In fact, everyone is exposed to jokes. For example, I like telling jokes very much. I will always tell some jokes at various dinner parties from time to time, or tell something that can make the whole room laugh. Maybe it has something to do with my mentality. I like to read and tell jokes, which makes me look much younger than my actual age.

Do you know the Buddhist scriptures? It's a very high-level thing, but it actually contains a lot of principles of life, all expressed in a humorous way. Telling more jokes, reading more jokes, and dealing with things in a humorous way can indeed change our mentality. And many embarrassing scenes can also be resolved with humorous jokes.

Okay, let’s talk about the key points. Let me sort out some jokes for you.

I wonder if you have watched "The Story of Laughter"? This is a collection of jokes in the strict sense of ancient China, and its classification is based on "departments". For example, jokes about official positions are classified into the Guyan Department, jokes about monks are classified into the Monks and Taoists Department, etc. Then I will also learn from this professional joke collection and summarize the jokes for each major stage of life, so that all kinds of people can summarize it and make it easier for everyone to view. Campus Jokes (20)

1. Takeout

It’s very cold outside today, so the dormitory guys decide who wears less, and let him go downstairs to get takeout. When I think about it Then I'll strip naked and see how you let me go down and get it. Unexpectedly, they immediately came up to take pictures, and suddenly discovered something very scary: they threatened me to go and get it.

2. Falling out of love

My roommate was falling out of love. We all advised him to cheer up and said, "Actually, your girlfriend may not be feeling well either."

The roommate said : "Being uncomfortable proves that she still likes me, so why did she abandon me?"

"This..." I quoted from the classics, "Probably it's called abandoning with joy!"

< p>3. Date

One day, the Chinese teacher was reading "Yong Yu Le·Jingkou Bei Gu Pavilion Nostalgic" on the podium.

I said to my deskmate: "This poem was written by Xin Qiji?"

My deskmate glanced at me and interrupted me: "How do I know? It might be Sunday Let’s go!”

4. The exam

The exam started. I picked up the paper and saw that I couldn’t understand any of the questions!

So I took the risk and picked up the textbook and rummaged through it to find the answer.

The invigilator really couldn't stand it anymore: "This student, this is a chemistry test. Why are you flipping through the physics book so hard?"

5. Lunch

This morning the dean used a loudspeaker to shout at the morning meeting: Which of your classmates has locked your bicycle with the tricycle delivering food at the entrance of the cafeteria? Please unlock it quickly! How about what do you have for lunch? !

6. Cooking

I rented a house off campus with a few classmates, and it was my turn to cook at noon.

As a result, they were all playing poker in the living room, and I became angry.

He shouted: "I have worked so hard and no one has come to stop me."

As a result, those idiots came over and lined up, and one of them slapped my hand.

7. Cheating

The day before the exam, the boy said to the class beauty: "You should wear less clothes for the exam tomorrow!"

The class beauty asked in surprise: " Why?”

The boy said: “This way the invigilator only looks at you, so we can cheat!”

8. Laughter

When I was in school, a classmate farted loudly during a self-study class, and the whole class laughed.

After a while, the patrolling teacher came in and asked: "Why are you laughing? You are laughing at your farts."

Suddenly the whole class burst into laughter again!

9. Allergy

In class today, the teacher was giving a lecture. A student sneezed very loudly. The teacher looked at the student and asked: Are you allergic to this knowledge? . .

Me. . . Teacher, you know this.

10. Smart

In class, the teacher said to a student who always couldn’t do it: He can’t even solve such a simple question. Even pigs are smarter than you!

Then the teacher said to me: Tell this classmate!

11. Difference

I bought a bag of apples and said to my roommates: "Each person should take an apple and eat it."

My roommates brought a bag of apples. When the bag of grapes came back, he also said to everyone: "Take one grape for each person."

12. Compensation

While eating in the canteen, I accidentally knocked over and broke a thermos next to me. I turned around and saw a beautiful woman. I thought: It looks like we are about to start a romantic campus love affair. I said apologetically: "I'll make it up to you tomorrow!"

I saw the girl showing her charming face. He said with a smile: "No need...just pay for it now!"

13. Class

Roommate: Why did you come to class?

Me: I came right after I woke up~ Why did you come to class too?

The roommate rubbed his eyes and said: I can’t sleep.

14. Candy

Teacher: What products are produced in the West Indies?

My classmate: I don’t know.

Teacher: Oh, you should know. Where does your sugar come from?

Classmate: I borrowed it from my neighbor.

15. Sleeping posture

One night, a classmate got up and saw that the classmate on the lower bunk was sleeping in an extremely inelegant posture.

The next morning he said to the classmate on the lower bunk: "I found that your sleeping posture looks like a marshal!"

The classmate was overjoyed: "Thank you, you Can you tell me specifically which marshal it is?"

"Marshal Tianpeng!"

16. Public Service Examination

A roommate is preparing for the Civil Service Exam. After a while, he said: "How come there are so many questions in this exam...astronomy, geography, humanities, and history."

Another roommate said leisurely: "Everyone talks at work. Who can talk to you if you don’t have a lot of knowledge?”

I was speechless. . .

17. Touched

A buddy broke his playing foot, so I led all my golfers to visit him.

When I got to the bedside, I said: "Are you touched that so many of us have come to see you?"

"I dare not move, it hurts..."

18. Rats

University dormitories are often visited by rats. Everyone thought of a way to mix a bag of peanut kernels and rat poison to lure them into the trap.

The next day, I found not a single peanut kernel left, but not a single rat poison.

Everyone couldn't help but sigh: "The mouse also graduated from a bachelor's degree!"

19. Wishes

While the teacher was giving a lecture, the students were chattering non-stop below. .

The teacher slapped the blackboard eraser angrily, and the classroom fell silent.

The teacher said: "In the past, when the county magistrate decided the case, it was like this, and the whole hall fell into silence."

Suddenly, a student shouted: "You are wronged! ”

20. Accident

During the exam, I brought four cheat sheets, and when I came out, no matter how I looked for them, there were only two. Then the thing I was worried about finally appeared: I failed the exam.

Unexpected things happened later: it was announced as a case at the student assembly. Some students didn’t know how to use the cheat sheet, so they just put it in the paper and handed it in... Social joke ( 20)

1. Convenience

After defecating in the woods, I realized I didn’t bring toilet paper and called a friend for help.

Friend: Just find a leaf and the problem will be solved!

Me: Damn, this is a pine forest! ! !

2. Master

When I was walking past an Internet cafe, I happened to catch up with Pol.ice to conduct a surprise inspection on minors’ Internet access problems, and several students were called out in an awkward manner. .

When Pol.ice asked one of them: "Profession."

The person replied: "Mage". . .

3. Shopping mall

An old lady from the country went to a big shopping mall in the city. Because the door of the shopping mall is a revolving door, the old lady lowered her head and turned in and out again. . .

When she raised her head and looked at it, she couldn't help being surprised and said: "It's such a big shopping mall, and there are cars running in it!"

4. Steamed buns

After get off work, I went to sell steamed buns. A guy in front of me took a steamed bun and squeezed it, shouting: "Boss, your steamed buns are fresh out of the cage! They are all cold."

The boss said disdainfully: It's such a cold day, why don't you take off your clothes and stand here and try it.

5. Wait

In the operating room, the doctor asked a patient about his smoking history.

"Uncle, do you smoke?"

The uncle curled his lips and said: "I'm not in the mood now, wait a minute!"

6. Express delivery

On a hot summer day, looking at the courier who was sweating profusely, I handed him a bottle of German beer. He drank it down, burped loudly, and asked me what I wanted to send.

I said: "You drank it..."

7. Party

A: Attending a party, I saw a woman singing on the stage , it was very unpleasant to listen to, so I asked a man next to me: "Who is that, singing so unpleasantly!"

B: "That is my wife."

A: "Oh, I’m not saying that her singing is terrible, but that the person who wrote the lyrics is terrible.”

B: “I wrote the lyrics.”

A:. . . . . .

8. Repairing shoes

Me: "Master, how much does it cost to repair these shoes?"

Master: "Five yuan!"

Me: "It only costs two or three yuan to nail the shoes."

Master: "It's two yuan to nail the shoes, and the other three yuan is my mental damage fee. Young man, you are so Shoes are so annoying!"

9. Oil prices

Reporter: "What do you think about the rise in oil prices?"

Angry brother: "You can say dirty words. ”

Reporter: “Not so good!”

Angry brother: “There’s nothing to say”

10. Working overtime

An Internet company recruited a Japanese to do research and development. On the first day of work, he told his colleagues in the department: "I was an overtime maniac when I worked in Japan. I came home late every day. I hope everyone can keep up with me." "

A month later, he resigned and returned to Japan. Before leaving, he said to us: "It is very inhumane for you to work overtime and often sleep in the company.

”

11. Tools

A cleaner was sweeping the floor outside and suddenly wanted to go to the bank, so he rushed in with a broom.

The security guard refused to let him go. Come in, the cleaner said: "Hold it for me, don't break it, this is my means of transportation. . . . ”

12. Just in time

I was very bored. I picked up my mobile phone and remembered whether my previous number was used.

Dialed and a man answered. When I was nervous, I said that I was selling insurance, thinking that the other party would die.

In the end, the person said: "Then please introduce it to me carefully, I just want to buy it. ”

13. Your sister

I have an aunt who is only a few years older than me. Once, my aunt and I were walking down the street arm in arm, but we were discovered by the passing class teacher. I went back to report to my mother that she saw me having a puppy love. My mother asked me what happened that day. I thought about it silently and said, ask your sister... My mother immediately slapped her mouth.

14. Buying a ticket

Today I was buying a ticket at a train agency. In front of me was an old man buying a ticket. The old man said: Buy a ticket.

The ticket seller asked him for his ID card. He silently took out a household registration book and handed it to the ticket seller, and asked: How many do you want?

The uncle replied domineeringly: Buy a household registration book...

15. House prices

p>

House prices are actually not expensive, and bras are much more expensive than houses. A good bra costs only 0.02 square meters.

According to this calculation, a square meter of bra costs more than 30,000 yuan. If the national average price of commercial housing is 10,000 yuan, a bra is equivalent to three times the housing price.

If we consider that the useful life of a bra is only one year, and the average lifespan of commercial housing is about several decades, the actual price of a bra is equivalent to 300 times the housing price. /p>

It can be seen that the house price is not expensive!

16. Damn it

“Boss, how much does this jacket cost? "

"1000"

" Damn it, it's so expensive, what about this one next to it? ”

“That new model, two damn ones. ”

17. Phone calls

One person received phone calls several times, and the other party always said, Secretary Wang, are you at home? I want to sit at your house.

He said it was a wrong call.

But a few days later, the man called again and said, Secretary Wang, are you at home?

< p>He was really impatient, so he said, come here.

The call never came again.

18. Accounting

A citizen reported to the mayor that the excavator digging the road broke the water pipe in front of their house and leaked a lot of water.

The mayor immediately called the water company to inquire. He comforted the citizens by saying: "Don't worry, the water company said it will not miss anything and it will be recorded in your bill next month. "

19. Changes

An economist who has been abroad for many years returned to China to give lectures. A reporter asked him, "What do you think of the domestic economic miracle? ”

“It’s amazing, everyone is getting healthier. Ten years ago, if you bought rice worth 100 yuan, it would take a strong man to carry it. Now a primary school student can carry it home with one hand. ”

20. Guanyao

Ask: “How much does a pile of hollow bricks like this cost?” ”

Answer: “200 yuan.” ”

Question: “The captain came to buy it, why is it only 150 yuan?” ”

Answer: “The director comes to buy it for only 50 yuan.” "

Ask: "Why? "

Answer: "This is an official kiln. "Workplace Jokes (20)

1. Taste

Two colleagues walked side by side and walked towards the HR manager (a beautiful woman). After saying hello, they waited for the HR manager to go away. One said: "It smells so good, I don't know what kind of perfume I used. "

Another: "This smell is either Liushen or honeysuckle. ”

2. Business card

We have hired a new MM salesperson. He is good-looking, but he has just graduated from college six months ago and is very inexperienced.

Today, I took her to visit a client. When exchanging business cards with the client, the client said: The business card printed this time is ugly.

MM, who had been silent on the side, added without hesitation: You. Did you put your profile picture on your business card?

3. Songs

I work as a salesperson in a children’s clothing store, and there are all kinds of children’s songs. Ji...

When I was standing at the door, this song started playing: A pug, standing at the door.

p>

Boss: A donkey was disobedient and negotiated terms with its owner, and was finally skinned by the owner.

Employee: A wolf was too vicious and bit him in order to satisfy his greedy desire. All the sheep on the grassland died, and in the end he starved to death.

5. Speech

The new leader took office and gave a report, and read the speech incessantly, starting from January. How about February? When he looked down, there was no one in the audience!

The leader asked the secretary in surprise: "When did everyone leave?" "

The secretary replied: "Starting from February, there will be no one by the end of July.

”

6. Surprise

Price continues to rise, but wages have never increased. I decided to find an opportunity to sneak a peek at our stingy boss.

At noon, When I met the boss in the elevator, I ran out of words and said, "Oh, the price of meat has increased recently, and vegetables are also extremely expensive. Life is hard!" ”

The boss turned to look at me with a thoughtful expression. I was secretly happy, it seems that my words have attracted the attention of the boss.

In the afternoon, the company left I received a notice: In view of the recent increase in the price of meat and vegetables, lunch will be changed from two meat and one vegetarian to one meat and one vegetarian.

7. Eat

Go to the bathroom before lunch today. I happened to see the boss coming out and asked casually: "Have you eaten?" ”

The boss smiled and didn’t answer.

I suddenly realized that I had said the wrong thing.

Then I went to the canteen to eat, and the boss was also queuing up there. In order to make up for my mistake, I bravely said hello: "I haven't eaten yet, I thought you had eaten."

8. Puppy

After lunch today. , everyone gathered in the manager’s office to chat.

While chatting, the topic turned to the names of the pets.

The manager asked me: “What is the name of your puppy? ”

I said: “Bonuses for famous names, year-end bonuses for minor names, and festival fees. ”

9. Plan

After working hard for a year, I was looking forward to getting more bonuses at the end of the year and spending the New Year happily. I didn’t expect that at the end of the year, I received a message from the Finance Department. Notice: The annual prize will be distributed in June of the following year.

The company will hold an anniversary dinner, and the chairman will ask the new manager to attend. I spoke before the dinner and told him that there were two requirements for his speech: 1. He must have the demeanor of a leader; 2. He must have a charging slogan. The manager nodded and agreed.

Before the dinner that day, When the manager came to the stage to speak, he raised his right hand high, then waved it down hard and said: "Ready, let's eat!" "

11. Collecting money

On this day, the boss asked the cashier about the payment situation.

Boss: "I want you to take the gorilla out to help you collect money." How is it? Is it effective? ”

Cashier: “There is good news and bad news. I collected more money today than I usually collect in a week. ”

Boss: “So what’s the bad news? ”

Cashier: “The money is still in the hands of the gorilla. I won’t get it back.” "

12. Misunderstanding

My uncle worked in construction and was fired recently. I asked him what happened.

"Do you know what a foreman does? ? Just stand around and watch others work. "

"What does this have to do with you being fired? "I don't understand.

My uncle explained, "He is jealous because everyone thinks I am the foreman. "

13. Insurance

Someone ran to the insurance company in a panic and said to the staff: "Please help me apply for property insurance immediately." ”

The staff asked: “Why are you in such a hurry?” "

He said angrily: "What nonsense, the house is smoking, can you not be anxious? ! ”

14. Wit

In the research institute, a certain department wanted to buy a refrigerator to store test samples, so he reported to his superiors, but the result was not approved.

Yang Gong, an old employee of Corey, saw this and suggested to the section chief: "Try replacing the 'refrigerator' with an 'artificial intelligence temperature regulator'. "

The section chief complied, and within a few days, the report was approved: "Agree."

15. Foreigners

Xiao Sun in the office picked it up in the cafeteria A wallet. He found the money and returned it to the owner, a foreign employee.

The foreigner was very moved and wrote a thank-you letter and posted it on the bulletin board.

The result. , every employee who passed the bulletin board couldn't help but laugh.

The original title of the thank-you letter was: Look at the good things Xiao Sun did!

16. Drinking

An employee in the office was drinking at work. The manager saw it and asked angrily: "Why are you drinking during work hours? ”

The employee replied: “Sorry, manager, I am commemorating the 10th anniversary of the last salary increase.” ”

17. Applause

The manager had a hemorrhoid surgery, and his colleagues made an appointment to go to the hospital to visit him. Seven or eight men and women came to the ward, and they all giggled at the manager. No one was too embarrassed to ask about his condition.

The driver, Lao Zhang, coughed twice and asked the manager seriously: "I heard that there was something wrong with the chassis. Are you feeling better now?" ”

18. Flies

“Manager, there are so many flies in your toilet here that you can’t even get in!” ”

“Next time, don’t go to the toilet early in the morning. ”

“Then when should we go?” "

"The best time is noon, when all the flies are in the restaurant. ”

19. Results

When I returned to the work after the physical examination today, Lao Zhang looked sad and asked him what was going on. He said: My son’s test scores were not good. I asked him how many tests he had taken.

Lao Zhang said: The three courses combined are not as high as my blood pressure.

20. Ringtone

One day, not long after lunch, I heard the opening song of CCTV News Network. I stood up suddenly and shouted: MD! Worked overtime until 7 o'clock again!

Then I saw my boss coming out of his office, carrying his bag, and rushing towards the elevator. As he walked, he said: It’s already 7 o’clock, why didn’t the kindergarten teacher call me to pick him up? A child?

At this time, I heard a colleague behind me whisper: This is my cell phone ringtone. . . Love Jokes (20)

1. Confession

A buddy fell in love with a girl, and on the evening of Valentine's Day, he asked the girl out for a couple's meal.

After drinking a few glasses of red wine, he took advantage of the wine and boldly asked: "You...can you be my girlfriend?"

The girl didn't even think about it. Without thinking, he shook his head firmly.

The buddy was very sad, picked up his coat, said "bye" to the girl and left.

Unexpectedly, after walking a few steps, the girl shouted loudly from behind: "I love you."

He was very excited and hurried back to the dining table and looked at it with a smile. He was looking at the girl, but the girl said to him quietly: "Hey, you, you haven't paid for the meal yet."

2. Tattoo

A classmate, he was in junior high school Dropped out of school. Yesterday I asked: Do you know how to wash tattoos?

I asked: What happened?

He said: I met a girl named Xia'er a while ago. She was so beautiful. I fell hopelessly in love with her and was willing to give everything for her, so I tattooed her name on my arm with ink. It hurt for several days!

I asked: Why do you need to wash it again?

He said: Damn it, I just found out today that her name is "Xia You".

3. Text messages

Today, on a whim, I sent a text message to tease my husband: "Handsome guy, I have been paying attention to you for a long time. Come out and have a meal together."

I was thinking He would cooperate and say yes or where to go, but the guy replied, "Your sister, who are you sending this to?"

4. Mandarin ducks

My boyfriend and I went to the park to play. By the park lake, I saw a pair of mandarin ducks swimming in the water.

I was so envious that I couldn't help but fall in love with the scene. I grabbed my boyfriend's hand and said affectionately: "Dear, let us be like this pair of mandarin ducks in this life, swimming in this ocean of love forever. Okay?”

After hearing this, the boyfriend burst out laughing, and then said in a puzzled manner: “How could a mandarin duck swim into the ocean? Unless it was hit with a stick!”< /p>

5. Characteristics

My buddy introduced me to a blind date and asked me what kind of girl I like.

I said: "I don't know either."

He said: "Think about the different characteristics of the girls you have liked."

I thought about it and found out: "I have liked many girls, but the only thing they have in common is that they don't like me!"

6. Love River

A friend asked A depressed man: Lost in love?

Man: No, I'm in love.

Friend: Then you should be happy?

Man: The river of love is too deep and I can’t swim. She pushed me down and ran away!

7. Conditions

A boy wooed his girlfriend crazily, and the girlfriend said: "I will marry you if you agree to three conditions."

Question No. On one condition, the girlfriend said: "I hope to see your photo in the newspaper."

The boy said: "This is easy to handle." After that, he spent money to publish a photo search in the newspaper. People set things off and pass the test.

Asked about the second condition, the girlfriend said: "I hope to see you on TV."

The boy said: "It's a bit difficult, but it doesn't bother me. ." After that, he stayed at the door of the TV station every day and acted as a bystander at the scene of a car accident. He was on camera and passed the test.

Asked about the third condition, my girlfriend said: "I want to see your face on the banknotes."

. .

8. Hair style

One day a boy sent a text message to his girlfriend: "Your hair style is different today"

The girlfriend said: "Oh, I have a perm." After a while, he replied: "Ah! Is it serious?" 9. Cooking

It's my turn tonight. It’s time for my girlfriend to cook.

My girlfriend brought a tray and said: Please turn over the brand for whatever you want to eat.

I saw four signs on the tray that read: Stewed Chicken with Mushrooms, Braised Pork Ribs with Green Onions, Beef Brisket with Tomatoes, and Braised Beef.

Can I have them all? My girlfriend said: It’s okay, I’m afraid you won’t be able to eat it.

If I say I can’t eat, you won’t give me pocket money!

After a while, my girlfriend brought four bowls of Master Kong instant noodles and she was so fucked...

10. Good night

"Good night."

p>

"Good night. Is it so early today?"

"Fake, I lied to you."

11. Fever

My girlfriend has a fever 39.8 degrees, crying: I will burn into a fool.

I comforted: No, I had a fever of more than 40 degrees when I was a child!

My girlfriend saw that I was crying harder and asked me while crying: Am I as stupid as you?

12. Things

My boyfriend called and said, "Do you miss me?"

Me: "No."

Boyfriend : "What's going on? Has the shelf life expired?"

Me: "Only things have a shelf life, not to mention you are not a thing!"

Boyfriend. . .

13. Fear

I was injured a little today, and my boyfriend accompanied me to have an MRI. I said, "I have claustrophobia, I'm so scared!"

He said to me unceremoniously: "Why are you being pretentious! You still have cabin fever. When you try on clothes in the fitting room, I think you just want to stay in there and not come out."

14 , Scumbag

Girlfriend: "To be honest, you are so good at flirting, have you flirted with many people?"

Me: "Yes."

Girlfriend : "Humph, I knew it, you scumbag!"

Me: "I have flirted with many women. They are: you who cried the most, you who couldn't guess the problem, and you who were sentimental. , Your deskmate.”

15. Waiting

My girlfriend was going shopping, so I waited for her on the roadside for half an hour before I saw her walking over and said: Hi, handsome guy. , I can’t unscrew the water, can you help me unscrew it?

I looked at the envious eyes around me and said: Lao Tie, look at the way you walk, you can carry a bag of rice up the stairs without any trouble, and you still need me to twist it for you? !

16. Alive

One day, a couple was walking in the park. The man doesn't like the woman anymore, but he doesn't know how to say it. After thinking for a long time, he finally plucked up the courage to say to the woman: My dear! Without you, I really don't know how to survive.

Female: Really?

Male: Of course it’s true. I want to try it tomorrow.

17. Like

"Dear, honestly, do you like beautiful girls? Or smart girls?"

"I like them No one is interested, because I only like you!"

18. Breakup

Female: "Can we be friends after we break up?"

Male: "Can't"

Female: "Humph, I didn't expect you to be such a heartless person. We are not suitable for being together. Let's break up!"

Male: "Then...if I can What?”

Female: “Oh, let’s break up.”

19. Happiness

Male: “Believe me... I will let you be.” The second happiest person in the world!"

Female: "Why not?" (pretend to be cute)

Male: "With you... I am the happiest person!” (Slight smile)

20. Reason

My boyfriend is much older than me. One day I asked him if he had met me a few years earlier. Will you choose me? He replied: No.

I was very unhappy and asked: Why?

He said: Because I am afraid of the minors protection law. Couple Jokes (20)

1. Packaging

My husband bought a TV, and there were various symbols on the packaging of the TV.

The wife asked: "Why is there a wine glass on the package?"

The husband said: "You still don't understand this. That is to say, you need to drink while watching TV, otherwise you will not watch. Good TV. "

2. Playing cards

In the middle of the night, the wife walked from the second floor to the living room on the first floor. She saw her husband still playing cards with his gambling friends, so she said to them: "Listen, can you let me sleep peacefully in my own house for a while?"

The husband shushed and said: Keep your voice down, honey, this house is no longer ours. Yeah...

3. Mahjong

Husband: "Why did you spend my hard-earned money so easily?"

Wife: "I felt very nervous when I was using the money."

Husband: "Really? I wronged you. What did you do with it?"

Wife: "Play mahjong."

4. Buy chicken

Today I took my wife to the supermarket for shopping. My wife wanted to eat grilled chicken legs, and I said, "Go and ask them whether the chicken legs they sell are front legs or rear legs. We only buy the rear legs, the front legs are not delicious."

My wife fell into the trap. Peipianpidian ran to the salesperson selling chicken legs and asked: "Is this chicken leg a front leg or a hind leg?"

Salesperson: "I don't know... it should be a hind leg."

p>

5. Wrinkles

Wife: “Look at you, you are so young but you have so many wrinkles on your forehead!”

Husband: “Really? How many wrinkles are there? ?”

Wife: “Wearing a hat is like tightening a screw”

6. Quarrel

Wife: “You can’t find it even with a lantern. Better than me."

Husband: "I came to you with a lantern."

The wife was happy after hearing this.

Then the husband said, “I just didn’t open my eyes.

"

7. Pants

In the morning, the husband said to his wife: "Dear, have you ironed my trousers? ”

“Ironed. ”

“No, I had three hundred yuan in my trouser pocket yesterday. Why is it still there now?” ! ”

8. Missing me

When the husband came back from a business trip, his wife asked: “It took me so long to come back. Did you miss me outside?” ”

“Why don’t you think about it! I was on a business trip for a month, and I thought about it every day for 30 days! ”

The wife jumped up when she heard this: “Okay, you heartless person, last month was 31 days, and there is still one day, who are you thinking about?” ”

9. Debate

That day I talked about marriage with my wife. I firmly support polygamy. My wife was furious and said that men and women are equal. Since there is polygamy, it should be Polyandry

I remembered the wise saying of the sage Gu Hongming and taught me: "I have only seen a bottle of wine matched with several wine glasses. When have you ever seen a wine glass matched with several bottles of wine?" ? "

The wife said coldly: "While drinking cocktails. ”

over……

10. Doing evil

Husband: I have had so many blessings in my previous life to find such a good wife like you!

Wife: It’s not your blessing, it’s because I committed too many sins in my previous life!

11. Safety

Wife: “Husband, you have given me so much over the years! The sense of security makes me live a very secure life..."

I said: "Dear, you have never told me, is that true? "

The wife smiled evilly: "At least there are two aspects. ”

I asked: “Which two aspects? "

My wife said: "I have no looks and no money. "

12. Experience

That day, my wife happily told me: "I submitted a resume today and I am a matchmaker in a dating agency. I have an interview tomorrow morning, wish me good luck! "

The next day, my face was full of dissatisfaction, and I asked: "Did you fail to apply? I knew it”

Wife: “It’s all your fault. . . ”

I wondered: “What does this have to do with me?” ! ”

My wife was angry: “The matchmaking company stipulates that a matchmaker must have more than three years of dating experience, but we got married after only dating for one year.” . . ”

13. Playing chess

The wife asked: “Husband, why don’t you play chess with Lao Wang anymore?” ”

Husband: “Are you willing to play chess with a person who is arrogant when he wins and curses when he loses?” "

"Oh, of course not," the wife understood.

Husband: "He doesn't want to be with such a person either. "

14. Taking photos

The couple went to the photo studio to take a commemorative photo. During the photo shoot, the photographer said to the woman: "You come closer and put your hand on your husband's shoulder. , so it will look more natural. ”

The man smiled bitterly: “If you want to take a more realistic photo, you should let her put her hand into my wallet.” ”

15. Marriage

Mr.: Why is the coffee so bitter?

Mrs.: Why is it still bitter after I put two pieces of candy for you?

Mr.: Really?

Mrs.: They are probably married.

16. Sympathy

Wife: “Because no one else sympathizes with you. , I just became your wife. ”

Husband: “You have succeeded now!” Now everyone pities me for it. ”

17. Certification

Wife: Is the birth certificate ready?

Husband: It’s done. I was worried at first because the marriage certificate was wrinkled. Well, will others laugh?

Wife: What happened next?

Husband: I think the marriage certificate of the previous brother was a puzzle.

18. Goal

When the couple was eating, the wife said: "How can you eat all the meat on the back of the fish now? I remember when we were in love, you loved eating fish heads and tails the most..."

"The situation is different! The husband said: "Now my goal is to eat fish, but at that time my goal was to fish." ”

19. Integrity

It is said that there was a county magistrate who was afraid of his wife. He was chased by his wife and hid under the bed in embarrassment.

The wife then knocked He shouted loudly from the edge of his bed: "Come out quickly, come out quickly!" "

The county magistrate said: "A man, a real man, if you can't say it, you won't come out! "

20. Talking in sleep

The wife said to her husband with concern: "Husband, you have been talking in your sleep lately. How about I accompany you to the hospital for a physical check-up? "

The husband replied in panic: "No, if the doctor cures this problem for me, then I will have no right to speak at home! ”

Finally, it took me almost 2 hours to sort out. Of course, these are compiled and optimized based on Internet collection, and I have read them all and filtered them. The quality is definitely good. You can collect it and take a look at it when you have nothing to do to cheer up your mood.