When I woke up in the middle of the night, I felt my husband hugging me and secretly pleased! I thought: this guy is usually cool, but I didn't expect to be accidentally exposed when I slept. So I was moved and was about to enjoy his hug when I heard him say in a daze, "Wife! It's so cold! " I wanted to kick him out of bed.
I was watching TV with my husband one day, and the actress was dancing ballet on TV. My husband said to me, "Wife, you are also very suitable for ballet." Secretly happy! Thought: My husband must think I have a good figure. But I wanted him to praise me directly, so I held my horses and continued to ask him, "Why do you say I am suitable for ballet?" My husband said in a serious and professional tone, "no ballet dancer can have too big breasts." I didn't roll down from the chair at once.
after getting up at the weekend, I talked to my husband about the recent spending problem. I thought that we often spend money indiscriminately, which is not good, so I decided to get rid of the problem of spending money indiscriminately. At night, my husband accompanied me to the supermarket. I saw my favorite Shaqima, but I didn't know which brand to buy, so I took one at random, and the price was 4.8 yuan. When I was about to reach for it, I heard my husband keep calling: "4.6 yuan, 4.6 yuan." I couldn't help laughing when I heard that. It seems that he is serious about our plan to save money.
One morning, when I was resting and my husband was at work, I took him to the elevator door. The elevator door opened, and I turned to go home. I heard my husband calling me from behind. When I turned around, I saw my husband standing in front of the elevator door with one foot up and blocking the elevator door. He leaned over and said to me naughtily, "There's no one in my wife. KISS!" I am angry and funny!
once, while combing my hair in the mirror, I said to my husband, "You said it would be great if my husband came back from work to cook and wash clothes every day, and then I didn't have to do anything but go to work." My husband came up to me, kept shaking me and said, "Wife, wake up, wake up, it's getting late." I was completely defeated by my husband.
My husband and I like watching movies together, but it's very painful to change movies, especially in winter, and we don't want to get out of bed. So, every time the picture stops, I immediately pretend to sleep on my side and snore; When my husband saw it, he had to get out of bed and change it himself. As soon as the disc entered the warehouse, I immediately woke up, pretended to be sleepy and said, what's wrong, what's wrong, what's happened? Do you want to change the disc? I got it, I got it, I got it. My husband said I was too bad. Every few days, I forgot about it. I just wanted to call him when I changed the disc, but he had slept on his side, and then he naturally did the same thing, which made me laugh.
I brushed the stainless steel pot by the way after washing the dishes, and I brushed it very hard, and finally it was brighter than when I just bought it back. So very! My husband stood on the stool on the balcony to cool his clothes, and I excitedly held the pot to show him. He looked at the pot with his head tilted and looked carefully, but he didn't praise me. Just when he was asked, he casually licked his hair with his hand. "Well, this young man is still quite handsome ..." At the beginning, my wife said that she couldn't cook. I said, "No, I can do it all." As a result, now I do it! Ha ha.
he picked me up after work, and I clamoured for bananas. I found that two girls from the company were also buying. I know them well, but he is not at all. I shouted to them, "Great! I don't have to buy it? " The girl generously handed me a bag of bananas: "Help yourself!" I only broke one, and the girl said, "Take more! You're welcome! " He also said, "Take two roots!" Colleague Wei Zheng also quickly echoed him and said, "Take more!" He said no, no, two is enough. I broke off another one, wondering how he could embarrass me like this, but he handed me the net bag, then handed the two bananas to my colleagues and said seriously, "Thank you!" " I went to work at noon the next day, and everyone laughed hysterically when I thought about it ...
My husband likes to hide at home and let me find him, but the house is too small, so I can easily find him every time. Once before going to bed, he turned off the light (the switch of the light was at a certain distance from the bed), and after turning it off, he quickly squatted on the ground. Although I could see clearly (night vision was good), I was silent. I saw him squat for a while, and then crawled to the bed. I held back my smile. When he climbed to the bed carefully and leaned out, I jumped at him and scared him! Haha, laugh wildly!
In my husband's eyes, I am a famous nearsighted person; Low IQ. But sometimes, he will be fooled by me. The day before yesterday, we got separated at the gate of a busy shopping mall, but I found him looking back nervously. I walked behind him and shouted his name. He suddenly turned around. I pretended not to see him, but shouted. I also acted scared and anxious. He smiled happily and hugged me and said, "Oh, stupid!" Oh, how sweet!
I remember another one: I was walking in the yard with my husband after dinner last night, and suddenly I saw a cockroach on the road. I shouted, "Husband, step, step, step on it!" " Then I stretched out my foot to step on it myself, and my husband said, "Oh, it's Xiaoqiang, let it go." It makes me feel like I'm cruel and heartless.
My husband took the shuttle bus home, but the traffic was blocked. Send me a text message and let me detour home. I texted him back and said, you can sleep in the car because of the traffic jam. He replied: No! How scary it is to dream of you!
One day, when I saw that the China team lost again in the sports competition on TV, I vowed to say, "In the future, I will let my children practice sports to win glory for our country! ！” My husband looked up at my book and said, "Then let him practice weightlifting. See if his mother can do it!" " Woo-hoo .....
One day, I discussed with my husband the silly topic "Be a man or a woman in my next life", and I thought for a long time and said, "I want to be a man in my next life, so let you be a woman to serve me!" My husband gave me a twisted look and said, "That's what you said all my life" ... < P > Yesterday, I beat a mouse with my husband at home. My husband was very brave and trampled the mouse to death. I praised him for his bravery, but he said sadly, "Hey, I remembered Shuke and Beita when I was a child, and my heart was so sad!"
it's the first time I cook for my husband, and my skills are really not good, and the dishes I make are all irrelevant. My husband is so cute that he keeps his head down and comforts me, saying that my wife doesn't matter, just give me enough food and clothing. I don't ask Ben Xiaokang to knit a scarf for LG.
I don't know why I argued with LG and told him in a rage, "I won't knit the scarf for you!"
"Then who do you knit for?" LG glared at me.
"whatever! I won't give it to you even if I donate to the disaster area! "
"donate to the disaster area? "LG frowned:" I just dislike your craftsmanship alone, so why bother the people in the disaster area. "
Geography has taught us that Fushun, Liaoning Province produces the most coal and Anshan, Liaoning Province produces the most iron, so Fushun is called the "coal capital" of China and Anshan is called the "iron capital". In an exam, the paper showed that the coal in China was (black) and the iron in China was (hard). After the exam, he also said: How did the teacher come up with such a simple question?
2. An additional question in a Chinese exam asked Prometheus what literary works he was. A classmate filled in: Harry Potter. Another time, I asked Zuo Zhongyi what his name was, and a classmate wrote: Zuo Lengchan.
3. A political topic: China's research ship () went to the Arctic for investigation. My answer: Titanic.
4. Chinese exam. Explain the word "death". I replied: "Go to hell" (originally I wanted to write "die") The teacher was furious ... < P > 5. In primary school, a classmate recited poems, and the first three sentences were so hard. The last sentence: "A line of egrets went to the west." The class is dizzy!
6. Fill in the following sentence in the language test of Grade One in Senior High School, "Why to cut the candle at the west window?". I replied, "husband and wife sit until dawn." Correct answer: "evening rain time".
7. In a Chinese exam, the poem "Fill in the blank" is a sentence "() in Bai Juyi's" Peach Blossom in Dalin Temple ",and the correct solution should be" I always hate that I can't find a place for my spring return ".A classmate in the front row of me simply filled in" I always hate that the village girl can't find a place ".
8. As soon as I filled in the picture in the biology exam, I asked what kind of organism a cytogram was. The correct answer was "female fruit fly", and one person in my class answered "female fruit fly". The biology teacher held a meeting to study n for a long time and decided to give points.
9. When I was in high school, I also filled in poems and sentences. The last sentence is: "Luoyang relatives and friends are like asking each other"; One of my classmates filled in: "Just say I'm in Yueyang Tower".
1. In a Chinese exam in senior high school, the following sentence was also filled in: "The mayfly shakes the tree, ()". One of my classmates wrote: Not moving. It is in line with the facts.
11. In high school, in the biology exam, Q: What is the digestive type of chicken? I won't. A: Chicken type! As a result, the teacher criticized the class by name!
12. The last sentence is: "Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse", but the students couldn't hold back for a long time, so they scribbled: "Climb the tortoise by the East Village"!
13, high school Chinese exam, write the next sentence of ancient poetry. The last sentence is: "When the mountain flowers bloom", one person in our class actually filled in: I will try my best to pick the flowers.
14. When I was in junior high school, I took a Chinese exam and asked the name of Mr. Lao She's famous works. A classmate couldn't remember, so I told him: teahouse. As a result, that person heard: teapot lid. Be scolded by the teacher!
17. There is another math exam, and the last big question is to judge which one is correct by two solutions. I thought about it for a long time, but I didn't come up with it. By the way, I mentioned a few words: Fair is fair! The old woman says that the old woman is right! Look, it doesn't matter! It makes sense to think about it … As a result, my math teacher read my solution through all four classes she taught in the whole grade, and I became famous!
18. Mao Zedong's "Yongmei" is being taught in Chinese class in senior high school, and self-study in the morning requires memorization. The teacher ordered someone to answer: "-she laughed in the bushes, and XX answered!" " XX was eating, and he couldn't speak for a long time, but he said, "Laugh and don't make any noise!" The whole class laughed!
2. Write the following sentence in the exam: "I was born to be useful". A gifted student replied, "the mouse son can make holes." Our Chinese teachers in the whole office collectively laughed without image!
21、 HOW ARE YOU？ Why are you? HOW OLD ARE YOU？ Why is it always you?
22. A student from China witnessed a traffic accident in California, USA. Because of curiosity, he never left. When the police came, he asked him if he knew what had happened. He said ：one car come one car go，two car peng peng， one car die。
One day Xiaoqiang went to see a movie. When he arrived at the movie ticket office, he found that a foreigner and the ticket seller were even better than each other for a long time, so he volunteered to be an interpreter. The ticket seller said, Please tell her that there are only standing tickets left after the tickets are sold out. If you want to see them, you have to stand and watch them. Xiaoqiang turned his head and said to the foreigner: No Sit see,Stand see. If see, stand see. The foreigner replied: Sorry I don't understand your English. Xiaoqiang said to the ticket lady: Oh, he said he didn't understand English.
The white rabbit raped the wolf while she was sleeping. When the wolf chased him out, the little white rabbit quickly rolled on the ground and turned himself into a gray rabbit. He took a copy of Southern Metropolis Daily and pretended to read the newspaper. At this time, the wolf chased him here and stopped to ask, "Gray rabbit, have you seen a little white rabbit passing by?" The little white rabbit replied, "Is it the rabbit that raped the wolf?" The wolf said, "Shit, it took so long to report it?"
a snake touched another snake and asked his brother, are we poisonous? The other snake said, I don't know. Why do you ask this? The snake said that I accidentally bit my tongue ...
What should I do if I catch mosquitoes alive in summer? 1. Of course you have to raise him. 2. Send him to school. 3. Buy him a house. 4. Help him marry his wife. 5. Look after his children. What else can you do? After all, it's your blood.
39 Xiaoming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher: There are many ants in the toilet. The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming: What do ants say? Xiao Ming looked blank ... and said, Ant didn't say anything ... < P > 9 One day, eggplant was walking in the street and suddenly sneezed a lot. It wiped its nose and said angrily, "It's taking a group photo again!"
Classic dialogue:
My seven-year-old niece insisted on taking a bath with me and said, "Aunt, why are your breasts so small?" I sweat "which is small, how small? ！” My little niece gave me a pitiful look and comforted me: "Nothing, mine is also very small ..." < P > 4. She likes a child in a small class so much that she has been teasing him and asking him, "What's your mother's name?" He finally spat out xxx's name. "So, what's your father's name?" I saw him happily say two words: "Husband! ！”
9 The fish said, "I always open my eyes in order to leave by your side." The water said, "I flow tirelessly all day long to hug you around." The pot said, "It's so stubborn when you're almost fucking ripe."
An American, a Japanese and a China were exploring the jungle, but all of them were captured by the cannibal tribe. But the tribal chieftain said, "I'm in a good mood today, but you all have to get a hundred boards, but you can have a wish come true before you get a board." The first person to get hit by the board was an American. He said, "Give me 1 cushions on my ass before getting hit by the board." The mat board rained down on the previous 7 boards, and then the cushion was smashed, and then the board saw blood ... After the fight, the United States always left with its ass touched. After seeing it, the Japanese also asked for 1 mattresses, 1, 2, 3 ... 1. After the fight, the Japanese got up, patted their ass and boasted about their imitation ability and re-creation ability with a smelly mouth. And I want to sit and watch the Chinese people's drama. China people slowly lie down and say, "Come and put the Japanese on my mat, face up" ...
Americans, British, China and Japanese discuss their own military together.
The Japanese say, "We advocate Bushido and are not afraid of sacrifice. I dare to let you compete in marksmanship with an apple on your head. "Yu
he put an apple on his head.
The American turned and walked backwards for 2 steps, and then turned around and shot it. The apple was smashed. He proudly said," I am hunter. "
The Japanese put another apple on his head.
The apple was smashed, and he proudly said:
"I am Boon (Bond)."
The Japanese put a small apple on his head.
The China turned around and took three steps backwards, and then turned around with a gun, and his head was smashed. He proudly said:
"I am sorry.