Communication is definitely a series of interactions. The process of interaction between the two sides should be like a sports car warming up gradually, starting slowly at first, then gradually increasing the speed, and finally sprinting at full speed. There is communication in the process and clear results.
There are several kinds of communication that outsiders can see at a glance as "dead chess":
Question-and-answer communication-one party asks questions and one party answers them. One side asks questions and the other side answers. It is obvious that one party is not interested in communication at all.
● Parallel communication-for example, Mr. Wang said that he was scolded by his boss in the company today, and his wife said that she bought food at a big sale for a week today. Talking about each other is like two parallel lines that are not connected with each other.
Play the lute to a cow-A: "I brought a case in the company today. I didn't expect Mr. Chen, who always sings against me, to agree to my proposal this time! " B: "What kind of music? What singing contest did you just say? 」
Unwilling communication-Mom: "Come to menstruation's house with me tomorrow afternoon, remember to bring seasonal fruits, and remind me to bring the notebook that menstruation left in our house last time tomorrow morning. Do you know that?/You know what? Son: Whatever you say. Why did you ask me for advice? 」
● Deliberately find fault with communication-A: "I suggest adopting Scheme A, that is, holding a momentum party at the Dome and inviting a well-known TV anchor as the host. What's wrong with this proposal? " B: "Yes, there is something wrong with you. 」
In fact, the above communication is very common in life, and the more acquaintances there are, the more likely it is to have communication problems. On the contrary, it is more likely that one party listens attentively and the other party elaborates attentively. But in any case, communication is to achieve a goal, whether it is to sell products or to persuade girls to watch movies together on weekends. Assuming that two communication objects are strangers, how can influence be transmitted through communication?
A basic way to build a sense of identity is "sustainability". Otherwise, no matter whether the other party doesn't want to listen, doesn't understand, or is inattentive, it is not good communication. The key internal touch point is to establish identity.
If you are a stranger, you should first analyze the other person's mood, assuming that this is a shop, not the kind of sales communication that stops people from selling on the road. At this time, the other party is willing to come to the store in the following ways:
* Why don't you want to hear it? He is not interested in the topic you are talking about.
* Why don't you understand? Because you say too many technical terms.
* Why not concentrate? Because your explanation is really boring.
A very important factor is that the other party is not interested. If he is interested, even if there are terms in the conversation, he will try to understand them, and the two sides will be more attentive when talking. How to arouse each other's interest through conversation? There are so-called upward classification and downward classification in communication. What do you mean by upward classification? Here are some examples:
At the used car general store,
A: "Why do you want to buy a used car? 」
B: "Because on many occasions, it is inconvenient to go without a car. 」
A: "Why is it inconvenient to have no car? Can you give me an example? 」
B: "For example, it is inconvenient for me to take the bus with my musical instrument. 」
A: "Why are you carrying a musical instrument? Are you a musician? 」
B: "Yes, I'm a saxophone player. I teach and perform in different bars. 」
The so-called upward classification is the reason behind the constant questioning of "problems". Because each customer's situation is different, some customers don't like to talk, and the merchants ask and answer; Some customers don't know the particularity of goods. He may want to buy a car, but he knows nothing about cars. In any case, merchants can know what the other party wants by asking questions in an upward classification, so they can also make appropriate suggestions for his real needs. On the other hand, by asking questions, it also means that the two sides are communicating and building emotions. Many times, ordinary people are actually willing to show themselves unless it is torture or personal topics.
For example, the musician was embarrassed to introduce me as a musician in person, as if he was showing off something, but when A asked him about his needs with upward classified questions, he finally recommended an artist-style and convenient storage box (playing musical instruments), but the car was not too big and it was convenient to park (it was usually difficult to find a parking space near the pub at night). In this way, by asking questions, A provides professional services for B and establishes long-term friendship.
Upward classification is suitable for cases where the apparent reason is unknown. The most typical example is that men and women meet and date for the first time. Because they are unfamiliar, they have a lot of reserve. At this time, they often use upward classification questions. In practice, they should use "Why?" 」
"Why do you want to eat hot spring eggs with wild vegetables? 」
"Because you can go to Yangmingshan. 」
"Why do you want to go to Yangmingshan? 」
"Because you can stop by to see the night view. 」
"Why do you want to see the night scene ..." (Because it's romantic to watch the night scene with you! )
By asking questions, establishing links and classifying them upwards, we can know each other's real needs. In addition, this is usually a process from unfamiliar to familiar, because its principle is to gradually superimpose on the old basis, that is, to use a problem first to deepen the strength without jumping out of the original problem. On the contrary, if you ask questions, strangers will be suspected of investigating their household registration, and their impression will be even worse.
What are the main interrogative words for upward classification? Other problems can also be matched with each other to narrow the distance between them.
The well-known 5W 1H is very effective in basic interaction, such as the first interaction between men and women:
"It's a nice day today. Why did you bring an umbrella? "(why)
"Because I am very cautious, I know it is always good to bring an umbrella. 」
"I see you have classes in two departments at the same time. Isn't it heavy How did you do that? "(How)
"As long as separate each other's class time, anyone can have classes on both sides! 」
"This dress on you is too special. What kind of gem is embroidered on this? How beautiful! "(what)
"oh! This is an opal! 」
Others include:
"When will the welcome ball in your department be held? (When)
"I'm sorry, I forgot to prepare charcoal fire for tomorrow's camping. Do you know where I can buy it? (where)
"You also like to watch art exhibitions? Which work do you like best in this exhibition? "(who)
It can be found that although these problems are applied interactively, there are several common principles:
1. It's best to let the other person answer, but it won't be rude.
If you ask how many brothers and sisters there are in your family, it's too abrupt for someone you just met.
2. In words, with a certain degree of praise.
In the process of asking questions, let the other person feel beautiful or far-sighted.
3. Let the topic continue. Never use closed questions.
For example, if you ask who you like, you can successfully extend the topic.
4. Even if you are rejected, you won't be embarrassed (this should be accompanied by micro-expressions)
For example, what is the gem on the other person? Her eyes were a little erratic and impatient when she received the opal. You can also find yourself "it turned out to be opal, thank you for another lesson today" at the bottom of the steps and then turn around and leave gracefully. Just because you can't strike up a conversation this time doesn't mean you won't have a chance in the future.
Basically, the problem is the establishment of a link, and they should be as optional as possible. For example, in a shopping mall, ask a customer why he wants to buy a car. If the other person doesn't want to answer, it means that he may still be thinking inside and doesn't want to be disturbed. At this time, as long as we do the basic care and greetings, we can retreat to one side. When he has a clear demand in the future, we will naturally release the signal of further communication.
Different models of questions should be matched with each other.
Since there is upward classification, there must be a corresponding problem, and that is downward classification.
Take the example of buying a car in front of us. If we classify it upward, we will ask questions at a larger level, from buying a car to asking about the real demand for buying a car at the end. The so-called downward classification is a more detailed method, such as:
A travel agency, a guest came to look through the catalogue. Talk business with him.
Merchant: "Sir, where do you want to play?" 」
Customer: "Central Japan!" ! 」
Business: "More specifically, which county do you particularly like?" 」
Customer: "About Ishikawa, Toyama and Gifu!" ! 」
Merchant: "Do you want to see any scenic spots? 」
Customer: "I've always wanted to visit Hezhang Village. 」
Shang: "If there is hope, go to the surrounding mountain landscape, such as the black part of Lishan Mountain, or do you prefer to go to the urban area, such as Nagoya?" 」
Through the downward classification method, enterprises can provide customers with suggestions and plans to better meet their needs. In practical application, upward and downward echo each other, and it is absolutely necessary to "go up first and then down".
Why? Because upward classification has a main purpose, which is to bring the relationship closer. Especially when the relationship between the two is not close, we must create a sense of intimacy through upward classification. In fact, there is a term in politics and shopping malls called "it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter." This so-called "relationship finding" is upward classification.
For example, you are communicating with a guest of a youth chamber of commerce. They are strangers and feel a little embarrassed to ask anything. At this time, the first sentence is to find a relationship, and clues may be found when the two sides exchange business cards. For example, "Hello, Mr. Li, alas! Your company is in Taichung! Tell you, my hometown happens to be in Taichung, and we are fellow villagers! 」
A "fellow countryman" instantly narrowed their distance. As the chat continues, we may find that we are college classmates, or we have all participated in the Lions Club or something. Through upward classification, the more similarities are found, and strangers can become good friends within an hour. Another way to shorten the distance is to say "Me too" in a timely manner when talking with the other party:
A: "I am very concerned about children's education. I always let them learn different talents." 」
B: "Do you care about children's talents, too? Me too! Both my children are in the gifted class. 」
After establishing a relationship through upward classification, if you want to do business at this time, you can talk about it.
A: "So you are decorating! Actually, some places in our house need to be decorated recently. 」
A: "Oh! Where to renovate? 」
B: "Around the kitchen and dining room. 」
A: "Where is the kitchen? Is this a flow counter? Or the wall? 」
In this way, first classify upward, and then classify downward; Understand the requirements first, and then determine the details. Through such questions, we can establish friendship and have good communication.