Stories are generally closely related to the production and life of primitive humans. Primitive humans are eager to understand nature, so they imagine that everything in the world has life and will like people based on themselves. The following are the classic funny stories I compiled for your reference, hoping to help friends in need.

Classic funny story 1 Daming's wife is going to give birth.

Daming is waiting anxiously outside the delivery room.

Suddenly, Daming heard a "wow"

After that, a nurse came out with her child in her arms.

Daming hurriedly asked if it was a man or a woman.

The nurse said, "Guess."

"male?"

"No."

"Woman?"

"You are so smart. You guessed it in two strokes. "

Classic funny story 2: The husband goes to his lover's house to sleep in the middle of the night after getting drunk. The phone rang and the lover had a brainwave. He picked up the phone and said, "Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is drunk, please dial again tomorrow!" "

The next day, when the husband came home, the wife said angrily, "What did you do last night?" . The husband replied, "I was drunk.

The wife is surprised: "Now China Mobile is really advanced, and it is clear when you are drunk." .

Classic funny story 3: They are deskmates and have a good relationship. They came back together after going out to see a doctor.

Entering the school gate, the uncle who was the doorman kindly asked, "Are you gay?"

Popo said with a small face: "Grandpa, I like women."

Bing Bing said: Grandpa asked how old we are!

Then the smiling face on the slope is even more embarrassing ~

Classic funny story 4 hurried by

In order to attend the banquet, the chairman jumped into a taxi at the gate of the company in a hurry and said loudly, "I have to hurry and drive faster!" " There are only twenty minutes left! "Then he opened the evening paper in his hand and read it. After watching it for more than ten minutes, he looked up and saw that the car was still in front of the company. He was very angry. When he was about to get angry with the driver, he found there was no driver in the car.

Eyes get bigger.

A lady went to the plastic surgery department of the hospital to have a double chin operation. After the operation, the doctor asked her, "Do you have any other requirements?"

"What can you do to make my eyes bigger and more divine?"

"Oh, yes, you just need to look at your bill."

receipt

I work in a magazine. The club examined last month's magazine and found five typos. According to the regulations of the Institute, Mr. Zhang, the editor in charge of this issue, needs to pay a fine of 15 yuan. The leader of the club put me in charge of dunning.

I went to Mr. Zhang and said shyly, "Mr. Zhang, the club leader asked you to pay a fine." Teacher Zhang said, "Xiao Zhao, can you give me an invoice after paying the money? Maybe I can scrape out five dollars to subsidize my losses. "

Financial management training

In order to cultivate my son's financial ability from an early age, I asked him to bring back the receipt after shopping. My son is obedient. He bought a can of yogurt after school yesterday, and a lollipop at school today, and all the receipts for 80 points were back. I am very happy.

In the end, there was a vendor selling onions at the gate of the community, which was much cheaper than the supermarket. I was just about to pay when the phone rang ... When I got home, I remembered that I had forgotten to buy onions. I had to let my son run, and the little guy went out happily.

Not long after, my son came back with a bundle of onions and handed me a small ticket. I told my husband that now all the vendors have prepared business receipts. Hearing this, the son ran over and said, "Mom, as soon as I asked them if they had a receipt, I bought it in the supermarket." As soon as I saw it, the price was 80 cents more expensive than the stall, and it was four yuan more.

pick up person

The director sent me to meet someone at the railway station. I don't know the person who answered the phone. I want to make a big card with my company and name on it. Da Li looked at it and said, "When did you still use this thing? It's so corny. Besides, let others see what the unit is called and there is no privacy at all. " After thinking about it, the way to know people should indeed progress with development. I asked Da Li how to answer it. Da Li said: "Mobile phones and communication equipment are so advanced."

At the railway station, there were many people holding signs to meet people, which was completely different from what Da Li said. When the train arrived on time, I made a phone call on the left and a phone call on the right at the exit, asking each other about their height, thinness and what color clothes they were wearing. Everyone left, and we found each other by looking at each other on our mobile phones.

When I come back, I complain about Dahlia, and Dahlia will say, "In a word, you are in a hurry. You have to wait for everyone to leave before calling your mobile phone. "

Grandma, grandma.

At dinner, my daughter said to me, "It was an old lady who came to pick up her classmates after school today. Hong Hong said it was her old grandmother. Mom, do you have a grandmother? " I said, "There is an aunt, my mother's aunt. I don't know this grandmother. " See, I don't understand. My daughter is in love and decided to ask Honghong tomorrow.

The next day, my daughter finally found out. It turns out that the old lady is not Red Mother's aunt but Red Grandma's aunt, so she is called "Grandma". Among several grandmothers, this one ranks the smallest, and the last one is sometimes described as "old" in northern dialect, so it is called "grandma".

True and false tiger

I invited some friends to play cards at home. Just as Xiao Ceng buckled the card, Zhu Xiao looked around and was suddenly attracted by a photo on the loudspeaker. In the photo, I am smiling proudly, happily and contentedly while holding a little tiger that is several months old. You know, I took this photo with a real tiger at the expense of 20 yuan.

Zhu Xiao asked me solemnly, "Is that a real tiger in your hand?" It's really hateful and ridiculous to hear his words, which is obviously a violation of my courage and dignity. I said to him, "You are so funny. If I take pictures with a fake tiger, I have to find a big one anyway. "

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