A guide for women to avoid pitfalls when chasing men
1. You must understand what you are doing
Girls are no less aggressive than boys - love him , you will inevitably want to chat with him awkwardly, even if the conversation involves the scene of car accidents several times, you will not give up easily. When I got those chat records, I couldn't help but laugh and cry, and I often asked the girls, "Why do you want to chat with him, and what is the purpose of chatting?"
The girls were basically stunned, and then hesitated. She said, "Well, I can't help it. I think this can bring us closer to each other. Let's give it a sense of presence or something."
A dumbfounding answer. Obviously, she was also confused about what I was doing. , "Did the relationship get closer as you expected?"
Why are some people able to win over their male idols while chatting, while others push their male idols further and further away? , the answer is that there is a strong correlation between (chat effect) and (chat purpose)
As an important project in an intimate relationship, (chat) must be carried out with two (basic purposes). . Provide emotional value + express yourself.
Only by doing at least one of the two can the real role of chatting in intimate relationships be realized. I’m sure you’ve all been chased by boys you’re not very interested in, and you’ve all experienced bad chats—remember how that boy made you lose all interest in him through just one chat?
It’s very simple. He chose a topic that didn’t interest you at all. You weren’t even very interested in chatting, but you finally started chatting. After a while, his response was also... Doesn't make you feel like you're being listened to. Occasionally, his response will leave you speechless. Your direct feeling is that he doesn’t understand girls at all, let alone you. What’s worse is that he may suddenly start talking about himself - then it is you who responds to him. .
After you reluctantly responded out of politeness, he not only stopped before he was satisfied, but continued to chat with you, and then continued the topic that you were not interested in, and still responded with a response that could not arouse your desire to communicate. , and even talked about it again, secretly asking for care, comfort and even approval from you. Isn’t it funny?
Not only do you (the pursued person) get little emotional value, you also have to work hard to provide emotional value to this (boy who is not interested at all). After chatting about the car accident above, you are tired and annoyed, and you feel that this person has low emotional intelligence and is probably boring to be with. You even vaguely felt that his conditions were not very good from his lack of confidence, so you gave him a pass in your heart, right?
Have you ever felt the core of a failed chat like this? It's very simple, because he didn't realize that his basic obligation as (the initiator of the relationship) in chatting is to speak human words.
1. I only knew that I wanted to chat with you, but I never thought about providing emotional value to you (providing high-quality listening and making a satisfactory response to you).
2. Not only does it not provide it, but it also asks for emotional value from you (asking for your response and cooperation).
3. Didn’t show any advantages (you didn’t see anything good about him).
4. He also exposed his emotional intelligence disadvantage (through these operations, he makes you feel that he is an unattractive rookie, making you unable to ignite the desire to fall in love with this person. After a chat like this, you A peacock that is unlikely to like him will first open its tail when courting to show off its strength and charm, and then perform a dance to please the female peacock it likes, instead of chasing the female peacock directly to ask for companionship and sexual mating. Humans As a higher-level creature, it is not funny to make such a low-level mistake when courting.
Chatting for the sake of chatting is a taboo that many girls make. Chatting must provide emotional value. Express your true interest in his personality and heart.
Show your positive personality, good listening skills and emotional abilities instead of showing your feelings of anxiety and unworthiness in intimate relationships. and desire - a pair of black holes that only hold back. You have no interest, only fear and wanting to escape. Not only when chatting, but also when doing other things, you must also clarify the effect that the event itself should have in an intimate relationship. —That’s your purpose.
For example, don’t give a gift that makes him feel like he is being preyed upon by a girl, but make him think that you really want to be good to him. It’s not about [coming and going] or other unknown rewards. Don’t go out on a date to sit and cook together or pass the time. As a slightly complicated project, dating can not only show your personality and cultivate the relationship between the two of you. Intimacy.
Si Shi also has to pursue the male idol with the purpose of examining the other person. The most important thing is to understand (what I am doing) and (why I am doing this) only by instinct. It will make the originally simple and beautiful pursuit become more and more difficult, and the more you go, the more mistakes you make. Just like chatting, many girls have not even thought about the purpose of chatting, and just rely on instinct and intuition to chat with him. In the end, Naturally, the more we talk, the worse it gets.
2. Build your own personality. You all know that celebrities have their own personalities. Let’s not talk about it, let’s talk about the former Hua Chenyu (now his house is collapsed). ), what kind of persona was he, a Martian, cute, lonely, and a musical genius.
What is this character at the same time? It is his memory point and attractive point. How did Qian Baba’s character become three-dimensional and real and gain the support of countless people? It is actually a variety of materials. To support the shaping in all aspects, the celebrities' responses during interviews, the materials released by the studio, the "candid photos" leaked by the station sisters, the celebrities' response to specific incidents, etc., rely on these, the celebrities have built a A sufficiently rich, three-dimensional and attractive self.
Take the interview session as an example. Artists basically acquiesce that the words they say will inevitably affect their fans’ opinions of them - if they strengthen correction, update, subversion, and collapse the house, in short, it will definitely have an impact, so business capabilities A good idol is basically careful about what he says - after all, saying the wrong thing can ruin his character.
Unfortunately, most girls only care about being in the hands of their idols, but have not learned the essence of the business. Celebrities are a group who regard building personal charm as a career. People, their efforts in this aspect are also quite effective, so if you want to become a charm radiator, it is always right to follow the stars and learn from them. In recent years, one thing they care about very much is the construction of their personality. Maintenance and updates.
Think about it first, I hope he can discover some good qualities in me, and then show and consolidate this person through the language style during chatting, the dynamics of social platforms, the image and words and deeds in daily life, etc. Assume that the operation idea is very simple, but the specific operation will be difficult.
Of course, for every novice in love, if you have this awareness first, you can avoid nearly half of the inappropriateness and embarrassment. At the same time, there is no need to doubt the feasibility of this method. Celebrities with good business ability are all masters in this area, while celebrities with poor ability in this area are basically confused.
3. Don’t act beyond the stage
That is, go beyond the current stage of intimacy to get along with the other party, or even make demands on the other party. The typical (acting beyond the stage) is (questioning, Complaining about why he doesn’t reply to messages). A more rigorous and practical formulation would be (the requirement for him to respond). First of all, it must be clear that only when your relationship with him has reached the stage where he is by default obliged to take the initiative to maintain your relationship with him, this kind of questioning and complaining is worthy of appearing.
For example, if he is your suitor, or he is your boyfriend, then it is okay for you to ask this kind of question. After all, your relationship is at a stage where such questioning is allowed - he There is an obligation to reply to your messages, and when you, as a suitor, make such inquiries and complaints, you are overstepping your bounds.
Of course, you can say that he is rude for not replying to the message, or you can say that asking him like this is excusable, but it is undeniable that acting beyond the level only shows that he does not know the rules and loves business. There is no benefit except being low - it cannot even arouse the other party's sense of guilt. Before doing anything, you should check what stage both parties are at. Before making demands, making complaints or even questioning, you should also think about whether he is really obligated to do it. Meet your requirements - it's not like he likes us.