling, which is not a great setback for individuals. The importance of motivation varies from person to person and from time to time. So frustration can be said to be a subjective feeling.

Frustration is also related to expectations and efforts. If you really work hard and think you can succeed, you will have a strong sense of frustration even if you are temporarily blocked.

People will have rational and irrational reactions after setbacks.

Rational response is also called aggression in psychology. There are three situations.

1, try again and again to achieve the goal. It is characterized by not being discouraged, overcoming difficulties and adopting multiple behaviors or the same behavior.

2. Adjust the goal. When a kind of motivation and behavior can't succeed after repeated attempts, in order to meet the needs, adjust the goals and lower the requirements to achieve it.

3. change your goals. When it is estimated that the original goal cannot be achieved at all, change the original goal, set a new goal to replace or compensate, or seek new demand to meet the original demand.

Irrational reaction is also called negative adaptation or defense in psychology. There are mainly the following five forms of expression:

1, uneasy. Such as losing confidence and courage; Emotional instability, gains and losses; Physiologically, palpitation, dizziness, cold sweat, chest tightness, etc.

2. attack. Also known as attack and confrontation. Divided into direct attacks and indirect attacks. Direct attack means that the object of attack is the person or thing that constitutes frustration. Indirect attack is to pass on the anger after setbacks to yourself, the parties concerned or irrelevant people and things. Generally speaking, people with high self-esteem and talent who encounter great setbacks are easy to vent their anger directly. People who lack self-confidence, introversion, inferiority or pessimism often point the finger at themselves. When the source of frustration is unknown, or the real object that causes frustration cannot be directly attacked, they will look for scapegoats.

3. Stubborn behavior. This includes: ① indifference. No expression, blind to things, indifferent, emotional out of control and other normal psychological reactions; 2 Depression. Subjectively deny the existence of setbacks, and consciously exclude the experience of setbacks or the motives that may cause setbacks; 3 give up abnormally. After many setbacks, I feel lost, worried, lose confidence in my work and life, give up some things that have not been defeated, do nothing, and even give up my life. (4) Blindly rejecting innovation, not accepting other people's opinions and suggestions, standing still, knowing that the method is invalid and repeating it again and again. So criticism and punishment should be used with caution.

Step 4 go backwards. Also known as regression. After being frustrated, people will show childish behaviors that are not commensurate with their age, such as being easily blindsided, blindly trusting others, blindly carrying out others' instructions, credulous rumors, uncontrollable emotions, rage, overreaction, and even unreasonable troubles.

Step 5 compromise. Also called rationalization. After being frustrated, people will have emotional tension and anxiety, which will be harmful to their health for a long time. So we should take some psychological and behavioral measures to reduce the tension and anxiety caused by setbacks, which is called compromise. There are several forms of compromise: ① Decoration. Forgive and cover up your failure by justifying yourself, or make excuses for not failing, so as to comfort yourself and relieve tension and anxiety. ② Selection committee. I made a mistake and passed it on to others to relieve my guilt and anxiety. 3 projection. Individuals are unwilling to admit their own motives and are unwilling to project them on others. For example, people who have corrupt motives or have had corrupt behaviors often publicize that some people receive red envelopes. 4 reverse. It refers to the act of trying to suppress one's emotions and doing something against one's will and emotions after being frustrated. In order to prevent some individuals from showing bad motives or behaviors, they often adopt the opposite direction. For example, behind excessive kindness and submission is hatred and resistance. 5 fraud. That is, the watches are the same. It refers to adding the qualities that others have and appreciate to themselves, pretending that they also have these qualities and pretending to be other people's styles and postures. Imitators are generally successful and admirers. 6 escape. Individuals are afraid to face the frustration of their hunches and flee to a safer place. The specific trend is: escape to another reality, escape to the fantasy world, and escape to physical illness. For example, a person who is particularly involved may drink, eat, drink, gamble, daydream, get seriously ill and so on. See the way of defense for details.

There are many factors that cause setbacks, but they can be divided into two categories:

First, external factors. Also known as objective factors or external factors, it is the actual external environmental factors that prevent motivation or behavior from being realized. Including natural disasters, old age and losses caused by negligence and lack of time and energy that can be overcome; Including political, economic, military, religious, customs, moral concepts and other restrictions on people's social life; Or someone else's fault.

Second, internal factors. From the frustrated themselves. Divided into subjective factors and objective factors. Subjective factors include cognitive factors and psychological factors. Psychological factors mainly refer to the lack of personal ability, knowledge and experience, or the poor psychological quality of personality, such as lack of toughness, over-credulity, instability, impatience, self-distrust and motivation struggle. Objective factors are mainly physiological factors, mainly referring to physical health and structural defects of body organs. The conflict of motives, that is, the psychological state that two or more motives cannot coexist and it is difficult to choose, can also cause setbacks. This is more obvious in modern society and its influence is growing. To this end, I also deliberately study motivation conflict as a special topic.

Whether external factors lead to setbacks and the degree of setbacks depend to a great extent on people's subjective psychological quality, especially their knowledge, cultivation, ability and personality psychological quality, as well as their tolerance for setbacks.

Frustration tolerance refers to people's ability to adapt to setbacks, that is, the ability to avoid abnormal behavior when encountering setbacks. Tolerance actually reflects people's attitude towards setbacks. I don't know how many setbacks people will encounter in their lives. Some are slight, short-lived and easy to overcome; Some of them are serious, long-term and insurmountable. Whether we can beat it depends largely on everyone's attitude. Some people are open-minded, optimistic and confident, able to challenge setbacks and persevere until they win the final victory. Others are narrow-minded, introverted and alarmist. When they encounter setbacks, they will never recover, or even behave abnormally and lose their ability to cope.

Tolerance is influenced by many factors: ① physiological factors. Generally speaking, people who are healthy and well-developed are more tolerant of physical needs than those who are sickly. Energetic people are also more competent for all kinds of jobs. ② Past experience of setbacks. Tolerance of setbacks can be gained through learning. Tolerance can be improved if you are good at accumulating experience after past setbacks. If you are pampered since childhood and rarely encounter setbacks, or run away when encountering setbacks and lose the opportunity to learn to deal with setbacks, then your tolerance for inevitable setbacks is low. ③ Perceptual judgment of frustration. The objective situation of the same setback is the same, but people, time and place will feel and judge differently, so the pressure and blow will be different. One person thinks it is a serious setback, and another person or he will feel indifferent in the future. 4 predictability. Its tolerance for unexpected setbacks is relatively low. ⑤ Other personal qualities, including values, world outlook, personality, interest, will and patience, are closely related to tolerance.

Setbacks are cumulative, and no matter how confident people are, they can't stand setbacks and failures again and again. This may be a little bit of erosion tolerance, or it may be accumulated and detonated by a fuse at a certain moment.

Reality and ideal will not be consistent, and people may have setbacks anytime and anywhere. Although setbacks have some advantages, such as guiding individual cognition to produce creative changes, making people undergo exercise, increasing their talents, exploring new ways and methods, and strengthening their ability to solve problems; But there are also many disadvantages, such as emotional distress, depression, behavioral deviation, increased absenteeism, frequent accidents, reduced output, lax discipline, increased job hopping, and some even have serious problems such as confronting leaders, ignoring organizations, harming others and harming society. Generally speaking, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

Frustration is an inevitable objective reality. There are several ways to deal with setbacks and prevent negative effects:

Personally speaking:

1, raise awareness and treat setbacks correctly.

2, improve the way to deal with problems, change the perspective and starting point.

3. Change the environment and travel light.

4. Spiritual venting. Also known as psychotherapy. Free venting of repressed irrational emotions in a limited environment, so as to achieve psychological balance and restore rational state as soon as possible.

5. Take the initiative to talk to friends or strangers to relieve psychological pressure.

From the manager's point of view:

1, listen to employees' complaints. By listening to complaints, on the one hand, employees can vent their grievances and prevent dissatisfaction and unhappiness from accumulating or being stuffy in their hearts. On the other hand, we can understand the opinions, needs and suggestions of employees and improve management.

2. Give employees spiritual encouragement, encourage them to make progress, improve their confidence and courage, encourage setbacks to sublimate in the right direction, and help them develop their talents.

3, through language and emotional communication, eliminate the barriers between people, improve the relationship between people in the organization. Leaders should speak kindly to their subordinates, pay attention to politeness and control discretion, do not use irritating and sarcastic language, and convince people with reason and affection.

4. Assist employees to solve family discord, give appropriate advice and persuasion, analyze advantages and disadvantages, and mediate when necessary. Really solve problems for employees and let him feel the care of the organization.

5. Make reasonable demands. Managers have requirements for their subordinates. But if it exceeds the possibility of workers, it will cause setbacks.

6. Guide in time. Counseling can reduce the duration of setbacks. Workers' defense mechanism should be relaxed and their attitude towards setbacks should be changed.

Third, how to face setbacks.

In life, everyone will encounter setbacks, and moderate setbacks have certain positive significance, which can help people get rid of inertia and urge people to forge ahead. Frustration is also a challenge and test.

British philosopher Bacon said: "Most miracles beyond nature occur in the conquest of adversity." The key problem is how to face setbacks.

People want to be more happy, less painful, more successful and less frustrated all their lives, but fate always seems to play tricks on people and torture them, always giving them more loss, pain and frustration. I remember reading such a story: there was a pupa on the grass, which was found by a child and brought home. A few days later, a small crack appeared on the pupa, and the butterfly inside struggled for a long time, as if its body was stuck. Naive children can't bear to see butterflies struggling in pupae. So, he picked up scissors to cut open the pupa shell and help the butterfly get rid of the pupa. But because the butterfly didn't go through a painful struggle before breaking the pupa, its body was bloated and its wings shriveled, so it couldn't fly at all and soon died. Naturally, the happiness of this butterfly disappeared forever with its death. This little story also illustrates a life truth. To be happy, you must be able to endure pain and frustration. This is a kind of tempering for people, and it is also a necessary process for a person to grow up.

There are many factors that cause setbacks. For example, the goal is set too high, and there is a gap between ability and expectation. In addition, it also includes psychological conflict factors. For example, a college student, who really wants to concentrate on his PhD, is in love; Reading and love are like fish and bear's paw. He wants to have both, but the best thing for him is to choose only one. This is a "two-way conflict". Another example is a pair of men and women in love. After several contacts, they felt that they had talked about everything and there was nothing to talk about. They can only look at me, and I look at you, which is embarrassing, but a person will feel more lonely. This is called "avoidance-avoidance conflict"

When people encounter setbacks, they often feel insecure and difficult to settle down, and their work and life will be affected. Then, when people suffer setbacks, how should they debug? Here are ten ways to try:

First, calm down, calm down, calm down.

Second, enhance self-confidence and courage.

Third, judge the situation and win by circuitous means. The so-called detour victory means that the goal remains the same and the method has changed.

Fourth, make persistent efforts and persevere. When you encounter setbacks, you should go forward bravely. The goal you set remains the same, so redouble your efforts.

Fifth, replace trees with flowers and be flexible. If the original goal that is too high can't be achieved for a while, you can change to a goal that is easier to achieve. This is also an adaptive way.

Sixth, find out the reasons and clear the train of thought. When you encounter setbacks, calm down first, find out the possible reasons, and then seek a solution to the problem.

Seventh, emotional transfer, seeking sublimation. You can adjust your mood and sublimate your mood by collecting stamps, writing, calligraphy, art, music, dancing and physical exercise that you like.

Eighth, learn to vent and get rid of pressure. Facing setbacks, different people have different attitudes. Some people are disappointed, others are hesitant. At this time, you might as well find one or two people who understand your closeness and pour out all your words. From the perspective of mental health, catharsis can eliminate the mental stress caused by setbacks and reduce mental fatigue; At the same time, catharsis is also a self-psychological rescue measure, which can dilute and alleviate bad emotions.

Ninth, seek psychological counseling when necessary. When people are overwhelmed by setbacks, they might as well turn to psychological counseling institutions. Psychologists will treat you with emotion, understand you with reason, guide you with actions, and follow the instructions, so that you can step into the realm of "a village with a bright future" from the predicament of "no doubt".

Tenth, learn to be humorous and laugh at yourself. Humor and self-mockery are effective ways to vent depression, balance mentality and create happiness. When you encounter setbacks, you might as well use Ah Q's spiritual victory method, such as "losing money is a blessing", "breaking money to avoid disaster" and "losing money to earn money" to adjust your unbalanced psychology. Still "confused and hard to change", look at setbacks calmly and adjust your mentality with humor.

In this world, it is impossible to be proud of the spring breeze and everything goes well. To be open-minded in the face of setbacks, to be as wise as a fool, and to maintain a calm and peaceful attitude is to understand the generosity of life. If a person wants to maintain a healthy mentality, he needs to sublimate his spirit, cultivate his morality, save his strength and be humorous and optimistic. As Marx said: "A good mood can relieve the fatigue and pain of the body more than ten good medicines."

Fourth, the end of flies.

The weather is getting colder and colder, and many bugs freeze to death, but annoying flies don't want to freeze to death and sneak into people's houses. In this way, the warmth is warm, but the fly did not ask the owner's consent in advance, and the owner did not welcome the uninvited guests who broke in without authorization, so a tug-of-war with it began in this early winter season. The owners of the house crashed together with a bang, and the flies crashed mindlessly. Finally, they were either coaxed out or killed. Poor fly. From this, I thought of people. Can a person meet a desperate situation like a fly? If flies don't fly into the house, they will freeze to death. If they fly into the house, they will be killed. In short, born to die. I always feel that sometimes a person will encounter such a situation, because when I encounter something myself, sometimes I really feel that God never shuts one door but he opens another.

I remember a classmate told me a story. I can't remember the details. The outline of the story seems to be like this: a man went up the mountain to collect medicine and accidentally slipped down a steep cliff. Fortunately, he caught a vine and hung it halfway up the mountain. What a close call! Steady, feel glad, just about to climb, suddenly I saw a mouse trying to bite off the vine, what should I do? Hurry down the vine, but it doesn't matter if you look down. A tiger is eagerly waiting for him to come down and have a good meal! It's over! I am dead! He was desperate. Just then, he suddenly found a red wild fruit growing on the cliff next to him, so he picked it and ate it, feeling very sweet. At this moment, he suddenly realized that fate is bliss.

There is also an idiom in the language Tang suit: there is no way in heaven, but there is no way in the ground. The Five Lantern Festival Yuan Juan Shi Xian (shí, sound 10) Zen master Fa Si: "Go to class:' One person set fire to himself. A man lying on the road with ice cubes died. When you get in, you get stuck, and when you get out, you choke. There is no road in the sky and no road on the ground. "Nothing now," I said for a long time. "When the snow has gone, natural spring will come." The meaning of this passage is that the teacher (Zen master) preached in the Dharma Hall: If there is a very difficult situation, some people may set themselves on fire in this situation, and some people may commit suicide by holding ice. In this case, we can't move forward or retreat. There is no road in the sky, and there is no road underground. What should we do at this time? For a long time, the teacher went on to say: the snow has melted, and natural spring has arrived. Zen master means that in the face of difficult difficulties, if you can't find a solution at the moment, you should still maintain a good mental state (that is, keep your heart), let nature take its course, wait for the opportunity and use it as soon as it comes. In this way, the difficulties will disappear. This is actually advocating rational optimism. This idiom now describes an embarrassing situation where there is no way out.

In fact, there will be no doubt that there is no way out. If we can look back at ourselves at this time, get rid of subjective worries and fears, face the reality (seeking truth from facts), grasp the existing conditions, and strive to move forward, it is not impossible to "make a bright future." Therefore, learning to be positive and have a firm belief at all times is the fundamental strength and method to face and solve difficulties.

No excuses (don't be afraid of setbacks)

Foreword must not make excuses.

At the United States Military Academy at West Point, there is a long tradition that is widely circulated. When students are questioned by officers, they can only

There are four answers: "report to the chief, yes", "report to the chief, no", "report to the chief, I don't know" and "report to the chief"

Officer, there's no excuse. "In addition, you can't say a word.

"No excuses" is the most important code of conduct pursued by the United States Military Academy at West Point for 200 years, especially at West Point.

The first idea was taught to every freshman in the military academy. It strengthens every student to try his best to accomplish anything.

A task, not an excuse for not completing the task, even if it seems reasonable. Stick to this

Concept, countless West Point graduates have made extraordinary achievements in all fields of life.

Never make excuses! In real life, what we lack is that we try our best to complete the task, not

Make any excuses. On them, they show a kind of obedience and honesty, a kind of responsibility and respect.

Professional spirit and perfect execution ability.

At work, we often hear all kinds of excuses:

That customer is so picky that I can't satisfy him.

"If it hadn't rained, I could have arrived early."

"I didn't finish the work within the stipulated time, because ..."

"I haven't learned."

I don't have enough time.

"Now is the time to rest. You can call back in half an hour. "

"I don't have that much energy."

"I can't do it."

……

In fact, there are rich subtext behind every excuse, but we are embarrassed to say it.

Come on, we don't even want to talk about it. Excuses let us temporarily escape from difficulties and responsibilities and gain something.

Psychological comfort. However, the price of excuses is extremely high, and it does no more harm to us than others.

There are few bad habits.

To sum up, we often hear excuses in the following five forms.

1. They didn't ask my advice at all when they made the decision, so it shouldn't be my responsibility.

Many excuses always associate "no", "no" and "I", and their subtext.

It is "this matter has nothing to do with me", unwilling to take responsibility, and shirking the responsibility that should be borne by oneself to others. one

There should be no difference between "me" and "others" in a team. An irresponsible employee is impossible.

Get the trust and support of colleagues, but not the trust and respect of the boss. If everyone is looking for an excuse, there is nothing.

Form will increase the communication cost and weaken the team's cooperative combat ability.

I am very busy these weeks, so I will do it as soon as possible.

A direct consequence of making excuses is that it is easy for people to form the bad habit of procrastination. If we look closely, we can see that

It is easy to find that every company has employees who look busy every day.

I almost did my duty, but it took me half a day or more to finish what I should have done 1 hour.

Because work is just one task after another for them, they find all kinds of excuses to delay.

Run away Such employees will give every manager a headache.

We have never done this before, or this is not the way we do things here.

People who make excuses are conformists, lacking innovative spirit and working spontaneously.

Ability, so it is difficult to expect them to make creative achievements in their work. Excuses will make them lie on the ground.

Sleep comfortably from previous experience, rules and thinking inertia.

I have never been properly trained for this job.

In fact, this is an excuse for mistakes caused by one's lack of ability or experience, which is obviously very

Not wise. Excuses can make people escape for a while, but they can't make people happy for life. No one is born with extraordinary abilities,

The correct attitude is to face up to the reality, study hard with a positive attitude and make continuous progress.

We never want to catch up with our competitors. In many ways, people are far ahead of us.

When people make excuses for not making progress, they often say so. The serious harm that excuses bring to people is that

People are negative and decadent. If you get into the habit of making excuses, you won't go actively when you encounter difficulties and setbacks.

Try to overcome, but find all kinds of excuses. The subtext is "I can't" and "I can't".

This negative attitude deprives individuals of their chances of success and ultimately leads to nothing.

Excellent employees never make any excuses at work, they always try to surpass every job.

Customer expectations, to meet customer requirements to the maximum extent, rather than finding various excuses to shirk; They are always

It is to successfully complete the tasks assigned by superiors and solve problems for superiors; They always try their best to cooperate with colleagues.

Never find any excuse to shirk or delay colleagues' help.

Yes, no excuses! Grandtner, a successful American scientist, once said: If you have your own department.

The ability to tie your shoelaces, you will have a chance to pick the stars in the sky! Let's change our attitude towards excuses and put the time to find excuses

Time and energy are spent on hard work. Because there are no excuses in work, no excuses in life, and no excuses for failure.

Mouth, success does not belong to people who make excuses!