An engineering college student was hungry, but had no money, so he went to the vegetable market and bought a carp. As a result, the fish seller sold him a hairtail ... (The man has teeth in his mouth; Women are flat)
4. After reading the alumni records, a college student asked why most girls became mothers in April. Is June better? _ (Graduating in June, all senior girls are XX, and June to April is exactly 10 month)
5. An alien was caught by China. Beijingers said they would send them to the Chinese Academy of Sciences for research, Shanghainese said they would send them to the zoo for exhibitions to sell high-priced tickets, and Cantonese said they would kill raw food as soon as their eyes lit up. At this time, a boy from a department of HKUST saw it and shouted ... (Grass, a virgin, let's go! A classic signature of HKUST: Never let a virgin go out of school. )
6. A bird is dancing happily in a big tree in a bulletproof vest. At this moment, a hunter came and killed the bird with a bang. The bullet hit the bird's heart.
Q: How can you kill a bird by dancing (striptease) in a bulletproof vest?
7. A brother poured water at my bedside and called me by the way: "Little brother, it's half past twelve, it's time to get up!" I said to him lazily, "Brother gets up early, so don't bother me!" " "(Chen Bo)
8. When 8.GG shyly unbuttoned MM clothes for the first time, he asked strangely, "Why do people tattoo white tigers and dragons, but you tattoo a grass prefix?" MM shy answer: "..." (bra)
9. Spend the night with mm at the hotel. Wake up in the morning and continue to have sex ...
Mm: 1 1 point, hurry up! Otherwise, the money will be increased in the afternoon ~
Go on ... I didn't expect to stick to it for 20 minutes and have to add half a day's room rate.
Even: alas, I would have come out early if I had known, so it would have been afternoon.
Mm: Alas, I would have come out late if I had known. It's already afternoon anyway!
(M: Leave the room early; Female: shoot)
10. In class, the teacher found two small words written on the corner of the blackboard-"penis". Wipe them off with a smile. The next day, I found the word "penis" appeared in the same place on the blackboard, and it seemed a little bigger than the word yesterday. I was a little angry, put up with it, and then I deleted it. On the third day, I found that there were only two big characters on the blackboard-"penis"! . The teacher finally got angry! Just about to have an attack, I suddenly saw the following fine print, and the teacher fainted on the spot ~ (the more I rubbed it, the bigger it was)
1 1. A female alien engaged in biological research came to the earth. Turning around, she felt that there were many things worth learning from human genes, so she arrested a person and wanted to bring him back with written information about human genes. But the spaceship is too small to take him away; This information is too big to get all at once. Just when she was anxious, the computer help system of the spaceship said, "This man has a small stick, which can solve all your problems …" At this moment, she suddenly realized and said to the man with a sly smile and saliva. "(Take out the USB flash drive)
12. The family married the bride, all the guests left, and the couple entered the bridal chamber.
In-laws just want to have a rest and listen to the bride shouting in the bridal chamber. ......
Mother-in-law helpless, had to pull her father-in-law came to the door of the new house:
"wife! Wedding night-inevitable-just make do with it! "
Unexpectedly, the bride was furious and said something super classic:
"Which have such a silly son! He-he-he-he just doesn't like it! I just can't stand it! " (Top = Insert)
13, the man said to the woman, "invite you to dinner today!" The woman said to the man, "No, some other time." (Japanese homophonic)
14, my girlfriend sent me a text message: "I'm pregnant! Take me to the hospital tomorrow! " After a while, I received another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong!" " "I:? ……
The next day, I accompanied MM to the hospital, perhaps because I felt guilty. Say that finish, MM cried in my arms, and I quickly comforted her and told her not to be sad. Who knows that MM took out a small wooden comb from her pocket and gave it to me, then turned and ran away in tears ... (Although I had sex with you, you are not his father, he is his brother-in-law. Homophonic)
15, a widow went to buy cucumbers and told her not to slice them, but the cucumber seller forgot to slice them. When the widow saw it, she scolded, "Do you fucking think I'm a money bucket?" (Use cucumber)
16, a large group of girls went to the farm for internship, and the bishop of the farm milked the milk. After the demonstration, we will teach you to try it yourself. At this time, a girl was puzzled to see that others had squeezed a small part of the tube, and her own was only a little. The farmer came over to have a look and said, Miss, you not only squeezed in the wrong place, but also chose the wrong cow. (cattle DD)
Author: David Tao Lian You 2009-4-8 19:05 Reply to this speech
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The answer to the world's most obscure joke.
17, a handsome guy wants to buy condoms, but he doesn't know the size. The waitress had no choice but to check it and said to her colleagues around her: a box of 5 inches, no, 7 inches ... Oh, my God, go and get the toilet paper. . . . . . . . (Erection lens)
18. After a ship crashed, 1 female passengers and 10 male passengers drifted to a desert island.
A month later, this woman committed suicide because she thought what happened this month was really disgusting.
A month later, they decided to bury her because they thought what happened this month was really disgusting.
A month later, they decided to dig her up because they thought what happened this month was really disgusting.
A month later, God brought this woman back to life, because he thought what happened in these months was really disgusting.
(women are LJ by men; The female corpse was killed by a man LJ; A man is a man LJ; The female corpse was killed by a man.
19, an adult man came to a hotel. He saw many beautiful cars in the garage, so he asked the boss why there were so many beautiful cars. The boss told him that I have a five-year-old son who does three things. If you can follow suit, you can choose a car here and drive away. If not, you can leave your car. Many people can't do it, so. . He thought that what a five-year-old could do could not be done, so he tried. The boss took him to a room where there was a beautiful naked beauty. The child kissed her and he kissed her in return. Then the child touched the beauty all over her body, and he followed suit. Third, the child took out his little brother and bent it three times. . . . . (
He has an erection)
20. One day, a person lived in seclusion in the deep mountains and lay naked on the grass to rest. Suddenly, a little girl picking mushrooms came: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 5, 5 ..." Finally, he gave up and left. This man is very happy. The next day he was still sleeping naked here, and a bear picking mushrooms came: "66.
2 1. It is said that Snow White and Cao live in a big forest. One day, Snow White finally could not bear the loneliness. She held Xiao Pi's head with her legs and said, "Tell the truth, tell a lie, tell the truth again, tell a lie again …" After saying this for a thousand times, the princess released Xiao Pi. Lying will make your nose longer.
22. The female white-collar workers in the office want their male colleagues to tell a short and meaningful yellow joke. The man thought for a moment and said eight words: "I am weeding, you are at noon!" " "(days)
23. Two fishermen are fishing by the sea. One day, a fisherman caught a mermaid. Above the fish's tail, she is a super beauty, but the fisherman wants to let her go. Another fisherman was puzzled and asked, "Why?" The first fisherman shrugged his shoulders and replied, "How come?" (Why did you let it go? How to get it? )
24. A man was sitting on a state-of-the-art luxury jet. Suddenly, his stomach ached and he wanted to have diarrhea ... but all the men's toilets were full.
But he couldn't hold it any longer, so he begged the stewardess to let him use the girls' toilet.
The stewardess was a little embarrassed, but she promised to let him go to bed. She is also worried that she will repeatedly tell him not to touch anything and come out with diarrhea.
So he went into the girls' bathroom in a panic. After that, he looked relaxed ... He found three buttons next to the toilet, which read HW, HA and ATR respectively. He is very curious; I think there must be something special about such an advanced toilet, but I also remembered the advice of the flight attendant KK. However, I was still curious, so I pressed the 1 key that said HW. ...
Hey! I cann't believe I sprayed hot water from behind to wipe my ass. Great! So it means hot water.
He thought, how advanced! Look at the second button … it says HA should be hot air! Sure enough, after pressing the button, a slow hot air came to my face. How interesting! ! What does the third one mean by ATR?
So he pressed the third button ... and suddenly there was a sharp pain ... $ @ #! *, blacked out at the moment, passed out ... (that's the money for sanitary napkins)
25. In a family planning practice, an old lady took the place of her daughter-in-law in order not to let her daughter-in-law take the intrauterine device. When changing to the fourth daughter-in-law, the doctor said, "Aunt, you are on the third ring road, and then you really become Audi!" " "When the fifth one was replaced, the doctor said," Auntie, you have been on the fourth ring road, and then you can continue ... "(It won the Olympic Games).
26. Two parrots were sitting idle in a tree when they suddenly saw a wolf chasing a sheep under the tree. At this time, the female parrot said to the male parrot that she didn't want to be raped at once ... (The sheep below died)
27. A man, whose voice is very thin and feminine, has never found a wife. Go to the hospital for a checkup and see if you can change his voice. The doctor checked and said, "God's creation is fair. The reason why your vocal cords are thin is that your lower part is too thick and too long. If you are willing to cut it off, you can have a man's voice. "
The man thinks it's not worth the loss, forget it. Later, when the man went swimming in the sea, he suddenly found a shark swimming towards him. He shouted anxiously, "(in a low voice) Help! Help! (in a rough voice) Here comes the shark! ! "(Little brother is bitten)
28. If:
I call a hoe, but you call it noon;
My name is Qingming and your name is Hetu.
My name is Xian Jian and your name is Xia Chuan.
My name is Dynasty, and your name is Red Wine.
My name is bow, but your name is eagle.
So:
My name is hematopoietic, and yours is (...).
My name is Chongyang and your name is (...).
(hematopoietic stem cells; Chongyang inserted dogwood)
29. Women always want plastic surgery when they are old. As a result, after N times of plastic surgery, the woman grew two moles symmetrically on her forehead, and then a beard on her chin ... (Lapila rose)
30. with my girlfriend ML, without t, cool! After that, my girlfriend suddenly exclaimed: "Oh! Today should be my' dangerous period'! " I'm scared! Soon my girlfriend's words made me uneasy, so we did it safely in bed again. ...
(I didn't come last month anyway)
3 1. The boy from Jiaotong University proudly said: At school, we have never seen a woman! Girls are ugly, nobody touches them, and they are all virgins.
32. Pointing at Sister Furong's chest-make an idiom. (great endurance)
33. Mike and Diana made up after their quarrel.
The teacher reluctantly said, "Everyone's answers to this fill-in-the-blank question are surprisingly consistent, but unfortunately they are all wrong ..." (Sex vs Makeup)
34. Once upon a time, three bats went to a bar to drink. The first bat said, "Boss, have a glass of blood." The other two saw it and said, "BS, you are still drinking the old flavor." The second bat said, "Boss, a glass of lemon blood." The other two bats laughed: "Look at your taste." The third bat said, "Boss, a cup of boiled water." (Sanitary napkins make tea)
35. The sperm said, "Oh, shit! ! ! "
(back door)
36. Ceng Zhiwei wanted to give up art and become a monk, so he came to the temple and asked the abbot to take him in. The abbot said he had to pass two tests. One is a vegetarian for three months. Three months later, Ceng Zhiwei visited the abbot and asked the second question. The abbot gave him a bell and told him to tie it to JJ, saying that if you can see Ye Zimei's exposure at three o'clock and the bell doesn't ring, I will accept you as an apprentice. Then Ye Zimei was called out, and Ceng Zhiwei's bell rang loudly. The abbot frowned and said, "Not qualified!" Ceng Zhiwei refused to accept: "I don't believe that all monks in this temple can pass this pass!" Helpless, the abbot called out ten monks, and Yuzryha showed his hand again. Sure enough, only Ceng Zhiwei's bell rang so loudly that it fell to the ground. The other ten bells rang when Ceng Zhiwei bent down to pick up the bell ... (Gay)
37. A pervert, a money addict and a homosexual died at the same time. They all want to go to heaven. God told them that they must stand the test on the way to heaven and get rid of their bad habits before they can enter heaven, otherwise they can only go to hell. Three people set out for heaven when they suddenly saw a group of beautiful women on the roadside. The pervert who walked in front couldn't help rushing to touch her hands and feet, and suddenly fell into hell. The other two walked on and suddenly saw a wallet on the ground, with a thick stack of money faintly visible. The money addict bent down and picked it up. Just as he was about to touch his wallet, he remembered the horror of the pervert who had just fallen into hell, so he held back his greed, straightened up and walked the rest of the way alone, and went to heaven ... (gay)
38. Manager Huang had an affair with Miss B. One day Miss B gave Manager Huang a photo of a dead sheep under two pigeons. Manager Huang's secretary couldn't understand it and gave it to the manager. As a result, Manager Huang laughed ... (Brother, it itches to death below)
39. Snow White takes off her clothes-(drinking a drink) (7 up)