Pursue love.
How to pursue love? A little girl asked: I like someone very much in my heart, but the other person is too good. I want to be better and then pursue love, okay?
Before, I might want to say: you can pursue it now, why wait until it is better.
But now I want to say: of course!
Why would I say that?
Because everyone's love is tailored for themselves, the choice she can make is naturally the best choice.
Different growth experiences have given birth to different needs for love.
I often hear many women say: I hope to find someone who understands me.
Why among so many conditions, only knowledge and understanding are the most attractive?
This is because, in the process of growing up, it is always ignored and never understood. This part that I have been longing for but can't get has gradually sprouted into the greatest expectation for love.
Different growth experiences will give birth to different needs for love. For example:
If you lack response when growing up, you need your lover to respond and recognize you.
If you lack the support of powerful people when you grow up, you will be attracted by those who are very authoritative and powerful;
If you lack companionship when growing up, you will be attracted to those who have fun together.
This lack is related to everyone's family background and growth experience, so we can't choose what kind of people we will be attracted to.
Parents often hope that their children can find a better lover and then make great efforts in their children's love, but they don't know that the mutual attraction of love is not determined by reason, it is the product of subconscious.
In life, we often see many people taking pains to hint at what kind of people others should like. In fact, everyone's own positioning determines what kind of love he will eventually encounter.
What we lack is what we are attracted to, which is our most primitive need for love.
Every love has its own growth catalyst, which can make people more complete.
In our real life, when we are deeply attracted by a certain quality of a person, it is often because this person has some obvious personality that we yearn for, and this part is our own "invisible personality".
For example, if a girl lives a particularly depressed life, then she is very eager to live her own life and is easily attracted by a radiant, unrestrained and freedom-loving man.
At first, this attraction is very beautiful, as if a beam of light came into your life. However, if we get along with reality, these characteristics we like will bring a lot of trouble and pain.
A free and casual man may not be single-minded about his feelings and responsible for his family. If we expect to choose, it may still be the same for another person.
However, if we can see the meaning behind this attraction through love, we can promote our growth and pursue a more complete self because of the unsatisfied pain in love.
In this way, we not only gain love, but also grow ourselves, and finally have a better chance of happiness.
The core motivation of love is to give you more opportunities to see yourself and become more complete through an attractive focus.
If you refuse such a lesson, refuse to see and grow yourself, then this relationship can only stay in an attractive and painful dilemma and cannot move towards true happiness.
It is often said that if I grow up, I don't need anything, so I don't need love.
Yes, sometimes we are extremely disappointed with the relationship, thinking that one day we can do well and become better, and then we can get more attention.
If the relationship really gives us such an experience, it is not a bad thing. When we can strive to develop ourselves through the setbacks caused by relationships, such love also injects a strong impetus into our growth.
Love is rewarding, happiness is the direction and growth is the process.
Because of a deeper understanding of love, many people now hold a yearning and worrying attitude towards love, sometimes full of expectations, and sometimes afraid of expecting too much, always thinking about how to do it just right.
In fact, every love has something that deeply attracts us. As long as we put ourselves into it, it doesn't matter how we pursue absolutely correct standards.
For example, when we first enter a relationship, we will naturally look forward to this relationship. At this time, some expectations are too perfect and become an illusion.
Therefore, when we enter the relationship, we will be disappointed and hit a wall. If we can tolerate these feelings and face our own challenges bravely at this time, we will have the opportunity to develop our shadow personality and become more complete.
Psychology has found that there is a law in intimate relationships, that is, when one party gives up changing the other party and tends to develop and strengthen itself, the other party will be more and more easily influenced, and eventually the two people will become more and more alike.
In other words, the ultimate happiness of the relationship is not because of who has defeated who or who has to rely on who, but because everyone needs to develop their integrity as much as possible and become an independent circle, so that they can work together with another circle and move towards the harmony of the relationship.
Therefore, when we enter a love, we may be blind, paranoid and irrational, which is not terrible.
It is important that whenever you encounter difficulties, you must look back on yourself.
Some people will be a little earlier, some people will be a little later, some people will grow up first, and then meet happiness, and some people will meet a satisfactory relationship first, and then grow up.
We can't choose the time, but each of us has the opportunity to become more complete in love through self-growth.
Therefore, for the whole life, even if it is not easy to experience, love is still very beautiful. As long as you love, you will gain, happiness is the guide, and growth is the process.