(1) The customer said in surprise, "Your thumb is soaked in my soup." The waiter said, "Nothing, I'm used to it. Not hot. " Once upon a time, there was a man named Shuang. He is dead. On the day of the funeral. His family shouted, "Cool ... so cool. Passers-by are puzzled. Asked, "What do you like?" The family cried:' Great ... awesome! ! (3) Hee hee and haha are good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead." (4) There are three people in the family, namely the robber and the kitchen knife. The robber came to the public security bureau with a kitchen knife and said to the police, "hello, I'm a robber." I took them away. Xiao Ming said, "I don't know. "The teacher said," Then go home and ask your family. "Xiao Ming asked his mother, who was quarreling with others. Xiao Ming asked, "Mom 1+ 1=?" Mom said, "asshole! "Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= bastard; Xiaoming went to ask his father again. Dad is drinking beer. Xiao Ming asked, "Dad 1+ 1=?" Dad said, "Cool! "Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= cool; Xiaoming went to ask grandpa again. Grandpa is watching TV. Xiao Ming asked, "Grandpa 1+ 1=?" Grandpa said, "gangster!" "Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= gang boss; Xiaoming asked his sister who was singing the national anthem: people who don't want to be slaves! Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= people who don't want to be slaves; Xiaoming went to ask his sister who was singing children's songs: rabbit, open the door! Xiao Ming knows 1+ 1= bunny opens the door. The next day, the teacher asked, "Xiaoming 1+ 1=?" Xiao Ming said, "Asshole." "Pa" teacher slapped Xiao Ming, and Xiao Ming said, "Cool." The teacher said inexplicably, "Who taught you?" Ming Dow Jr.: "The boss of the gang." The teacher was startled and asked, "Xiao Ming, what are you doing?" Xiaoming sings: People who don't want to be slaves. The teacher shut Xiao Ming out of the door. Xiao Ming knocked at the door and sang, Bunny, please open the door. The teacher fainted 1, and the considerate boyfriend boy walked past the restaurant with his girlfriend. The girlfriend exclaimed, "It smells good!" The cash-strapped boy said very gentlemanly, "If you like, we'll walk to the front of the restaurant again." When my brother takes the bus, a beautiful girl on the bus always looks at him. The younger brother thought: the girl may be interested in herself, and she can't help but be flattered. The girl got off at the station. The younger brother immediately followed. The girl walked in front and looked back from time to time. The younger brother got up the courage to run forward and said humorously, "Miss, why do you always look at me?" Is there a grain of rice on my face? The girl glared at him and said, "Are you sick?" I know. I still don't wipe it. "I'm here on business. A man is on a business trip. When he arrived at his destination, he found there was no parking space, so he had to park his car on the road. He left a note under the wiper that said, "I'm here on business. "When I came back, I got a red ticket under the wiper, and there was a note under the note:" Me too. "4. Smoking A student learned to smoke. One day, he walked out of school after school and just took out a cigarette from his pocket, only to find that the class teacher didn't know when he had stood in front of him. Seeing the teacher's eyes wide open, he trembled with fear. The teacher roared, "Don't you dare smoke!" The students immediately threw their cigarettes on the ground. The teacher shouted again, "Don't you dare to waste it!" After listening, the students quickly picked it up from the ground and handed it to the teacher. The teacher didn't answer and roared, "How dare you bribe!" The students quickly stuffed them into their pockets. The teacher shouted even more angrily, "Do you dare to do it again?" The students were at a loss and cried with a "wow". Alas! ..... poor baby ~ even the heart is dead. 5. Where do I know Euler: "Mom, can I ask you a question? "Mom:" Yes, you can. "Euler:" When I was born, where did you know my name was Euler? "6. Best Service Award One day, my cousin and I went to catch a bus and finally got one, but there were so many people on the bus that the front door could not be squeezed in. We had to swipe our cards at the front door and get on the bus from the back door, but there were too many people on the bus to squeeze in the back door. So, the driver's big brother discussed with us: I'll start the car first, drive slowly, and you run behind the car. My cousin and I both wondered: What is the solution? But there is no way but to run after the car. Seeing that the car was about ten meters away, all of a sudden, the passengers on the car couldn't stay up, all of them fell to the front of the car, and the back door suddenly gave up a big place. At this time, the driver's big brother proudly greeted us: hurry up, hurry up ... 7. A rude man ran into the bank and said to the counter lady, "I want to open an account of XX! "Receptionist:" No problem, sir, but you don't need to use that tone! " Rude: Can you hurry up? Help me fix this damn account, I'm anxious! "receptionist:" sir, I'm not used to this tone! " "Rude:" Don't waste my time. Can you help me get an account for XX? Desk lady: "Excuse me, sir, I think I should invite our manager out!" " ! ""Then the counter girl ran into the manager's office and complained to the manager. After a while, the manager comforted the young lady and came out to argue with the rude man: "It seems that there is some trouble here. Can you tell me what happened? " Rude man: "I just want to open an account of XX and deposit the 100 million yuan lottery money I just won in XX, okay?" The bank manager immediately pointed to the counter lady and said, "I apologize on behalf of this fool!" " "8. SMS As soon as the Spring Festival arrives, messages about holiday wishes are overwhelming. People take the initiative to send text messages, and naturally they have to reciprocate. Quickly reply with your thumb. In the long run, the phone is hot, my fingers are sore, but my heart is warm. After the new year, this finger will be adjusted, and if something happens, take out your mobile phone. On this day, I received the news from our leader: the year is over; People are tired of running; Spend all your money; There are fewer text messages; Nobody cares; Then go to work honestly. 9, seven dollars A woman took counterfeit money to buy breakfast, and the stall owner was annoyed: "Elder sister, don't think about giving counterfeit money, at least it is printed, and your bill is actually painted! Forget drawing, to say the least. You can draw ten pieces, five pieces or seven pieces! 10, a credible gift A robber walked into a jewelry store, pointed a pistol at the boss and said, "Give me the ring, hurry up!" "The boss scared to death, pass a diamond ring. The robber looked at it carefully and roared, "If it is cheaper, I have to convince my fiancee that I bought 1. There was a fight between a coal seller and an egg seller, and everyone was watching, curious to ask why. The egg seller said, "Is there such a person as him?"! I shouted: Eggs-!" He immediately shouted: "Coal (not) sold ~ ~! ! " 2。 3. Mother flies eat small flies, and they fly to a pile of cow dung. The little fly asked gloomily, "Mom, why do we always eat cow dung?" The mother fly slapped Xiaofei's face and scolded, "This unlucky child, don't say such disgusting things when eating!" " "A woman got on the bus with her child in her arms, and the driver said," This is the ugliest doll I have ever seen. " The woman said to the man next to her, "The driver insulted me!" The man said, "Go get even with him! I'll hold your monkey. " The painter stood on the ladder and painted the ceiling of the mental hospital. A patient said to him, "Take your pen and don't let go." Painter: "I can hold it." Patient: "Then I'll bring your ladder and use it." 6. In the classroom, Amin put the lunch box in front of Iowa next door and said, "Try my meal." Iowa scooped up a spoonful and fed it into her mouth. "Did you see it ruined?" Amin added. Xiao Ming's face is swollen. The classmate asked the reason. Xiaoming said, "I went boating in the park yesterday, and a bee landed on my face." The classmate asked, "Why not just drive him away?" Xiao Ming: "Before, my father killed it with an oar." 8. Three poor farmers are chatting in the field. A: I'm going to be a big official, and I will eat steamed buns for every meal. B: Then I'll eat a big bowl of beef noodles every day. C: I'm going to be an official. No one is allowed to pick up dung in the village. They are all mine! 9. One night, a classmate in the university dormitory was rubbing his eyes. Another classmate: the magazine said that rubbing your eyes might wear off your cornea. At this time, I listened to the electricity and only said to the classmate who rubbed his eyes, ah! My cornea has been worn off! 10. Two colleagues were drunk after drinking, and one of them rolled his tongue and said, What I saw was double-decker. The other man quickly took out a 10 dollar bill from his pocket and said, here is my 20 dollars. 1 1. The Minister of Family Planning went to the countryside for a census and asked the old farmer: Do you know why close relatives can't get married? The old farmer smiled with a simple and honest smile: Hehe ... I'm too familiar with it, so I'm embarrassed to start. 12. A group of people went camping at the seaside. A buddy on the road has been eating fried soybeans. Everyone was afraid that he would eat more fart and advised him not to eat any more. His answer is: after you go camping, I will fry fish for you in the sea! . 1. I took a fancy to a handsome guy in our school in my junior year, so I went up to talk to others: handsome guy, do you have a girlfriend? I see. Then would you mind changing it? Mind. Would you mind another drink? & gt Two months later, my junior year successfully advanced to Grade 1 ~~ 2. I went to the university to teach myself. A strange boy stopped me. I asked him what he wanted. He said, "Nothing, you are so white. I just want to see if you look good. " After a while, he came over and said, "Do you think I'm black?" "Black" I said. He said, "Everyone says I'm black." Faint again. I saw a beautiful MM in front. . . . Can't strike up a conversation. . So ... . . . Pick up a brick. . . Go to the front. . "Classmate, did you drop this?" In a Vietnamese restaurant in Connecticut, a handsome waiter asked me, "Are you from China?" I answered him, and he immediately said "I love you" in Chinese. I fainted! Then he kept hanging around my desk, and other guests asked him to get the bill, but he ignored it. My friend who went to dinner with me was very depressed and miserable, saying that she had been to this restaurant for N times and had not been accosted. My friend's classmate wanted to soak 1 MM in the evening self-study, and went up and asked, "classmate, what time is it?" MM looked at her watch and said, "Half past eight." The fellow looked surprised and said, "Ah, it's half past eight by my watch. Do you think we are predestined friends? " ? ! "After laughing, I will give you a test ... I found that there are two kinds of people who will read my post ... the first 1 period: people who laugh after reading my post ... such people have smooth love, smooth career, harmonious family and happy life ~ of course. This kind of people are also generous ... they don't mind replying to a small post ... happiness is priceless ~ ~ The second kind: people who don't smile after reading my post: ... this kind of people ... don't say anything ~ ~ Is it so difficult to reply to a post ... It's just a small matter ... One day, Clinton's wife Chirac was taken to see God. She found many watches hanging in God's living room, some walking fast and some walking slowly. So she asked God's servant, "Why does God collect so many watches? These watches don't go so fast? " The servant of God said, "These watches represent human life. Everyone in the world has a watch. If he has a lot of business, his watch will go fast, but if he has no business, his watch will go slow. Chirac looked around and said, "Why didn't you see my husband Clinton's watch?" "The servant of God said," Your husband's watch was taken to the office by God as an electric fan, but he still had to go: a slip of the tongue. "