Let me explain something:
You sympathize with someone (identify with the victim), and then you project your desire (attachment) on the recipient. In the process of helping others, you are actually enjoying being helped by others. And in the process, you are cruel to yourself (you would rather not eat or drink yourself and give it to others). You do this because you don't think you deserve it or enjoy it.
You drool over the sausage on the table, but when you want to eat it, you will immediately think that you should not have such an idea, and you will feel strongly guilty because of your "greed". In order to alleviate these guilt feelings, you would rather give sausages to others and eat only corn yourself.
When we meet a pathological altruist, we will be very painful. They will keep giving us this and that. If we accept it obediently, we will not be reconciled, because we really don't need those things, and we really don't want to owe him any favors. If we refuse, we will think that you are kind to others. If I refuse, I'm really embarrassed.
Normal altruism stems from the perfect combination of emotional coordination and sharing with generous superego values.
In other words, normal altruistic behavior is based on emotional coordination. The so-called emotional coordination means that altruists can feel each other's inner needs. It is based on the needs of the other party, giving the other party the help they need now, not just out of the desire to help others. Such as "I feel cold, put on your cotton-padded jacket"; "I'm hungry, please eat something" is not emotional coordination.
Pathological altruism is a harmful and self-destructive defense. People who unwisely hand over most of their life savings to some fake enterprises or organizations are often accompanied by abusive provocation, reverse formation and arrogance.
When Shakespeare's Timon entertains guests and friends, pays debts for others, presents jewels and horses ..., it is hard to say that there is no satisfaction with arrogance behind his generosity and kindness. No matter who asks him for it, he will give it to him, and even return good for evil. He used a defense formed in the opposite direction. The deep motivation that prompted him to help others unprincipled is to agree that the victim is a masochistic provocation, and this defense mechanism is at work.
And why did Timon so "favor" the victims and agree with this defense mechanism? Everything he does is actually for the most sacred thing in his mind-brotherhood and sincere feelings. In fact, Timon is a person whose sexual desire is not well satisfied. He has an extraordinary need for interpersonal warmth, and he also has a deep sense of inferiority-he feels that he is not worthy of love. So he won't take good care of himself. He thinks it is shameful and wrong for him to love himself. So he is madly in love with others and thinks that others will love him as much as he loves others.
The second personality, the helper, is a typical pathological altruist. They always pay, pay and pay again and again, which will make you bored, because their concern for you is really unnecessary for you, and you will feel that they have seriously interfered with your life. However, if you complain about their practices, they will immediately complain that "kindness is the liver and lungs of donkeys" and so on will soon make you feel ashamed.
In fact, for a person, their deepest problem is the desire for love, and the way they get love is to pay, pay and pay again. They always exchange 1 yuan for others' 20 points. At the same time, the way they most want to get these 20 points is not their own, but others take the initiative to give them. They always delay a period of time to "reluctantly" accept them, but they are flattered.
Therefore, when dealing with a person, you should first thank them for their help and accept their help completely. The key is to express their inner gratitude, because this is what they need most. For example, when accepting their help, you can say "You always think of me", "It's very kind of you" and "You make me feel very warm". Then, you should take the initiative to give back to them, although they will refuse your feedback. For example, when eating, A 2 will always take care of you to eat and eat, so you also add vegetables to his bowl from time to time. Please accept everything I can do for you.