Allen frome, the author of The Ability to Love, likes to emphasize "love yourself". You may have a social "disease", a disease that is not cured by an injection. You are likely to be infected with the virus of self-contempt, and the only cure is to take "self-love pills" in large doses. However, like many other people in society, you may have always thought that it is wrong to love yourself since childhood. Society tells us to think of others; The church tells us to love your neighbor. It seems that everyone has forgotten "love yourself".

since childhood, people have told you that loving yourself-although it was quite natural for you at that time-is tantamount to selfishness and pride. You learn to put yourself before others and think about others, because this shows you are a "good" person. You learn to bury yourself, and you are often educated to "give your things to your sister". It doesn't matter whether these things are your books or precious toys. Although mom or dad may not share their adult things with others. You may even be warned that you should "sit there and make no noise" or "you should behave yourself".

children naturally think they are beautiful and important. But when they reach their teens, social education will take root in their minds. Everyone has a self-denial attitude, which is getting worse with the passage of time. After all, you can't always love yourself, otherwise, what others will think of you!

Of course, these subtle hints of social information are not malicious in themselves, but they do bind personal consciousness. From parents, brothers and sisters, schools, churches and friends, children have learned these high-sounding social etiquette-social etiquette unique to adults. Children never pay attention to these manners with each other except to please adults. Look at these etiquette: adults should stand up when they come in; Ask an adult for permission before leaving the table; Tolerate others to wring their faces and pat their heads endlessly ... The message is obvious: adults are important, children are nothing; Others are important, and oneself are insignificant. In this way, the first consequence is "don't trust your own judgment", and then there are many consequences that come with "politeness". These so-called "politeness" rules and regulations are one of the reasons why you determine your self-awareness and reduce your self-worth according to other people's evaluations. Not surprisingly, these definitions of self-doubt and self-abandonment will continue into adulthood.

Lack of self-confidence is often the main reason for weak personality and unsuccessful career.

There is an American doctor who is famous for his facial plastic surgery. He created many miracles and transformed many ugly people into beautiful people through plastic surgery. He found that some people who underwent surgery, although the plastic surgery was very successful, still complained to him, saying that they were still not beautiful after the operation, saying that the operation had no effect, and they felt that their appearance was still the same.

So, doctors realized that beauty and ugliness do not lie in a person's original appearance, but in how he views himself.

If a person thinks he is beautiful, he will really become beautiful. If he always mutters in his heart that he must be ugly, he will really become sharp-tongued, dumbfounded and give birth to a stupid face.

If a person feels ashamed of himself, he won't become a beauty. Similarly, if he doesn't feel smart, he won't become a smart person. He doesn't feel kind-even if he feels this way vaguely in his heart, he can't be a kind person.

many people think that confidence is innate and unchangeable. Actually, it's not. Children who are loved in childhood feel that they are kind and intelligent at an early age, so they are loved by others. So he tried his best to make his behavior worthy of the name and make himself a confident person. And what about those spoiled children? People always scold them: "You are a fool, a loser, a slacker, and an idle thing!" " So they really developed these bad qualities, because people's character basically depends on self-confidence. Each of us has our own standards in mind, and we often compare our actions with this standard and guide our actions accordingly. Therefore, if we want to make someone better, we should criticize him less, help him improve his self-confidence and correct his standard of life. If we want to reform ourselves and cultivate ourselves in some way, we should first change our views on ourselves. Otherwise, all our efforts to reform ourselves will come to nothing.