The first stage: you are you, I am me.
The acquaintance of two people is an accidental probability event, which comes from different families, different educational backgrounds, different personality characteristics, different hobbies and even different countries. Both sides have very obvious personality colors. For example, girls usually have a little pride, while boys also have a little male chauvinism.
When they first met, they seemed to be separated by a veil, a little mysterious, a little hazy, and a little excited and expecting. They think what they see in front of them is what they imagine. In order to leave a good impression on each other, they will not easily show all of themselves, especially their shortcomings.
Because I am in the stage of emotional investigation, I want to swear sovereignty and tame each other. After getting a little satisfaction, I am eager to do my best. It is not enough to just consider each other's feelings, refuse to compromise, refuse to yield, and emphasize autonomy, freedom and self.
The second stage: you have me and I have you.
After a period of getting along, from strangeness to familiarity to the feeling of love, feelings have accumulated from qualitative change to quantitative change, and the brain secretes enough dopamine. People who taste the sweetness of love for the first time are attracted by the opposite sex to become plastic surgeons, making a person shine from the inside out, smirking at the mobile phone and looking forward to meeting each other. The world has changed from one person to two people or from many people to two people.
Like giant babies, two people care about each other and keep warm. Careless boys will remember girls' birthdays, periods and preferences. Usually independent girls will lose their self-care ability and can't unscrew the bottle cap of mineral water. They don't emphasize personality as they did when they first met. They have stars in their eyes and each other in their hearts and are willing to pay for each other. In order to be together, they even made compromises and concessions, emphasizing seriousness, care and need.
The third stage: you are not me, and I am not you.
The novelty of love comes and goes quickly, but people are still imperfect. World champions, like ordinary people, burp, shit and fart when eating, tear off the veil in the middle and expose the fox's tail. The goddess they worship on weekdays is also very shocking. When two people get along for a long time, the shortcomings in their personal lives will be exposed. For example, if a girl is suspicious, she will think you are chatting outside when you answer the phone. If you speak loudly, she will think you are yelling at her and stop loving her.
For example, boys are impatient and wipe their faces half an hour late for an appointment. These small details may seem trivial, but a single spark can start a prairie fire. Once people are critical, you do wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. This kind of mood swings will make you exhausted. At this time, feelings will send out dangerous signals, and contradictions will not break out in silence, but will perish in silence.
The fourth stage: you are not you, I am not me.
When we can calmly understand contradictions and solve problems, it means that we have passed the emotional crisis. Many couples start from the face value, fall in love with talent, and finally die in the details. When encountering problems, they use cold violence, do not take the initiative, do not strive for solutions, and are used to directing problems to each other instead of self-reflection. Solvable problems and redeemable feelings have been dragged into an unsolved death problem.
The two gears are not suitable at first, so they need to run in. The more grinding, the more suitable it is, and the more comfortable it is. At this time, the two did not simply give in when they met at the beginning, but on the basis of their rational thinking, they had a brand-new understanding of the problem and made the right decision. We are no longer the original you and me, but a state of calmness and enthusiasm, passion and reason, and more tolerance and understanding.