One day, the trouble disappeared. The robber came to the public security bureau with a kitchen knife and said to the police, "hello, I'm a robber." I am looking for trouble with a kitchen knife. "
Hee hee and haha are good friends, very good friends.
One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead."
One day, an elephant was walking in the forest and accidentally ran into an ant nest full of ants. It shook off the ants, but there was one left on the elephant's neck. At this time, the ants on the ground shouted to the ants above: strangle it ... strangle it. ......
Three mice are bragging. One said, "I eat rat poison as candy, and I feel uncomfortable if I don't eat it for a day." Another said, "I like to walk in the street twice a day, otherwise I won't sleep well." The third mouse said, "It's getting late. Go home and hug the cat to sleep."
The husband and wife divorced for their children, and the wife confidently said, "The child comes out of my stomach, of course it is mine!" " The husband said, "Joke! This is complete nonsense. Can the money withdrawn from the ATM go to the ATM? No one inserted the card! ?
Chinese zodiac
The folk Chinese zodiac in China is also a topic of great interest to westerners. Everyone wants to know what animal he belongs to. Unfortunately, "genus" and "belonging to" Hemingway are often confused.
One day he excitedly said to the secretary girl, "You are a pig."
For Hemingway, it is too difficult to describe the sex of animals with Chinese word "female" or "male", because in English, both male and female can be used to describe people or animals.
One night, Hemingway took her dog for a walk in the street. After seeing me, he proudly introduced to me, "This is my bitch."
helmet
Besides driving, Hemingway usually likes riding a motorcycle, which is convenient. I said there are too many cars on the road, so be careful. He replied: Never mind, I will wear a condom. He means "helmet".
Metric words
Quantifiers in Chinese also make Hemingway nervous. Once he flaunted himself as a "hero" and asked him what he meant. He said, "A hero is a thin, tall and good-looking person." He explained that "one" naturally means long and straight, and "hero" should naturally be a good-looking man.
Another time he told me that he saw "a puppy" on the road. I immediately corrected that it should be a puppy, but he seriously refuted that it was really a puppy, because the puppy had been run over by a car, and the squashed puppy naturally became a puppy, just like a piece of paper and a photo.
In addition, for example, what "a pair of pants", Hemingway plausibly defended, because pants have two legs, and the two are a pair, so that's right. Even arguing with China people, insisting that it should be "a set of ass", which sounds funny.
All kinds of "juice"
Once, I tested Hemingway's idiom ability: "Rack one's brains".
The result is:
Rack one's brains, milk, juice and soup.
Ha! "You're racking your brains, also didn't come up with' racking your brains'.
A mother said to the little girl, "If someone molests you, touch the top and say" No ",and touch the bottom and say" Stop "! 」
The next day, the little girl was sexually harassed and came back crying for her mother. After the little girl listened, her mother said angrily, "Did you refuse that man?" 」
The little girl looked at her mother with innocent eyes, nodded and said, "That man touched me up and down, and I said," Don't stop! ! 」
Ge Liang is proficient in eight special skills, one of which is ventriloquism. On this day, Zhuge Liang was discussing with Liu Bei in his account, and Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart.
I am afraid of being heard by Liu Bei. Sorry, he had an idea and said, "Master, I'll call you like a woodpecker. How about adjusting the atmosphere?" Liu Bei nodded.
Zhuge Liang barked twice in imitation of a woodpecker and took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked, "What's the matter, master? Do I learn like it? " Liu Bei said, "Learn it again, Gang."
You farted too loudly, I didn't hear you. "
A primary school student participated in the school recitation competition for the first time and was particularly nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweating. It's finally her turn.
Pupils gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: "Teachers and classmates, the topic I recited is: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves) ..." ~ ~ # RMB * * ......
As a primary school student, I am particularly envious when I see my classmates who are assigned to read the composition by the teacher. I always hoped that the teacher would let me read it. The opportunity has finally come.
"So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!"
Pupils suddenly stood up: "My teacher". Teacher, I am more like your mother ... ":(
This time, I am the host of a song and dance troupe, and I am not proficient in learning.
At a performance, I hurried on stage without being ready.
The performance takes turns.
It was her turn to announce the curtain call: "Audience friends, let's listen to Du Zi flute ..." (Note: "Du Zi" means swearing in Northeast dialect)
The audience threw out a piece of #-
My family often plants green onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh and tender.
My sister saw it when she came home for the New Year and said happily to my mother, "Hey! Mom, it's too rough ... "
My mother and I both laughed.
There is a neighbor named "Auntie" who goes to work by bike every day.
I met her at the door early in the morning. I smiled and said politely, "Grandma, Daban ..."
Bah! ..... I want to bite off my tongue.
My classmate anonymous, one day feeling sorry for himself, suddenly turned to the person behind him and said, "Is my chest hair nice?"
He was startled and said, "Oh, I want to ask if my eyebrows are fierce."
Everybody stand up! Play the national flag and raise the national anthem. ...
I take my son to feed the ducks. He ran after the duck while scattering bread crumbs, and I ran after him with his apple (he didn't like it, so I had to take a few bites when he was distracted). He kept running, and I kept calling him, "Come and eat an apple and chase the duck!" " After repeating this sentence, I finally shouted, "Come and have a bite of the duck." ..... "Then skillfully stopped the car.
I remember when I was in primary school, there was a text called Waterfall. In the middle, it is said that the author turned a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in it. When one of my female classmates was reading aloud, she was also reading aloud: I was shocked when I climbed over this mountain, and there was a rag hanging on the mountain. . .
The whole class was stunned.
There is also a passage from a Russian writer's novel: all the houses here belong to the lords (referring to the rich).
As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to old men. As soon as the voice fell, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do the old ladies live?
Zhuge Liang is a master of eight stunts, one of which is ventriloquism. On this day, Zhuge Liang was discussing with Liu Bei in his account, and Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart.
I am afraid of being heard by Liu Bei. Sorry, he had an idea and said, "Master, I'll call you like a woodpecker. How about adjusting the atmosphere?" Liu Bei nodded.
Zhuge Liang barked twice in imitation of a woodpecker and took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked, "What's the matter, master? Do I learn like it? " Liu Bei said, "Learn it again, Gang."
You farted too loudly, I didn't hear you. "
Electrical appliances hold a joke contest, stipulating that every electrical appliance should tell a joke, so that every audience at the scene can laugh, or they will be arrested in Aruba.
The washing machine was the first one to play. As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing.
Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.
Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.
I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
So! Computers were also brought to Aruba.
The third place is the most humorous desk lamp. The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground.
The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I'm full." Smile happily, right? Don't open your mouth so wide. Cold! "
Electrical appliances hold a joke contest, stipulating that every electrical appliance should tell a joke, so that every audience at the scene can laugh, or they will be arrested in Aruba.
The washing machine was the first one to play. As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing.
Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.
Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.
I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
So! Computers were also brought to Aruba.
The third place is the most humorous desk lamp. The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground.
The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I'm full." Smile happily, right? Don't open your mouth so wide. Cold! "
Electrical appliances hold a joke contest, stipulating that every electrical appliance should tell a joke, so that every audience at the scene can laugh, or they will be arrested in Aruba.
The washing machine was the first one to play. As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing.
Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.
Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.
I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
So! Computers were also brought to Aruba.
The third place is the most humorous desk lamp. The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground.
The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I'm full." Smile happily, right? Don't open your mouth so wide. Cold! "
Ugly child
A woman got on the bus with a child in her arms. The driver glanced at the child and suddenly said, "I have never seen such an ugly child in my life!" " "
The angry woman went to the last row, sat down and said to a man next to her, "This driver just insulted me!" " "
The man replied, "You go and get even with him at once, and I'll hold this ugly monkey for you! ……"
A joke that you can't speak Mandarin well.
1, the fish seller shouted at the top of his lungs, "fish, fish." Not to be outdone, a jujube seller nearby immediately shouted, "Shit (jujube), shit (jujube)." "Fish." "Oh,no." "Fish." "Shit." The more fish sellers listen, the more wrong they are. He felt that the jujube seller was deliberately targeting him, so they quarreled.
The director of a township enterprise will visit Kobe, Japan. He doesn't even speak Mandarin, but only speaks dialects at ordinary times. So he sent his subordinates to find translators, and when he came back, he reported that "none of the Japanese translators could understand the factory director's dialect". The factory director said, "Easy. Let's invite another teacher from our town to translate our dialect into Mandarin first. " The subordinate said, "Not yet. When I arrive in Japan, I have to ask someone to translate Japanese Mandarin into Kobe dialect. "
A foreigner with a strong dialect got lost in this city. When he saw a gentle young lady coming, he greeted him and asked, "Rabbit (comrade), give me a kiss (sorry) ..." Before the words were finished, the young lady blushed with anger.
4. A southerner came to a snack bar in Beijing and said to the waitress, "How much is it to sleep for one night (a bowl of jiaozi)?" Hearing this, the waiter changed his face and screamed, "Rogue!" Hearing this, the southerner said, "It's only sixty cents, which is cheap. Come for one night (bowl). "
5. A brother and sister farmer used a scooter to pull wheat to the market to sell. A southerner came to their brother and sister and asked, "Brother, how much is your little sister?" Big brother was so angry that the veins stood out on his forehead.
6. Niu Laobo is shouting loudly: "The moon cakes are sold, and ten are four dollars." Many people gathered around to buy this "cheap" moon cake, and only when they paid did they know that the moon cake for the elderly was four yuan for ten yuan.
7. The old people in the nursing home held a party on the night of Mid-Autumn Festival. The host, Mrs. Wang, said: "Ladies and gentlemen, the performance is really damn (start). Please be quiet. "
8. A northerner inquired where the "cable car" was in a park in Guangzhou. He searched according to the answer and found the "men's room".
9. On the first morning after a couple got married, the family got up and washed their faces. The bride respectfully said to her mother-in-law, "Mother-in-law, you should die first." After that, the bride said to the groom, "My mother-in-law is dead, will you die?" After a pause, he said, "My mother-in-law and you are dead, and finally I am dead." Hearing this, the mother-in-law was livid and couldn't say a word. The bride said, "Mother-in-law, why are you still alive?"
10, an old lady in Putian sells sugar cane on the roadside. A bus stopped and a foreigner came to the old lady's booth to buy sugar cane. Just after weighing the sugar cane, the car started without paying. The old lady urged, "Come on, give me the money and I'll marry you." Outsiders were so scared that they didn't even take sugar cane, so they quickly got on the bus.
1 1. A country girl came to the supermarket, and the waiter greeted her warmly: "What do you want, miss?" The girl said, "I want your life (noodles), pig grandson (bamboo shoots)."
12, Chunhua met a friend who was shopping with her son. She hurried forward to say hello and praised: "This little wolf boy (boy) is really cute."
13, a rural primary school was having a class, and the teacher came into the classroom: "Stand (sit in) the class." The students said in unison, "It's good to be old and dead!" The teacher said, "Students, it's good to die early!" "
14, two country girls came back from the city. It's getting late. When they saw a truck coming, they waved to it. The driver leaned out and a girl said, "Comrade, can we be your wife (car)?" The driver said angrily, "Who wants you to be my wife?" Another girl quickly said, "It doesn't matter, we are very close." The driver was so angry that he drove away and thought, "Who will go with you?"
15, the village chief said at the villagers' meeting: "Rabbits, shrimps and pickles are too expensive, not pickles, but pig's trotters." Translate his dialect into Mandarin: Comrades and villagers, let's have a meeting now. Don't talk, but pay attention.
When my friends and I first moved, there was no TV at home, which was very boring. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then we can change the channel by pretending that we have a remote control. This son of a bitch keeps changing channels. I told him, but he wouldn't listen. Then we started fighting.
The teacher asked Xiaoming questions in class, but Xiaoming stood up without saying a word.
Teacher: Xiaoming?
Teacher: Xiaoming
Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know!
Xiao Ming: Zhi ~
Three rabbits shit.
The first one is only long.
The second one is just spherical.
The third one is actually triangular.
Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hand.
Cows are called sheep,
The sheep asked, "Who are you?"
The cow said, "I am a cow."
The sheep asked, Shit, who are you?
Bull: Shit, I am a cow.
Pig Bajie was making out with Chang 'e on the moon when suddenly a dark shadow passed by and Pig Bajie hurriedly carried a rake.
After chasing him out, he came back after a while and said, damn it, Yang Liwei. ......
A man kept a parrot. The parrot was so strong that all the other birds in it were killed by it.
Later, the master brought back an eagle and put it together. When the owner came to see it, the parrot's hair hung outside the cage.
The host said, "Not this time."
But on closer inspection, the eagle died, and the parrot said naked, "This grandson is really amazing. If you don't take off your arm, you can't beat Yating. "
The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, eldest brother, you strangled me! It's fucking horrible. .....
1, five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang, so I called the hundred-dollar bill:
"Ah! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! "
One hundred dollar bills thought for a moment and said:
"Tear it, tear you up and you don't even have five dollars!"
A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp.
Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. "
Man: "I want a wife ..."
The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving and I'm greedy for beauty!" " Pathetic! "Then he disappeared.
Man: "... cake."
The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two and played badminton.
Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four sections and plays mahjong.
Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.
Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! "
Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "
4. Panda Man wants QJ Panda Girl, and Panda Girl fights hard and fights to the death.
After the failure, Panda Man said angrily, "We are all going extinct!" "
5. tortoise and rabbit race ... the rabbit quickly ran to the front. ......
The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him, come up, I'll carry you. ......
Then ..... the snail climbed up. ......
Soon ... the tortoise saw another ant ... and said to him, come up, too. ......
So the ants came up.
When the ant appeared ... he saw the snail on it ... and said to him, hello.
Do you know what the snail said?
Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. .......
6. A man and a woman are eating.
Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me?
The boy glanced at the girl and went on eating dinner.
The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me or not?
The boy finally said: love
The girl asked again, then how do you prove it?
Suddenly, the boy took out 30 yuan money from his pocket.
And ask the girl: Do you have ten dollars?
The girl gave the boy ten yuan. ......
The boys put forty yuan on the table.
soon .....
The girl was very angry and asked the boy, Do you want to prove that you love me?
The boy said: I have been proved! Forty is just around the corner! (This cow! )
7. Go to the snack street one day
Find a store that sells egg towers
Every one looks delicious. I want to buy one to try.
I asked the clerk: Is this sold separately?
Shop assistant: No, it's Japanese.
8. One day, a family caught fire.
Mom and dad both fled, leaving only one son inside.
Mother was very nervous and shouted outside:
"Son ... what are you doing ... it's on fire ..."
The son replied, "I'm wearing socks ..."
Mom said again, "What socks to wear in case of fire ..."
After five minutes, my son hasn't come out yet. ......
Mother shouted nervously again, "Son, what the hell are you doing?" Come out ~ fire, stay inside ... "
The son said, "I'm taking off my socks."
9. A man went fishing by the river.
First he wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~
He has no choice but to change the earthworm ~ and no fish has been hooked for a long time ~ ~
In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water to curse:
"*-%#% what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "
10, a German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine.
The boss is American. He said to the Germans: You have a good physique and you are in charge of coolies.
Say to the French: You said you were an engineer and you were in charge of the mining plan.
He said to the Japanese: You are very thin. You are in charge of supply.
Then every other week, they start to work.
A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first.
When the Germans started to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted:
"surprise! 」
1 1, "I can't see things too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist.
"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside and pointed to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?"
"the sun." The patient replied.
"Then how far do you want to see!"
One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.
The snake said: I am too young to fart so smelly. It must be a cow.
The cow said: I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly.
The pig said: People who fart will blush.
Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, How many times have I told you, I was born blushing.
13 One day, a man met God. ......
God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish. ......
God asked ......
Do you have any wishes? ......
The man thought about it. ......
I heard that cats have nine lives. ......
Then please give me nine lives. ......
God said, ......
Your wish has come true. ......
One day, the man was idle and bored. ......
If you want to say death, forget it. ......
There are nine lives anyway
Lying on the tracks. ......
As a result, a train passed by. ......
That man is still dead. ......
Why is this?
Because that train has 10 cars. ......
14, one day, three people came to the funeral home. Strangely, their smiles after death are all ......
Confused, the funeral home manager asked the police: Why do people's faces look like this after death?
The policeman said, it's ... it's a long story ... look at the man on the left ... he and his wife are in the spring night ... at the most passionate moment ... he can't stand death.
The administrator replied, alas ... I wish I could die under the flower ... Being a ghost is also very romantic ... How did the middle one die?
Policeman: The one in the middle ... Oh, he ... is really a human tragedy ... He was walking on the road ... Suddenly, he heard that he won the lottery ... and the prize money exceeded 700 million yuan. ..
When he was laughing happily ... he was hit by an oncoming car ... and died. ......
The administrator replied: Alas ... he really didn't have enough luck to enjoy the rest of his life ... What about the rest?
Policeman: ... it's a pity that this one died ... he was killed by lightning while climbing a tree.
The administrator replied: ... This is a bit wrong. Why do you laugh when you are struck by lightning? ......
The policeman said, because he climbed the tree and thought ... suddenly there was a flash of lightning. ......
He thought ... someone was taking pictures of him. ......
15, it is said that thousands of years ago, both male and female dogs were squatting when urinating.
It was not until the Tang Dynasty that the situation changed. ...
Everyone has heard of Emperor Taizong! His old man keeps a pair of Beijing dogs. On one occasion, Emperor Taizong went to Huashan to worship heaven and brought this pair to. ...
Halfway through the sacrifice, the bitch suddenly felt anxious and ran behind a tree to solve it.
This is a very disrespectful act when offering sacrifices to heaven, which angered the jade emperor.
The Jade Emperor ordered Lei Gong to hit a thunder, and the thunder hit the tree just right. The tree fell and killed the bitch. The male dog was very scared when he saw it. ...
From then on, every time the male dog urinates under the tree, he will put out a foot and push it hard against the tree.
In case the tree falls down and suppresses itself:
1, life is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4000 yuan from me, saying that he was going to have plastic surgery.
As a result, I don't even know what he has become now. Oh, 4,000 yuan.
2. Notice to the robbers: Our staff only knows Spanish, so please be patient when robbing, and it is best to bring an interpreter.
thank you
3. Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head!
I think I should lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.
I lost all my money, furniture and clothes. Now I go out like an Arab.
Dear, we are facing such a difficult problem. At present, there are three necessary expenses every month: meals and rent.
Fee and clothing fee, but our current income can only pay for two of them at most.
7. I am forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to take an umbrella when I go out to work in rainy days, so now I am at home.
There are already ten umbrellas.
8. All the columns are well filled except one. The column of "relationship" should be filled with "mother-in-law" instead of "tight"
Zhang ".
Yesterday, scientists did the latest research. One hundred people took part in the experiment. After drinking twenty bottles of beer, everyone becomes extremely talkative but lacks logic, prone to crying and irritability, impulsive, and driving skills decline.
I gained weight. So scientists have come to the conclusion that beer contains trace amounts of estrogen!
10, tragedy is like I accidentally cut off my little finger; Comedy is like you accidentally fell into the sewer.
1 1. When arguing, the difference between men and women is like the difference between rifles and machine guns.
12, can you find a place to have a drink and make friends? Or should I give you my wallet?
13, don't call your children "rabbits", because from a genetic point of view, it is not good for parents.
14, wife, I shouldn't use sheets to shine shoes, but I just got back from a business trip and I can't change them for a while. I was wrong.
15, in order to improve the safety of the product, we decided to put a seal on the bottle cap of the coke bottle: Please open this end; At the bottom of the bottle
Print: Please open the other end.
Husband: Ha ha ha, that hat you are wearing is really funny, just like. . . Ha ha ha, I'm sorry, ha ha ha, that's funny!
Wife: Hum! Wait for the bill to come in a few days and see if you still smile.
17, reporter: According to a recent poll, people pay little attention to current events at home and abroad. Congressman,
What do you think of this?
Congressman: I don't care if I have opinions.
18, Mary, if you don't promise to marry me, I'll kill myself at once, which is my usual practice.
19, I'm the only bachelor left in our village, and all the other men are ligated when they get married and have children. Doctor, you can also give it to me.
If a woman is pregnant, I'm afraid I can't take responsibility.
Tourist: Master, is that hut over there a toilet?
Monk: Except that thatched cottage, all the places are toilets.
2 1. If an idiot can fly, then my company is an airport.
22. If a lawyer and a politician fall into the river at the same time, would you rather have coffee or go to the movies? (multiple choice question)
23. It would be funny if it didn't happen to me.
24. Do you want to have good teeth? Here are three lessons for you: first, rinse your mouth after meals and brush your teeth in the morning and evening; Second, every
Go to the hospital for dental examination every two years; Third, mind your own business.
25, the hair is gone, dandruff is more prominent!
We always habitually think that the brain is the most important organ of the human body, but don't forget who made this judgment.
27. When listening to the sermon in the church, we should keep quiet. It is impolite to disturb others' sleep.
28. These are not rubbish! I collect antiques! Of course, you can throw it away if you don't like it.
29. Artificial intelligence cannot be compared with the stupidity of nature-because we advocate pure nature.
30. If a person still laughs freely in the face of criticism, then he may have found a scapegoat.
I signed up for a weight-loss training class yesterday, and they asked me to wear loose clothes when training. How dare you? If there are still loose clothes, then why should I sign up?
If an idiot can fly, then my company is an airport.
All men are created equal, except those who get married.
Can we go somewhere for a drink and make friends? Or should I give you my wallet?
Yesterday, scientists did the latest research. One hundred people took part in the experiment. After drinking twenty bottles of beer, everyone becomes extremely talkative but lacks logic, prone to crying and irritability, impulsive, and driving skills decline.
I gained weight. So scientists have come to the conclusion that beer contains trace amounts of estrogen!
I think if I have some modest qualities, I will be a perfect person.
38. If you need suggestions or opinions, we will provide them free of charge; If you need the correct answer, please pay extra.
In the past, when the alarm clock rang, I often had the problem of patting it before going back to sleep, but since I put three mousetraps next to the alarm clock, my problem has been eradicated.
40. If Beethoven is the "father of symphony", does it mean that Beethoven's father is the "father of symphony"?
4 1, I have done many stupid things, but I don't care at all. Friends call it "confidence".
42. The Association for the Blind sincerely advises you: Never drink and drive.
43. I think I should lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.
44. Experiment with two bugs. The one in the whiskey died, which proves that there are no bugs in the stomach when drinking whiskey.
45. I can't describe my creativity, my working ability and my writing ability.
If Bill Gates can get one yuan every time he restarts his computer, he will be rich.
47. Ten years later, the court sentenced the murderer to death for the second time.
I dedicate this book to my brilliant wife, without whom I would have accomplished nothing. She comforted me when I was in pain; When I failed, she gave me confidence.
She never complains, never interferes with my career, never gets to the bottom of it, never comments. She always endures the hardships of life silently. . . (Author's Note-Special thanks to my wife for preface to this book)
49. I pretend to work for my boss, who pretends to pay me.
My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I didn't have a chance to interrupt her.
5 1. Have you heard the story "The big pig said yes, but the little pig said no"?
52. I never watch TV. I just often check whether the TV programs in the newspaper are printed wrong.