When we meet for the first time, we first receive the temperature and angle of each other's eyes. In just a few seconds, you can tell whether the other person is really enthusiastic.

When dating, you don't have to say anything. Just look into each other's eyes and you can basically guess whether the date will end in boredom or full of expectations.

Ran into the leadership office and wanted to mention the salary increase next year. Don't talk in a hurry. Look at the mood in the eyes of the leaders at this time and you will know that the time has come.

Eyes are vivid, so eyes are the most powerful communication tool besides language. Eye contact can control the progress and situation of conversation, and accurate eye contact can get twice the result with half the effort.

As a reporter, asking questions and listening constitute almost all my work. Although it has not been carefully counted, the time spent looking at the interviewee with eyes must account for 2/3 of the conversation. Journalists listen to each other with their eyes instead of their ears. It sounds a little strange, but the fact is this: while listening to each other's information, observing each other's expressions, especially their eyes, can often capture more valuable information.

This summer, I interviewed the results of Tongzhou District's "Old Residential Area Reconstruction Project". At that time, when I walked into a residential area, the workers were renovating the pavement of the residential area. An old lady was sitting on the side of the road chatting with her neighbors, so I asked her.

I asked my aunt: "Do you think our community is paving the way now, and the buildings are all decorated?"

At this time, menstruation turned to look at me, didn't look at me, and said simply, "Satisfied."

Aunt's reaction is called "avoiding communication", that is to say, she seems to be answering questions, but in fact she is avoiding answering more things by avoiding her eyes. There are generally two reasons for "avoidance communication", either because they don't want to be disturbed and are too lazy to deal with it, or because they are dissatisfied, but it is not convenient to point it out.

At this time, I moved my position, stood opposite my aunt, bent down and looked at her with a smile and asked, "Do you think the living environment will be better after this transformation?"

Aunt took a look at me and quickly turned her eyes to one side and looked into the distance. This time, she didn't say anything, obviously feeling that she was more evasive, and I gradually felt that the reason for her avoidance was not that she didn't want to be disturbed.

Then I squatted down, kept my eyes at the same height as my aunt, looked at her carefully and showed great patience. Aunt still avoided my eyes and remained silent.

I adjusted the question and said, "Aunt, have you lived in this community for several years? Do you still like the way it used to be? "

This sentence stimulated my aunt somewhere in her heart, and she suddenly turned her head and stared at me. I remember the anxiety and embarrassment in my aunt's eyes at that moment. She wanted to say something, but she seemed to be under some kind of pressure and couldn't say it. I realized that the construction workers not far away were the source of this pressure, and my aunt was worried that our conversation would be heard by the workers.

I quickly lowered my voice, glanced at my aunt patiently and said softly, "If you have any concerns, you can tell me. I hope I can help you. "

Sincere eyes touched my aunt. She dropped her guard, recalled the appearance of the community before the transformation, and told me about the security risks brought by the current transformation and the new inconvenience caused by it. I saw the aunt's evasive eyes turn into an active meeting with me. She longed for me to understand her complaint and that she didn't force or deliberately oppose the transformation of the community. Her eyes tell me that this is her real experience and worry, and this is the luckiest moment for a reporter.

There is a joke in the workshop called fire prevention, theft prevention and informer. For many people, journalists give people a strong sense of insecurity. They think reporters will expose something or distort the facts. Therefore, it is very important to quickly establish a safe atmosphere before visiting and gain the trust of the other party, otherwise you will get nothing from the other party. The establishment of a safe atmosphere depends largely on sincere and patient eyes, and language is not very effective at this time.

In fact, not only in news interviews, the most basic and urgent task in our daily communication is to establish a safe atmosphere, which is the premise of all communication.

In addition to trust, respect, expectation and appreciation can all be answered from each other's eyes. Master eye contact and eye contact methods, and communication will be invincible.

(1) Where should the eyes look?

Many business etiquette textbooks have analyzed the position where eyes stay. They believe that in eye contact, we should look at each other's eyes to the forehead triangle; Regarding the length of gaze, I don't think we should look directly at each other for a long time, otherwise it will embarrass each other, and we should divert our attention appropriately. These theories sound impeccable and more and more people are practicing these methods. But I want to say, forget these methods. When speaking, we don't need to consider where our eyes should look and how long they should look.

It is better to spend a few seconds more than usual to feel the mood and attitude in the other person's eyes at this moment than to skillfully use gaze, nod and smile to make a focused appearance on the "technical level". There is a difference between staring with your heart and staring at each other, and the other person can see it. When we feel each other's words attentively, our thoughts, emotions, expressions and body movements will inevitably be affected. These heartfelt actions will make your every reaction natural and just right.

Just as we don't need to deliberately control the breathing rhythm, our eyes don't need rigid practice. What we need to practice is to be able to calm down, slow down and immerse ourselves in a conversation. After all, once the other person finds that your eyes are different (whether looking directly at the other person or scanning the other person's face up and down), they will understand that you are thinking about something else at that moment.

(2) Gender difference of eyes

This part is specially written for men. Of course, girls can also learn why men always stare at you.

Because of the natural differences in physiological structure, the visual range of men is obviously different from that of women, which most people don't realize. The difference is that women's vision is broader, while men's eyes are "tubular", which may be caused by the different division of labor between men and women in essence.

In ancient times, when men went out to hunt and launch attacks, the tubular sight was the most advantageous, so men were far superior to women in observing things ahead and finding long-distance targets, which also explained why men were better at driving vehicles or other means of transportation. The disadvantage of tubular sight is that it is often misunderstood by the opposite sex. When a beautiful and sexy lady appears in front of you, a man's eyes will straighten, because at this moment, this lady is the only target that needs attention, so all eyes are focused on her face or sensitive parts.

Women are different. Women are more observant than men in the close field of vision and the surrounding field of vision. Studies abroad show that the visual field of female eyes can be extended by about 45 degrees. In other words, when a woman looks at your face, she may also observe the jewelry you wear.

When we understand this difference, men might as well soften their eyes, or pay more attention to the eyes of the opposite sex, because it is much better than staring at girls' breasts or legs. Of course, it would be great if girls can tolerate men's eyes.

(3) look at people.

People who look away quickly when they meet, especially when they meet for the first time, are either self-important or lack of education; People who dare not look at each other are mostly timid, inferior or lack of social experience; People who like to glance up and down or look around frequently are either picky about everything or impatient; Most people who like to look down or look at people from above their glasses think they are very strong and want to convey authority and pressure to each other, which is beyond doubt; People who always stare at each other and wait for a response after saying a word generally show that they care about (fall in love with) each other. Besides, we also like to look into each other's eyes when we lie. Of course, whether we are really lying or not needs to be comprehensively analyzed by combining gestures and facial expressions.

The impression given by eyes often determines the overall impression of this person, and also largely determines the way others will communicate with it. Improving communication starts with improving eyes.

Your eyes is one of the most influential songs in Cai Qin. This song sings, "Although it is hard to forget without words, it is your eyes, bright and beautiful, and I am full of joy." You see, sometimes communication doesn't need to say anything. Bright and beautiful eyes can make people happy and unforgettable, right?