Because they think that only those topics that make people feel novel, profound and exciting are worth talking about, and vice versa.

Every time I chat with others, I will try my best to search for some special, surprising, impressive or even unusual topics. So the psychological pressure of chatting invisibly gives you an uncomfortable feeling.

In fact, this understanding is all wet. No matter what you talk to others, starting from those seemingly insignificant topics will make people feel more intimate.

I wonder if you know who "Sir Tan" is? If you have seen the video of "Tan Tan Traffic" on the Internet, I believe you know who this "Tan Police Officer" is.

Every time police officer Tan catches someone who violates traffic rules, it can be said that "wonderful things" are a dime a dozen. However, every time police officer Tan comes forward to chat with them and educate them to obey the traffic rules, it is often not preaching or direct punishment, but chatting with these people in the way of "talking about home" and opening their hearts.

So in the process of chatting, a lot of "laughing stalks" were produced, which won the audience's smile. How can there be any profound and surprising topics in this process?

A good chat must be based on the most common topic chat, which you and I can easily do.

What are common chat topics? If you don't know what a common chat topic is, you can read the following story:

A beautiful young girl walked into a jewelry store and stared at the counter for a long time. The salesman stepped forward politely and asked, "Hello, what can I do for you?"

The girl replied coldly, "Just look around!"

But judging from the girl's behavior, she didn't just look around. She came prepared. The salesgirl thinks that if she can't find a topic to chat with the girl, maybe she will go to other jewelry stores, then the business is likely to fall through.

So the shop assistant starts with the girl's dress and judges that the customer is a very particular person. Then he went up to him and said, "Excuse me, is this coat of yours very expensive? How beautiful! "

The girl looked away from the exhibits and said strangely, "Yes, the style of this coat is quite special. It took me a long time to choose it and I like it very much. "

The salesman said, "This dress should be available in those famous brands!" "

The girl proudly said, "Yes! My friend brought it back to me from abroad. This brand is not available in China! "

"No wonder! You are born beautiful, and wearing this dress will highlight the advantages of your figure and appearance. " The salesman said with a smile.

"Thank you!" The girl is a little embarrassed to say.

Seeing this, the salesman added, "However, if you can put another necklace on this dress, it will be icing on the cake." After all, the triangle below the neck is a bit empty now. "

The girl immediately perked up: "Yes, that's what I thought, so I came in to see if there was a necklace suitable for me!" " It's just that the price of the necklace seems more expensive, and I'm a little worried that I didn't choose the right one! "

The salesman replied, "I can recommend something suitable for you, and the price is not expensive." Do you like it? "

In the end, the transaction was naturally completed smoothly!

Maybe you think the salesman's way of speaking is a little too deliberate? This is just a sales tool. In real life, who will chat like this?

What kind of way is that?

It is to start with the topic of finding a sense of security and let the other party be willing to talk about it. This conversation skill can be applied to all kinds of communication situations.

When talking with people, some people feel very restrained and shy; Some people feel that they can't find the same topic, lack the same language and don't know what to talk about; And some people are easy to be embarrassed and incoherent; Even some people speak stiffly and have nothing to look for, giving people an uncomfortable feeling.

The root cause of all these phenomena is that they have not found the topic of safety.

So, what kind of topic is a safety topic?

Talking about the so-called "safety topic" from the safety topic, as the name implies, is this topic, which will not give others the feeling of embarrassment, provocation and embarrassment.

For example, you ask a "single dog": "Why don't you find a girlfriend to fall in love? Are you too ugly to find? " Then this topic is obviously not a security topic.

Security topic, we must meet three elements:

Respect life easily, that is to say, the topic can't give people a heavy feeling, but also know how to respect each other and it is best to live. Otherwise, you chat with a doctor and ask him how he usually does surgery, and no one wants to answer you.

Therefore, if you want to make your chat popular and colorful, you need to know how to establish a "safe topic". Here are three tips.

1, chat must vary from person to person;

Some topics, although interesting, easy to attract others' attention and popular, are not suitable for anyone to talk about.

When chatting with friends, you can talk about a popular traffic star who doesn't know how to act and has a stiff expression. Let's "criticize" this social phenomenon that traffic is king. However, when you face others, maybe your criticism will arouse their disgust.

Maybe this star is someone else's idol, or the other person thinks that everyone should be respected and should not make fun of others. Then these topics are "stepping on thunder".

In other words, you told a story on a certain occasion and it was very popular with everyone. Maybe this story is not suitable for others to tell.

So you know, chatting varies from person to person. Even an ordinary topic, everyone will have different feelings.

2. Look for well-known topics;

Finding the content of the conversation is also a very critical link.

Some people like to talk about some literary topics with others, but because most people are not interested in such topics, even if you have a wealth of knowledge in this field, even if you are fully prepared, it is easy for you to have nothing to say on the whole.

If you pay more attention in your daily life, many topics can be good conversation materials. According to the other person's personality or living habits, it is the safest way to find some topics that the other person can talk about.

For example, talking about sports, work, diet, life stress, etc. Even talk about someone's views on a social phenomenon and state your own views by the way. Of course, this is a flexible topic and can be adjusted.

If the two sides are strangers who meet for the first time, we might as well start with the weather, native place, interest, clothing and so on. These are also security topics, which will not involve personal privacy, so that we can continue our conversation.

For example, "Where are you from?" This question, when the other party answers Shandong, then you can list some beautiful scenery of Shandong, your understanding of some cities and so on. Maybe the other party will give a "local" view and correct some of your misunderstandings. For example, not all Cantonese people eat everything.

In this way, the chatterboxes of both sides will be opened, and the conversation atmosphere will gradually improve.

You can even say, "2020 is really amazing." At this time, I usually run all over the country and am busy with my work. Now I can only stay in the province in a daze. What about you? How did the epidemic affect you this year? "

The other person may say, "I'm in business, and my income was greatly reduced during the epidemic ..." Then, you can continue the conversation along the other person's topic.

By analogy, we can certainly find a steady stream of topics, and even feel that everyone is a little unfinished.

3. Explore each other's hobbies and seek safety topics;

In interpersonal communication, if you want to talk to others, in fact, as long as you talk and chat with them actively, enthusiastically and friendly, and gradually explore and try in your words, you will always find the right topic.

In the process of communicating with others, if you want to find each other's hobbies and broaden the scope of conversation, it is best to ensure that the other party can "understand and understand" everything you say.

For example, you see a sculpture, and then say that this work really has traces of XX style, with the most obvious characteristics of the Renaissance; Or hear some symphonic music, saying it smells like Mendelssohn music.

When you say these words, you'd better make sure that the other person is not an amateur in this field. Otherwise, your words will not only lead to a topic, but also make people feel bored because of this "unintentional C".

If you don't know the other person's occupation, don't talk nonsense, because there are too many unemployed people and people with strong self-esteem hate being asked about his occupation, so try to avoid such topics.

If you really want to know what someone does, you can tentatively ask, "Do you like to go swimming?" If the other person says "no", you can ask him, "Are you busy every day? Where do you like to go for recreation? "

This kind of question can test other people's careers and learn their hobbies from the answers. If the other person's answer is to go home from work on weekends or every day, then this person must have a regular job. Instead, you can change the subject.

Once you have collected some basic chat information, then start from it and build a main theme that everyone can chat with. Well, at least your chat won't be speechless.

This is the use of chat skills.