What is love is an eternal topic of human beings, which cannot be defined or explained. Generally speaking, people have two different understandings of this. Some people think that love is the relationship between young men and women who love each other. Others believe that love is a state of being.
It is wrong to regard love as a relationship, because love is not a rope that binds two people who love each other together. In this bound love, one party always has expectations and demands on the other, and both parties try to control each other. In this way, love has become a brick for power. As a result, either you enslave others or you become their slaves. In this slavery relationship, one person becomes a guard and the other becomes a prisoner, so both sides are victims, but to different degrees. Marriage has become a small and exquisite prison. Control, possession, jealousy and other toxins are destroying the flower of love. If love is regarded as a relationship, both parties will live in an unfortunate state. True love is not guaranteed by law and public opinion.
Take love as a state of being, it is not a secular thing, but something with divinity. Marriage was defined by the Romans as "sharing the fate for life", and husband and wife were called the sharers of fate. Marriage only needs men and women to share joys and sorrows, ups and downs. It doesn't ask for anything in return, except sharing. It does not create any imprisonment, does not create any shackles, and neither allows others to imprison you nor allows you to imprison others. The deeper men and women love each other, the more freedom they have, and the less expectations, demands, controls and constraints they have on each other. Therefore, a happy marriage is the lowest degree of integration plus the highest degree of autonomy and independence. A wise couple will try to keep each other in a natural state. Since we have chosen each other, we should let them keep their own personality and give full play to their own specialties.
Young men and women who love each other constitute an organic whole, and a single man or woman is incomplete. Love reunites young men and women who were originally separated into a whole, and they can always find only themselves in each other. So a philosopher said: "The so-called love, generally speaking, is to realize the unity of me and another person, so that I am not isolated for myself;" On the contrary, only by giving up my independent existence and knowing that I am another person and the unity of another person and myself can I gain self-awareness. "Two people who love each other must first be spiritually integrated. You have me and I have you. Two people live together because of love, not because of security, not because of financial support, not because of other reasons.
Two people who love each other don't want to be isolated and lonely individuals, otherwise, they will feel incomplete. He (she) must find himself in another person and gain recognition from others. Emerson once wrote: "Generally speaking, the happiest time in life is spent in love. Love, desire, hope and all the best emotions in the spirit are produced in love. " Love is art and the closest spiritual contact between men and women in character. Love is beyond physical needs, and young men and women abide by the necessary etiquette norms in the process of love.
This relationship before marriage is often the happiest. Young men and women in love always like to be very much in love. We often see lovers strolling along country roads. At this time, we always silently pray for them: May they live a happy and valuable life.
Although love is very pleasant and happy, the choice of life partner is the key to life after all. The right choice should not depend on the look in the other person's eyes, or the rose-like smile on his face, or the spark from generate's bright eyes when looking at the other person.
Indeed, life is true and sincere for both men and women. Life is not a gray romance. Men have the experience that what they need is not a pet or a toy, but a hostess. When a man loses his job or encounters economic depression-in fact, he is in the "worst time"-what he needs most is a strong, enthusiastic, caring and compassionate woman. It must be an unusual mistake to rely entirely on yourself in times of danger.
However, good men also choose the wrong wife. It is said that the wife of john milton, a great English poet, is a bitch. Some people call her the rose of Milton's hearing. Milton replied, "Nonsense, don't I want to distinguish colors?" However, I do feel tingling every day. "People may accuse the poet of making such a sad and unfortunate choice. The wife of the famous priest john wesley is also a "bitch". It is said that when he preaches, she often sits in the church and makes faces. Indeed, it is a very sad thing for a best man to live with a hateful woman.
However, there may be a compensation principle at work in everyone's life. If Wesley's family life was very warm, maybe he wouldn't have finished so much work, because much of his work was done in the saddle. His wife kicked him out of the house and society got a big gift! Philosopher James Ferguson also chose the wrong wife. Once, Fei Gusheng was talking about astronomy when his wife broke into the hall. She went straight to where Fei Gusheng stood and pretended to accidentally knock over the rostrum. Fei Gusheng apologized to the audience and said, "I have the misfortune to marry such a woman." The novelist Bulway married a violent and unruly woman. Bulway could hardly write, and finally he had to buy her a house in London by himself and let her live with her pet dog. Shakespeare told us that Macbeth's wife lured him into becoming a murderer. The shrew, Stichopy, tortured Socrates to death. Delilah the witch exhausted all Samson's energy. Mrs Gaby asked the old monarch to step down. John ruskin, a famous British essayist and critic, also endured unspeakable family pains. Thousands of families considered as paradise on earth have become hell on earth!
It is absolutely necessary to be an excellent deck sailor before the wedding ship goes to sea. Otherwise, the ship will run aground and disaster will happen. For the average crew, hurricane waves in the Atlantic Ocean are hard to predict. An uneducated wife, a dissolute woman and a woman with bad hobbies will eventually destroy the best man in the world. In this world, the biggest disaster that men encounter is an unhappy marriage. General Sherman once said, "Sir, war is hell." For unfortunate marriage, we can also make such an assertion: "Marriage creates hell". An unhappy marriage is to let the parties go to hell alive.
Indeed, it seems easier to choose the wrong marriage. Even the cleverest men and women will be cheated. A modern writer pointed out: "They wrongly assigned the cruel and lewd Jesse to the kind and upright Longfellow, and wrongly assigned Lucretius Borgia, who is good at tricks, to the aboveboard Washington. How can an unsophisticated person, after dressing up as a makeup artist, beautician, jeweler, bodybuilder and makeup artist, recognize this complicated dress and make an accurate judgment: Who is he going to give his heart to? " Only God knows the truth before the superb face-lifting technique in modern society!
There are several basic rules for choosing a life partner, which are also effective in practice. Don't rely on relatives and friends and trust the matchmaker when making decisions. It is true that marriage has nothing to do with others, but in life, others love to take care of marriage. Every community has a matchmaker. They are people who cause trouble to society and exist widely.
A person's marriage can determine the fate of a person's life, so we must spend enough time thinking about it. The power of love is enormous. It may be the engine of your life and the catalyst of inspiration. True love can make people full of vigor and spirit; It will make people love life, pursue truth and advocate wisdom. Love is associated with virtue and knowledge. The poet Browning said, "Love makes wisdom." Life will sublimate and become pure because of love.
Generally speaking, a wife should let her husband get maternal love in some ways, which is the basis of successful marriage. Moreover, the upbringing and growth of children are mainly cultivated by mothers. He who rocks the cradle will rule the world. People who decide the fate of the country are now with their mothers. They are still children and babies. Men will forget what they learned in middle school and college, and lose their companions in their youth, but they will never forget the education, demonstration and influence of a good family and a good mother. In the battlefield of life, many things can be abandoned, but mother's life will always reappear in our memory.
In life, the wife is the lover of youth, the companion of middle age and the guardian of old age. When a man marries a wife, he accepts one of nature's greatest gifts, or one of the biggest hidden dangers. Thousands of men owe their present status and success to their wives. In addition to the great influence on children, it also has an inestimable effect on husbands and families.
Women may also make mistakes in choosing husbands. Strangely, we see many beautiful women marrying villains by mistake. Some women don't marry their husbands at all. They are complete fools, so stupid that they can't even burn a fire. Other women married a bucket of rice instead of their husbands. Some husbands are narrow-minded and short-sighted. They want to find a rich wife, not an educated woman. He thinks it is meaningful to wash his wife. An educated woman is many times better than such a husband!
Lord Burleigh gave advice when talking to his son about choosing a wife: "A slip of the foot makes a lasting regret, and we must be very careful on this issue." The quality of marriage is directly related to whether your future life is happy, whether your career is successful, and whether your future generations are virtuous. Choosing a wife is like a decisive battle in life. We must know ourselves and ourselves and make careful decisions. You must know her personality, morality, health, intelligence and her family. "How do young people get noble guidance when choosing a wife or husband? What is the most basic element here?
First of all, there must be deep and pure love. High-ranking officials, pure blood and lofty goals can't replace pure love, not even religion. Once, a young man asked john wesley that he wanted to propose to a young girl. Wesley said, "I advise you not to marry her." The young man replied, "She is a Christian." The founder of Gong School said, "That doesn't matter. God is with many people, but you and I can't live together. " The most important thing is the mutual love between two people. Without mutual love, there is no harmony, and there is no happiness of love. Besides, marriages without love are often full of traps. Fichte believes that "marriage will not last long unless it is based on love." What the parties have tasted in this marriage is only the bitter fruit of regret. "
Second, we should trust each other. To maintain a lasting marriage, a good reputation is essential for both husband and wife. Therefore, both husband and wife should obey the rules and be self-disciplined. Suspicion is the mortal enemy of marriage. Mutual trust, mutual love and mutual assistance-these are all indispensable elements of an equal marriage. The foundation of love is loyalty. Indeed, power and obligation are complementary. Both parties who love each other should not only enjoy rights, but also undertake obligations. Love is exclusive, and mutual loyalty is the obligation of both husband and wife. "In love, the highest principle is that the subject abandons himself to another individual of different sexes, abandoning his own independent consciousness and the existence of individual isolation. I think I can only know myself in each other's consciousness. " The only greatness of marriage lies in the only love and the mutual loyalty of two hearts. The educational level and moral standard of both men and women should be roughly the same and constantly improve in the same life.
Thirdly, docile personality, good heart and strong sense of responsibility should also be considered. Personality determines fate, no matter men or women, don't go to those violent people, they will only bring misfortune to your life. A woman with a bad temper will only make her new husband regret it and try to escape from the "cage" that plagues him. Gentle women appreciate strong men, but hate recklessness and rudeness. What women pursue is the power of civilization, humanity, gentleness and kindness. She wants her sweetheart to be like a lion in front of others and like a lamb in front of herself. Every young man should be kind-hearted and responsible, and don't look for those who are good at laughing at others and irresponsible. For men, never treat women as slaves or playthings. Personality, heart and sense of responsibility are closely related to the rise and fall of marital status.
People will ask, "Do you want to consider whether you are beautiful or handsome?" To some extent, most young men and women are beautiful or handsome. When talking about his wife, Burke said, "She is really beautiful, but she doesn't impress people by her face. What makes people tempted is her innocence and her kindness. " It's best to avoid proposing to a girl who has fallen in love with her country, unless she is determined to follow you and agree with your career. If young people choose their wives only on the basis of girls' faces, it is like buying a farm just because the flowers in the garden are beautiful. It is good to have a beautiful face, but it is more important to have a beautiful heart and outstanding talent! If possible, it is best to give consideration to both, but if you can only choose one, then you must pay attention to spiritual beauty and outstanding talent! Wycherley once said, "Kindness and wisdom are more indispensable than beauty. I don't think any kind and talented young woman is ugly. On the contrary, no gentle and graceful woman is beautiful. " No marriage breaks down earlier and worse than the combination of mere appearance and mere desire. Similarly, when a young woman chooses a husband, the first consideration should not be his appearance and figure, but his talent and personality.
Finally, don't pursue perfection. Don't think that if you find a perfect person, you can love. You'll never find such a person. There are no perfect men and perfect women. Even if they exist, they will not care about your love and will not accept it. It is said that there is such a man who is still single at the age of 70 because he has been looking for a perfect woman all over the world. One day someone asked him, "haven't you found a perfect woman in your life?" The old man said sadly, "I once found a perfect woman." "Then why don't you get married?" "Because she is looking for a perfect man," the old man said sadly. Just as we can't refuse to breathe because the air is polluted, we can't refuse to love because we haven't found the perfect person.
In life, once a man falls in love with a woman, or a woman falls in love with a man, she often asks the other person to be perfect. Because of love, the other person seems to have committed some kind of crime and must be as flawless and perfect as an angel. In fact, this is asking a person to become a superman. Because it is impossible to be superman, men and women in love can only pretend to be hypocritical people. However, things in disguise can't last long, and once they enter marriage, they will inevitably show their true colors. Whether you are in love or married, please remember, never pursue perfection. You have no right to ask anyone like this, and no one has the right to ask you like this. Otherwise, you are asking for trouble, and you will get what you deserve.