My daughter's nickname is haha, and she is ten years old this year. After having her, I became a haha mom. We stayed in Switzerland for nearly five years. I am an English teacher in a high school in China. After coming to Switzerland, I taught myself German, while haha learned German, Italian, English and French.
Take this opportunity to make a small parenting summary, haha, how the baby and I grew up together is also an account of the past ten years.
Next, haha will enter the new ten-year growth period, and I will start all over again and grow up with Bao Xiao! I also know that every baby is unique, every baby has its own characteristics, and raising every child is a brand-new challenge.
Life cannot be copied, nor can parenting be copied. Each of us grows up through challenges, learning and communication.
Haha, many people think that he is a "gifted" child. He is cheerful, optimistic and confident. He knows five languages, loves singing and sings very well. He likes skating, reading, handicrafts and playing!
However, as an ordinary mother who has been growing up with her children, I know very well that the word "talent" should be put in quotation marks. My child has average qualifications and no extraordinary talents. However, growing up together means treating your children as wise men and yourself as children.
It is said that the first child was raised by books. As a new mother at that time, I really read a lot of parenting books. I really benefited a lot from reading. Let me first list some parenting books that have a far-reaching impact on me.
Spencer's Happy Education
This book has a deep influence on me, and the parenting sharing in it is very grounded. If you really want to ask me the details, I don't remember. But I know that the concept of happy parenting written in it is integrated into my blood. Happy education is to educate children by making each other happy; Cultivate children's self-help learning and self-education ability. Every parent wants to raise a happy child, but it often backfires. We constantly urge children to study, but children are increasingly unwilling to study and fall into a vicious circle. Learning is a happy thing. If we can arouse children's enthusiasm and play with them, then children can have a happy learning state. There are many real examples in this book, which can be used directly when moving in, which is more suitable for my "takeaway".
Give me your hand, son.
Guinot's masterpiece is called the revolutionary classic of parent-child communication.
Most parents are not aware of the destructive power of language. They found that what they said was exactly what their parents had said to them before. They were talking to their children in a tone they didn't like, and they didn't intend to do so. This misfortune often occurs in communication, not because of lack of love, but because of lack of understanding of children; Not because of lack of wisdom, but because of lack of knowledge.
In this book, Guinot shares many methods that can be learned directly. In his words, parents need to learn to treat their children as guests with respect, understanding, sympathy and care.
Children will listen to what they say, and they will listen to what they listen to.
Adele, the two authors of this book? Adele Faber and Elaine? Elaine Mazlishi studied under Gino and was deeply influenced by it.
In order to establish this happy communication platform, the author discusses and practices from six aspects: 1, to help children face their feelings directly; 2. Encourage children to cooperate with us; 3. Alternative punishment methods; 4. Encourage children to stand on their own feet; 5. Appreciate children properly; 6. Free the child from the role. What is particularly commendable is that the author has clearly and concisely created a set of operation methods, given 30 skills to realize these six aspects, supplemented by a large number of common scenes and problems, and equipped with corresponding exercises, so that parents can learn these skills by heart, use them flexibly and respond to various situations at any time.
Both books are about communication skills. I bought these two books to learn how to teach children, but in fact I changed myself and the way I communicated with others. After reading it, I was deeply shocked. It turns out that many problems are rooted in the improper way of communicating with people, such as the relationship between husband and wife, the relationship between teachers and students and so on. Through the study of these two books, I slowly adjusted the way of interacting with people, and my circle became more and more full of positive energy.
Read the manual aloud.
It is this "Reading Manual" that keeps me reading with my children and enriches their lives.
This little poem in the book has always been in my heart:
You may have unlimited wealth, boxes of jewels and boxes of gold. But you'll never be richer than me-
I have a mother who reads to me.
Listen to the children's voices
It tells how parents help their children to deal with all kinds of negative emotions, so that children can pay better attention to cognition and learning, and open their hearts to friendship, cooperation and joy.
Too much is too little.
Know when to say yes and when to say no, and take control of your life. Boundaries deeply affect all levels of our lives.
We all have psychological trauma.
Every modern person needs to receive basic psychological education at least once in his life, just like learning literacy and arithmetic. Today, mental health has become the most basic living condition for people. It makes people a whole person. Whether a person's spiritual world is rich or not is not given by others, but by himself.
I read these psychological books, the most psychological problems, the most depressed period, postpartum depression, and various reasons. When I am depressed, I just mix with a group of people who all claim to be depressed, watching everyone spit on others and spit on the injustice and hardship of life. Finally, one day, I suddenly realized that if everyone has psychological scars, it just means that each of us is normal. I suddenly realized that my life is actually much better than too many people. Is there any reason not to cherish or complain? In a sense, it is through such reading and such psychological care that I slowly cured myself. Read books on psychology and learn to listen to your children and yourself.
I deeply feel that as a mother, her own growth is very important for the healthy growth of children's body and mind. If you don't grow up and live with complaints, depression and anxiety, it is difficult for you to raise your ideal child. I am glad that I can get out of depression and regain my sunny and healthy mentality.
A good mother is better than a good teacher.
Yin Jianli's writing is really good: the mother is the guide of the child, and the difference of the mother's education method often affects the child's life.
The sensitive period of catching children
The so-called sensitive period refers to the process that children focus on the characteristics of things around them for a certain period of time, driven by internal vitality, and constantly repeat this practice. After successfully passing through the sensitive period, the child's psychological level will rise from one level to another.
As parents, we often neglect and forget to help our children, or even stop some of their activities, but no one knows what we have destroyed them. Many behaviors of children are not understood by parents, and are forcibly suppressed, obliterated or imprisoned in the name of love. This is the biggest misunderstanding in our education now. Understanding various sensitive periods is very important for children's complete self-growth. Don't let our love be hurt, let our love be the backing of children's growth.
Love and freedom
You think you love children, you imagine that you can love children, and you think this is love for children, which is different from that you really love children. There should be a scientific way to love children, that is, to give them full love, freedom and choice on the basis of fully understanding the law of their growth.
These two books by Sun Ruixue help me to better understand the sensitive period that children go through at different stages, so that I can have a better attitude and patience and grow up happily with my children.