I wish LZO(∩_∩)O~~

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" "

Hearing this, the polar bear tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" " "

42. There is a hide-and-seek club, and the head has not been found yet. ...

43. Xiaohong asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?

Xiaomei said: right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon.

Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?

Because it's cold there ... ..

45. There is a snack bar selling jiaozi without business.

So she went to ask the teacher what to do.

The Lord said, you have to find a fresh corpse and wrap its meat into jiaozi.

Then sell it so that business will be good, but tell their family not to eat this kind of jiaozi, or something will happen.

The boss tried it and the effect was really good.

So she went looking for the body again.

The next day, her son will bring a lunch.

But he couldn't find it, so he went to the refrigerator to look for it.

Found a lunch box. He thought it was his and took it away.

Unexpectedly, jiaozi was left by his father in the box.

He held it up at noon to watch the next jump.

The cross in the morning is 10. Why did it suddenly become five?

He tried to put the lid on again, then opened it, and it became two again!

You know why?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Because jiaozi stuck to the lid.

46. A lumberjack applied for a job.

Foreman: Try the forest ahead … See how many trees you can saw in a minute … ..

A minute later ...

Foreman: Wow ... 20 trees a minute ... amazing ... where did you work before?

Worker: Sahara forest ...

Foreman: I haven't heard of it. .......................................................

Worker: yes ... then I changed my name!

47. Wife: I am blind and will marry you if I step on shit.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ...

48. tell a story Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who privately agreed for life, but the boy needed military service, so he made an oath with the girl and gave her a diamond ring, promising to meet the girl three years later. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring.

Three years later, the boy heard the news of a woman's marriage on the boat home. He was so sad that he threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair. Three days later, the ship landed. The boy went to a small restaurant in the street for dinner. A fish was brought. He picked up the fish and took a bite. He took a bite of something hard and spit it out. Guess what he saw.

Fish bones! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Once upon a time, there was a horse! It ran into the sea.

So, it becomes a "hippocampus"!

Another friend of this horse fell into the river in order to find the horse that fell into the sea. Later, he became a hippo.

The third horse is white. In order to find two missing friends, it came to a city with chaotic traffic.

It was run over by several cars in a row, leaving several black stripes on its body.

Turns out to be a zebra!

One day, the fourth horse went to a factory to find the companions of the first three horses and was transformed into an "iron horse".

But later, those horses could not escape the fate of being eaten, and all of them were made into "Shaqima". All the horses survived and became a world without horses. ...

Then, a group of people saw the joke and couldn't help saying, "The horse is really cold." .

Finally, in order to commemorate this joke, someone edited it into a class, and we called it "Marseille class"!

52. One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend.

He kept crying. ...

Cry sadly all the time ...

result ...

male ...

send ...

bud ...

it is ...

53. One day, a lump of black shit saw a lump of white shit.

The black stool asked, Why are you so white and beautiful?

White shit is very angry!

He said: I am not shit! I am ice cream! ! !

54. A cat found a mouse.

So he jumped on the mouse like a hungry tiger to eat it.

But then the cat was eaten by this mouse … ..

Why?

because

Tigers and mice are stupid and can't tell them apart.

55. A software company is recruiting.

On this day, a dog came to apply. The supervisor felt depressed and wanted to drive the dog out. The dog took out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a few words neatly: Please don't discriminate against animals.

The manager knows that this is not an ordinary dog. Out of curiosity, he decided to have a try.

The manager took out the application conditions, which read: 1. Must be able to type. 2。 Must be able to program. 3。 Master at least one foreign language.

So the dog came to the computer, skillfully typed an article and wrote a very complicated program. Then come to the supervisor and say to the supervisor: meow! !

56. Sister Toothpaste often changes her mind.

Suddenly, dating my brother's soft toothbrush

I suddenly fell in love with electric toothbrush.

A new neighbor came today.

Sister Toothpaste: "Wow, you are so tall and stylish ~ What's your name ~ Come out with me ~"

The new neighbor said coldly, "No! Because I am a comb ~ "

One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.

The snake said, "I am too young to fart so smelly." It must be a cow. 」

The cow said, "I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly." 」

The pig said, "people who fart will blush." 」

Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out, knocked the pig away, and said, "How many times have I told you, I was born blushing. 」

60. Xiaoming owes 200,000 yuan to the underground bank.

Xiao Ming begged him to stay a few more days.

The banker said, "Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers; The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; On the third day ... "

Xiao Ming: "There is no need to return it, right?"

Banker: "no, then you will become a tinker bell." 」

62. This story happened in China a long time ago.

I played a guessing game with scissors, stone and cloth all afternoon, my good friends.

Go home together, take a walk …

Si Tong noticed an oil lamp by the roadside, just like Aladdin's magic lamp.

He picked it up curiously and dusted it off.

Suddenly, white smoke came out of the bottle of Ran Ran magic lamp.

A dragon slowly emerged from the white smoke. ..

But the dragon is dry and a little malnourished.

He said, "Who let me out?" Fuzzy

Stone said: I let you out.

Dragon: "Oh … Ahem … Then I can give you a wish …" "

Stone: "Ah ... only one. Oh, there are three. "

Dragon: "I'm sorry ... because I'm a half-toned dragon ... if you don't want to, forget it ..." "

Si Tong: "OK ... and then ... can you make all three of us adults?" We are tired of guessing boxing every day. "

Dragon: "Oh ... I'll try … but maybe only one can succeed … because I'm a semitone dragon …" "

The dragon coughed a few times and spat at the three of them respectively.

The three people gradually began to be shrouded in white smoke, and the dragon gradually disappeared into the three-character sutra.

Wait until the white smoke clears. ...

Stone or stone, scissors or scissors, but cloth is no longer cloth, cloth has successfully transformed into human beings!

When one family is happy and two families are sad,

Someone happened to pass by here and saw this scene.

I recorded him,

This man is Mencius.

He wrote:

…………….

Cloth succeeded and became a man.

Then this statement spread to later generations and was added to Chinese textbooks.

63. An old man in a family passed away.

Because of the public sacrifice, the body was frozen.

Please come out after the public sacrifice.

It happened to be hot at that time,

There were thawed water droplets on the body,

Grandson beside to see, very nervous shout loudly:

"Grandma, grandma ... grandpa is sweating ..."

Grandma replied:

"Shh ... Grandpa died for the first time, so nervous! 」

64. One day, a man met God. ..

God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish.

God asked …

Do you have any wishes …

The man wanted to think. ...

I heard that cats have nine lives. ...

Then please give me nine lives. ..

God said, ..

Your wish has come true. ...

One day, that man was idle and bored …

I want to say die. ...

There are nine lives anyway

Lying on the tracks ...

As a result, a train passed by. ...

That man is still dead ...

Why is this?

Because that train has 10 cars …

65. Xiaoxue asked her father, "Dad, do you have a KB book?" 」

"Yes, of course. 」

Dad said, "I read a book about your father for more than 20 years, and I still think it's KB. 」

"ah? Really? What book will be read for more than 20 years and still feel KB? 」

"Marriage certificate. 」

66. A lady met a red light while driving.

The traffic police on the side watched her as the red light turned green and the green light turned red …

Still parked in the middle of the road, not moving.

So the traffic police went over and asked the young lady, "What's the matter, don't you have a favorite color?" 」

68. Two foreigners went shopping in Carrefour. When checking out, the clerk asked, "Can you speak Chinese? 」

Two foreigners replied in Mandarin: "Speak slowly, we can understand!" ! 」

The clerk said, "Can you … speak … Chinese? 」

69. One night. ...

Xiaoming couldn't sleep, so he decided to go out for a walk …

He just walked on the highway near his home …

Unfortunately, I was caught in a police raid. ...

Xiao Ming was called for questioning.

The policeman asked Xiao Ming why he got on the highway, and gave him a ticket after asking.

It says

1. Not wearing a seat belt

2. Driving without a license

3. The speed is less than 60 miles per hour

70. Beautiful MM must be seen ~ ~ ~

Coffee diet:

Materials:

One hundred grams of coffee beans (raw)

500 ml of water ...

Exercise:

1, drink 500cc of water.

Step 2 put coffee beans ...

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.

.

.

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.

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.

.

Sprinkle it on the ground and pick it up one by one.

Repeat three times a day for one month ...

7 1. Life is like shit, once washed away, it will never come back.

Life is like shit, it always looks like that, but it's different every time.

Life is like shit, sometimes it's cool, and sometimes it's tangled with five senses!

Life is like shit, you never know what you will pull out. ..

Life is like shit. If you want results, you must plant them first.

Life is like shit, you often work hard for a long time, but only a few farts come out. ..

Life is like shit, even if it is beautifully decorated, the essence is still the same. ..

Life is like shit, only you have to face it silently and bravely.

So, as people often say—

"You go to eat shit! 」

In fact, his original intention is "you should seriously integrate into your own life." 』

72. A guy went to the hospital for a check-up and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency! ! And it's hard to cure!

This guy said, oh, my god! What's the good news?

The doctor said shyly, I found you very cute ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

73. One day, the physics teacher of a class in a girls' middle school called in sick.

Forty female students are expecting who will take this course.

In physics class, he is actually a handsome male teacher.

A female classmate quipped, Teacher, can we play some exciting games instead of having classes?

The male teacher was silent for a moment and said:

Ok ~ ~

Dear students, put away your textbooks and take the exam now!

One day, Sister Cockroach came back crying. ..

Papa cockroach asked, "What happened to my daughter? 」

Sister cockroach said, "Dad! Why do people call me a pest! Meowed ... "

Brother Cockroach came back at this moment, and he said happily:

"dad! For the first time in my life, someone greeted me warmly ~ "

Father cockroach asked, "Really? What did they say? 」

Cockroach: I just went out. When they saw me, they said:

"ah! ~ ~ ~ ~ worm ~ "

75. Tang Priest: You should find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures this time!

Wukong: Flying is faster than riding! !

Bajie: Shenzhou VI is faster! ! !

Friar Sand pulled out his gun and said, I heard this thing will be sent to the west soon. ...

76. A hunter went hunting with his hounds and wandered around the forest all day without any prey.

It was dark, but he continued riding in the Woods.

The horse suddenly said,' You won't even let me rest. You want to kill me! ? '

The hunter got a fright, immediately got off his horse and ran away with the hounds.

When I ran under the big tree to catch my breath,

The dog patted him on the chest and said to him:

Scared me to death, horses can talk! '

So the hunter was scared to death on the spot. ..............

77. A candy, walking in the North Pole, feels so cold-so it becomes rock sugar! ! !

78. A cabbage, undressing while walking, finally disappeared. .....

79. A bear comes prepared.

The eleventh book is incredible (book 1 1)

The sheep stopped breathing and stood high (the sheep didn't breathe)

80. A black cat saved a white cat from the river. Do you know what the white cat said to the black cat later?

It says: aim ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

8 1. Who will be eliminated, wolf, tiger or lion? wolf

Because: Momotaro (exterminating wolves)

82. How to make drinks bigger?

Read the great compassion mantra

83. A thief steals from someone else's house. When he entered the room, he saw that there was no one in the room, but he was poor and left 200 yuan. ...

84. A condom feels itchy, so it scratches ... Guess what?

This is fatal. ..................

85. Rogue+Rogue =?

= rogue rabbit (2)-Xiaobai+Xiaobai = = Little white rabbit.

86. I bought a Unicom TV set and kept choosing channels, but there was no signal. At this moment, the TV spoke: The TV you dialed is not in service area, please redial later …

87. One day, I fell down with a match and broke my head. I went to the hospital to dress it. It turned into a cotton swab! ! !

88. The Leaning Tower of Pisa is about to fall down. Go and help the tower alone. Who is he?

John (because of john travolta)

89. Once upon a time, there was a man who liked to make clay sculptures. One day, he grabbed a quick clay sculpture on a whim and pinched it. As a result, he pinched a clay figurine, which was naked and ugly. He thought and thought. Suddenly, he had a good idea to make the clay figurine's hair and beard with grass. He was so satisfied with his work that he named it "Uncle Cao Ni". .......................

90. One of my classmates from Xiamen University was once caught by the enemy when he went out! The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and said, "When we ask a person which school he is from, he calls him a TV university student, and then we electrocute him-you don't say anything, so do you!" My classmate said that I am from Xiamen University.

98. The stewardess walked up to the man who protested loudly.

The man shouted: "I want to protest to this airline!" "

I sit in the same seat every time I fly. No movies, not even curtains! I can't sleep! 」

The stewardess said, "Forget it ~ Captain, stop it! 」

106. On this sacred day of Valentine's Day, I want to pay for a song for all my lovers to express my blessing, which is Fish Leong's Happy Parting! ! !

107. The final exam is coming, and we advise you not to watch unlucky movies, such as Hanging the Red Lantern High. ...................................

1 1 1. A man went fishing by the river.

First he wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~

He had no choice but to change earthworms ~ and there was still no fish for a long time ~ ~

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water.

"tnnd~~ what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "

1 12. One day, Mr. Wang drove home.

Suddenly there was a big rush next to him, and when he passed by, the driver shouted at him:

"Dude, have you ever driven a big run?" Say that finish, 1 of "sou" took off.

Mr. Wang was very angry and stepped on the gas to catch up.

Seeing him catch up, the driver stretched out his head and shouted to him:

"Dude, have you ever driven a big run?" Then, the whoosh disappeared again.

"Mama of, cow B what!" Mr. Wang felt better after scolding, so he stopped chasing.

After driving for a while,

Mr. Wang saw that the bus just turned over on the side of the road. He was curious and slowly approached.

I saw the driver is under the car, a faint said:

"The elder brothers, ran a catastrophe? Do you know where its brakes are? "

1 13. I used to have schizophrenia, but now we are all well ~ ~ ~ ~

1 14. An international student is taking a driver's license test in the United States, and the road sign ahead prompts him to turn left. He's not sure. He asked the examiner:

"Turn left?"

A: "Yes"

So ... hang up. ..

1 15. One day, mung bean committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and turned into red beans; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

1 16. Xiaoming cut his hair and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head is a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying ~ he flew away ...

1 17. There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked. ...

1 18. One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

1 19. A pair of corn fell in love …

So they decided to get married …

On the wedding day ...

One corn can't find another corn …

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

120. In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

12 1. Two people fell into the trap. The dead call the dead, what is the name of the living?

A: Call for help!

122. Someone looks like a sweet potato and fell down while walking. ...

123. Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.

Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

124. One day there was a mother-in-law in a car …

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass … ..

126. The host asked: Can cats climb trees? The eagle replied first: Yes! Compere: Give an example! The eagle burst into tears: that year, I fell asleep, the cat climbed the tree … and then there was the owl …

127. Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

129. Teacher: "You finally came! Why didn't you come to class yesterday? "

Student: "Because, because, my mother fell down the stairs."

Teacher: "Oh! I see. Mom was hurt, so you didn't come. "

Student: "No ... My father was injured ..."

Teacher: "Why did your mother fall down the stairs and your father get hurt?"

Student: "Because .. my dad has a woman outside .."

Teacher: "What? .. what does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs? "

Student: "because they were fighting .. my mother fell, it's okay." My father was injured by my mother. "

Teacher: "Oh ... so you didn't come to class because you took dad to the hospital?"

Student: "No, that woman outside sent my dad."

Teacher: "Then why didn't you come to class?"

Student: "Because I overslept."

Teacher: "What does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs! ? "

Student: "No, I ... I just mentioned it by the way ..." Share it with your friends: I posted Sina Weibo Tencent Weibo QQ Space Everyone Douban MSN.

help me

200. The headmaster and English teacher visited a middle school in France. The headmaster spoke in the auditorium and the English teacher translated.

Principal: "Teachers and students!"

English teacher: "Ladies and gentlemen!"

Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen!"

English teacher-_-! Thought for a moment and said, "Good morning!"

Principal: "Good morning!"

English teacher: ... = = "Sweat.

2. It is said that there is a polar bear, because the snow is too dazzling, he has to wear sunglasses to see things, but he can't find sunglasses, so he crawls around on the ground with his eyes closed and crawls until his hands and feet are dirty. Put on sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find: Oh, I'm a panda.

3. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice. When he was really bored, he began to pluck his hair, one, two, three, and there was no last one left, and then he froze to death.

4. Once upon a time, there was a bird that passed through a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn! ! ! After the bird flew by ... it thought it was snowing, so it was very cold.

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside crying and flew away.

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. Spider asks: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who fool around on the Internet all day are not good people.

7. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes. As a result, he skinned it. As a result, the banana in the back fell down. Then peeled bananas become dried bananas ~

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout out what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " The next jump is really full of beautiful women waiting for him.

The second is a bookworm, shouting "Book Book Book Book Book Book!" Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third kind is an indecisive person, who can't decide what he likes after thinking about it. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

9. What about Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it.

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

10. The panda loves the deer deeply, but it is rejected when expressing its love. Panda roar ~ why? What's all this for? The deer said timidly, my mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad teenagers.

1 1. One day, Xiao Ming was walking on the road. I suddenly feel sore when I walk! Why is this happening? Because Xiaoming stepped on a lemon!

12. Which Chinese character is the coolest? Thong (cool)

The towel said to the coin, son. If you put on a doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.

The "ruler" said to "do": Sister, the results have come out. You are pregnant with twins.

The minister said to the giant: the same area as you. I have three rooms and two halls.

15. Once upon a time, one night, there were three shrimps in the pond. Ha ha ha, a female ghost farted to death.

17. A potholed man was crossing the road, but he was accidentally run over by a truck. When he died, he looked at his body and said, "I was stuffed with bean paste, not meat."

18. Brother, stop touching it! You touched the top and the bottom, and your hair fell out. Such tender skin, you have touched all the water! How do you want me to sell it later? These peaches are all fresh, don't buy them!

19. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you! ! ! The lamb is frightened! Guess what happened? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

20. Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was cold, his heart was cold, his sword was cold, and finally he died of cold.

2 1. Once upon a time, there was a tiger chasing a deer on the road! The deer was frightened, ran faster and faster, and finally turned into a highway.

22. One tomato was smashed by a stone, another tomato was smashed, another tomato was smashed, countless tomatoes were smashed, and the last tomato fell! Tomato sauce!

23. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

24. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you wanted. At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said, Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is.

25. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

26. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

27. Two counterfeiters inadvertently created counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

Life is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4000 yuan from me, saying that he was going to have plastic surgery. As a result, he didn't know what he had become. Oh, 4,000 yuan.

3 1. Notice to robbers: Our staff only know Spanish, so please be patient when robbing, and it is best to bring an interpreter. Thank you!

32.are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head!

33. I think I should lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.

34. Tourist: Master, is that straw house over there a toilet? Monk: Except that thatched cottage, all the places are toilets.

35. Without hair, dandruff is more prominent!

36. defecation and urination are good brothers. One day, I defecated across the road and was killed by a car. When he urinated, he said, I really want to shit …

I signed up for a weight-loss training class yesterday, and they asked me to wear loose clothes when training. How dare you? If there are still loose clothes, then why should I sign up?

38. My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I haven't had a chance to interrupt her.

39. thief a: count how much money was robbed today? Thief B: No, just read the newspaper tomorrow.

40. Stand higher and pee farther.

4 1. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

42. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it.

44. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! The whole audience was silent and creepy! ! ! Cold ~ ~ ~

45. Tigers don't send cats. You think I'm dying!

46. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then came up with a cold sentence: if you drink too much wine, you will get more.

47. When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

48. In the past, others visited menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

49. In college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! I spit in your face with shit.

50. When I was a child, I usually sold popsicles and ice cream by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

5 1. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

52. Once KTV ordered a song, a MM shouted: Give me a Shuang Jie with a stick every week.

54. In summer, a giraffe met a rabbit. She proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit: ah, little rabbit, do you know how good the neck is? Do you know how sweet the top leaves are? Do you know the feeling of drinking water in summer? Cool water flowed slowly through her neck. The rabbit looked at her and only said, "Have you tried to throw up?"

55. Once my brother hit me, I got a pimple on my head. Later, my brother wanted to pack things, but he couldn't find his bag, so he took the bag on my head to pack things.

56. Once upon a time, a marshmallow went to play with a ball for a long time. He said, I'm so tired. I think I'm getting soft.

57. Once upon a time, there were two snowmen. A snowman said, I am cold, and another snowman said, I am cold, too. The other said, let's hug, so they hugged each other. Guess what happened? Then they froze to death.

When I was a child, I ate dishonestly. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me, "Sixty years of hard work. I have no food, and I never spit out my nose. "