I heard wrong.

A foreigner holding a ticket for 50 yuan waved it in front of the conductor: See? Have you seen it? ……

The conductor was stupid, so he simply took out a program of 100: Have you seen it?

Finally, I learned that the man wanted to go to "Jianguomen!"

Chasing cars

I caught the bus in the morning, and when I got to the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " Then a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Stop chasing Bajie."

ring-pull

A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the pull ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver suddenly braked, and the fat woman pulled off the pull ring and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring on her hand and said angrily, "There are three sets. Send the driver an autographed photo!" "

Classic slip of the tongue on campus

I went to physical education class in junior high school and got sick that day. I'm a sports commissioner. After everyone lined up, I wanted to give the physical education teacher a leave of absence, but it turned into a ten-cent note. Before I knew it, I said, "I'm leaving."

After that, everyone burst into laughter. Some people said "taking bribes", "too corrupt" and "not enough"

The teacher is also very happy. In a week, I became the topic. . .

5. The director of the Political and Educational Affairs Office of Senior Three criticized some boys who like to watch XXXXX at a school briefing: "Not being proud is shame" and laughed a lot.

6. on the playground, the teacher said: the male classmate stood on my left, the female classmate stood on my right, and the others stood still ... as a result, he didn't move.

13. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is sitting in the village today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

20. I once watched Tao tell an anecdote about his first time as a host, and never said that the opening ceremony was a curtain call ... What impressed me most was that he said that when he was hosting a party, he calmly walked up and said affectionately, "Friends, have you seen the Yellow River? Do you know it is our mother river ~ ~ "After introducing the Yellow River affectionately, he said," Let's listen to the songs of the Yangtze River. "

2 1. I went to my class for a physical examination in high school. When I took my blood pressure, I found that a male classmate in junior high school took my blood pressure. I seem to be an intern there. That mm's sleeve will never pull up. I said to the boy when I was in a hurry, why don't I take off my pants? The boy blushed and said, Oh, no need. That mm may have frozen to death.

23. I met a long-awaited girl who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close. She held back for a long time and said, "Are there many men in your bath?"

25. Visiting a factory, I saw an assembly line and blurted out, "What goods are produced by this abortion line?"

26. On one occasion, I mistook someone on the road and slapped him severely. The man turned around and tried to eat me. When I get nervous, I say, it doesn't matter, I admit my mistake. ...

When I called from home, I asked, "Dad, where are you?" The parents on the other end of the phone froze. Answer: "I am at work!

1. Recently, the company organized a singing contest, and the manager suggested that everyone join in and have a chorus, which can fully reflect the cohesion of all employees. The song is "We are All Family". On Wednesday afternoon, the game went on as scheduled. When the employees walked on the stage with neat steps, the manager came forward: "We present a little chorus for everyone, and the song is" We are all human "..."

In class, the teacher asks the students to judge right and wrong on the spot.

Teacher: "Xiao Lin, please judge."

Kobayashi: "I think the answer should be' wrong'."

Teacher: "Why?"

Kobayashi: "Because Xiaoyan answered correctly earlier, but you didn't let her sit down."

On a dark night, a woman with long hair in white was sitting in the last seat of the last bus.

The bus was moving forward, and the driver glanced at the rearview mirror and suddenly found that the woman was gone. He quickly braked and opened his eyes to look carefully. The woman appeared again, and the driver's heart beat faster.

After a while, he took another look in the rearview mirror and found that the woman was gone again. He quickly braked and found that the woman's face was covered with blood! The driver turned pale with fear and his legs were weak, but he heard the woman say, "Brother, I have a grudge against you. You brake as soon as I tie my shoelaces. "

4. The director of a medical college took a group of students to the hospital for clinical practice. Before coming to a ward, the director said, "Let's go in later, let's have a look, diagnose the patient's condition, think about his illness, nod if you know it, and shake your head if you don't know it."

Jiasheng went in to watch for a while, bit his pen and thought about it, then shook his head helplessly. In B, he looked at it and shook his head helplessly. Then C went in, sighed, shook his head and came out. When Ding Sheng came in, he saw the patient rushing out of bed, grabbed him and said with tears in his face, "Doctor, please help me, I don't want to die!"