At the beginning of freshman year, a buddy came to our dormitory carrying luggage. He asked the boss who slept in the lower berth, "No one lives in your upper berth, right?"
The boss didn't care in a daze, and casually replied: "No!"
Hearing this, the elder brothers tried their best to throw a big bag of luggage on the upper berth-as a result, there was no bed board on the upper berth!
Tutu said, "My mother calls me Tutu, which is nice!" "
The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " "
The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "
The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "
The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "
The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "
The chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "
The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "
No.0 sparring partner said, "outsiders call me zero sparring partner, which is nice!" "
No.65438 +0 sparring partner said, "It's good to have an outsider!"
No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good for outsiders to call me the second escort!"
No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, let's go first!"
The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It looks good!" " "
The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "
The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "
The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "
Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"
The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"
The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "
The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"
A young beauty is getting on the bus in a tight skirt. Because the skirt was too tight to lift her legs and get on the bus, she secretly reached out and unbuttoned a button at the back, but still couldn't get on, unbuttoned another one, or couldn't get on, unbuttoned another one. But I still can't get up. At this time, a man behind him reached out and helped her unbutton a button. When the woman felt it, she turned to scold the man's "hooligan"! The man was very wronged and said, "I am a rogue? You unbuttoned three buttons in front of me, and I didn't say a word. I only unbuttoned one button! "
A reporter interviewed basketball star Bater: "Mr. Bater, do you have any secrets to grow taller?"
Bater said, "Mr reporter, you'd better ask Yao Ming. He is taller than me. "
Cherry on the upper berth of my dormitory is a very confused mm.
The last time I had dinner with GG in the canteen, she suddenly said, "I hate sleeping!" " "
Her GG froze on the spot, but she didn't feel anything. Staring at her big round eyes, she said plausibly, "going to bed is the most troublesome thing, and you have to climb up and down with a ladder."
Her GG collapsed: "please, is that called' upper berth'?"
Cherry just reacted. When she saw it, she was surrounded by curiosity and different eyes. Embarrassed, she pulled GG out of the canteen.
I always felt dizzy and bored that summer. Arriving at the hospital, the doctor quickly prescribed a prescription. I calculated the drug price, which is more than 300 yuan. The doctor who took the medicine told me, "Take this medicine every two hours during the day and take three tablets each time. One * * * is the medicine for two weeks. " I had never seen such medicine, so I asked him, "Doctor, what's wrong with me? What is this medicine for? " The doctor really told me, "In fact, this medicine can't cure anything. What you need most now is to drink more water. "
Classic reasons for skipping classes.
The most realistic reason: the professor is too ugly, which affects his eyesight.
The most pleasing reason: the female teacher is so beautiful that it always makes me's spaced out.
The most boring reason: my deskmate doesn't chat with me.
The most embarrassing reason: I ate too much at noon and felt uncomfortable sitting.
The saddest reason: the most beautiful girl in our department is in love with a boy who is not a quarter as handsome as me (personal opinion). Can I take this course?
The reason why I care most about myself: I drank too much last night, fearing that it would affect my health and I couldn't go to the morning class.
The most fashionable reason: I made an appointment with my seventh online lover this afternoon to make a wish.
The most important reason: my classmate wants to treat me to dinner with the money he owes me, because he is not going to pay back the money.
Cheapest reason: Help my classmates move Chinese cabbage today.
The most outrageous reason: I'm not happy today, but I can't go.
The most helpless reason: I haven't washed a few pairs of socks for half a month, and I have nothing to wear today, so I have to stay at home.
The most supportive reason for counterfeiting: I ate too many cheap kebabs and couldn't get out of bed this morning.
The most involuntary reason: the buddies in the foreign teacher class are going to entertain and challenge my youngest billiards prince (self-styled).
The most shameful reason: walking to see a beautiful woman accidentally broke her glasses and needed to be repaired.
The reason I admire most: I'm going to learn thunder madness today.
The most frustrating reason: lovelorn, a day's strike.
The most ridiculous reason: dad wants to marry and mom wants to marry.
The most insulting reason to the Ministry of Education: the desks and chairs in the school are too hard, which affects my sleep quality.
The most absurd reason: aliens are going to invade, and I am sewing pants for Superman.
The most childish reason: I counted the stars all night last night.
The last reason to forget our ancestors: I went to the zoo to see monkeys today.
The most progressive reason: I picked up a round of money and went to the police uncle all day.
The most sympathetic reason: I got lost and met a female hooligan.
The most morbid reason: brushing your teeth all day.
The most patriotic reason: I went to the American consulate to demonstrate to commemorate the bombing of my embassy in Yugoslavia!
The most boastful reason: Annan asked me for something.
The most irrelevant reason: our neighbor is going to have a baby.
The most abnormal reason: there are always a few days of discomfort every month.
The biggest meaningless reason: today's "9 * 18", I went to the Japanese to fight for my life.
Fairy tale reason: I invited Mulan to eat KFC.
The most rogue reason: Kong Lao invited me to drink Huasan.
The most ironic reason of religion: I introduce people to monks.
The most abstract reason: a donkey with glasses painted in the street, and I watched it all day.
The happiest reason: there are beautiful women harassing me on my way to school.
The most impossible reason: in order to protect national property, I fight criminals all day!
The most dishonest reason: I led a young pioneer with a red scarf across the road and was hit by a car.
The most guilty reason: I ran out of toilet paper at home, and I sat in the toilet until my mother got off work.
The most compelling reason: look in the mirror all day and comb the board all day.
The most sleepwalking reason: Li He went to negotiate with Eight-Nation Alliance today.
The father took his youngest son panting and climbed to the top of the mountain. Dad said, "Look, how beautiful the plain under our feet is!" " ""Since the scenery below is good, why should we spend three hours climbing it? Dad. "
In middle school, in Chinese class, the teacher asked a classmate to explain the meaning of "fledgling". That classmate belongs to the class of underachievers. After scratching my head for a long time, I finally asked the teacher in a low voice, "Did you just come out of the toilet?"
In high school, there was a political exam with 75 multiple-choice questions. As a result, there were not many high scores, but one person didn't answer one question correctly-he got 0. Later, the political teacher asked him, "Do you know the answer to the exam? Otherwise, how can we all avoid the correct answer and only choose the wrong answer? "
There was a history class in middle school, and the teacher woke me up when I was sleeping in class. The teacher asked me, "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?" My deskmate whispered to me, "Songzan Ganbu." Unfortunately, I didn't hear you clearly, so I opened my mouth and answered, "Song Dynasty cadres." Later, I was punished for not attending history class for a week.
In junior high school, there was a classmate in the class who was very awesome. He was either late or fell asleep as soon as the class started, and didn't wake up until the class was over. One day, he was ten minutes late. The math teacher saw him and said, "You can't be late again, or you will get insufficient sleep!" " "
In the second day of junior high school, my deskmate caught a cold and had a runny nose, but he forgot to bring his handkerchief and kept sucking it into his nose. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! Too noisy! " The whole class was silent. The teacher added, "Who steals noodles in class? What are you arguing about? "
In the third grade, a man fell in love with his teacher and went to have a heart-to-heart talk. The teacher said to him, "First love is childish, painful and fruitless. The most important thing is that it will affect your study. Do you realize your mistake? " That classmate actually replied: "but teacher, this is not my first love ... this is my third love."
One day three ghosts met God when they were shopping! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped to send them to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full. But there's another place! You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!
So, the first ghost began to say ... I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night! One day, I was cleaning windows outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude! On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! But the survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to climb up after I recover!
Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be decided, and a tent caught me below. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!
The second ghost said ... I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure!
But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be an adulterer. So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing and thought: adulterer! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death!
As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched all over the house and went into the kitchen. I found that the refrigerator was big enough and threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy! Laughing a lot. Who knows, laughing so hard, laughing so hard!
The third ghost said ... I'm a punk, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house to hang out! Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen and toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it! I don't understand how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator and threw it from the 13 floor!
I just fell to my death in my refrigerator!
A player has not been in a good state recently, and his catch is unstable. While practicing passing and catching the ball, another player passed him a good ball, fearing that he would not catch it steadily, he shouted, "Catch it steadily!" " "
The ball hit him on the head.
I just heard him say, "With who?"
On the civil aviation plane, the stewardess announced to the passengers, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines is out of order, but please don't worry. We can fly normally with the remaining two engines, but our arrival time will be delayed by two hours."
A few minutes later, the horn sounded again: "We apologize again. We have another engine failure, but please don't worry. We can arrive safely with the remaining engines, but now the delay will increase to five hours. Please forgive me. "
After a while, the voice of the stewardess came from the loudspeaker: "I'm very sorry, the remaining engine is out of order, please." . . "At this moment, an unbearable passenger jumped up from his seat and shouted," Well, now are you going to tell us to spend the night on the plane? " ?"
Concave ... wow! ! !
When we were in high school, some teachers were very bad to our students. A group of students have been oppressed for a long time. They are discussing how to punish their teachers.
On this day, the teacher was in class, and a boy sitting in the back showed a painful expression, covering his stomach with his hand and moaning gently. The teacher ignored him and went on preaching. Halfway through the writing, the teacher just turned to write notes on the blackboard, and the boy suddenly "concave ... wow ...! ! ! "(Vomiting)
A boy at the same table poured a bottle of eight-treasure porridge on the table with great speed. When the teacher turned around, he saw that the table was full of yellow and white things. At this time, another boy took out a small spoon, scooped up the things on the table one by one, and said while chewing, "Hey, this guy ate peanuts at noon."
The teacher looked at it, said "Wow … concave …" and then vomited wildly.
Before Shennong died. ...
One day, the teacher asked everyone, "Does anyone know what Shennong has achieved?"
The monitor immediately raised his hand: "I see, teacher, it's a hundred herbs."
The teacher was very satisfied and said, "Well, yes, it's the monitor. Everyone is studying."
Later, Xiaoming raised his hand unconvinced and asked, "Teacher, do you know what Shennong said before he died?"
The teacher said, "Well, the teacher doesn't know!"
Xiao Ming said, "Teacher, let me tell you! That's ... Shit! This is poisonous ... "
Teacher: "... ~ _ ~"