Setting off firecrackers is to drive away the fear of the unknown in the future, such as setting them off when getting married.

There are boyfriend and girlfriend rentals on the Internet now. How can parents tell the true and false boyfriend and girlfriend? Ask him at the dinner table, did our children's infectious diseases not pass to you? It's false to say nothing, but it's true to jump up.

The stars will be called guest stars, and you will be called walk-on.

The goddess said: I am level 1 in piano, level 6 in clarinet and level 8 in English. What's your specialty? Wang Jianguo thought for a long time: I am level 6 in World of Warcraft.

My wife always asks me: Is there always a piece of clothes missing in my closet? Yes, you always buy skirts.

She said: I will chop my hand if I buy it again. When I buy it, I will post it in Weibo, chop my hand. You chop it. Isn't there a knife seller on Taobao?

When I got married, the scene was like this: The master of ceremonies asked: In the future, no matter whether I have a cold or upset stomach, I don't want to play with you or watch football with you, would you like to marry her? I really thought about it for five minutes. Then ask: wzj When you are poor, have no house and no job, are you willing to let her live? This guy is her ex-boyfriend.

There is an idiot in everyone's circle of friends. I looked at my circle of friends and found that I broke this rule. Why is everyone an idiot?

I'll ask you again, but I'm not convinced. Just don't help! Ok, you are really good, don't help me stand up.

The only thing that couples don't need to argue about is who will have children.

Mr. Rui

has an American cartoon Transformers. When he ate a popsicle, he ate a screw and asked what it was. A: Transformers version. Say: What is it? A: The relic of Optimus Prime. .

Eating less kimchi will cause cancer, which is why two people in Korean dramas get cancer just after they get together. Some people think it's dog blood, but it's actually kimchi.

it's silly for me to wear a famous brand and get a Starbucks in that high-end office building every day. Obviously, the other party has a very local Chinese name, so we have to call him English

. To be honest, China culture is profound, and we will learn a lot of pretentious and useful things from childhood, which are called idioms. What a man without a wife, a child without a cheat, in the foreseeable future. Explain, why bother, Tong Sou and Yao Yao are both single, because they have no wives. Right? This shows that we in China have had the habit of this festival from a long time ago, and it is called Singles Day.

Actually, bachelors are not only boys, but also some girls. Now they are called female bachelors, right? I met a little girl who was a bachelor, and no one really wanted her. In the end, I had no choice, so I advised her, and I said no, so go to religion. Why? What about after you believe in religion? You'll have a Lord.

That's why, as a married person, I always think that the setting of Singles' Day is unreasonable, because in my eyes, bachelors have a holiday every day, so why should they have a Singles' Day? It makes no sense

Why do many people who have girlfriends or are married pretend to be single outside? At this time, there is a way to tell whether these people are fake singles. Because everyone will play mobile phones when eating now, right? Real bachelors brush Weibo, and those who have girlfriends play WeChat.

Today, on Father's Day, I said that I was working in Shanghai and couldn't get back to my background. I said to call my dad and wish him a happy Father's Day. Telephone, Dad, Happy Father's Day. My dad said, you too. I said, Dad, Happy Father's Day, that is, Father's holiday and Father's happiness. Yes, you, not your father. Do you have any hope this year? There is no hope. Is there any hope for next year? There's no hope. What about the year after next? Hey, hey, hey ... Then I'm not happy.

Dan Dan, my good friend, came home one November. When he got home by train, the first thing he did when he entered the door was that his parents came back alone with a long face. Come in and have dinner. Eating a meal, his father said there, I'm telling you, our old egg family is pointing to your family. If you are still alone next November, don't come back, you know? You are not allowed to enter this house. Li Egg left crying. One year passed quickly, and it was eleven again. What can I do? I don't have a girlfriend, so I found a good friend named Wang Jianguo. Jianguo, let me discuss something with you. Are you going back to your hometown in November this year? No, I spent my birthday in Beijing this year. Founding of the People's Republic of China, 11th birthday. Don't spend the holidays in Beijing. It's autumn in November, when our mutton in Inner Mongolia is the fattest. Come back to Inner Mongolia with me to celebrate your birthday. If there is food after the founding of the People's Republic of China, can it be bad? Can you reimburse the round-trip ticket? No problem, let's go, so Li Dan went home with Jianguo. Then the holiday soon ended, and the two of them were going back to Beijing. Before he left, Li Dan's father took Li Dan's hand and said earnestly, Son, my parents won't force you. If you come back alone next year, come back alone. Don't bring him again and eat all our sheep.

when I was single, I wasn't in Beijing, and then I worked in other places. At that time, I called you from Monday to Sunday. Xiaojian, how are you doing in Shanghai recently? Have you got a girlfriend? I'm telling you, it's good to find one in Shanghai. It doesn't matter. We don't have any complaints at home. I said yes, aunt, I'm hanging up. I'm in a meeting. I'm hanging up. The next day, hello. How's it going, Xiaojian? How's Shanghai? Aunt hung up. She's at work. I call you back and forth like this every day, but then there is really nothing I can do. I say what to do, I have to lie to them, and I say I have a girlfriend. Have a girlfriend, bring it back to Beijing and let's have a look. No, I have a job here, too. I'm very busy. Then what should I do? Well, I'll send you some photos back, so you can relieve your hunger first, okay. Then where can I get a picture of a beautiful girl? It's in the computer. So, I sent photos of beautiful girls in my computer to my dad and my aunts, and they were happy to see them. However, they soon became suspicious. To say that my uncle is the wisest old man, call me, Xiaojian, you always send us photos. Is this girl's job unstable? How can you tell that the job is not stable? Look at the photos you sent. Last month, she was a teacher. How can she be a nurse this month? There's nothing we can do about it. But fortunately, it took a long time to use this trick. Today, I have my own program. I am already a celebrity. Here, I must solemnly thank Miss Xinye who is far away in Japan through this program.

In fact, if a person is single for too long, he will become very lonely, and a feeling of bitterness arises spontaneously. Once I went to Shaoxing, you know that there is a kind of daughter red in Shaoxing. From the birth of my daughter, I got a jar. The Shaoxing yellow was buried in the ground and in the wine cellar. Take it out in 18 years when your daughter gets married. That trip to Shaoxing was also a local reception. Come on, Miss Wang, try our Shaoxing daughter red. Isn't it ordinary? It's nothing. The level is different. When I saw it, my daughter was red, which was an ordinary 18-year-old, and then I saw a VSOP, which was 3 years old. The most terrible thing was to see an XO. How tragic this woman is. She hasn't been married for 5 years. Finally, she brought a treasure from a town shop. Let's try this. What is this? This is a hundred years old.

When you are single, you will feel that your life is very tragic, for example, a wedding. After you got there, you sat there, didn't you feel particularly uncomfortable? Don't you feel very sad to see that others came in pairs and paid the same money? Later, when I realized this, I would pick up the phone book, find a woman I haven't contacted for years, and call her at another wedding. Hey, what have you been up to recently? Let me treat you to dinner. After attending so many weddings, you spend so much money every time, and then you can't eat it back, until one day you go to a wedding, and the entourage is about 51 yuan, just like that. After entering, I found that the meal was completely different, in a very luxurious hotel, like Shangri-La. After going in, I found abalone with wings and belly, wild geese in the mountains, fresh cattle and sheep on land, shark wings in the bird's nest of Hericium erinaceus, and deer tail tips in scallops with bear's paws. Everything. Oh, my God. Oh, let's eat. I was very happy after eating. Finally, when I left, I took the groom's hand and said, Dude, your meal is too good. Call me next time you get married, you know.

Besides the pressure from parents, there are actually many annoying people around you. These people are called friends, and they will also stimulate you, right? For example, a friend who hasn't seen you for years suddenly appears in front of you with her husband and children, calling you from afar, Wang Zijian. Hello, Xiaohua. After a greeting, I'm still alone. I'm almost thirty and still alone. That's no good. I haven't met anyone yet. I'm too busy at work. Look at me, this is my husband, this is our child, isn't it cute? Come on, my child, call him uncle. You say how embarrassed you are at this time, what should you do? At this time, of course, some skillful methods are used to get back at her, but you can't say it directly, it's boring, and it's easy to fight. You must say that she can't jump at all, but she and her husband are very upset, right? Bring the baby here. Come on, call uncle. Call uncle. I'll take the child directly. You see that the child is really beautiful and looks like his father, and then look at her husband. What do you think? There's nothing wrong with this sentence, is there? But both of them are sure when they go back. . . Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. . .

Actually, there's nothing wrong with being single. Sometimes people with wives and girlfriends envy the freedom of being single, so they heard a rumor that they share their love in Weibo.

Sometimes being single is a very enviable thing. For example, my friend has been single for so long, and finally he is depressed. What can I do? I am so depressed. One day I was really dying, so I went to the mountain to find a temple and went there to ask the Buddha to bless him with a girlfriend. This is ridiculous. Please bless the Buddha and give him a girlfriend. Go to the temple, kneel down underground, put your hands together and look at the Buddha devoutly. Of course, you don't know if he looked or not. Thinking of my bachelor life for so many years, tears slowly seeped out of my eyes. The monk was very moved when he saw it. This young man must have a clear understanding. When he came over, he advised him, Amitabha, benefactor, are you coming to our temple to become a monk? No, I'm looking for a girlfriend. What, did anyone go to the temple to find a girlfriend? No, you don't understand. I'm here to beg the Buddha, because I've always been single and have no wife, so I want to make a wish and see if I can get a marriage and have a wife or something. After listening to it, the monk's eyes suddenly dimmed. Well, young man, you see that you came to the temple because you didn't have a wife, and I came because I had a wife.

when you don't have a girlfriend, you are alone, carefree and do whatever you want. One day, you have a girlfriend, or you get married, and suddenly you find that the world has changed completely. When you go to the movies, you need to buy two tickets, two drinks and two popcorn. Forget it. When you go out, you have to carry two bags, one of which is a female bag. You need to see two mothers on holidays, and the gift you bought for her mother is more expensive than the gift you bought for your mother. It's unreasonable, and you feel uncomfortable. The most important thing is that I want to talk about this matter so far. I really can't stand it. Two people go out shopping together or go out and go to the bathroom. You can't leave when you are finished. You have to carry a handbag and wait for her at the door of the ladies' room like a pervert.

My good friend Lai Bao bought a lot of holiday supplies for Singles Day. Anti-wave spray, a small book for marriage, peach blossom crystal, bought a lot of these things, and then said that I made a fortune, my singles day, I went out to sell. Where can I sell it? I have to find a place with more bachelors to sell it. Ask us, self-built, founding, balls, where do you say there are the most bachelors? The three of us are busy writing, who cares about him, single, the most in the temple. That makes sense. He went to sell these Singles Day supplies. Anyway, a few days later, we found him in the hospital, with a comminuted fracture all over his body, hanging there. I said what's wrong with you? Selling this in the temple won't make people look like this. You don't know, I went to Shaolin Temple.

I know several bachelors who go to supermarkets every Valentine's Day and crush all the chocolates. Get a needle in the supermarket and stick those rubber products. Later, on Singles' Day, they felt that they had turned over. This is our festival. We are going out to do something more glorious, called breaking up couples. They are also compiled, and most of them are girls. I was here on Weihai Road that day, in front of the TV station. A girl recognized me. Are you Wang Zijian? Can you take a picture with me? We were chatting, and just then, suddenly a girl rushed over, pushed me, and then cried directly. The acting was so good that she cried, dear, who is she? Ordinary audience, who else can it be?

I came to Shanghai and met a girl in a coffee shop in Shanghai to talk about work, because my wife is in Beijing, right? My wife doesn't know if she has a sixth sense or something. She just flew to Shanghai and didn't know how to find me. She pushed the door and entered the cafe, pushing me directly, dear, who is she? How can I explain this? This is an ordinary audience. I think she looks like your classmate in cheung kong graduate school of business.

I have a friend who sells watermelons at home. It's nothing to sell watermelons, and he makes a lot of money selling watermelons. How did he get it? There is a big vegetable cellar at home. Watermelons that grow every summer are stored in the vegetable cellar and sold in winter, which will double the price, but he just won't tell anyone. Every time a girl asks, what does your family do? Our family sells watermelons. At that time, the grade was a little low, right But he was troubled, so he asked me, what should I do if I build it myself? I said it's not that you don't have money. Your family is so good. So, you're not. How to say, you said that selling watermelons is definitely not acceptable. Didn't you say there is a vegetable cellar? You can make money by taking back watermelons in summer and putting them in, and then selling them in winter. Yes, isn't this a watermelon seller? You said you were in futures.

In order to get rid of the bachelor life, many people try their best to find wives and girlfriends, so there are so many marriage and love programs in China, and all of them agree with a pair of female guests, who are all beautiful. Then one male guest goes to the show. Don't believe this kind of program. Basically, except "One in a Hundred" and "Who can choose one in a Hundred", they are all fake. Sometimes a lot of people can't help it. For example, my good friend Jianguo was upset that he didn't have a girlfriend, so he put all the guards' love and marriage programs in China, and every time he went to the show, there was only one line, because as soon as he appeared, all the lights went out. That's all he has. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. Thank you.

Later, we advised him that you should get out of the virtual world, don't believe those TV programs, and you should have a girlfriend in reality. Everything comes to him who waits. He still met a girl in reality. Together, he always chatted, sent text messages and chatted online. After a few months, he finally went to the girl's house one day. After going to the girl's house, everything went very smoothly at first. At the most critical moment, the girl said something, wait a minute, I have to turn off the light first. As soon as the lights are turned off, the founding of the country is a reflex. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. Thank you. This is not destroying people, is it what normal people will do. This big brother, if