John nunn said: No one is an island.

After all, our world is a huge network of relationships.

No one can be isolated from the world forever and spend his life alone.

Learning to trouble others is the highest level of emotional intelligence.

1

Many opportunities are hidden in "trouble"

Since childhood, our parents kept telling us: "Don't bother others", "If you can solve it yourself" and "Everything depends on yourself".

So under the influence of this kind of values, we have all become people who refuse to ask for help easily.

But two days ago, Amo said something that changed my opinion.

When Bauer was born, her company was restructured, and the original state-owned enterprise became foreign capital.

Amo has paid maternity insurance in the newly registered company for less than 1 year, and thought he would pay the full amount for this baby. ?

At this time, she saw that the company had a new policy, but she was not sure whether maternity insurance could be reimbursed, so she took a try and carefully prepared the materials.

When delivering the materials, Amor wrote a small card:

Thank you for carefully reviewing my materials. Thank you for your hard work. If you have any questions, please feel free to call XXX. The new year is coming, I wish you a happy Spring Festival. ?

Unexpectedly, because of her little gesture, maternity insurance was really reimbursed. Her colleague who gave birth to a baby in the same year lost this opportunity because she didn't dare to "trouble others".

Jobs once said, "Many people never want to pick up the phone and never ask for help. Sometimes this distinguishes actors from dreamers. "

Jobs himself is a person who knows how to "trouble" others.

/kloc-When he was 0/2 years old, Jobs tried to design a mechanical device, but he got stuck in a link.

At this time, Jobs made a surprising decision, and he dialed the telephone directly:

"Hello, my name is Jobs. I 12 years old, a middle school student. I want to make a frequency counter. I just want to ask if you have any spare equipment that I can use? "

On the other end of the phone, it was the famous Bill Hugh Park Jung-soo, 54 years old.

After hearing the request of a 12-year-old child, Bill did not refuse. After patiently answering questions, he not only gave Jobs the device of frequency counter, but also provided Jobs with an internship opportunity in his own company.

We always thought that people would dislike disturbing others, so we didn't dare to take the initiative to ask for help when we encountered difficulties and problems, and finally let ourselves hold back.

But in fact, it is a positive and open attitude not to disturb others when encountering problems.

Because we should not only improve ourselves, but also learn from the outside world. Perhaps there are many opportunities hidden behind every "trouble".

2

Good relationships are trouble.

In 20 15, Tamia Liu lost more than 4 million pieces of jewelry in a Danish hotel.

Being in a foreign country, unable to speak the language and suffering huge theft, Tamia Liu's mood at that time can be imagined.

She immediately sent it to Weibo and @ official institutions, hoping to get their help.

Some netizens left a message to reply: Wang Han, who is looking for a job in the Danish Embassy.

Sure enough, with the help of Wang Han, in less than 20 hours, the thief was caught and the jewels were returned to their original owners.

And Wang Han became popular, and the connections behind him were dug up by netizens, and everyone was amazed-the king of connections!

His contacts include politicians and business elites from all over the world, not to mention countless celebrities. ...

Why contact so much? In Wang Han's own words, it is "trouble".

Wang Han once suffered from a serious liver disease and had to rest at home. On one occasion, an old Chinese doctor recommended it to

He has a folk prescription, among which there is a special Chinese medicine-Jiushicao.

This traditional Chinese medicine grows in Yunnan and Guizhou. Wang Han remembered a local friend and called him to get some herbs to send back.

Unexpectedly, his friends not only found him herbs, but also ground them into capsules that can be taken directly.

After receiving it, Wang Han repeatedly called the other party to express his thanks and repeatedly said that he had caused trouble to his friends.

But my friend said, "You can bother me because you treat me as a friend. Friend, isn't it just for trouble? "

Think about it, too. If you don't bother others, you actually refuse to establish a relationship. ?

Qian Zhongshu has a very vivid metaphor:

Borrowing books is an excuse for a man and a woman to associate. Once borrowed, the relationship is ambiguous.

The same is true between friends: making trouble with each other is an excuse for friends to establish relationships. If you trouble me, I will trouble you. I have deep feelings.

three

Fear of "trouble" is actually the lack of love.

Someone in Zhihu asked, "Don't want to trouble others" and "Don't want to be disturbed by others", okay?

There is a well-received answer like this:

"In the process of seeking help, you don't simply ask others for anything.

In this process, the helper pays: the risk of self-esteem and trust; The giver is not simply giving, he gains dignity and interpersonal trust.

Don't want to trouble others, in fact, you don't want to pay these psychological costs In other words, dignity and face are very important in your value system. "

This sentence is shocking. Indeed, many people don't want to trouble others because of their deep sense of "unworthiness".

When watching Everything Is Fine, Su Mingyu, played by Sebrina, was inexplicably distressed. Obviously, she is a successful woman, but her feelings are pitifully fragile.

Due to the lack of parental care since childhood, Su Mingyu gradually realized that she could not rely on others, but only herself.

As a result, she worked hard at school, and even made people think that this woman was "Iron Man", powerful and ruthless.

But who has no feelings?

Accustomed to Dont Ask For Help, she silently shouldered all the burdens and only dared to release her grievances and powerlessness when she was alone.

Shi Dongpo, the small boss of the restaurant, showed great concern for Su Mingyu, which made her feel uneasy. However, Su Mingyu remained stubborn, refused to accept Shi Dongpo's kindness, and paid the bill with money every time.

Until Shi Dongpo said to Su Mingyu, "I'm not afraid of trouble, I just want to care about you."

Su Mingyu was deeply "unworthy" and even dared not accept others' concern, let alone disturb others.

She can give, but she can't accept others' kindness to herself. She even thinks that the good of others is his pressure, and her heart is full of anxiety.

There is a Franklin effect in psychology:

The best way to make others like you is not to help them, but to let them help you.

Sometimes, the courage to trouble others will not become the burden of the other party, but will enhance the other party's sense of importance and value. Make the other person feel better about you.

four

Trouble, need scale and boundary.

But we must be clear:

We can trouble others, but it doesn't mean that others have an obligation to help you.

When you trouble others, you need to have scales and boundaries.

1, take each other's help for granted.

Last week, a friend told me angrily, "My colleague went to Hong Kong, and I asked her to buy me a lotion and two boxes of masks. This is a matter of course. I didn't expect her to refuse directly. "

After listening to her spit, I was also covered with black lines. Maybe this colleague has something urgent to go to Hong Kong. Maybe she has something to buy for herself. Why do I have to bring you goods?

It is the duty of others to help you, but it is their duty not to help you. Don't take each other's help for granted.

2. Trouble others and have a good attitude.

Before I flew to Beijing, when I was waiting in line for security check at the airport, a woman rushed to the front of the line and said, "Get out of the way, my plane is taking off." ?

Many people who were hit were very angry. The person in the front row directly said to her, "My plane is taking off, too. Please wait a moment. " ?

The next few people also used the same excuse not to let her jump the queue. The woman waited for more than five minutes in frustration before passing the security check before a little girl.

In fact, it is not that the passengers are unwilling to help her, but that her attitude makes everyone unwilling to offer help.

As the saying goes, angry punches don't hit smiling faces. When you trouble others, your attitude will be better and your success rate will be higher.

Behind the trouble is equivalent exchange.

Hu Xueyan once said:

"Are you willing to open an umbrella for others, others are willing to open an umbrella for you. Everyone has rainy days without an umbrella, so cover them if you can. This is also a wonderful way for me not to get wet even without an umbrella when it rains. "

There is an old saying in China called "reciprocity".

No one wants to be bothered all the time. You help me once, I help you again, and the strongest interpersonal relationship can be established.

five

Learning to trouble others is the highest emotional intelligence.

Once upon a time, there was a saying circulating on the Internet:

Children may have grown up and left you when they don't bother you;

When your parents stop bothering you, they may be dead;

When your lover doesn't bother you, he may have bothered others;

When friends stop bothering you, there may be a gap between you.

Disturbing others appropriately is not a "trouble", but a fast-growing channel and a link between the two.

Hu Shi was sent to Shanghai to study when he was a teenager. His mother didn't trust him when he was sent to the station.

"You want to go to a bigger world. I can't help you anymore. Go by yourself, but I will give you four words-learn to ask for help. "

People living in this world can't be smooth sailing. Learning to trouble others is the highest emotional intelligence and the greatest wisdom.

Practice has proved that "163 rule" is a localized scientific thinking tool in line with China's national conditions, and it will surely be the universal value rule for China people's future work, life and management! ) Take you one step ahead 163 Modern thinking.

Finally, through the most advanced management method in China, "163 rule" (foreign Italian economic sociologist Pareto proposed the 2: 8 principle, and domestic Mr. Wu Qunxue created the "163 rule" and registered the patent.

A center

Disturbing others appropriately is not a "trouble", but a fast-growing channel and a link between the two.

Pay attention at six.

Pay attention to self-improvement

Pay attention to the handling method

Pay attention to respect and trust

Pay attention to the scale boundary

Pay attention to rational distinction

Pay attention to treat each other sincerely.

Three facts

Good relationships are all "troubles"

Many opportunities are hidden in "trouble"

Learning to "trouble" others is the highest emotional intelligence.