A wise man once said: "Treat yourself as others and treat others as yourself; treat others as others and treat yourself as yourself." This sentence tells people to learn to think in other people's shoes. Confucius said: "Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you." If you don’t put yourself in someone else’s shoes, what awaits you is most likely failure, pain, frustration or tears, or even a bottomless abyss; if you put yourself in someone else’s shoes, what awaits you is most likely victory, ease, hope, smile, Support, or supreme glory. It is not an exaggeration to say that the difference between heaven and earth, the difference between life and death, the cause of superiority and inferiority, the cause of good and bad, may just depend on whether the position is changed or not.
Adolescents have such a psychological characteristic in interpersonal communication: on the one hand, they are eager to be understood by others, but at the same time they rarely take the initiative to understand others. When dealing with teachers, this psychological characteristic is manifested Especially prominent. In interpersonal communication, you must learn to think from other people's perspective, not just look at or measure others from your own perspective, but actively think from other people's perspective. This will reduce conflicts and frictions and form good interpersonal relationships.
The essence of empathy is to think what others think and understand first. Understanding is indispensable between people. Understanding is a deeper understanding of tolerance and a kind of tolerance. We all have times when we are "offended" or "misunderstood". If you are upset about this, then there will be "knots" in your heart that cannot be solved; but if you can stand in the other person's position and feel the other person's feelings , perhaps it would be easy to reach an understanding. In life, generally as long as it does not involve issues of principle, it is understandable.
Small case 1
A dog accidentally broke into a room with mirrors on all four walls. Suddenly, he saw so many dogs appearing in the room. Shocked. So, he bared his teeth at these dogs and let out bursts of aggressive growls from his throat. The dogs also showed their teeth and claws at it, and they all had roaring faces. The dog was frightened when he saw it, so it kept barking and tried to escape. Unexpectedly, as soon as it ran away, the dogs chased after it. It had no choice but to keep running around the house until it was exhausted and fell to the ground dead.
It can be seen that self-centered consciousness cannot survive. If the dog could put itself in their shoes, it would wag its tail at those "dogs" first, and the consequences would be completely different.
Small case 2
In interpersonal communication, sometimes there are many misunderstandings or conflicts encountered in communication. Many times it is because when considering problems, only oneself is considered. , and forget to look at the problem from the other party's perspective. The following are some typical situations in daily life and study: After returning to the dormitory after evening self-study, classmate Zhang called home. The call took a long time. The other three students also wanted to call home. When they saw classmate Zhang’s They looked a little unhappy. Classmate Zhang was talking on the phone so enthusiastically that he seemed to have forgotten that there were people around waiting to make calls. After a long time, Classmate Zhang finally finished the call. At this time, classmate Wang started to call home. As he was talking, he forgot about the two classmates behind him. Before he finished speaking, the lights in the dormitory went out. The two classmates behind him blamed classmate Wang, and Wang He also accused Classmate Zhang, but Classmate Zhang was not convinced, and the four of them started to quarrel.
In this incident, it was obvious that Zhang and Wang were considering the problem from their own standpoints. They only considered their own needs and did not consider others. Take classmate Wang as an example. When classmate Zhang was on the phone, he was very anxious. He complained that classmate Zhang did not consider others. When he started to call, he only cared about himself and did not consider the classmates behind him. If he even thought about others a little, , there will be no such contradiction.
Teenagers must learn to think from others’ perspective as they grow up. Because people need to understand and trust each other. For this reason, they must learn to think from other people's perspective. This is the basis of communication between people - mutual tolerance, understanding, and thinking from the perspective of others. If you often show that you "judge a gentleman with a villain's heart" and love to look at others with suspicion, you will often misunderstand others.
When many people deal with problems and interact with others, they always base themselves on their own standpoint and consider more interests and needs, but they rarely care about the needs of others, let alone the needs of others. Look at the problem from someone else's point of view. This causes obstacles and blockages in understanding in interpersonal communication. We usually say that others don’t understand us, and we don’t understand others either. This is mainly because we don’t look at the problem from the other person’s perspective. To think from someone else's perspective, before considering the problem, we first ask ourselves the following questions:
1. If I were him, what I need is...
2. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to...
3. If I were the other person, what I would do is...
4. Am I treating him in the way the other person expects? ?
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Thinking from someone else's perspective can sometimes and most of the time be of great benefit to us. When you have friction with others, if you don't put yourself in someone else's shoes, you may just think about how wronged you are. You will fall into an alley and be unable to get out, always thinking about why others treat you this way. you. But if you put yourself in their shoes, you may find that the other person has the same questions as you, and then you will find the crux.