Do you, like me, like to be friends with humorous people, because you will be very happy every day? In fact, you can also become that person, as long as you know one or two sentences or classic funny jokes. . Next is the "Classic Jokes" that I carefully prepared for you, welcome to watch!

Classic Jokes (Popular)

1. An idle prodigal who only hates I am too lazy to go home, so I want to find a place to study lazily. One day, he found out about a Xue Lai shop and walked there. When he arrived at the door of Xuelan's store, he turned around and walked backwards through the door. The master of the Xuelan Shop shouted: "Hey, why don't you face me?" The prodigal son still turned his back to the master and replied: "Master, please calm down. I want to turn my back to the master when I come, so I don't have to turn around when I say goodbye." When the master heard this, he was dumbfounded. After staying for a while, he finally woke up from a dream and said: "You are lazier than me. I can respect you as my teacher." ?

2. Once upon a time, there was a lazy man who only enjoyed eating and playing all year round and did not like to work. During the autumn harvest season, the weeds in his fields were taller than the rice. He saw that the rice in other people's fields was growing well. Then he ran to the edge of the field angrily, stomped his feet and cursed at the crops: "Crops, crops, you are so heartless! You must be afraid of the sun. The weeds in the field grow taller than you; if you say you You may be afraid of hurting your old roots, but I have never hoeed you. If you are afraid of getting dirty, I have never burned shit on you. How can you say I'm sorry for you?

3. A man passed by a miser's house and saw a group of geese standing by the wall. He pounced on it and caught the biggest one, hid it under his robe, and hurriedly Go away. After walking for a long time, the big goose didn't make any sound. He felt strange and wanted to see what happened. He turned into an empty alley, pulled up his robe a little, and saw the goose raising its head and making a habitual "shhhhhhhhh" sound. He happily said to the goose: "You are amazing! People treat you so well." You're called a stupid goose, but you're actually smarter than me. I pulled up my robe and was about to tell you to keep quiet, but you said it before me! ?

4. My girlfriend called, She said she was going on a business trip for a month and asked me to accompany her to the mall to buy some daily necessities. We came to the mall and walked around. After buying almost everything, we found a secluded place to sit down and rest. Thinking of the upcoming separation, we felt a little reluctant to leave. I said: "Call me when you get there, or send me a text message." ?The girlfriend nodded. I looked at her for a while and said, "You are leaving, please let me kiss her." ?My girlfriend squinted her eyes and raised her head. As soon as I put my face up, someone coughed behind me. It was a staff member. She looked at us strangely and left without saying a word. Seeing that there was no one else around, I held my girlfriend's face again. There was another cough behind me. It turned out that the staff member was back again. She pointed to a shiny black thing above her head and said: "Please, we are testing the monitor, which can be seen by the whole mall. Please don't sit under the probe, okay?

5. Only this membrane can prove your innocence, but I am so horny that I can’t control myself. I use the long and retractable tube to pierce your tough membrane and let out the light red liquid. I love you? Uniform iced tea!

6. I was on duty that day. Someone called the police outside and reported that a drunk man was causing trouble in front of his store. After we passed by, we took him back to the police station and restrained him as usual. Sober?. The man was still drunk and crazy when he arrived at the police station. He hit his head with his cell phone very hard, so he put his cell phone away and put it in the duty room. My mother, this mobile phone is awesome. I took a quick look and it actually has a speaker! Oh dear, something scary happened. Someone kept calling this mobile phone. The ringtone was the popular "Wolf falls in love with sheep". Damn it! The phone calls are constantly ringing, and the ringtone of the cell phone is at least 10 decibels, so loud that it can even cover up ordinary voices. When I picked him up, he found out that the other party was also a drunkard and couldn't communicate. I wanted to turn it off. I was sweating. I asked for the power-off password. I was dizzy! I wanted to wait until it ran out of power and turned it off by myself. It had been ringing for many hours and it hadn’t used up a single bar of power! I was so confused that I pulled out the battery to save trouble. I was so smart that I made the worst decision in my life! As soon as I pulled out the battery of my mobile phone, there was an alarm sound. The alarm sounds even louder. You said the battery is gone, where does it make the sound? It has been ringing for more than ten minutes and it still doesn’t stop. I have no choice but to put the battery back in, turn it on, and continue? A wolf falls in love with a sheep? of singing. God, help me! After being tortured until around midnight, the man finally woke up enough to communicate normally. I quickly gave him the phone and asked him to leave quickly and let me live!

7 .A young judge with a great sense of humor. During a public trial in the court, there was a huge flow of people, all the auditorium seats were full, and loudspeakers were installed outside the court for live broadcast. At this time, there were still many people trying to squeeze in. The chief judge said: "I am very pleased that everyone is paying attention to this trial." But the auditorium is already full. If anyone is enthusiastic and insists on taking a seat, there are still a few seats in the dock in this court, so you are welcome to take a seat! ? The crowd laughed, and it did have an effect.

8. One afternoon, the central air conditioner in the conference room broke down. I hired someone to repair it and offered a repair fee of RMB 100.

(Actually, it’s just cleaning. There are too many sundries in it.) Come over and ask the manager of Workshop B: Can’t we just ask our own electrician to wash the air conditioner style? Why pay for someone to wash it? Me: These air conditioners have been used It has been more than two years, but I haven’t washed it thoroughly. I didn’t wash it thoroughly myself. If it is not used, it will break down after a day or two. Besides, we don’t have a potion workshop manager who specializes in cleaning this: Then you can just ask the air conditioner repairman to buy the potion and call the electrician to wash it. Me: ..................(Editor's note: Deducted B, fortunately I am not the boss. But potions are deceptive, dish soap will not suffice.)

9. There is a man who looks very humorous. He walked into a bar and said to the waitress: "Before we quarrel, give me a cup of cocoa!" The bar girl hurriedly handed him a cup. A few minutes later, the man said to the waitress: "Bring me some steak and fried potatoes before we start the fight." ?The waitress was even more surprised, but she still brought the dishes. Just like that, the clock passed, and the bar girl asked curiously: "But what is the quarrel you mentioned about? When did it start? It will start right away!" The man replied, "Because I don't have money to pay for cocoa and food." money. ?

10. Full of grief and anger, I write this incoherently! @!!!!!!!!!! At three o'clock in the afternoon. . . The canteen of the project management department is in an emergency: there is no food for cooking at night! It is related to the problem of food for employees, so they need to go shopping quickly. God is not good, and all the vehicles of the project department are out. As a logistics manager, I was extremely helpless, so I borrowed a motorcycle with my uncle, a migrant worker, and went to the nearest village of Saniugou (look at Saniugou~~ the name is very foreign) to buy some emergency vegetables!!! Buy vegetables. . . . Paying the bill~~~~Everything went so smoothly~~Naturally~~However~~~However~~~But the moment I stepped out of the store with drinks and vegetables~~~~Tragedy happened? Three vicious The big wolf dog rushed towards me at the speed of one hour per hour!!!! I quickly avoided the first dog with lightning speed~~~However. . . . . Two ferocious big dogs were driving side by side in the back. ;. . . I couldn't dodge~~~In an instant!! I felt a sharp pain in my legs~~~my body flew with it. . . Then he fell heavily on the hard gravel road... What was even worse was that six bottles of Pepsi fell and hit him~~.. Dizziness~~~ severe pain~~~numbness~~~Grandma is such a bear~ ~~I have never been in a car accident since I was a child. . . I was hit by a dog today~~~I returned to the project department. . . . I climbed onto the bed and took off my clothes: ~~~My back was covered in bruises... My legs were probably broken~~~Grandma is a bitch. . . Now I can’t even move!! My mother is coming~~? It hurts!!!!!!!! This lesson tells everyone: dogs are stronger than Land Rover~~~ Greetings to the dog’s mother again!!!

Classic jokes (classics)

1. "In order to show his concern for his subordinates, Colonel Smoker suddenly entered the navy's basic canteen. In the canteen, he saw Kirby and Belumebo stood in front of a big soup pot and said: "Let me try this soup!" But... "But what?" said Kirby. He took a big sip, and then yelled angrily: "Damn it! How can you give this to the navy! This is just water!" Kebi: "I wanted to tell you, but you have already tasted it." . . . Mathematics teacher Nami asked Luffy: "We are learning subtraction today! For example, your brother had five pieces of barbecue, but you secretly took them away. How many pieces are left?" Luffy: "Five pieces!" ? Nami was angry: ? Why five pieces?! ? Luffy: ? Because I ate his barbecue, he will turn me into a barbecue! ? Arrita went before eating the slippery fruit. Chopper was undergoing plastic surgery in the hospital. Chopper told her: In your case, the full operation will cost Berry, but after the operation you will definitely be the most beautiful woman on the Grand Line! Arrita: It’s too expensive. Yes! Is there a cheaper way? Chopper:? Yes. There is a way to be Berry enough and make you charming enough for anyone! Really?! What method is it? Chopper:? An eye wrinkle removal surgery and Alabasta's veil, turban. ? Luffy: ?Brother, let's play the circus game, I'll be the bear in it!? Ace: ?What about me? Luffy: ?You play the bear? The big sister kept putting delicious things in my mouth! . . . Luffy took Chopper to see the psychiatrist and said to the doctor: "Chopper is a deer." It's a hen, it's been half a year! ? Doctor: ?Ah! It's been half a year, why didn't you come earlier? Luffy: ?Because I want to eat eggs!? Zoro got lost in the countryside. He met one in the cornfield. A man was plowing the field, and he shouted unceremoniously: "Hey! Where does this road go?"

2. I don't know if the light bulbs in China are the same as those in the UK. In the UK, there is a warning on the packaging of light bulbs - do not put that object into your mouth. This means do not put the light bulb in your mouth.

He's XXXX... Would anyone put this thing into his mouth? The British are some idiots... Let me tell you, there are no absolutes! One day I was watching TV with an Indian friend at home, and I talked to him about this matter , he told me that their primary school textbook also mentioned that the light bulb would get stuck after being put into the mouth and could not be taken out no matter what. He was very sure that the book said that... but I was very doubtful. I think the surface of the light bulb It is very slippery. If it can be put into the mouth, it proves that the mouth is large enough to allow it to go in and out. In theory, it can also be taken out. But this Indian idiot only said that the book said that... so it must be correct... I was angered by his attitude of not asking for a deeper explanation. I called him stupid, and he said that I didn't know English and couldn't read... We then The quarrel started...I went home angrily, picked up an ordinary-sized light bulb and thought about it on the bed. I always thought that I was not wrong. I thought of the ignorance of my Indian friend, and in the spirit of a scientist-- ---Bold assumptions and careful verification. I decided to confirm his look. Of course, I also took safety precautions... bought a bottle of vegetable oil and took it home.

3. "Mushroom got its name ""Mushroom"" because of the cut off its head. Later, because of the publicity, ""Mushroom"" was widely used in the class. Mushroom is a very nervous person. Girls who are confused often say things out of the blue and make everyone burst into laughter. Once in a math class, the wordy math teacher Xiao Kai spat on her and asked, "What will happen after the exam?" Everyone looked like they were sleeping, Xiao Kai said again. "What else do you want to take a look at?" Still no one answered. The sleeping mushroom suddenly said suddenly, "take a look at your deskmate!" The students were all yawning. Xiao Ming made an analogy to calm the students down: "I am Chinese and he is American. He said that Americans are the most superior, so he looks down on me...""""I am I am the most advanced person on earth!" "Everyone laughed so hard..."

4. What should I do? I can tell a joke! Let me announce it directly so that I don’t want to tell it to everyone I see! Wow haha ! In fact, I have no one to talk to. My colleagues in the office listened to me and everyone around me has heard it: I told my brother once, my sister wanted to make my mother happy, so I typed it on my mobile phone very hard. , actually said that I couldn’t send it out because I didn’t have phone money, so I went home and told it again, and my brother listened to it again by the way. Looking at his speechless expression, I knew that I couldn’t show this joke in his presence in the future. The little white rabbit went to buy carrots. On the first day, the little white rabbit asked the boss: Boss, do you have a carrot? Boss: No. The next day, Little White Rabbit: Boss, do you have a carrot? Boss: No. On the third day, Little White Rabbit: Boss, do you have a carrot? Boss: Yes, yes? (very excited) Little White Rabbit: Two carrots! The boss said angrily: Next time, I will knock off your front teeth! Fourth Oh my god, the little white rabbit is here again. Little white rabbit: Boss, do you have a hammer? Boss: No. Little White Rabbit: Boss, do you have a carrot? Boss: No. (Angry?) On the fifth day, the little white rabbit came again. This time, before the little white rabbit could speak, the boss took out a hammer and broke the little rabbit’s front teeth. The little white rabbit covered his mouth and said vaguely: Boss, Is there any carrot juice?

5. In the first song, I saw from a distance that the introducer and the handsome guy were already waiting at the entrance of the park. The lady hurriedly adjusted her pace and smiled charmingly at the handsome guy. Walk over. Finally walking into the distance where she could flirt with the handsome guy, the lady was about to discharge her electricity when suddenly the heel of her high-heeled shoes broke. The second song: After meeting, both parties felt good and decided to have a meal together. On the way to the hotel, the lady said that she was a person who took good care of herself and would not let the handsome guy worry too much in the future. The handsome guy believed it and didn't worry about the lady when he entered the hotel. He went in by himself. The lady followed, but the door bounced back so hard that she couldn't find her. The third song: The atmosphere was very good during the meal. The lady and the handsome guy were looking at each other. Suddenly a fly landed on the lady's nose and settled down.

6. It is said that there once was a father-in-law who was very conservative. One day, the father-in-law saw his daughter-in-law sweeping the floor in the courtyard. When she bent over, her huge butt was raised. After looking at it for a long time, he cursed behind his daughter-in-law: "How unbecoming is it for a woman to have her butt raised half a day high?" !? The daughter-in-law listened, but remained silent. At night, the son suddenly asked: "Mom, Mom, how high is the sky!" The daughter-in-law was also humorous, so she answered: "Mom's ass is as high as mine." The father-in-law, who happened to be a father-in-law, couldn't bear it after hearing it outside. He said angrily: "How can you educate your children like this? How can you say that the sky is not as high as the two behind you?" But I heard my wife say: "You said it too, You said that when I was sweeping the floor, my buttocks were raised for half a day, so wouldn’t the two buttocks added up to be as high as the sky? My father-in-law was speechless.

7. One day, a certain gentleman had dinner with his friends, and in the end everyone drank a lot. This gentleman also advised others to drink it, and everyone said it was almost enough. This gentleman was furious, raised his glass and shouted: Today we will continue to drink. This glass will be drained in one gulp. Whoever quits will be the bastard! The others did not want to hurt their friendship, and no one wanted to be a bastard, so they reluctantly drank the wine. The glass of wine is empty. This gentleman saw that everyone had finished drinking, put his glass of wine on the table, and said: I am the bastard! Hahaha~~~

8. Existing problem: good food, good fun Feet, I like smoking and drinking.

Analyze the reasons: the food is delicious, the feet are good to soak, the cigarettes are good to smoke, and the wine is good to smoke. Summarize experience: Eat well, soak your feet well, smoke well, drink well. Corrective measures: Eat well, soak your feet well, smoke well, and drink wine well. Directions for efforts: Eat well, soak your feet well, smoke well, and drink well.

9. On this day, MM asked me to accompany her to the mall to buy seasonal discounted clothes. I didn’t want to go, so I tried to explain to her that the mall did not have discounted products in the true sense, and gave some examples to explain, but She still has to go. After spending a long time shopping in the mall, I came back empty-handed and asked why. She rolled her eyes at me and said something that made me vomit blood: I just went to see if what you said is right! ?

10. I’m not sure if there is a place selling vegetables near the community. of. I have fallen in love with eating cucumbers recently. Passing by that place late at night, I met the fruit stall owner closing his stall. So I went over and asked the stall owner: Me: Are there any vegetable sellers here? Stall owner: There are none now. What time is it? Me: But there is a vegetable seller, right? Stall owner: Yes, there is, right next to me during the day. Me: Oh. . Thanks. Do you sell fruit here? Stall owner: Yes. Me: Then give me some cucumber~Stall owner:? Girl, cucumber is not a fruit?

Classic jokes (selected chapters)

1. Men and women like to go shopping together on weekends garden. One day, I was chatting on a bench with my friends when I got tired. Suddenly, the friend pointed in a direction and said: "Look, what are you doing over there?" Everyone looked in that direction, and it turned out that it was a couple hugging and kissing. So, one of my friends got upset. He was so affectionate in public in broad daylight. It was outrageous! I wanted to go over and give him a few words. ? So, everyone suddenly began to discuss what they could say to separate them gracefully. #$^#%#@(A burst of words!) At this time, I said: "Go over and tell them: "Open your mouth more, please." Suddenly, there was a burst of laughter. . . .

2. "A farmer made a fortune by winning the lottery, so he wanted to buy a car. He went to the car exhibition hall to take a look. There was a very beautiful lady standing next to each car, and there was also a number No. He quickly chose the most beautiful girl. He thought: It doesn't matter whether the car is good or bad. If it breaks down, you can buy it again. Buying this beauty will last a lifetime?"

　3." Armstrong, the first astronaut to land on the moon, said something world-famous: "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." When he returned to the landing module, he said an inexplicable sentence: "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Good luck, Mr. Gorsky. ? Most people at NASA thought that this sentence had no profound meaning and might refer to a Soviet astronaut. But after searching, there was no such person in the Soviet Union or NASA. After that, many people asked Armstrong every year: Good luck, Mr. Gorsky? What does this sentence mean? He laughed and refused to answer. In Tampa Bay, Florida, a reporter asked this question again. The long question came up, and this time Armstrong finally spoke. Mr. Gorsky had died not long ago, and Armstrong felt he could answer it. One day, when he was a child, he was playing baseball in the yard with his friends. A friend hit the ball under the window of the neighbor's house, Mr. and Mrs. Gorski. When Armstrong bent down to pick up the ball, he heard the couple arguing. Mrs. Gorski shouted: "You want to sleep with me? Don't even think about it! Unless it's the neighbor's house." The child landed on the moon! ?"

4. Question: What are you digging a hole for? Answer: My goldfish died, and I made a grave for it. Question: Is the pit too big? Answer: No way, the goldfish is in your cat’s belly. ?

5. The upstart invited many friends to visit his three swimming pools. Everyone was shocked and asked why he needed three. He said: The first one is the same as a normal swimming pool. It contains cold water and has the same purpose. The second one is for hot water, used when the weather is cold. The third one does not contain water. ?What kind of swimming pool can be made without water? I have some friends who are landlubbers. They are not suitable for hot and cold swimming pools, so I built this specially for them. ?

6. Happiness is: when I am hungry, you hold a bun, and you are happier than me; when I am cold, and you have a thick cotton jacket to wear, you are happier than me; Part 1 When I was in the latrine, there was only a pit. If you squatted there, you would be happier than me!

7. It is said that a man selling meat came to the law firm. Mr. Lawyer, I don’t know whose dog ate my ham. What should I do? Then you should find the owner of the dog and ask him to compensate you for your losses. ?Thank you for your suggestion. Now please give me a pound. It was your dog that stole my ham. ?Okay, I agree to compensate you for your losses, but you have to know that my consulting fee is pounds, so we are even. ?

8. "A went to friend B's house as a guest, and B bought a fish to entertain him. A looked at it carefully for a while, put the fish under his nose and smelled it, B was a little unhappy. B:? You Do you think the fish has become smelly? A: Sorry, I just talked to the fish for a while. B: Talking to the fish. A: Yes, I asked it about the news on the sea. B: How did it reply? Your A: It said: I'm sorry, I haven't been in the sea for more than a month/? (This fish is really humorous, haha)"

9. "A man who is about to starve to death A man picked up a magic lamp in the desert.

Magic Lamp: "" I can only grant you one wish, just say it quickly, I'm in a hurry. "" The man who was about to starve to death: ""I want a wife?"" The magic lamp immediately transformed into a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: "" You are almost starving to death and you are still greedy for beauty! How sad! "" After that, he disappeared. . A person who is about to starve to death: ""?Bake. "", and then died, alas. No luck in enjoying my wife's cake."

10. "For the fourth time, I felt itchy in my waist on the bus, as if my underwear string was broken, but I didn't care, and I heard something when I got off the bus. Someone in the car said, "What are you doing? The money is sewn so solidly and is embroidered in your underwear. How can you take it out in the mall?" The fifth time, when I came back from a business trip, I just got off the train and found that the zipper of my bag was pulled down. It's open. When I opened it, the information was still there. However, there are a few rows of words written by the thief in the blank space of the document: Such a beautiful bag, if there is no money in it, why do you have so much money if you don’t have money? It’s a waste of my feelings! Not long ago, a friend gave me a dog named Lele. Pekingese puppy, this puppy is all white, and is very hygienic. He never urinates anywhere at home. Every time he has an urgent need, he will bark "woof woof" twice in advance, and then go to the place I prepared for him. I urinate and defecate in the tray, which saves me a lot of trouble; on Sunday morning, I took Lele to the bank, and just after withdrawing money in the bank's business hall, "Woof woof..." "Lele Le suddenly shouted at me. I know it's about to happen again. Although this is not our home, we must abide by social ethics! In a hurry, I quickly took out the newspaper I just bought at the newsstand for Lele's convenience. Lele got her wish and took a break. After it was done, I carefully wrapped the pile of rubbish into a paper bag with newspapers. I held it in one hand and led Lele out with the other hand, preparing to throw it into the trash can on the street. As soon as I walked to the side of the road, I heard a "quack" sound and a motorcycle braked suddenly and stopped beside me. Just when I was in a daze, the young man wearing sunglasses sitting in the back seat snatched the paper bag from my hand, and with a strong roar of the motor, the motorcycle sped away. I stood on the roadside for a long time without waking up.

I could vaguely hear a few passers-by who had just witnessed this scene talking in low voices: ""This guy is really unlucky. He was robbed just after he left the bank... How many thousands are there?"""