2. When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!
When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate.
I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "
What's more, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "
4, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!
5. Me: That's our physics teacher. . .
Classmate: What do you teach?
Me: Chemistry. . .
6. One day at school, a phone call came and my classmate handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants to see you."
As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."
Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.
7. Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here", but this time I want to say "he's out". The result was: "He ... left."
8. My brother handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"
9. My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"
10, our company has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " I laughed until I got off ~!
1 1, when I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!
12, when I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were usually sold on bicycles. Once, I heard an old lady shout in the room: The fresh ice cream is hot. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )
13. I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine one day. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " ~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.
14, ktv once, ordered songs, and a mm shouted: Give me a "Double Jielun" stick chop every week. ......
15. In the past, the teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine". The whole class was stunned ~ ~ ~
16, one evening, I met an acquaintance and said, "Good morning." ...
17, in the evening, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly: "I saw the midnight version of Meisha (the American version of midnight bell) today!"
18, due to business trip, I have to go to a bank in China to repair equipment. After getting out of the hotel and taking a taxi, I said to the female driver, "Go to the Bank of China and buy a knife at a hardware store." Sweat! I was going to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I was wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said, "Big Brother, I'm going to get off work. Please find a new taxi. " At that time, I was very angry and said, "What car are you stopping at the hotel after work?" The female driver looked at me and said, "I don't want the fare after buying the knife. Please find another one." Dizzy! ! ! Only then did I realize that I was wrong, and I quickly explained it for a long time. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry for the female driver.
19, the political teacher once said in a lecture, "Let me give you an example", and then thought it was wrong and said, "Give me an example."
20. In college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone and got a mobile card. He called 10086 to ask about it. At that time, I was excited: Do you have a mobile phone business? From hands-free, we actually heard the telephone operator say politely: We are moving to bring business. . . The whole dormitory burst into laughter.
2 1, my husband is very thin. Once I was in a hurry and said, "Honey, you look as thin as a pig!" "
22. Broadcast the original: Two gangsters wounded my 1 10 policeman and fled.
The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded 1 10 police and fled.
(Huang Feihong reincarnated! )
23. One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner:
Report instrument, examiner is normal ~ ~ ~ ~
24. I remember once, I went to KFC with a sister. I heard her muttering in the queue, a chicken leg burger and a pair of chicken wings. It was her turn. Everyone laughed as soon as she spoke. She wanted to say "Miss, a chicken leg hamburger", but it turned out to be "a calf, a hamburger".
25.MM told me about KFC's new "flesh and blood connection" and asked me to take her to eat. In those days, Beijing was extremely hot and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC: Please give me two "flesh and blood", thank you! .............
Shame-_-!
26. A boy saw his uncle: "Buy him two dishes!"
Uncle: "This kid is so boastful that he can't even talk!" " "
27. A shy male classmate went to the canteen to have breakfast. The host in the window asked him, "What do you want?" He lowered his head and said, "I want … I want … a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun." The master stared at him for a long time and asked, "What do you want? Say it again! " "I want a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun ... oh. Don't! A steamed bun, a loaf of bread! "
28. A classmate called a friend's house and his grandfather answered it. This classmate doesn't know what he is thinking. He just said, "Grandpa, I'm grandma ..." Suddenly he felt something was wrong and hung up with a bang. ...
29, a buddy, once he made an appointment with a long-cherished girl, ready to confess to her. They sat for a long time before he got up the courage to say to the girl, "Do you have a boyfriend?" The girl replied shyly, "Not yet." He was ecstatic: "Then can you be my boyfriend?"
30. The wife asked reproachfully: You don't even know your grandmother's name?
The husband is very wronged to answer, how should I know? My grandmother was only seven years old when I died.
Wife surprised: What?
Husband quickly changed his mouth: no, no, my grandmother died at the age of seven!
3 1, my mother said to me before going out to work, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and put all your dishes in the washing machine ~ ~ ~ ~"
32. Once I came out from my mother, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out, "Mom!"