It was too wordy before. Since so many people have seen it, I'd better refine and supplement it.
A woman with excellent appearance, career and family conditions requires her partner to have a house, a car, a degree and a Gao Fushuai, which few people can do. So they were left behind. This is a message from society. But is this really the condition demanded by the leftover women?
Do you have to be highly educated? Education can only prove a certain learning ability, and more importantly, knowledge, which contains many things: questioning spirit, independent thinking ability, respect for knowledge and different cultures; The more you learn, the more modest and tolerant you are. People with high academic qualifications may not be able to do it, but they are more likely to do it-because the more subjects they are exposed to, the wider their way of thinking, and the easier it is to see that they know little. But in the final analysis, people who really know how to learn are enough. But are there more people who know how to seek knowledge or more people with high education? The latter, of course-at least in the life circle of women with the same degree of education.
Another important point is knowledge. No matter how many books a person reads, he will learn more, but if he has not traveled too much, his way of understanding things must be limited. And those "quality leftover women" may have studied and worked abroad, or they may fly around the world, and their friends and people they come into contact with at work may come from all corners of the country. Most women want their partners to be more knowledgeable than themselves. Even if women don't care, what about men?
Knowledge and understanding are the most important factors (of course, this is adjusted to some extent between each couple), but it is difficult to find people who meet these two requirements.
In fact, the appearance is pleasing to the eye. Many times, if a person changes his hairstyle and clothes, he will look brand-new. None of the "high-quality leftover women" around me are picky about their appearance.
Having a house and a car is not a big problem. The real "quality leftover women" can handle these by themselves, and there is no shortage at home. The last thing they want is a house and a car. And what is the life circle of a beautiful woman with high education and high salary in China? Where to meet so many men without a house or a car is the problem. In addition, those who live abroad. Few foreigners have houses less than 30 years old. Living in an apartment is convenient and easy, and will not be dragged down by the house to other areas for development. People who don't have a car are also likely to be inconvenient to drive because they live in a big city. It's not a problem to buy a car with zero down payment these days.
In addition to the above points, there are some important practical problems, such as:
Can you get along with your parents?
Can you reach an understanding of the concept of money?
Can you reach a * * * understanding of whether you want to have children?
Support each other's inseparable hobbies (if any)?
Just said the conditions, not the personality.
There is indeed a class of leftover women who are strong women, and their arrogance is so strong that some men can't stand it.
What's more, they are shy from childhood, afraid to talk to boys and don't understand boys. I always feel that there are many such "leftover women".
There is also a late ripening, but I didn't take this rib before.
In addition, psychologically, women's long-term enrichment and independence will lead to less demanding. For men, a species that can't control hormones, fate is really not a good thing. What may have been left behind was released. But many such women will say: No matter what he does, I don't want him to stay. That's it! It doesn't matter whether they are married or not. They can live with each other or not. And part of my psychology is-at this age, what am I in a hurry? It's not 24. I'll work harder and go out.
There is often a wonderful dislocation between men and women. Many men think that melodramatic people are often more reasonable in life than those they found easy to associate with at first. I don't know what is sensible until I meet something big, and what is crying and hanging. The strength of thinking and thirst for knowledge is not directly proportional to the degree of melodrama. Many times, women think that men have identified her. When considering all kinds of far-reaching problems, the man just wants to catch up with her for hormonal reasons. Others don't think at all, and it may be too late when they think. Men and women are always attracted by each other's talents, and that admiration can make a person devote himself wholeheartedly, but only when he really starts to get along, does he know that his lifestyle is completely out of place. Men and women who know knowledge, knowledge, looks and economic conditions will think that they like a certain type, but they may not know enough about the opposite sex and even human nature, so it is not easy to correctly judge whether the other person's looks are him or her from the bones. People love acting too much. In short, similar uncertainties are hard to capture. Sometimes it really depends on fate and luck, and experience is also important.
It is really difficult to find the right person, but it is not because of the obvious reasons of social propaganda, but only the ghost of intangible factors. It is natural that many people don't get married for various reasons. There are many men and women who can reproduce in this world. I won't say from the ground that having children is my mission as a woman and my contribution to the world. Although I have Qian Qian's shortcomings, it is only a fact that I am not married. We are not married, but we are not idle. We are creating various values for the society, and our life is rich and colorful. What's more, not getting married doesn't mean hating marriage, resisting men and opposing communication. What's more, do you really think that men think that women will pass the shelf life after a certain age? It's too simple and naive! Personality charm is something that can cross all gaps! Age is always an excuse.
Are the problems between the above two people confined to the leftover women? Everyone will face these problems sooner or later. Can I put forward a hypothesis that perhaps the leftover women (and leftover men) only consider and adapt to the above matching problems before marriage, and most people face these problems after marriage, and then adapt or not.
Then the inevitable question is: what is the divorce rate now? I won't do this statistic. I think the figures are not optimistic. We assume that women and men are unhappy, divorced people are unhappy and married people are happy. What is the ratio of good fortune to bad fortune? Then get rid of this assumption and simply respect a person's happiness, then is there an inevitable relationship between this happiness and marriage? A book I read recently said that even if happiness is related to marriage, it is not necessarily because of who is responsible.
Having said that, I even doubt whether the proposition of leftover women is meaningful. Now the question may become: What are the causes of family disharmony? What are the reasons why people feel unhappy? Many misfortunes are caused by neglected psychological reasons, unqualified parents and the lack of personality and values education, not to mention the ability to think independently-it is good not to be suppressed in this system. Failure to think and seek knowledge leads to ignorance of oneself, others and personnel, and arrogance is futile. And the society that emphasizes economic development urges us to want decent scenery, so we often start with fake beauty and end with real ugliness. And who can say that the problem of leftover women is not fundamentally caused by the same social reasons?
Publish excerpts from today's Wall Street Journal. This is a bit of a conspiracy theory, but it's interesting and worth thinking about:
"In his book Leftover Women, Hong Finch convincingly pointed out that a well-planned national movement led women to get married and buy wedding rooms, which usually hindered them from developing their own careers and gaining economic independence. The official media often criticize women who choose to marry late by slandering their career achievements and listing the terrible things about being single. Their message to young women in China is that if she doesn't get married soon after graduating from college, she will become an old woman by the age of 27.
Although most societies attach importance to marriage, no other society has so closely linked marriage with real estate as China society. According to the custom in China, you must buy a house, not rent a house. The housing ownership rate in China is over 85%. Even in a city like Beijing, the average house price is 22 times the average annual income. Far from reflecting China's traditional values, this is a social expectation carefully concocted by matchmaking companies, real estate agents and official media. These institutions are the channels for China government to concoct soft measures, and the purpose of these soft measures is to ensure social order and support the frothy real estate market. "
(Excerpted from "China Anti-leftover Women Movement")
Zhihu users: Sven
Thanks for inviting me. This is actually a global problem. The most crucial reason: people can get less through marriage.
Suppose marriage is a market. A man and a woman can get fewer and fewer products through this market.
For example: 1. Make love. With the development of society, sex is gradually separated from marriage and exists as an independent concept. More and more people don't need to get sex through marriage. This is especially obvious for women.
2. Delivery. With the establishment and improvement of social insurance system, more and more people do not need to provide for the elderly through their children. This is especially obvious in countries with sound social security, and the direct manifestation is the sharp decline in fertility rate. At the same time, the social acceptance of illegitimate children is getting higher and higher.
3. independence. The connection between people is becoming more and more alienated. People exist more and more as an independent individual. Not an accessory part of the family.
There are many similar points, but the direction is actually quite consistent. With the development of society and the change of ideas, many things are gradually divorced from marriage. Because the things that marriage can bring are gradually decreasing, for many people, the attraction of marriage is gradually decreasing, and it is increasingly difficult for marriage to improve a person's quality of life. Less people are willing to enter this market naturally.
However, in the marriage market, men and women have different values.
Generally speaking, as men grow older, their ability to acquire wealth will gradually improve, that is, their attractiveness will become greater; At the same time, a woman's ability to make money is not obvious due to some restrictions of social systems and concepts, but at the same time, her appearance and fertility, which reflect the attractiveness of women, will decline. Therefore, it is not difficult to understand why the title of "leftover women" will be treated differently.
This kind of treatment is incorrect. But you can also see many positive things. The mainstream development trend of society is that the rights of men and women are gradually equal. Women's social status will also gradually improve. In the marriage market, the status of women will naturally rise. Therefore, in the long run, the slightly discriminatory word "leftover women" will gradually fade out of our sight.
Zhihu users: Bai Mo.
There are many older single young women around me with good legs, waist, hips, face, hair and figure:
The work is glamorous, not 44A, not a returnee, nor an NGO；; Good style, spare time is not Kunqu opera or drama, not dead Jin Te or Miss Dong; Elegant taste, only go to Sanlian Bookstore, only read Shanghai ancient books, Zhonghua Bookstore, and write a love letter with a traditional vertical version, ending with a seal; Pay attention to diet, freshly ground coffee or low-calorie black tea, not an oven expert or dessert expert, but also use skim milk instead of sugar; With the queen, 50 yuan to spread the goods and wear Hepburn temperament, the three-color rule is never broken, except for lip gloss every day; The pillow is either To D or Rhinoceros in Love.
The only thing I don't agree with Liao Yimei's sentence is "Your home or my home, seven days or home?"
This passage is ironic, dear friends, don't ask me how your friends are so pretentious.
Your problem is just anxiety.
You are afraid that you know less than others, that your style is lower than others, that your aura is poor, and that you are afraid of being seen by others. You said that I am an independent woman in the new century, while saying that I like children to have three children by themselves; While saying that I need a soul mate to understand my thoughts, I complain that my boyfriend can't afford a Sanhuan apartment; In the gap year between planning a trip around the world, I submit to humiliation in the office.
To put it bluntly, you are always worried about your identity-who I am.
Widows, stepmother, lesbians and monks are not terrible; Married, the beauty is not there, the breasts are drooping, and it is not terrible to buy food and cook.
The terrible thing is to avoid knowing the true self and habitually choose fear.