Zhang Ailing, a talented woman who shouted "Become famous early", made a blockbuster in the literary world, but her eyes were full of desolation in her life. Readers are amazed at her maverick and distinctive style in literature, but it is inevitable to mention her gossip after dinner.
Perhaps the most well-known ones are her love-hate entanglement with Hu Lancheng and her love with Yala.
In every relationship, Zhang Ailing is like a moth, trying her best to manage it. Her indifference to return comes from her childhood indifference.
It is said that women's strong feelings are mostly due to the failure of father's love. The relationship between Zhang Ailing and her father is really tense, but the relationship with her mother is not optimistic, and it can even be said that she is in dire straits.
Her biological mother, Huang Yifan, changed from a generation of aristocratic ladies to a factory girl in her later years. She was as poor as a church mouse. She wanted to meet Zhang Ailing before her death, but her daughter ruthlessly refused!
What outrageous thing did Huang Yifan do to make her daughter dislike her so much?
I don't think it's how evil Huang Yifan is, but that Huang Yifan and Zhang Ailing's imaginary mothers are completely different. The great impact of reality and prospect made Zhang Ailing hate her biological mother because of love!
Huang Yifan, whose name is often accompanied by the name of Eileen Chang or her son Zhang Zijing, is a supporting role behind her and an unknown caregiver, but in fact, Huang Yifan's life is far more interesting and rich than her mother's.
She is known as the originator of the classic sentence "The world is so big, I want to see it", a trendy woman who is also going skiing in the Swiss Alps wrapped in three-inch golden lotus, a real aristocratic family and an ordinary child.
Huang Yifan was born in 1896. Her grandfather Huang Yisheng was Li Hongzhang's deputy and won the title of Baron, while her father Huang Zongyan was a salt merchant with a deep family background.
Although she was born by her aunt, she is the eldest daughter of the Huang family, and only one brother with the same mother and compatriot inherits the property. Therefore, Huang Yifan's life is full of ups and downs.
The Huang family is a traditional bureaucratic family, but a new type of woman deeply influenced by the May 4th Movement. At the end of the Qing Dynasty and the beginning of the Republic of China, the atmosphere of democracy and freedom was civilized. Huang Yifan tried to keep up with the fashion and was not willing to be a woman in a boudoir in the old society.
She loves learning and pursues all kinds of things in the new world. For example, she will specially invite her master to learn oil painting, speak fluent and authentic foreign languages, walk around department stores in high heels and red Chlodan, and play mahjong with Xu Beihong and Jiang Biwei.
Huang Yifan has an enviable family and social circle, as well as enviable personality and charm.
The ancestors of the Huang family mixed some Nanyang ancestry, so their looks are quite foreign, with profound facial features, light posture and romantic temperament.
And Huang Yifan himself is also keen on dressing up, often wearing cheongsam, wearing the most popular love head, red lips and curly hair, and all kinds of gestures. Who can not look at such a woman?
Because of Huang Yifan's enchanting charm, she also knows her own charm, so her marriage with the incompatible Zhang Zhiyi is doomed to a bleak end.
19 18, Huang Yifan is 22 years old. She is going to marry Zhang Zhiyi, the grandson of Li Hongzhang. This marriage is not only a suitable match, but also a strong alliance between relatives.
But in fact, Huang Yifan, who is naturally romantic and special, is a hundred people who look down on Zhang Zhiyi from the heart.
Although he is also a noble family, when he got married, the Zhang family was tempted at the edge of the end of the road. I am afraid that even the lacquer wood furniture preserved by the ancestors and the four books and five classics in the collection have been available.
On the other hand, Huang Yifan got a generous dowry from her family, so she could eat, drink and continue to enjoy a luxurious life.
Although the zhangs' pockets are empty all day. Zhang Zhiyi himself didn't realize the crisis of family decline at all, and still clung to his pompous constantly chauffeured shelf, either drinking Huasan or smoking opium.
Such a husband can't be what Huang Yifan expected.
What really depresses Huang Yifan is Zhang Zhiyi's hopeless attitude towards this marriage, his generous support for his concubine and his unrepentant opium smoking!
So on 1924, Huang Yifan found a reason. She wanted to go abroad as a guardian with her sister-in-law Zhang Maoyuan and run away. At that time, her daughter Zhang Ailing was four years old and her son Zhang Zijing was three years old.
Some people may ask, since you choose to get rid of your family and fly away, why don't you take your children with you?
At that time, Huang's first wife died, and her younger brother Huang Dingzhu shared the ancestral legacy. Huang Dingzhu took the property and divided two boxes of antique jewelry.
With such huge wealth, she is bent on traveling around the world and satisfying her dreams when she was young. Isn't bringing up two children a drag?
What's more, Huang Yifan's aversion to Zhang Zhiyi has long been ingrained, and even her two children, especially Zhang Zijing, who looks like her father, have even more indifferent feelings.
So Huang Yifan, then 28, waved and left smartly.
Between the beautiful and trendy mother and the stubborn father, it goes without saying which one Zhang Ailing prefers. Once upon a time, Zhang Ailing recalled the rare warm picture with Huang Yifan for many times.
Huang Yifan is playing the piano and singing, while she and her brother are rolling on her mother's wolf skin bed. Once, Zhang Ailing envied her mother's rich and beautiful jewelry.
After leaving, she married her stepmother and grandson, which was the beginning of Zhang Ailing's nightmare and the watershed of her temperament change.
When Sun Yong married Zhang Jia for the first time, she gave Zhang Ailing a "duel" and gave Zhang Ailing a box of his old clothes as a gift!
Zhang Ailing has no such talent. I have been the eldest daughter of the Zhang family since I was a child. Not to mention the luxury of food and clothing, she won't wear other people's old clothes! For this move of Sun, Zhang Ailing couldn't help thinking that she was teasing and looking down on herself.
In addition, after Sun became the hostess of this family, he was very controlling. He ordered his servants to throw all their belongings out to empty any traces left.
Sun's strength made Zhang Ailing, who had just left her mother, very passive. This is the last way for her to miss her mother!
In these frictions, Zhang Ailing's view of her stepmother Sun became more and more extreme, and even called her "evil stepmother" in disgust, which can be seen in Zhang Ailing's later works.
Especially after two years, his sudden return to China made Sun feel threatened and his anger had nowhere to vent. He even slapped Zhang Ailing.
The slap on Zhang Ailing's face was burning, which broke her only friendship with her grandson and all her illusions about the Zhang family.
Huang Yifan discovered something when he came back from this trip. Leaving Zhang Ailing in such a depressed home will be ruined sooner or later. She doesn't want Zhang Ailing to be the next one.
So Huang Yifan came to Zhangjia to negotiate with Zhang Zhiyi and asked Zhang Ailing to accept a new education. Old private schools are no longer useful.
But Zhang Zhiyi didn't agree. On the one hand, he also attaches great importance to Zhang Ailing's literary talent. On the other hand, he doesn't want to spend a lot of money to send Zhang Ailing to a girls' school.
In the end, Huang Yifan made a compromise and paid for Zhang Ailing's study, but her living conditions were not optimistic, so her son Zhang Zijing still entrusted Zhang Zhiyi with full authority to discipline her.
At this time, these two boxes of antique jewelry will certainly not be completely squandered, but she just doesn't want to supply the Zhang family's son!
To say Huang Yifan's sudden return, Zhang Ailing's heart must be extremely happy, which means that she will soon be able to escape from the painful cage woven by her stepmother.
But in fact, after Huang Yifan came back from France, her living standard was not as good as before. In the past, she could spend money recklessly, but now she has to live on her savings. Zhang Ailing's tuition is undoubtedly a burden.
Forcing herself to take on the responsibility of being a mother and training Zhang Ailing into an adult, but at the same time, she dislikes Zhang Ailing and drags herself down, which is her great trouble.
This contradictory view makes Huang Yifan feel hot and cold about Zhang Ailing, which makes Zhang Ailing feel insecure.
Her younger brother Zhang Zijing wanted her mother Huang Yifan to help her with her study, but Huang Yifan refused without thinking. She said, I can only afford one person's education, and now this quota is occupied by your sister. Let's go
Zhang Zijing was heartbroken by his mother's refusal, and he was also desperate. No matter in the Zhang family or at the mother's side, it seems to be a dispensable person who can't get extra care.
He didn't have his sister's talent and maverick, but he inherited Zhang Zhiyi's cowardice and pessimism. No wonder Huang Yifan died without leaving him any legacy.
Zhang Zijing envied her sister Zhang Ailing's good luck, but didn't know that Zhang Ailing was facing double torture.
Huang Yifan has a strong personality. She used to be a disgrace to all the older ladies. Now, when educating my daughter, I also try to make Zhang Ailing the best one.
Zhang Ailing's famous life label: Becoming famous early, probably inspired by her mother Huang Yifan.
No one is perfect, and Zhang Ailing, who won the first prize in the literature prize, has no advantage in life. Therefore, she was often rejected and despised by her mother, Huang Yifan, leaving great trauma.
Huang Yifan once invited three or five of her friends to have tea at home. Zhang Ailing was sharp-eyed and found a stool missing on the table, so she took the initiative to move one.
However, at that time, Zhang ailing was weak, and the stools at home were all solid wood and heavy. Zhang Ailing accidentally cut Huang Yifan's favorite carpet.
Huang Yifan is a grumpy collector. She loves what she likes. Even her daughter Zhang Ailing broke the carpet, which is intolerable. She called Zhang Ailing a "pig" in front of her friends.
Zhang ailing is in adolescence, where can she stand such grievances, especially from her mother who relies on her heart. Zhang Ailing ran out of the house in tears, and it took a long time to sort out her emotions.
On another occasion, Zhang Ailing caught a cold and had a high fever. After several rounds of seeing a doctor and taking several rounds of medicine, nothing recovered. Huang Yifan had to watch Zhang Ailing day and night and spent a lot of medical expenses. After a long time, Huang Yifan also fidgeted.
One day, Huang Yifan said to Zhang Ailing, who was ill in bed: I'd rather you die than drag me down like this.
I don't know whether this sentence is Huang Yifan's angry words or her true words, but anyway, it has hurt Zhang Ailing's heart, and her views on her amiable mother are gradually changing.
At the age of eighteen, the contradiction between Zhang Ailing and the Zhang family suddenly broke out. She had a conflict with her stepmother's grandson, but her father didn't listen to the explanation and was partial to his grandson. She slapped Zhang Ailing and punished her for confinement and thinking.
Zhang Ailing broke up with the Zhang family and moved in with her mother.
For her mother's sensitivity and paranoia, Zhang Ailing has mastered a general idea. She understands Huang Yifan's ambivalence and Huang Yifan's intention to cultivate himself.
Therefore, in her study, Zhang Ailing studied hard to be the first in order to comfort her mother. Later, she was able to become one of the few female writers in the literary world, and Huang Yifan's encouragement contributed greatly.
After knowing that Huang Yifan thought she was a burden, there was a bad feeling between Zhang Ailing and Huang Yifan, and Zhang Ailing casually began to alienate Huang Yifan.
While studying at the University of Hong Kong, Zhang Ailing would rather walk through more than half of the city by herself than ask her mother for money. Most of her living expenses come from her own manuscripts or scholarships.
But even so, it did not completely eliminate the mental impact that Huang Yifan brought to Zhang Ailing.
When she was in college, Zhang Ailing got a scholarship of 800 yuan. She knew that life in Huang Yifan was not comfortable at that time, so she gave money to her mother to share her life.
Unexpectedly, Huang Yifan didn't believe this was Zhang Ailing's scholarship at all, and even broke into Zhang Ailing's bathroom suspiciously to see if the money was "unaccounted for".
Such practices and dirty speculation made Zhang Ailing completely disappointed with her mother, and the 800 yuan money just taken out was quickly squandered by Huang Yifan at the gambling table.
After graduation, the communication between Zhang Ailing and Huang Yifan gradually decreased, and the number of meetings was not much. However, Zhang Ailing's heart has always been bitter about Huang Yifan's dislike, and she is bent on raising money to pay off all her mother's expenses.
When her works were tepid, Hu Lancheng appeared in her life and gave Zhang Ailing unprecedented care and love.
This relationship with Hu Lancheng can be described by a sentence of Zhang Ailing: Love a person, you can humble yourself to the dust and then bloom.
It is because of Zhang Ailing's carelessness that Zhang Ailing has always been in a weak position in her emotional relationship with Hu Lancheng. She forgave Hu Lancheng's infidelity for many times, and decided to give up after being disheartened.
But Hu Lancheng also provided Zhang Ailing with a turning point in her life. When Zhang Ailing had no money to repay her mother, Hu Lancheng just gave her a large inheritance, and Zhang Ailing immediately turned the money into two gold bars.
I made an appointment with Huang Yifan to catch up in the restaurant, and then I gave the gold bars to Huang Yifan, which meant that they were no longer in debt to each other.
Later, when Zhang Ailing broke up with Hu Lancheng, she gave Hu Lancheng an expensive breakup fee, probably because she appreciated Hu Lancheng's help to her embarrassment!
After a farewell in the restaurant, Zhang Ailing and Huang Yifan never met again.
Huang Yifan went abroad to find his own life and traveled all over the world, but Huang Yifan felt lonely because of years of wandering.
The bag she carried with her, the only jewelry left in those days, and a photo of Zhang Ailing were used to relieve the suffering of lovesickness.
Huang Yifan is a capable woman, but she doesn't know how to use these skills in return. In this respect, she may have some similarities with her ex-husband Zhang Zhiyi.
She originally wanted to make a comeback by selling antiques, but her business failed several times, so she gave up the idea and lived on these possessions.
In his later years, Huang Yifan settled in London alone. She didn't find a new boyfriend, but because she was busy taking care of Zhang Ailing when she was young, she had to be separated from her lover in a foreign country, and she never found a satisfactory other half.
In London, 60-year-old Huang Yifan is at the end of her tether, and there are still some antiques that have not been sold. She hopes to leave them to Zhang Ailing as a legacy.
She has no fixed source of income and no decent and well-paid job, so she can only earn her own living in a small factory.
Fortunately, Huang Yifan is an open-minded woman. She once said, "Working for a living not only makes me feel humble, but also gives me a burning passion." .
The romantic temperament in her bones made her only ideal in her later years to open a coffee shop in London and enjoy the excitement of people coming and going.
Unfortunately, Huang Yifan has no money to support her dream. She and her daughter Zhang Ailing haven't seen each other for many years, so they have to rely on her sister-in-law Zhang Maoyuan's channel to get to know Zhang Ailing.
During the period of 1957, Zhang Ailing fell into a property crisis. Her manuscript fee is not much, and she still needs to deal with the publishing house all night. "My eyes are bleeding" is her true portrayal.
Also in that year, Huang Yifan was very ill, and his death came. Before she died, meeting Zhang Ailing was her only last wish. Huang Yifan wrote to Zhang Ailing, hoping that Zhang Ailing could come to London for a chat.
However, Zhang Ailing flatly refused.
Later, it was speculated that Zhang Ailing didn't want to see Huang Yifan for two reasons. The first reason is that she didn't have the money to buy a plane ticket to London, and the second reason is that she didn't forgive Huang Yifan from the bottom of her heart.
In a word, Huang Yifan didn't see Zhang Ailing for the last time, and Huang Yifan finally died alone in a foreign country at the age of 6 1.
But later, Zhang Ailing regretted her choice. In her later years, she understood that it was not easy to be a Huang Yifan, and Huang Yifan, who was crushed by reality, also had her own difficulties.
Looking back on her life, isn't it a copy of Huang Yifan? I don't have enough maternal and fatherly love, and I don't have a warm family. Obviously brilliant, yearning for beauty, but eventually deceived by feelings.
Zhang Ailing once had the greatest fantasy about Huang Yifan and longed for Huang Yifan to come back to make up for her lack of care. But Huang Yifan brought her not only the chance to change her destiny, but also the most realistic human feelings.
In her later years, Zhang Ailing's consciousness began to be confused. What she heard the most was one sentence: I am most sorry for my mother. When I die, I will apologize to her.
No matter because of love and hate, or because of long-standing grievances, Zhang Ailing and Huang Yifan, the mother and son, are rare in history. Obviously, they are all outstanding talented women, but each has its own sadness and misfortune.