One day, the donkey decided to change his life. He began to learn from dogs, pretended to be lazy during the day, slept soundly and refused to go out to work. At night, when the master came back, he was in good spirits and immediately rushed forward and licked his master like a dog.
However, the behavior of the donkey not only didn't make the owner like it, but the owner also thought it was crazy: forget it if you don't work, and now you're attacking me! So he picked up the shotgun and pulled the trigger. The ignorant donkey died innocently! If you are a donkey, don't pretend to be gentle, you'd better be yourself; Introverts don't have to change their personality, understand their own characteristics, and get recognition and love from others.
Rockefeller, an American oil tycoon, once said with emotion in his heyday: "If the ability to get along with people can be bought like sugar and coffee, I will pay more for this ability." There are many sayings about relationship, path, friendship and popularity. Professor Zhang, a famous economist at Guanghua School of Management, Peking University, once said at the forum of Harvard University: "In China, if an enterprise wants to survive and develop, it depends on relationships first, then on relationships, and finally on relationships."
Carnegie, the American steel magnate, once said, "80 depends on relationship, 20 depends on skill." The network of contacts is very important, which can not only gain economic benefits, but also gain inner peace.
Sai Johnson has a famous saying: If a person doesn't pay attention to making new friends in life, he will be very lonely. Maslow once pointed out that if a person is abandoned by others or rejected by the group, he will feel lonely, depressed, helpless and desperate, and even commit suicide.
People should constantly enrich their friendship with others. So how do introverts expand their contacts?
(1) Listen
Legend has it that a small country came to China to pay tribute to three identical gold people. The emperor was very happy when he saw it. But at the same time, the messenger of this small country encountered a problem. The messenger's question is: "Who is the most valuable of these three gold people?"
However, these three golden statues are carved from the same mold and have exactly the same weight. What is the difference? Not to mention high value. This stumped the emperor, thinking, if I am a great country stumped by the topic of his small country, wouldn't I be humiliated and laughed at by the world?
As a result, he was worried, trouble sleeping. He invited jewelers to check, weigh and watch the work, and asked them to identify it carefully and find out the differences. The result made him even more disappointed, and everyone's answer was: the three golden men are exactly the same.
The emperor called his ministers to discuss countermeasures, and the ministers looked at each other and were at a loss. At this time, an abdicated veteran said that he had an idea.
The emperor frowned and immediately invited the old minister and the messenger to the hall. The veteran confidently and calmly took out three straws. I saw him put the first straw into the ear of the first gold man and the straw came out of the other ear. He inserted the second straw into the second golden man's ear, and the straw fell out of his mouth directly, while the third golden man fell into his stomach after the straw entered his ear without making any noise. The old minister said, "The third gold man is the most valuable!"
The messenger was speechless and answered correctly. This story looks a bit mysterious, indicating that the mouth and ears are empty, and only the heart is true. In fact, it tells us a popular truth: what should be said, what should not be said; The most valuable person is not necessarily the most talkative person, but the one who can keep it. God gave us two ears and one mouth, which was supposed to make us listen more and talk less.
Listening is the main way of communication between people. Only by becoming a successful listener can you have a chance to make more friends. No one will completely expose his inner world to others, and no one can stop his wishes from coming out of his words. Therefore, the best way to understand others is to listen. People who are not good at listening are because they don't have a mind that can accommodate other people's voices. They are eager to express themselves, just like building one semi-finished project after another and doing superficial articles everywhere.
Introverts are mostly good listeners, that is, people who can accurately grasp each other's psychology. This is the advantage of introverts. With this advantage, introverts can expand their contacts well.
Listening and praising are wonderful partners who go hand in hand. Praise is the magic weapon of interpersonal communication with the lowest cost and the highest return. You must be good at using this magic weapon when you meet people for the first time. Of course, we should also master certain principles and skills when praising. The principle of praise is sincerity first, which is the premise of praise. Only sincere and heartfelt praise can show its brilliance and charm. Secondly, it is very important to praise at the right time and seize the opportunity. Once you find something worthy of praise, you should be good at timely and bold praise and never miss the opportunity. 192 1 year, Carnegie, the American steel magnate, hired Xia Bu as the CEO with a super-high annual salary of one million dollars, which caused a lot of public opinion. Reporters from major American media asked Carnegie, "Why him?" Carnegie said with a smile, "because he is best at praising others, which is also his most valuable skill." Carnegie wrote an epitaph for himself: Here lies a man who knows how to make people smarter than him happier. Obviously, Carnegie knows the value of praise.
(2) Find a topic and don't make an ice.
In the process of expanding contacts, the biggest problem that introverts encounter is that they can't find a topic. They often freeze there and don't know how to speak. You know, without language media, the relationship between them will quickly cool down, and silence will greatly hinder the communication process of introverts, so finding topics is urgently needed by introverts and must be learned.
In practical work, I summed up several ways to find a topic:
(1) central flowering method. Choosing events that people care about as topics, focusing people's attention centers, arousing everyone's discussion, causing "language flowers" to splash around and form "central flowers". For example, the recent air France plane crash, followed by Yemen and Iran plane crash, led to three consecutive major air crashes. When these news come out, when you talk to everyone, bring up this topic, and everyone will talk about it immediately. Some expressed their worries about flying, some put forward opinions on strengthening civil aviation safety, some expressed their views on airlines, and some talked about the importance of professional ethics, which was very lively. This kind of topic is something that everyone wants to talk about, loves to talk about and can talk about. If everyone has something to say, it will naturally be lively.
(2) Impromptu introduction. Ingeniously borrow some materials from that time, place and person to start a dialogue. If someone meets an unfamiliar sanitation worker on a hot day, he says, "On such a hot day, watching this watermelon being transported into the city by car, your skin cleaning task is definitely not light!" In a word, it attracted the other party to talk endlessly about the hardships of working under the scorching sun, expressing the lofty sentiments of "dirty me and cleaning the whole city", and some people were good at borrowing each other's native place, age, clothing, room and so on. The result is very good.
(3) Throw stones and ask for directions. Throw a stone into the river, find out the water depth, and then go forward, so you can cross the river with more confidence. When talking with strangers, ask some "stone-throwing" questions first, and then talk purposefully after getting to know each other a little, so that the conversation can be more speculative. If you meet a strange neighbor at the party, you can first "throw stones" and ask, "Are you and your host old classmates or colleagues?" Then you can follow the other person's answer. If the other person answers "hometown", then we can talk. I am a native of Beijing. I can talk about Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City, the Great Wall and other tourist attractions. I'm from Fujian, and I can speak lychee, longan and orange.
(4) Follow interesting methods. Ask the other person's interest, follow the interest and find the topic smoothly. Because what the other person is most interested in is always what he is most familiar with, talkative and willing to talk about. If the other person likes photography, he can talk about the framing of photography, the choice of film, the advantages and disadvantages of various cameras and so on. If you know a thing or two about photography, you can talk harmoniously. If you know nothing about photography, you can also take this opportunity to open your eyes. There are many ways to lead the topic, such as "making a topic by borrowing things", "getting into the topic from emotion" and "impromptu topic". Quoting topics, similar to "drawing lines" and "inserting road signs", focuses on quoting in order to derive the other party's words. In the conversation, "those who are good at asking questions can cross mountains and mountains, while those who are not good at asking questions are fascinated by the plains."
If you are not good at asking questions in a conversation, it will often make the conversation fail. For example, someone asked a neighbor, "What is your position?" "What's your salary?" "Do you have a boyfriend now?" One question after another is overwhelming and annoying. Some parents train their children and ask, "Why do you dye your hair?" "What's the good of this? What is it like? " The child is disgusted and the purpose of education has not been achieved. Introverts are mostly sensitive, so when they are nervous, they will unconsciously oppose others. If they communicate with the attitude of completing the task, they may call a spade a spade and ask questions that came to mind in advance directly and angrily, and the result can be imagined.
So, how to be curious?
(1) Ask around. First, avoid the central question, start with the questions that the other person is familiar with and willing to answer, analyze the other person's reaction while asking, and then subtly lead to the topic.
(2) Ask one by one. For straightforward people, you may wish to come straight to the point; For those who are stubborn, they must be full of twists and turns; Sincere and frank with peers or younger generations; For those with low culture, ask popular questions; People with troubles in their hearts should be considerate and ask kindly.
(3) ask with confidence. For more important conversations, you should think about the order, what to ask first, what to ask later, and what to ask finally. In general, ask clearly what to do, have a clear mind, consider comprehensively, and strive for the best effect of asking questions.
(4) Enough questions. Question and answer is a bilateral activity, and the other party must be willing to answer. After asking questions, you should observe the words and get feedback from the other person's expression. If the other person bows his head and says nothing or answers irrelevant questions, it may mean that he is not interested or can't answer, so he should ask again in another way. If you are reluctant or tired, you can't pursue it any more. You should stop at the right time. Generally, don't ask guests about their salary, family property, resume, etc.
(5) Ask politely. Use proper honorifics such as "Q", "Q" and "Please show me the way", and use modest words such as "Thank you for reminding me", "Your words make me feel awkward" and "Sorry for giving you trouble". When the other person's answer is too far from the topic, we should also control the topic in a euphemistic way: "Please allow me to interrupt …" These things are very interesting, and I want to ask questions later, but I still want to talk about the questions raised at the beginning … "The topic naturally came over.