A classic quotation that can make people laugh in one sentence.

1, the ideal is full, but the reality is very skinny.

Please don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital.

If an idiot can fly, then my company is an airport.

All men are created equal, except those who get married.

Can we find a place to have a drink and make friends? Or should I give you my wallet?

I think, as long as I have some modest qualities, I will be a perfect person.

7. If you need advice or opinions, we will provide them for free; If you need the correct answer, please pay extra.

8. I pretend to work for the boss, and the boss pretends to pay me.

9. My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I didn't have a chance to interrupt her.

10, have you heard the story that the big pig said yes and the little pig said no?

1 1, I never watch TV. I just often check whether the TV programs in the newspaper are printed wrong.

12, your eyes are like the bright moon in the sky, a first day; Fifteen points.

13, why are you such a child? My uncle is here. Why did you think of going to the zoo to see bears?

14, my eyesight is very poor, for example, see that thumbtack on the wall over there? You can see it, but I can't.

15, every day I am constantly creating a world record-the number of days I live in the world.

16. In the internet world, your girlfriend may be a man and your boyfriend may be a woman. It's painful, but you have to accept it.

17, your shooting performance is really poor. If I were you, I would kill myself at once in case you get shot more.

18, if you want to compete with tigers who can starve to death more, then you win.

19, I pinned the TV remote control to my waist, making it look like I bought a new mobile phone.

Money alone can't make people happy, so I also stole some jewelry, stamps and watches.

2 1, life is really boring. Last month, one of my buddies borrowed 4000 yuan from me and said that he was going to have plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he has become.

22. Attention robbers: Our employees only know Spanish. Please be patient when robbing. You'd better bring an interpreter. Thank you!

23. Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head!

24. Many people say that marriage is the grave of love, but love that can be buried underground is better than a corpse in the street.

25. If you have time to learn Feng Shui, you can make up for the regret that you can't afford a good house before you die.

It is said that people have only two choices: get busy dying or get busy living. I think I have a third option: I'm busy waiting for death.

27. Spring is sleepy, summer is weak, and winter is just a deep sleep.

28. I can't miss myself, I can't take care of myself, I can't take care of myself, I can't take care of myself, I can't give myself happiness.

29. When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me.

30. If you are doomed to fail to give me the expected response. Then keep a safe distance.

3 1, a woman without talent is a virtue, and I must be too wicked.

32. Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

33. Live the blues spirit of hip-hop like erhu.

34. The happiness of an ostrich is just a pile of sand.

35. Ladies and gentlemen! Today is the 10 anniversary of my wife's 30th birthday!

I lost all my money, furniture and clothes. Now I go out like an Arab.

37. I am forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to take an umbrella when I go out to work in rainy days, so now I have ten umbrellas at home.

38. All the columns except one are well filled in. You should fill in the relationship column, so don't be nervous.

39. Dad hit me twice today, the first time because he saw my two-point report card, and the second time because the report card was from his childhood.

40. tragedy is like I accidentally cut off my little finger; Comedy is like you accidentally fell into the sewer.

4 1, when arguing, the difference between men and women is like the difference between rifles and machine guns.

42. Next, I will publish Mr. Smith's will. Before publishing the will, I would like to ask sincerely, Mrs. Smith, will you accept my proposal?

43. My mother asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I said no. My mother said: I can have this, and I said: I really don't have this. ...

44. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

45. I am not RMB. /How can I make everyone like me? !

46, people can't extricate themselves, except teeth and love.

47. When life turned everything into black humor with malice, I went with the flow and turned myself into a hooligan with higher education.

48. Time is too thin and fingers are too wide.

49. Little girls want to find a white horse in their dreams. When they opened their eyes, they found that the whole world was a gray donkey. After being heartbroken, they can only choose a strong one from the donkeys. This kind of donkey is named: economical and applicable man.

50. I'm going to cry. I'm going to make trouble. I stayed up all night and hanged myself with a bottle of sleeping pills and a small rope. No matter how ugly, you have to fall in love. When the world is full of love.

5 1, our goal: look at money and earn more.

52. I am a passer-by who you turn around and forget. Why should I spend time with you on earth?

53. During the episode of intermittent depression, don't disturb strangers or find acquaintances.

54. Don't try to be brave after dark without medical insurance and life insurance. ...

55, piano, chess, calligraphy and painting can't, washing and cooking are too tired.

56. Say that money is a sin and everyone is fishing; Say beauty is a disaster, everyone wants it; It is said that the height is too cold and everyone is climbing; Say that alcohol and tobacco hurt the body and don't quit; Say heaven is the best, don't go!

57. Bus crowding is a comprehensive sport including Sanda, yoga, judo and balance beam.

I knew you were a monster as soon as I opened my eyes.

59, hands in pockets, nobody loves.

60. Chop the wire with a kitchen knife, and it will be a crackle all the way.

6 1, it's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with those who try their best to make you end it.

62. What is happiness? Happiness is that you eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones.

63. After studying for more than ten years, I think it is better to mix kindergartens!

64. They said I was BT and asked me to do CT, but I turned out to be ET.

65. My advantages are: I am handsome; But mine. The disadvantage is that I am not handsome.

66. I am also an infatuated seed, but it rained ... and I drowned.

In the past, when the alarm clock rang, I often had the problem of patting it before going back to sleep, but since I put three mousetraps next to the alarm clock, my problem has been eradicated.

68. If Beethoven is the father of symphony, does it mean that Beethoven's father is the grandfather of symphony?

69. I have done many stupid things, but I don't care at all. My friends call it self-confidence.

70. The Association for the Blind sincerely advises you: Never drink and drive.

7 1, I think I should go to lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.

72. Experiment with two bugs. The one in the whiskey died, which proves that there are no bugs in the stomach when drinking whiskey.

73. I can't describe my creativity, my working ability and my writing ability.

If Bill Gates can get one yuan every time he restarts his computer, he will be rich.

75. Ten years later, the court sentenced the murderer to death for the second time.