Before Roosevelt became president of the United States, he served in the Admiralty. One day, a friend asked about the navy's secret plan to build a base on an island in the Atlantic Ocean. Roosevelt deliberately looked around and then asked in a low voice, "Can you keep a secret?" "Of course." "Well," Roosevelt said with a smile, "so can I."

There's one more to go.

At a meeting to formulate the US Constitution, a member of Congress said, "There should be a provision in the Constitution that the number of regular troops should not exceed 5,000 at any time." Washington said quietly, "This gentleman's suggestion is really good. But I think there must be another one: the number of foreign troops invading the United States at any time must not exceed 3,000. "

Never see it again.

As a young man, Lincoln joined the militia in St. Mon, Illinois. The commander in the world is a short man, only a little over four feet tall, while Lincoln is very tall, far exceeding the commander. Lincoln used to walk with his head down and his back bent because he thought he was very tall. I was angry when I saw his hunched posture in class, so I called him in and scolded him. "Listen, Abreu," shouted in the street, "Hold your head high, this guy!" "Yes, sir." Lincoln replied respectfully. "I have to raise it a little." It says. "Do you want me to be this child forever?" Lincoln asked. "Of course, this guy, do you still need to ask?" It's on fire. "I'm sorry, yes," Lincoln said sadly. "Then I have to say goodbye, because I will never see you again!"

Praise the beard

An aristocratic lady proudly said to the French writer Mo Bosang, "Our novels are nothing, but to tell the truth, our beards are very beautiful. Why do you want to grow such a big beard? " Mo Bosang replied lightly: "At least I can give some compliments to those who know nothing about literature."

Shake your head.

When the British Parliament was in session, a member of Parliament saw Churchill shaking his head at the table to express his disapproval. The congressman said, "I remind you that I am just expressing my views." Then Churchill stood up and said, "I also remind Mr. Instrument that I was just shaking my own head."

This is all wrong.

Whitman is a famous lawyer, graduated from Harvard University and was elected as a state legislator. Once he wore farmer's clothes to a hotel in Boston, and was seen by a group of ladies and gentlemen in the hall, trying to tease him. Wittmann said to them, "Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to wish you happiness and health. In this advancing era, can't people with difficulties become more educated and smarter? When you look at me only from my clothes, you can't help but look at the wrong person. For the same reason, I think you are gentlemen and ladies. It seems that we are all wrong. "

A better record

Once, a reporter asked President Taft what his exact weight was. "I won't say." Taft replied in a thunderous voice, "But you know, someone asked Speaker Reid, and he replied that a truly educated person should not weigh more than 200 pounds. But I set a new record and reached 300 pounds. "

The president's clothes

Thomas Jefferson, the third president of the United States, always regarded himself as a member of ordinary people. When he was president, he rode alone to the suburbs of Washington every afternoon to get in touch with the people. One day Jefferson met a man from Connecticut. Seeing Jefferson riding a burly horse and wearing ordinary clothes, the man thought he was a horse dealer and talked to him. When he spoke, he talked about the new president. The other party said, "Jefferson spent a lot of money." He wears a ring on each finger. After selling his clothes, you can buy two watches outside a plantation with the money you get back. Jefferson smiled and said, "The clothes the president usually wears are not beautiful! If you don't believe me, I will accompany him to see him. When they arrived at the White House Hall by bus, the servant quickly greeted Jefferson: "Mr. President!" " "The fellow travelers were shocked.

It's time to face the war

One night, Washington was chatting with a guest sitting by the fireplace. The fireplace behind him burned too brightly. Washington thought it was too hot, so he turned to face the fireplace and sat down. A guest here joked, "My general, you should boycott the war. How can you be afraid of war? " Washington smiled and replied, "You are wrong. As a general, I should rise to the challenge. If I put my back to the fire, wouldn't it be that the defeated soldiers fled when they got cold feet? "

Make way for fools.

One day, Goethe, a great German poet, was walking in the park and happened to meet a critic who opposed him on a narrow road. The arrogant critic said to Goethe, "You know, I never give way to fools." The witty Goethe replied, "But I am just the opposite." After that, step aside and let the critics pass.

I think they will dye it.

Lincoln hates people who come to the White House to ask for part-time jobs. One day, Lincoln was unwell, but a guy stayed with Lincoln, ready to sit down and talk about death. Just then, the president's doctor came into the room. Lincoln winked at the doctor and held out his hands to him. He asked, "Doctor, what is the spot on my hand? I'm covered in it. I think they will dye it? " "Yes, it's easy to dye." The doctor said. Hearing this, the young man immediately stood up and said, "Well, I can't stay any longer." Mr. Lincoln, I'm fine. I just came to see. After the guy left, Lincoln laughed his head off in the room.

Patience 15 minutes

Lincoln's wife, mary todd lincoln, became more and more grumpy after she became the president's wife. Not only is she extravagant, but she often shows great anger at people. On the one hand, she scolded the tailor who made clothes for asking too much, on the other hand, she denounced the butcher shop and grocery store for asking too much. A businessman who was fed up with Mary's torture complained to Lincoln. Lincoln put his arms around his shoulders, listened carefully to the businessman's complaint with a wry smile, and finally said helplessly to the businessman, "Mr. Sheng, I was tortured by her for 15 years, and I will bear it for 15 minutes."

Have a way of being opposed by others.

A poet's work was ignored and turned to the British writer Wilde: "What a pity! I can't believe I used silence to hide their abilities. Mr. Wilde, what shall I do with them? " "Deal with a man as he deals with you." Wilde answered softly.

Just choose one.

Someone went to the White House to visit theodore roosevelt, the 26th president. Alice, Ross's youngest daughter, jumped around the office and interrupted their conversation from time to time. The man complained, "Mr. President, can't you even control Alice?" Roosevelt said helplessly, "I can only do one of two things well." Be a good president of the United States; Either, take care of Alice. Since we have chosen the former, we can help the latter. "

Only give 20 minutes.

19 10, after theodore roosevelt retired, he attended the funeral of King Edward VII of England as the special envoy of william taft, and arranged a meeting with the German emperor after the funeral. The Kaiser proudly said to Roosevelt, "Come to me at two o'clock, and I can only give you 45 minutes." Roosevelt replied, "I will arrive at 2 o'clock, but I'm sorry, your majesty, I can only give you 20 minutes."

Humorous wife

1948 Dewey and Truman run for president of the United States. Dewey is far ahead in the opinion polls and is sure to win. When he was ready to congratulate his wife, he asked her, "How do you feel about sleeping in a bed with the President of the United States?" The wife replied, "I'm honored. I can't wait. " Unexpectedly, Dewey lost the election. The wife said, "Excuse me, shall I go to Washington or Truman come here?"

Kant's surprise

An acquaintance was saying goodbye to a woman when Kant asked him, "Is this your unmarried wife?" "yes." The acquaintance replied, "Are you surprised by my choice?" Kant smiled and said, "No, what surprised me was her choice."

"Who can test me?"

Someone asked Gertrude, an American university expert, why he never got a doctorate. He replied, "Who can test me? Dear sir! "

Settle accounts

When Coolidge first took office as president, the official in charge of the White House showed him around the White House. Pointing to a charred girder, the official said that it was burned by the British army during the 18 12 war. It is suggested to replace it as soon as possible. Coolidge thought for a moment and said, "OK, but don't forget to give the bill to the king."

Have a reciprocal relationship

In order to celebrate the performance of a new play, Bernard Shaw sent a telegram inviting Churchill to the theatre: "The number of tickets for today's play is reserved for you. Please come and advise, and you are welcome to bring your friends, if any. " Churchill immediately replied, "I can't take part in the first performance, but I'm going to take part in the second performance if my script can be performed twice."

Mei Wen

A friend asked Dumas, "I have worked hard for one day, but how can I still have spirit the next day?" Dumas said, "I didn't write hard." I don't write novels, but novels create themselves in my heart. ""What was that? " "I

Dad is married.

Freud once said to his eldest daughter, "I feel that I have been worried about one thing for two years, thinking that I am not beautiful enough to find a husband." I didn't take this seriously. In my eyes, it is beautiful. His daughter smiled and replied, "You can't marry me, Dad." I'm married. "

Ask madam

Faraday was the founder of modern magnetism, but before the invention of electric light, motor and telephone, many people doubted the usefulness of electricity. A woman sarcastically said after Faraday's speech, "Professor, what's the use of these things?" Ferretti said humorously, "Madam, what's the use of predicting a newborn child?"

Answer all questions

At a banquet, the British scientist Darwin happened to sit with a beautiful lady. The lady said jokingly, "Mr Darwin, have you ever heard that humans are monkeys? I am one of them." Darwin replied politely, "Of course! However, it is not an ordinary monkey, but a very charming monkey. "

Compare people with birds.

Musician sibelius and a critic were walking in the park when birds were singing in the branches. The critic said, "They are the most talented musicians in the world." Soon a crow flew in, and sibelius said, "It is the best critic."

Laugh at me.

French celebrity Bogart ridiculed the short history of Americans, saying that "Americans often miss their ancestors when they are free, but when they think of their grandparents, they can't help but stop." Mark Twain retaliated by saying, "When the French are free, they always want to find out who their father is, but it is difficult to find out."

The way you comb your hair.

President dwight eisenhower is bald. His finance minister, George Humphrey, is also bald. When they first met, Eisenhower shook hands with him and said, "George, I noticed that I combed my hair in exactly the same way as I did." Later, Humphrey often said that he would never forget Eisenhower's easy-going and approachable style.

Relieve indoor embarrassment

When President Lee spoke at the White House piano concert, his wife Nancy accidentally dropped her chair on the carpet under the stage. The audience screamed. But Nancy got up flexibly and returned to her place with warm applause from more than 200 guests. At this time, a sentence was inserted in the room: "Dear, I told you that I should only perform when I didn't get applause."

Return a compliment/gift

During World War II, Goering, one of the German fascist leaders, asked a Swiss officer, "How many people can you beat?" "500,000." "What will we do if I send millions of troops into our country?" "Then let's shoot twice each."

keep secret

The reporter asked Kisin about missiles and submarines. Kisin shrugged and said, "My pain is that I know the number, but I don't know whether to keep it secret." The reporter immediately said: "Not confidential." Keesin asked, "Isn't it confidential? How much is it? " The reporter had to "hey hey" a smile.

Ambition in the book

John Kerry is the oldest president in American history. He cleverly countered his opponent's attacks on his age many times. After he announced that he had Alzheimer's disease, he suddenly appeared at a rally held by the party and said, "I'm afraid I can't run for president of 1996 at present, but this doesn't rule out the possibility of running for president in 2000." At this time, the whole audience stood up and even his old enemy applauded.

May peace last forever.

In June, American President John F. Kennedy met with Soviet leader Khrushchev in Vienna. At a luncheon, Kennedy noticed that Khrushchev had two medals hanging on his chest and asked him what they were. Khrushchev told Kennedy, "That's Lenin's Peace Medal." Kennedy said humorously, "I wish I could wear it forever!" " "

laugh at oneself

Franklin wanted to do an experiment: electrocute a turkey. Unexpectedly, after turning on the power supply, the current passed through his body and knocked him unconscious. After waking up, Franklin said, "Boy, I tried to kill a turkey, but I almost electrocuted a fool."

A cry of joy

Lyndon johnson, the 36th president of the United States, likes to play with small animals. Once, in front of the photographer's camera, he grabbed his beagle's ear and picked it up until the puppy screamed. He also said, "I like to hear them bark." After the incident was known by the National Association of Animal Lovers, they marched in protest and accused Johnson of cruelty to animals. Johnson had to set the record straight in public. He cleverly explained, "I bet the dog's bark is not a painful bark, but a joyful bark."

Beautify language

Former US President Truman always said "hell" and "fuck" unconsciously when he spoke in public. It is said that a well-known woman in the Democratic Party once asked Mrs Truman to persuade her husband to keep his voice down, because she had just heard drummond accuse a politician of being "like horse manure". Mrs. Truman was not surprised when she heard this. "I don't know, it took me many years to beautify his language to this extent."

accompany

1962, the Kennedys visited France. Jacqueline (Mrs. Kennedy) can speak fluent French, and both the French people and President Charles de Gaulle have a good impression on her. On his last day in Paris, Kennedy told reporters at the press conference held at the Xiale Palace: "I don't think it is appropriate to introduce myself here. I am a person who accompanied Jacqueline Kennedy to Paris, and I feel very honored for this. "

This is also a speech.

The Wright brothers, American airplane inventors, are good brothers who are good at thinking and studying hard, but they are the least sociable. He is my brother. What they hate most is speech. Once at a banquet, after three rounds of drinking, the host invited Big Wright to give a speech. "This must be a mistake!" Aidit in the Great Wright period said, "Speaking is my brother's responsibility." The host turned to Little Wright. So Wright-Phillips stood up and said, "Thank you, my brother just gave a speech."

The biggest discovery

David, a British chemist, was the husband of Faraday, a great scientist. He supported Faraday's discovery and offered help. Of course, he himself has also made three important scientific achievements-separating alkali metals from alkaline earth metals by electrolysis, determining that chlorine is in elemental state and inventing safety lamps. But when people praised his discovery, he said, "No! Don't! The biggest discovery in my life is Faraday. "

It is too late.

In an article, the humorous writer Banchley modestly said that it took him 15 years to discover that he had no writing ability. So, a reader wrote: "It's not too late to change careers now." Bankley wrote back and said, "honey, it's too late." I have given up writing because I am so famous. "

Sign with your legs?

An American writer once went to a magazine to collect the manuscript fee. His article was published, and the manuscript fee should have been paid long ago. But the cashier said to him, "sorry, sir." The check has been written, but the manager hasn't signed it yet, so he can't get the money. ""why didn't he sign the money he should have paid long ago? "The author is a little impatient." He hurt his foot and is lying in bed. ""ah! I really hope his leg will get better soon. Because I want to see which leg he signed with! "

Make another bed.

Mark Twain likes reading or writing in bed. One morning, a reporter visited him and asked him. Mark Twain asked his wife to invite the man to his bedroom, but her wife objected, "Shouldn't you get up?" What's it like to lie in bed and make people stand? "He thought for a moment, and then agreed," I didn't think of that. You'd better ask the servant to make another bed! " "

lie about one's age

A 60-year-old rich bachelor fell in love with a much younger woman. He went to consult Voltaire, a French satirist. "I want to marry her, but I'm afraid telling her my real age will disappoint her and refuse to marry me. So I want to tell her that I am only 50 years old ... ""That can't be done! " Voltaire replied, "I should tell her that she is 70 years old."

Reporter Chunqiu

Lazareff, editor-in-chief of the Paris Evening News, once told a group of college students about his experience: "A reporter spends the first half of his life reporting things that they can't understand, and the second half hiding facts that he knows too well."

experimentalism

Anne, a writer who has published two novels, is arguing with Mike who likes literature. Annie finally couldn't help but say angrily, "No, Mike, Ben doesn't know what a novel is." Because I haven't written a novel. ""That's not true, "Mike said." This argument is really poor empiricism. Think about it. I have never laid an egg, but I know the taste of an omelet better than a hen. "

relationship by blood

Chester Lanning, a Canadian diplomat, was attacked by his political opponents when he was running for the provincial council, saying that he must be Chinese. Lang Ning retorted: "Children grew up drinking milk, and there must be cow blood on them!" "

descend

Gershwin, an American composer, is a very humble man. He is famous far and near, but he still wants to learn composition from Verdi, an Italian composer and author of La Traviata. He traveled across the ocean to visit Verdi in Europe. After seeing Gershwin, Verdi humbly declined, saying, "It's already a first-class Gershwin. Why become a second-rate Verdi? "

Columbus's wonderful metaphor

After Columbus discovered the New World, people held a banquet in his honor. Some nobles attending the banquet thought that his discovery of the new continent was entirely accidental. Columbus took out an egg and said, "Gentlemen, who can stand this egg on the table?" Noble Zuo Li was right, but he couldn't stand up, so he had to ask Columbus. Columbus picked up the egg and knocked it on the table. The egg did not move. The nobles were unconvinced and said that we would support them. Columbus smiled and said, "The problem is that none of us smart people thought of doing this before me."

forget

Suradi was asked, "Mr. Suradi, have you ever heard of ..." "Wait a minute, friend," the philosopher interrupted him at once. "Are you sure everything you want to tell me is true?" "It's not like that. I just heard it. " "So, then don't tell me, unless it is a good thing. Is this a good thing? " "On the contrary!" "Oh, then maybe I need to know, so it won't hurt anyone." "Well, that's not ..." "Well, all right!" Finally, Suradi said, "Forget it! There are so many valuable things in life that we have no time to pay attention to those things that are neither true nor beautiful nor necessary to know. "

belong to

One day, a great American painter Wesley and a friend went to London to visit a millionaire. As soon as I walked into the gorgeous living room, I found a picture he painted hanging on the wall, which was his work many years ago. He looked at it and felt very dissatisfied, so he took out his brush and paint and modified it with a quick pen. "What the hell is this?" The host was shocked and said, "Who dares to scribble on my painting!" " ""that painting? " Siler calmly replied, "Do you think you can make it after paying the money? "

Under four kinds of rewards

British Prime Minister Churchill was anxious to go to the House of Commons for a meeting. He called a taxi. When the bus arrived at its destination, he got off and said to the driver, "I'll stay here for about an hour." Wait for me. " "No," the driver firmly refused. "I'm going home so that I can hear Churchill's speech on the radio." When the Prime Minister heard this, he was greatly surprised, so he paid the fare according to the price and rewarded him with a considerable tip. The driver looked at the unexpected income and soon changed his mind. He said to the passenger, "I've thought about it, so I'd better wait here and send it back." Fuck Churchill! "

The gardener's story

An American woman visited Paris. One day, she saw an old man watering the garden of a villa. His earnest attitude made the American like him very much. She thought, the French are really first-class gardeners, and it is difficult for the United States to choose one. Now that we have met, why not take one back to China? So she went up to the old man and asked him if he would like to go to America to be her gardener. She can give him a high salary and pay for his travel. I also boasted about America for a while, as if there was gold everywhere, and foreigners could make a fortune there. "Madam," the old man replied, "unfortunately, I have another job and I can't leave Paris for the time being." "All out. Well, I'll make it up to you. What sideline do you run besides gardeners? Is it raising chickens? " "No," said the old man, "I hope they won't choose me next time so that I can accept the job." "What do you choose to do?" "Choose me as president." "This is ..." "I'm Li, the headmaster."

copy

Once, Hollywood held a birthday party for Charlie Chaplin, a film performance artist. Before the end of the banquet, Chaplin sang an episode of Italian opera in a lyrical high voice. A friend here exclaimed, "Charlie, we have been together for many years. I didn't expect us to sing so well!" " Chaplin replied, "I can't sing. This is just imitating the character Enrico Caruso in the play!