| Edited by Aunt Mushroom| Chen Chenchen

(This article contains spoilers~)

Some time ago, host Li Ai said something in "Freshman Diary" The words became a hot search, and she said:

She used to have no sense of security in the relationship between the sexes. She believed that the most important decision for a woman is not what job to find, where to live, or what kind of man to marry, but What kind of father are you looking for for your children?

Because jobs can be changed, places can be changed, and even husbands can be changed, but the father of the child cannot be changed. No matter whether you love or hate this man in the future, he is the father of the child. Things are a fact that cannot be changed.

Many people agree with this statement, and many people oppose it.

But no matter what, it tells an undeniable fact:

When choosing a man as a marriage partner, a woman must not only consider love, but also consider whether a man is a father. ability.

But how can an unmarried woman judge whether this man is suitable to be the father of her child?

Coincidentally, after 23 years, the classic Oscar-winning movie "Life is Beautiful" was re-screened in theaters across the country. The male protagonist "Kido" in the film presented us with the image of a strong father.

With this character we seem to be able to answer this question.

01

Clown or Hero

The protagonist of "Life Is Beautiful" is an ordinary young man who comes to the city from the countryside.

He came to live with relatives and wanted to open a small bookstore in this city to make a living.

He has the neurosis and unreality of artistic youth.

He is very good at making up stories, and he comes up casually. One moment he says that he is a prince in this area, and another moment he says that he is the inspector of the Roman Catholic Church, which seems extremely ridiculous and unreliable.

Kiddu's love originated from an accidental encounter. While passing by a barn tower, he met the girl Dora.

He fell in love with her at first sight, called her "Princess!" and regarded himself as a prince in trouble.

In order to attract Dora's attention, Kido pretended to be a school inspector.

He stood on the table and danced, performing exaggeratedly, just to make Pomeranian smile.

Compared with those serious-looking officials, he looks like a clown in the adult world.

But he is so special. His sense of humor is vitality without any restraint, and he successfully attracted Dora's attention.

Like all love stories, Dora has a "boring but right" fiancé.

Her family is forcing her to marry the "right man".

Dora abandoned everything and married Quito, a man with a sharp mind and passion.

However, the happy family life did not last long.

On the day of his son Joshua's fifth birthday, the Kiddu family was captured by the Nazis and sent to a Jewish concentration camp.

If the first half of the movie is laying the foundation for Jidu’s character, the second half is about the brilliance of humanity that this character exudes in the face of extreme suffering.

In the concentration camp, Kido worked hard to create a sense of security for his son.

He told his son that a game was being played in this place, and the only requirement of the game was: hide and not be discovered by others.

The first to score a thousand points wins, and the prize is: a tank.

If you violate any of the three rules, your score will be deducted:

1. If you cry;

2. If You want to see your mother;

3. If you are hungry and want a snack!

Here:

He said that the gas chamber was a bathroom, although some people went there and could not come back;

Some people were dragged to the incinerator to be alive. Burned to death, he joked with his son;

The work was extremely cruel, but he excitedly showed off to his son: I scored 48 points today.

As a result, the cold prison, the fierce soldiers... all became a points game in the eyes of his son.

In order to comfort his wife, when passing by the radio room of the concentration camp, he risked his life and called his wife's name on the radio. He wanted to tell her that he and his son were still alive.

Moreover, he took the opportunity of working as a waiter in the restaurant to play "Barcarolle" for his wife. This song that once played on their night of love comforted his wife's heart.

Later, Nazi Germany was defeated.

On the night before the Allied forces were to arrive, the Nazis decided to kill all the Jews in the concentration camp.

This was also the last night of Guido's life.

That night was filled with murderous gunshots. The father hid his son in a trash can and wanted to find his wife.

However, he met the patrolling Nazis head-on.

Just around the last corner where he was shot, he passed by the iron box where his son was hidden. He knew that his son was looking at him through the gap in the box, so he pretended to be funny. It made my son laugh out loud.

At the last moment of his life, he also convinced his son that this was a game, don't be afraid... Bang, a gunshot rang out around the corner, and what remained in his son's mind was his father's last funny look.

Early the next morning, finally, the Allied tanks came in and all the Nazis had evacuated. The son got out of the iron box and thought, wow, a real tank, this is the prize!

His expression of surprise when he saw the real tank made all the viewers cry.

This was the "surprise" that his father exchanged his life for him.

The son and his wife were finally reunited in the sun. His son excitedly told his mother: Mom, we won!

Indeed, in this catastrophe, they won because they had a heroic husband and father.

Now when you look at this thin, short, clown-like man, you feel that he is much taller and majestic.

Guns, explosives, poison gas, death, hunger, these things may seem powerful, but the final winner belongs to a father's love.

02

The so-called "Triumph of the Will"

Looking back at Kido, there is a passage in the whole film that presents his character very well.

Kidou worked as a waiter in his uncle's restaurant. His uncle taught him how to be a waiter. He said,

When you are a waiter, you should learn from Sunflower. Sunflowers bow to the sun.

If you see sunflowers that are too low to straighten up, that means they are dead!

You are a waiter, not a servant.

Service is the art of self-improvement.

Just like God serves man, but God is not a servant.

This is a pun, which also reminds us of our relationship with destiny.

The reason why human beings can always have a choice and "win" in the face of tragic times and social fate is because:

Although the environment cannot be changed, human beings have freedom Will, as long as we think we are not the servants of fate, we need not be!

It can be said that this is also Kidu's philosophy of life - he is never defined by the environment, he has always chosen his relationship with the environment.

Kiddu's most powerful ability is that when all ordinary real-life events come to him, he has the ability to transform them into other "meanings."

He would describe an encounter with an ordinary girl as an encounter between a prince and a princess;

A Nazi persecution could be described as a game...

Objective things are not static, because everyone’s definition is different, and the objective world appears differently.

This is what psychology says: everyone lives in their own psychological facts.

The philosophical proposition is that there is no truly purely objective thing in this world, and everything objective has a subjective imprint.

The same event has different interpretations and different meanings.

Kiddu has always carried this kind of subjective spiritual power.

Even in a barren or even extremely critical life, he will tell you that he sees the world differently and make you believe it.

This is a kind of spiritual strength. He is never possessed by fear, but is his own master and chooses dignity.

But this is exactly the definition of "freedom" in philosophy -

"Freedom is not that you can always change reality,

but that in the same In the face of reality,

you can always choose your relationship with this reality."

The spiritual essence of Jidu is that he is always a "converter" of reality and has a kind of reality. The precious creative ability of love.

03

Father’s Choice and Spiritual Inheritance

This reminds me of the topic of “how do we be fathers today”.

I remember a classic picture on the Internet: It was raining, and a father held an umbrella for his son. The umbrella hit his son's head, and his own back was all wet.

This picture was taken from behind and is called "Father's Love".

This picture touched many people because it metaphorically metaphorized a classic father-son relationship - the father's "blessing" of his son.

All fathers use their greatest strength to put their children under their protection.

Not only protects, but also supports, hoping that he can go further.

Even if he is not a successful father in the real world, he is doing his best to fulfill such responsibilities.

However, in reality, the specific content contained in a father's protection and love is different.

Just give two examples of fathers:

The first father is Beidiao.

During one chat, he said to me with determination: "I have already thought about it. I will not buy a house or a car for my son. I came to Beijing with nothing. I didn't. He Why should it exist? He has to fight for it himself.

"

This is what he tells his 7-year-old son every day, "You have to rely on yourself for everything, and I will never give you anything in the future! ”

The second father, he is a successful entrepreneur in the founding generation. As he gets older, what he is most worried about is that his son will not be able to take over.

Every day he watches When looking at my son, my biggest mood is worry and anxiety.

My son is in even more pitiable condition. He is in his early twenties and is trembling among a group of older men in their thirties and forties, all of whom are from the company. Senior shareholders or important partners, he is preparing for succession, but he feels the distrust of these people is crushing him.

Without exception, these two fathers love their children and hope that their children will be well. Better than myself;

However, the first father's basic attitude towards his child is "intimidation"

Although his starting point is good - he hopes that he will be as independent and self-reliant as himself.

But what he described was a "cruel" world - "If you don't struggle, you will have nothing, and no one will look down on you. "

Undoubtedly this is a projection of the world in his mind, the way he faces the world.

"Your strength needs to be proven, and you must prove it yourself! ”

——His expectations for his son hide the fear and lack of “self-proof” that he has been looking for all his life.

In his father’s attitude towards life, What the son perceives is:

Life is a self-evident game of "falling behind will lead to destruction"

The second father's basic attitude towards his children is "worry".

"I'm afraid you can't do it! "

This is also the relationship between many relatively successful fathers and sons.

This son was born in a shadow - the success of his father.

The father sees He is not worried at all, for fear that the foundation he has worked for all his life will be lost in the hands of his ineffective son.

How can the son prove himself to be worthy of his father's trust?

There are also all the partners around my father. As heirs, sitting in a high position means self-doubt and fear of being unqualified.

Life at this moment and in the future may be a long period of "self-doubt". .

I often think about how to describe the world to my own children.

How can I be inspired to have a beautiful life as a son? ?

This is not only a matter of material inheritance, but also a matter of spiritual inheritance.

The two fathers mentioned above are not "strong", one is a striver and the other is a success.

But their inner relationship with the world is very "lost", which leads to the basic attitude they pass on to their sons to view the world as tense and fearful.

Why? Can being a father truly provide strength and protection?

First of all, ask ourselves: Do we have strength and security in our hearts?

If we are dominated by "mourning", what will happen to our spirit?

Speaking of this, I thought of the third father. He was actually very concerned about his child's survivability, but he was also particularly worried that he would not be able to do it because he could not do it. He complained that his child was "slow and has a meek personality".

His original words were, "I can wait for him, but who will wait for him when he grows up?" Who in society will accommodate him? "

So he urged his son very harshly at home. The child became timid, fearful, prone to crying, and emotionally unstable.

He couldn't stand it even more when his son cried. He said:

You cry so easily. When you grow up, will you cry when someone criticizes you?

The question is, can your son become strong after being scolded? ?

A person will not develop inner strength because of external pressure.

Instead, inner strength can only feel safe and willing to grow through care and encouragement.

You have to face the setbacks when you grow up. Children need a lot of love when they are young to grow up.

And the more cruel the outside world is, the more he must have someone in his heart. Tolerance and tolerance of himself.

This constitutes the way he gets along with himself throughout his life. The way he gets along with himself is a replica of the way his parents got along with him in his early days.

In my opinion, a father who always educates his children with a cruel side is telling his father's own loss and distrust of the world.

Under his interpretation, the "world" is either a world. A huge arena in which the jungle prevails, or an indifferent place where those who fall behind will be eliminated.

Under such an education, children will accept this hint and "persuade" themselves to appear strong.

But this is two different things from being truly powerful.

In the movie "Life is Beautiful", you can say that it is an extremely fictional and romantic sentiment, but that is precisely because of it. It touches us only because it is unrealistic, because we have not yet realized that we lack the creativity to convey love.

The best father is one who supports his children, rather than implanting cruelty into them prematurely;

Growing up in an environment of intimidation, frustration, and lack of love Children may survive effectively when they grow up, but their relationship with the world will always be "unbeautiful."

04

Be a truly powerful father

Being a good father not only relies on the resources of "fighting for fathers", but also relies on spiritual transmission for more inheritance Finish.

In the movie "Life is Beautiful", even in a cruel environment like a concentration camp, a young child still feels that the world accepts him. Such a beautiful dream has never been broken.

"I believe that one day I will encounter that real tank." This hope and feeling became his real protection.

Young children need a spiritual fairy tale supported by their father, so that they can have a beautiful relationship with the world, and then use this as a template to grow up their own beautiful life.

In fact, it will not take many years for this son who narrowly escaped from the concentration camp to learn from the history class what a concentration camp is and to know that the truth is cruel; however, what comes with the truth is also... It's like waking up from a dream. The real meaning of that game is to let him understand who his father is and what true love is.

His father taught him what true love is through sacrifice.

He will definitely grow up to face the truth, but the premise is that he has to wait until that day.

He has enough ability to understand the truth, and enough ability to accept the truth, so that he can use love to transform cruelty.

Before that, what he needed was his father's fairy tale.

At the end of the movie, the little boy said in an old voice-over: "This is my experience, this is the sacrifice my father made, and this is the grace my father gave me."

< p> The spiritual wealth he gained from his father's love helped him live a beautiful life. Only then will you understand why this movie is called "Life is Beautiful".

What is a real man in your heart?

According to the survey, the qualities that women most desire in a man: the first is responsible, and the second is motivated.

But I say that in addition to these standards of male roles related to family reproduction, "romance" is a more essential quality of a man.

This romance is not the romance of sending roses, but the creative emotional ability.

The self that most men have been trained to form since childhood is the masculine trait to achieve goals, and few people require them to have emotional abilities.

However, whether he can love and whether he has a strong belief in love determines whether the family around him is happy.

The movie "Life is Beautiful" just uses an extreme form to put this choice in the face of life and death.

But the romantic spirit remains unchanged in any age. It is essentially a kind of spiritual strength, a great optimistic force when facing the cruel reality of life.

The ultimate "romantic" of a man is his emotional quality and whether he has the function of providing support.

Kidou never gave up expressing love and chose his own dignity and freedom.

As a father, the best gift he can give his son is to let him also believe that "life is beautiful."

Every father loves his children extremely, but his ability to love is different. I hope this movie can give us some reminders:

If the environment of this era and society is invincible ,

So how does each father choose his own "belief"?

What is the meaning of life that we want to pass on to the next generation?

What will your choice be...

About the author: Aunt Mushroom, national second-level consultant, former editor-in-chief of a large dating website, contracted author of psychological columns for many media, Scenario Promoter of female writing therapy.

Public account "Miss Mushroom Aunt" (housewife-online)