Before the salon entered the official theme, the whole tidbit of the venue was that mothers were discussing: "Which international school is good in Guangzhou and Shenzhen?" Although several mothers' children are still in the early stage, they all pricked up their ears, listened with relish and asked questions from time to time. Of course, knowledgeable mothers are also happy to share.
In the buzz of discussion, Mr. Zhang has quietly read all the mother's words and deeds and got a basic understanding of everyone. Teacher Zhang smiled, stood up and ended the discussion with sign language, and pointed out on PPT: "The best famous school is the parents themselves."
As always, before the salon starts, the mothers present will introduce themselves, because the teachers in each period are different and the parents involved are different. After introducing themselves and asking for help, all the mothers present can find the same problem. On the road of parenting, we are not the only ones who encounter problems and doubts.
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It is worth mentioning that Ma Zi's speech is very instructive for these mothers.
Ma Zi is a relatively successful mother. The boss is a junior in the United States, ranking within 50 universities in the United States, with good results; The child is in the sixth grade, and his grades are among the best in the whole grade. She said that our parents often ignore other problems because they say "children get good grades". She said that she regretted that she had not been exposed to the methods and tools of positive education earlier and missed the education for older children. Now the child is 1 1 years old, and there are still two years to miss the guidance for the child. It's time to catch the tail of the best education time.
As we know, Ma Zi used to be an English teacher in senior high school. After years of teaching, she has become a semi-expert. However, she reflected that she once thought that education knew everything and didn't need to learn. In fact, now she knows that a really good education needs to learn good methods and theories.
I remember a recent case of my mother and my son: after my mother educated her son, her third-grade son was very angry and said to her, Mom, why do you still educate me by "carving a boat for a sword"? Wow, I didn't even realize why I used the word "carving a boat for a sword" at that time. It turns out that her son said that times have changed and society has changed, and you still ask me in the old way. God, the boat hasn't changed. The water has changed. How clever the child is. This metaphor is too appropriate. Our parents always educate their children in the way that the previous generation of parents educated us, plus our own understanding of this social rule and the accumulation of experience. Is the key education method useful? Is the effect good? Does the child accept it?
The mothers sitting here must have paid attention to education through various channels, intentionally or unintentionally, but they always find the same feeling: as long as they talk about the truth of education, they will find that most of them understand it, but when they meet Xiong Haizi in real life, they still find that they still don't know how to deal with it. They are anxious, crazy, growling and irritable, and sometimes they both lose. So this is why we still have to get together to discuss the methods of offline education, simulation experiments, role-playing, and the importance of using available tools.
This is also the main reason why we all want to attend the salon.
Teacher Zhang asked our sitting mothers to play a warm-up game. All the mothers took out their orchid fingers and followed the teacher's instructions. The teacher instructed them to put their hands on their heads, and everyone put them on their heads in unison. The teacher put his hand on his nose, and everyone put it on his nose in unison; The teacher put his hands on his face, and everyone put their hands on their chins in unison. The point of this game is: Why do people put their hands on their chins instead of their faces? The answer is: because the teacher put his hand on his chin. This game shows one thing: we value "action" more than "words". We always teach our children what to do and what not to do in life, and children sometimes don't follow our instructions, precisely because our parents don't do what they say.
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What is "positive discipline"?
Positive discipline is a book, a kind of training and a set of ideas. It encourages the relationship of mutual respect and empowerment and is based on Adler's individual psychology theory. What I want to say is that the "orthodox discipline system" cannot be explained clearly by a salon. There are too many contents and methods, which need a series of learning.
Generally speaking, "positive discipline" is a kind of parenting method with the right tools, a correct understanding of children's mentality and behavior, a correct understanding of their own mentality and behavior, and a correct understanding of parents' methods of guiding their children positively.
A. Adler's theoretical understanding in empirical discipline;
C. positive discipline means: our change and rebirth.
B. Six principles of positive discipline
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Salon role-playing: about praise and encouragement
Teacher Zhang divided the mothers present into two groups for role-playing, sent two notes to the mothers in each group, and then asked one mother in each group to come out and play the child, and then went to the other mothers to listen to them read the notes in their mother's voice, and then asked the mothers who played the children to talk about the feelings of hearing the notes.
The first batch of mothers who beat their children said that after I heard every word of praise, I felt that I was living for my mother's praise. Every achievement was more to please my mother than to have anything to do with my heart.
The second group of mothers who play with their children said that after I heard every word of encouragement, I felt very strong inside. My mother loves me very much, and my grades are more related to myself.
Teacher Zhang smiled and said to the two mothers who played the children, which group of mothers do you prefer? Obviously, the answer is obvious to everyone. Different expressions play different roles.
An important parenting method in positive discipline is: less praise and more encouragement for children.
Praising children may improve the behavior of some children, but the problem is that these children may become "flatterers" and "always seek approval from others" The long-term effect of praising children is to make them rely on others, and the long-term effect of encouraging children is to make them confident.
Encourage children to ask more why they do it when they are positive, and less why they do it when they are negative.
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The current situation of children and the state that adults expect.
Teacher Zhang recorded the problems of our parents and children here. In fact, due to the limited space, he can't write down all the questions at all. Teacher Zhang smiled and said to everyone present: In fact, positive education has experienced decades of development, and parents in any country are similar to our blackboard writing problem.
Our children are not perfect, so are we. There are no perfect people in the world.
We see many children's problems, but what is the most important thing to think about?
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Parents need to seek help.
This is the important content of this salon, because every problem is urgently needed to be solved and understood by the confinement mother, which is closely related to everyone.
The above content is a complex and huge problem group. In the salon, everyone gathered the strength of the masses to discuss and express the opinions of the majority.
Summarized as follows:
"Before correcting children's behavior, we must win their hearts", and discuss with them good ways to solve contradictions with a kind and firm attitude. When we express our comfort and love to them with hugs or empathy, when we express our understanding to them in words, "I know you are angry and sad" and "I know you are tired and want to sleep", when their anger quickly subsides, we invite them to join us.
In addition, don't interfere too much in children's lives, but preach, nag, give orders, shout loudly, and then quickly rescue, train "I can do it" children, give them more encouraging language, and let them build their inner strength. Our parents should unconditionally tolerate and accept their children, love and respect them, and remember the artistry of language.
06
Teacher Zhang's classic sentences and cases about this salon class
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Try heuristic questions and thinking.
I remember when I was confused at work and needed to be decided by the leader, he always asked me, "What do you think?" When I finish my presentation, he will ask, "Then what?" When I finish a paragraph, he will say, "What do you think it should be like here?" ..... the final conclusion is "Do you know the answer?" In fact, leaders rarely answer my questions about right and wrong, about right and wrong, about choosing a or b, but help me find a solution to the problem in this step-by-step guidance process, and it is the one I can most recognize. I have always felt that this leader is really brilliant. In fact, on the way to parenting, we can't arbitrarily tell our children that you are doing this or that. Listen to their voices and let them participate and decide.
On the way to study, we ask a few more questions, and maybe many answers that bother us will come out.