A person's charm is largely reflected through language. As we know, language is the most important tool for interpersonal communication, and language itself is also the expression of human personality. Soft language can make people feel warm and comfortable like spring, and win everyone's recognition and goodwill, while rude language can only make people feel cold and heartless like winter, which makes people disgusted or disgusting.
When we talk to people, the first thing that comes to mind is the feelings of others. That is, the reaction of others after listening to what we say, that is, his psychological endurance. If you talk blindly regardless of others' feelings, it may hurt others' feelings and self-esteem, cause unpleasant conversations or worsen into unexpected consequences.
Therefore, one's proper use of language is the key to his success. The art of language includes two interrelated aspects: self-expression and conversation content.
If we want to get rid of some bad habits in life, and if we want to persuade others more effectively, we might as well listen to Benjamin Franklin's advice. Franklin described in his autobiography how he overcame the bad habit of being competitive and arguing endlessly, and how he made himself the most capable diplomat in American history.
When Franklin was a grumpy young man, an old friend of Quaker called him aside and gave him a good scolding:
"Benjamin, you're hopeless. You suppressed everyone who disagreed with you. Your opinion has become so precious that no one can afford it. Your friends find that they will be much more comfortable if you are not present. You know so much that no one can teach you anything. No one will tell you anything, because it will be thankless and unpleasant. So you can't absorb new knowledge, but your old knowledge is very limited. "
This shocked Franklin. He accepted the advice of his old friend, and he began to make up his mind to get rid of his arrogant, rude and aggressive habits and try his best to cultivate a humble and self-restrained temperament. Franklin later said:
"At that time, I made a rule that I would never directly oppose anyone's opinion, and I would not allow myself to be too arbitrary. I don't even allow myself to be too sure in words or language. I don't say' of course' and' no doubt', but use' I think',' I assume' or' I imagine', and one thing should be one way or another; Or "it seems so to me at present". When someone states something I don't think, I will never refute him immediately, nor will I correct his mistake immediately. When I answer, I will say that under certain conditions and circumstances, his opinion is not wrong, but in this case, it seems slightly different or something. I soon realized the benefits of changing my attitude; All the conversations I took part in were much more harmonious. I express my opinions with a modest attitude, which is not only easy to be accepted, but also reduces some conflicts. When I find out that I am wrong, there is no embarrassing scene, but when I happen to be right, I will let the other party agree with me instead of being stubborn. "
But Franklin, like everyone else, always had to work hard and pay the price to change his inherent habits, but he finally got over it slowly. He recalled:
"When I first adopted this method, I really felt that it was in conflict with my nature, but it became easier and easier over time and became my own habit. And it may be 50 years, and no one has heard me say anything too arbitrary (on the premise of honest practice). This habit is an important reason why I can get the attention of my compatriots when proposing new bills or amending old clauses, and I can have considerable influence after becoming a member of parliament. Because I am not good at rhetoric, let alone eloquence, I hesitate to choose words, and I will say the wrong thing. But on the whole, my opinion is still widely supported. "
Franklin can be regarded as one of the most successful people. His views deserve our attention, and his attitude of being brave in change is worth learning from each of us.
Many experts who study language and communication skills believe that "what you say is more important than what you say." Li's intonation is an important aspect, how to say it. When you speak, you not only convey your literal meaning, but also convey your emotions, and intonation is the reaction of our emotions and personalities. If you say the same thing in a different tone, the effect will be completely different. So you should control your intonation and let the sentences you convey achieve the purpose you want to say. On different occasions, to different audiences and different topics, your tone of voice should also be different. For example:
Invite you to give a speech at an award ceremony, then your tone should be warm and emotional. If your boss asks you to explain a problem, you should be sincere and insightful. If a business school asks you to attend their opening ceremony and you are a successful businessman, you might as well "teach" the students below.
In short, it is more convincing to learn to control your intonation and listen to your pronunciation.
It is not enough for a person who has mastered the art of language to learn to express his thoughts and meanings perfectly. More importantly, he needs to learn to communicate with others and express his purpose through such communication-this purpose may be to hope that the other party will cooperate with you, hope that the other party will show understanding and sympathy for your current situation, hope that the other party will agree with you and hope that the other party will improve your status. But whether these goals can be achieved or not, you should pay attention to some more general principles. In the simplest terms, this general principle is:
Respect others in the process of conversation-from his personality to his judgment and wisdom, don't cause unhappiness, even slight dissatisfaction, let alone resentment. No matter whether the purpose of this conversation is achieved or not, we should leave a good impression on the other side so as to facilitate the next cooperation, and don't damage the long-term friendship and cooperation because of temporary differences.
American President Lincoln attached great importance to this point. Once, a young officer and his colleagues had a fierce quarrel. Lincoln said to him:
"Anyone who has made up his mind to achieve something will never waste his time on personal disputes. The consequences of the dispute are beyond his capacity, including losing his temper and losing self-control. Make more concessions on things that are equal to others' rights, and make less concessions on things that are obviously beneficial to yourself. "
Carnegie even warned us: about how we blame others-we can use a look, a tone, a gesture; Or tell others directly that he is wrong in words-or we tell him that he is wrong, will he agree with us? Never! Because we directly hit his wisdom, judgment, glory and self-esteem. This will make him want to fight back, but it will never make him change his mind. Even if all Plato's or Kant's logic is moved out, it won't change his view, because our actions hurt his feelings.
If we want to get rid of bad habits when talking to others, such as quarreling and ignoring others' opinions, we should always remind ourselves that even if we often relapse because of carelessness, we should not be discouraged. Think about Franklin, think about Carnegie's warning, how they did it, and how they overcame it through hard work. In this way, we will feel much more comfortable and act much easier.
5. The Rubik's Cube of Oral Expression
Oral vocabulary can be said to be ever-changing and mysterious, and a sentence, a word and a word can be expressed in several ways. And the meaning expressed is different, and it also has different effects. This is the "Rubik's Cube" of language change!
In the oral expression of people's words, different word order arrangements can change the nature and intensity of people's thoughts and feelings, and have different repercussions on the consequences of communication. In other words, the effect of oral expression is not only related to the nature and weight of the expressed content itself, but also related to the language order and structure when these contents are unfolded.
Its ingenious split and combination can create various patterns, produce different effects, achieve different goals, and finally conquer opponents and succeed! Let's look at the following story, which uses the golden tongue to change the pattern of words and achieve various purposes:
Zhang Yi and Su Qin were strategists who advocated "uniting the horizontal" during the Warring States Period. Zhang Yi advocates the "Lian Heng" policy. He once went to the State of Chu to lobby, but Chu Huaiwang gave him the cold shoulder. Chu Huaiwang was fatuous and incompetent, expelled the loyal Qu Yuan, and was very lewd, especially fond of two beautiful women, Nan Hou and Zheng Xiu.
Yi cheung took this as a breakthrough and met Chu Huaiwang with confidence. He said, "I've been here for a while and I haven't achieved anything, so I want to try Jin."
"All right!" Chu Huaiwang answered without thinking.
"So, what do you want from the goods of Jin State?" Zhang Yi said.
"In my country, gold, precious stones, rhino horn, ivory ... everything, I don't want anything." Chu Huaiwang said.
Zhang Yi bluntly said: "You don't want beauty either? Beautiful women in Zheng and Zhou are just like fairies. "
Chu Huaiwang was moved. He said, "Chu is a remote small country, and the women here are not as beautiful as those in the Central Plains countries. If there are excellent women, of course I like them. "
So Chu Huaiwang gave all the precious jewels and the expenses for going to the State of Jin to Zhang Yi.
While yi cheung cleverly released the news that he was going to the state of Jin to bring back beautiful women for Chu Huaiwang. After going south, Zheng Xiu heard that she was anxious all day, for fear that Yi Cheung would really bring back more beautiful women than them and let herself fall out of favor. So, they also sent people to bring valuable gifts to Zhang Yi.
Faced with this situation, Zhang Yi is not embarrassed. He went to see Chu Huaiwang on the pretext of saying goodbye. Ask Chu Huaiwang to give him a glass of parting wine. At the banquet, he further proposed: "It's really lonely to be alone with you and me. Can you invite someone you love to accompany you? "
Chu Huaiwang asked Nan Hou and Zheng Xiu to pour the wine.
So, after looking at these two beautiful women carefully, Zhang Yi respectfully said to Chu Huaiwang, "I'm really sorry about the next thing."
"What is it?" Chu Huaiwang said.
"I have traveled all over the world, and I have never seen a beautiful woman like Nan Hou and Zheng Xiu. But I don't want to go to Jin to find a beautiful woman. This is really a shame for Wang Huai's love. " Yi cheung said seriously.
When Chu Huaiwang heard Zhang Yi praising the two beauties he loved, he was also overjoyed. He said happily, "Your thoughts are the same as mine. I think they are the most beautiful women in the world."
Zhang Yi has won the favor and esteem of Chu Huaiwang, Nanhou and Zheng Xiu as easy as blowing off dust.
It is inevitable that people will be left out in the cold. At this time, you might as well take a step back and say that you are ostensibly wrong. In fact, indirect praise will make others feel more comfortable than direct praise.
In the story, Zhang Yi's rhetoric adopts the way of retreating for progress. Being left out in the cold, he first indicated that he could find a beautiful woman for Chu Huaiwang and get a batch of jewels from Chu Huaiwang. However, he managed to let his two favorite queens know that they were afraid of falling out of favor and got a lot of money.
Then, he complimented Chu Huaiwang that he couldn't find a more beautiful woman than his two concubines, thus satisfying Chu Huaiwang's vanity. Therefore, he won the favor and generous gift of Chu Huaiwang and his two queens with no effort. Zhang Yi's language Rubik's Cube can be said to be extremely wonderful and ingenious! Unpredictable Rubik's Cube of Spoken English
The effect of oral changes is not only related to the nature and weight of the expressed content itself, but also related to the language order and structure when these contents are unfolded. Therefore, the combination of word order changes is like an intellectual Rubik's cube. Through clever rotation, we can transform various patterns and forms, express the speaker's thoughts and feelings to the fullest, and finally conquer the opponent. The following are several common Rubik's cube of oral changes: sentence order changes enhance the expression effect. In order to seek the ideal expression effect, we should not only consider the individual word order and sentence order in oral expression, but also plan and design the order of expression content from a macro perspective, so as to make the expression more targeted.
When the famous writer Gaidar was traveling, a student recognized him and ran to carry his suitcase. However, when the suitcase was found to be worn out, the student said, "Mr. Wang is very famous. Why is the suitcase used casually? "
Gaidar took the other's words and said cleverly, "Isn't that good? Wouldn't it be worse if the suitcase was' famous' and I was' casual'? "
His correct answer was interesting and meaningful, and all the students laughed.
Sometimes, in order to pursue a strong overall expression effect, a speech needs to be carefully planned and arranged in a clear logical order. Invert word order and construct bright spots. Some phrases have fixed positions and express specific meanings. If the position of its words is changed and reversed, its meaning will change qualitatively, or the focus will shift, so as to achieve the effect of strengthening expression. For example:
At a literary evening held by CCTV to welcome the Olympic Games, the host encouraged the China football team: "Although the China football team has been defeated repeatedly, it will not affect their will and spirit ..." Here, the word order of the sentence "defeated repeatedly" is reversed and changed to "defeated repeatedly", which means a great change. While explaining the objective facts, it highlights the indomitable fighting spirit of the football team and gives people confidence and strength.
Sometimes, the reversal and change of the order of a single word seems to be no different if viewed in isolation. But once it is integrated into the specific context of oral expression, it can produce magical effects.
Change the composition and highlight the emotional color. According to the general expression habit, sentence elements have a certain position. In order to express special thoughts and feelings, some elements in a sentence can be interchanged and shifted to create a specific expression effect.
For example, "What's wrong with you?" It means to doubt and blame, which is relatively blunt. Change it into an inverted sentence "What's wrong with you?" Pay attention to expressing concern and appear amiable. "Hurry up!" Express orders, urge. ""Come on, you! " Xiu Xiu impatient, scold a way.
Obviously, the change of the position of sentence components will bring about subtle changes in the expressed thoughts and feelings.
Mastering and using the skills of word order change should serve the purpose of communication, not playing with words aimlessly. If you leave the need of communicative purpose and arbitrarily reverse the word order of speech, it will not only enhance the effect of expression, but also make people feel incoherent and unintelligible, which is counterproductive. So, we have a good proper limit.
—— Quoted from the Practical Eloquence Encyclopedia of Yanbian People's Publishing House.