Students, do you like watching sketch performances? Do you know the funny lines at the beginning of the skit? The following are the funny opening lines of the sketch that I carefully prepared. You can refer to the following content!

1. It doesn’t waste electricity if you speak louder!

2. Turns out you can talk, I thought you were blind.

3. I don’t want to be a cook The tailor is not a good driver.

4. Anyone who doesn’t know him has never eaten pork.

5. Girl, give me a smile. If you don’t smile, I will give you a smile.

6. Go your own way, and whoever wants to say it can go ahead!

7. I am a second-hand scientist

8. Don’t leave when the show is over, I’ll treat you all to dinner—whoever goes will pay.

9. "Uncle, how to get to the United States?" "Who knows...ask the village chief!"

10. Tieling is still several stops away from the United States!

11. The white one in the White House - freshly painted.

12. This aircraft is also diesel powered.

13. When people do good things, they always want the ghosts and gods to know. When they do bad things, they always let the ghosts and gods not know. We are too embarrassed for the ghosts.

Spend 200 yuan to buy a little pig. Squeak to drink water, squeak to eat beans, untie the wall and throw it over, and with a squeak, guess what - dead!

14. The eyes of the beasts (the masses) are sharp< /p>

15. Give Ya some money (New Year’s money)

16. His fart can turn his white underpants into chrysanthemums

17. There is no such thing here Stay with me, you will stay with me everywhere. If you don’t leave me everywhere, I will go to the railway!

18. Behind every successful man there is a woman, but I failed because there are two women behind me.

19. If you want to be famous, publish a book first. If you want to publish a book, get into trouble first~!

20. The sincere love story between Ximen Daguan and Jin Lian~~

21. If you can’t serve the country and bring peace to the world, whose husband am I!

22. Too Poor Lyrics Version... Use the nunchucks quickly. Heheheheyi~~~It’s over~You two will die here ~~

23. Hey~~This student is so rare. I, I will recognize you as my godfather. Come, foster father, sit down, foster father.

24. The American goddess, this hand holds a torch, this hand holds a book, this tells us that we must study even if the power is out.

25. My sister-in-law married me. She was my younger sister-in-law at first.

26. Isn’t it just a matter of cutting some meat? I cut off more than 1 kilogram from the thigh with one knife. You can eat well. Next, the old lady took the meat and looked at it with trembling hands. It was too fat.

27. Mr. Fan’s daughter was insulted by the gangster. She stood up and held the basket and said: I was scared to death. I thought I was going to grab the eggs.

28. Half a bottle of beer... Let's get drunk and rest...

29. You haven't been beaten by a scientist, right?

30. When I get rich, I will also buy a dress with a collar.

31. He is very traditional and doesn’t like to go out and play. He likes to read books. There are various versions of Jin Ping Mei in the house.

32. The old man only has one tooth left, but he still chokes when eating. Teeth!——The lotus root is in the eyes

33. If their family members don’t pick up things when they go out, it will be thrown away

34. Your shameless look is quite similar to mine when I was young Verve.

35. This young man looks like an actor when he covers his face...

36. The beasts in the mountains, the swallows in the clouds, the cattle and sheep on land, the fresh food on the seabed, the hericium, bird's nest, shark Wings, bear paws, scallops and deer tail tips! Open your cheeks and open your back molars. The food is like water from the Yangtze River, like the wind and the remaining clouds, just like it is poured into a box of earth... 37. Pancakes and steamed buns are eaten with rice.

38. Last time I drank too much, used chopsticks as chicken claws, and ate one and a half.

39. Lobster, sea crab, haha! I like to eat them in the shell! Waiter, give him a plate of melon seeds

40. From now on, I will never eat lobster again Not just cakes.

41. There are four dishes on the table. Open the first one and look at it. Ha! It’s so good! Vinegar Peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Vinegar Peanuts! Open the third one. Peanuts, no vinegar! The fourth one is a plate full of vinegar!

42. You know my appetite, and I don’t like roast duck, so I can’t eat it after four. I said, "I really can't eat it. I will have to eat when I get home later."

43. After all, I couldn’t outrun that BMW and could only watch it fly away in the sunset. It wasn’t that my engine was bad, but that my pedals were broken!< /p>

Flight 44.901 is bound for Zhongguancun from Daxizhimen. The fare is 5 yuan. Please board the flight. You said how interesting this is. The flight attendant stood there and shouted, "Come on, get on, get on, there's a big seat, there's a big seat."

45. A couple does not necessarily have a good relationship, and a good relationship does not necessarily mean a couple; a crosstalk master may not necessarily know how to speak crosstalk, and a singer may not necessarily know music.

46. Nasuo Nagen The noodles will open as soon as you poke them, and a pack of instant noodles can open a small area.

47. When we are tired from walking, he sits here, and the dog sits here, with one side high. Anyone who comes over wonders: Whose twins are these?

48. I’ll buy 50 of them. Cars - Alto, Alto, Alto...! Use wire darts to drive like a train!

49. After ten years of elementary school and twelve years of middle school, I was named the most familiar car in the school. Face, when the new teacher came, he asked me about the inside story of the school...

50. I took on a job and could earn 300,000 yuan... I took a look at the drawings and saw that I was building a 40-meter chimney. After the construction was completed, someone came to take a look and beat me up. I was confused by the drawings and asked to dig a well.

51. What did you get? My mother brought eggs. Give it to me. No...guess, guess how many. I guess you give me one. You have to guess and I'll give you both. 5?

52. The cross talk is great! Promote truth, goodness, beauty, and righteousness.

53. Listening to more cross talk shows that you are patriotic. There is a child in our neighborhood who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, including English, Japanese, Korean, South Slavic, North Slavic, West Slavic... Anyway, he is not the same as sitting with the Eight-Power Allied Forces and yelling at each other! Tell him, you listen. Go listen to cross talk. "Don't go! I can't understand!" If the law doesn't care, I would have beaten him to death! He speaks seven or eight foreign languages ??but can't understand cross talk!

54. There was once an opportunity to make money in front of me. But I didn't appreciate it. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. If God gives me another chance, I hope to tell the village chief: I am willing to go. If I have to add a limit in front of that salary, I hope it is: 400 yuan

55. This matter is not far away from now. If there are elderly people at home, you can go back and ask - in the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period Period.

56. If there are difficulties, we should help. If there are no difficulties, we should help.

If I hadn’t been able to beat you, I would have fallen out with you long ago~

57. The house I live in is full of holes, and if it rains, I will die: outside in the light rain house Moderate rain, heavy rain outside and heavy rain in the house. Sometimes the rain is so heavy that the whole family goes to the street to take shelter.

58. Do you care? Have I done this with you? I can’t do this with you!

59. Don’t tell me what your name is, you have the final say Swear in the street.

60. If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury you.

61. Thank you everyone for your encouragement!

62. There are so many people here, I am very happy.

63. I am a scientist, an ethical scientist.

64. Cross talk pays attention to four skills: trap, deceive, abduct and deceive!

65. Are you willing to listen, willing to listen, or willing to listen? You choose for yourself, I will never force it.

66. I am used to sleeping on the kang at home.

67. Hello friends on the third floor!!! (Peng: Is there a third floor here)

68. I’ve had a cold and a cough these past two days. Not only do you charge money~

69. Many crosstalks are made up, but this one is true.

70. Let’s go out and I’ll show you my tattoo. Have you seen any B-society person with a Crayon Shin-chan tattoo?

71. I would have beaten the law regardless of the law. Damn him

72. Don’t even like fried noodles? You have forgotten your roots!

73. I have been an artist for more than a week!

74. One dollar and six grenades, I will throw you a hundred dollars first!

75. Can you fire me? This deal is mine`

76. You look green. You only eat spinach. Your father, Popeye.

77. I want to get married, and I don’t have any requirements. I just want someone fair~" Second So naive. That hair is so white

78. Those of us born in the 1980s... those born in the 1880s

79. Jin Yong called, Feeding with a PHS? Hey! Damn it!

80. Tomb-sweeping day, those widows.

81. Watching the symphony, Qian’s father stood up. : This grandson hasn’t been sawed yet...

82. I never do outside work. I am synonymous with chastity and virtuousness. Wherever I go, the Chastity Arch will follow me.

83. There is no lobster two feet long in any shabby restaurant. Go and give me a piece of cake.

84. Gorky taught us: "You don't want to be like this. ”

85. He didn’t even know the neighbors, and he was still thinking about whether there were aliens in the world!

86. Buy a bottle of mineral water, take a sip and curse - fake !" "Why is it fake? It's watered down!

87. They are all here to see you.

Really? Just take it seriously

88. It rained twice this week, the first one for three days and the second one for four days

89. As soon as the door opened, Two little nurses came down. Hehe, they are very beautiful. They are 1.7 meters tall, with big eyes, a small cherry mouth, and a narrow waist. They look like retired flight attendants. Take a look!

90. A girl from a family wants to make her own decision, just don’t post photos online, (referring to Yu Qian) Yu Guanxi!

91. She looks like a car accident scene !

92. I have an army, I call them little brother, they call me big brother, and my chief of staff is called Pheasant!

93. Are you willing to be my next one? Ex-girlfriend?

94. I’m already driving 3 mph, it’s so exciting

95. At most, you are the naked substitute of male No. 9...

< p> 96. My watch is very expensive, the original price is 350,000, and the discount is 420....

97. At that time, I was only 400 points away from going to Peking University

98. Whether you like to listen or not, you will die if you don’t listen!

99. What kind of dish do you want, sir? Don’t ask, just fry this one!

100. There is something you want to do, but there is no one. Die cut.

101. Just like this, even if you are well educated, you are still a hooligan!!!

102. Thank you for your silent encouragement.

103. If I don’t harm others, I just contribute to society

104. You are enough to be shot for 5 minutes

105. I will kill you for your belief What? You haven't been beaten by gangsters, have you?

106. A protective look on your face

107. Master, just follow my father’s example

108. I was very stupid at that time. Very simple! It's all his fault...

109. Having friends from far away is not enough for you~

110. After all, dancing requires a pole.

111. Just when I was feeling uncomfortable, I saw my girlfriend with her boyfriend

112. Where are the dads of xx...

113. If I were a girl, she would have fallen in love with me long ago

114. There is no road in the world. There are so many people walking, so it is useless to have a road

115. The only difference between me and Superman is that I wear my underwear inside

116. You can’t squeeze into the right person. Please explain this to me and shut up.

117. Listen to cross talk 20 and make noise for 13,000 yuan. If you laugh again, you will get more money.

118. You can earn more by arguing than by raising flags, right?

119. You Is there any chicken here? Waiter: "Shh! I am"

120. You have to look down on everything and you will be very happy. If you are unemployed, there are still people who have lost their virginity, your wife She doesn’t want you anymore, and she doesn’t want me either.

121. I envy you! What are you envious of? You know me at such a young age?!

122. You have a child who has been very close to his master since he was a child. This master is full of bad ideas. One day I was teaching my children and said: Boy, when you go home and see people’s families, don’t say anything else, just say to them, “I know the truth of the matter!” I’m sure it will benefit you. The kid learned. As soon as I saw his mother when I got home, I stepped forward and said: I know the truth of the matter. His mother's face turned pale when she heard this, and she quickly took out fifty yuan and gave it to the child, telling him: Baby, don't tell your dad, mom, just give her fifty yuan and take the flowers." After a while, she saw him again. He said again: I know the truth of the matter! His father took out two hundred and put it in the child's hand without saying a word. He also told the child: Don't tell your mother! This child wants to get rich now. I've found a way to get rich. Everyone told me that I knew the truth. But one day when I saw the mail delivery person in front of their house, the boy came up and said, "I know the truth of the matter." When I heard this, I cried and said: Good son, give me a hug from daddy!

123. "What is the secret of your success?" "It's nothing more than spending the time that others drink coffee on drinking beer."

124. I was so angry that I scolded him severely: I’ll get out of here. (You can’t speak in a hurry)

125. Hello, my name is Guo Degang, guess what my name is

126. Confucius once said: Even good cabbage is given to pigs

p>

127. My fence is big, 20 miles on one side, the same length on all four sides, a big rectangle.

128. I stopped the woman walking on the road and was about to rob her. When I asked, I found out that she was a laid-off female worker. The more she talked about it, the more pitiful she became. Finally, I gave her five yuan.

129. Where Lie down wherever you fall

130. I am not afraid of difficulties. There is no word difficulty in my dictionary. . . . . I don't have a dictionary. . .

There are no words in my dictionary

131. I don’t have a pot. If I had a pot, I would stew you long ago

132. I am so happy that my teeth almost break!

133. How to break the lock of the prison? Wotou

134. There is an English name, Erbaldy

135. Bush has a secretary named Wang Fuguier