So I've been looking or waiting, but I can't find it. Over time, I became a "leftover woman" waiting, and my family and friends could not understand me.
Faced with this situation, are they wrong or have other problems?
Guangzhou marriage counseling will explain it to you.
☉ Della:
I want to find a man who can really understand me and has a * * sound with me ideologically, such as Jose, San Mao and Rainbow Xiaobo. But my parents don't understand me, and people around me don't understand me.
What pains me most is that I have been looking for it, but it has not been smooth. I tried to open my heart to communicate, but I fell in love twice and found that they didn't understand me at all, and finally broke up.
My parents think I am too picky, too stubborn, too demanding and too idealistic. But if two people can't understand each other, how can they live together?
I have a good salary and job myself. I don't ask each other to be rich or handsome. I just hope he can see through my bluff and protect my vulnerability and grievances. Tell me that I never need to pretend to be strong in front of him. Tell me that even if everyone doesn't believe me, he will always believe me.
Is my request really too idealistic? Now 3 1 year-old has become a "leftover woman". Can I really wait for him to appear?
Interpretation of psychological counseling in Guangzhou
You've been waiting, looking, looking for someone who understands you. A person who cares about you, who cares about you, who knows how to be tolerant and considerate, who may not be perfect but loves, understands and cherishes you.
What do you mean by "understanding"?
You've been waiting for that man to show up. Although you don't know when he will appear, you will guard him and refuse to do so, because you believe that he must exist and will eventually appear.
This persistence can't be understood and supported by parents and people around. They don't seem to understand you
▓: But have you thought about it carefully? Are you an "understanding person"? Really?
Many people think that they understand others, and they are considerate and smart, but understanding others is not a very simple matter, because understanding others is based on others' standards, not their own.
Sometimes, we think we know others, but others don't think you really know him, just as you will judge whether the other person knows you by your own standards.
So, I might as well ask myself again: am I an understanding person?
If not, why do you ask the other person to "know you"? How do you understand each other's love and grievances?
If you are, then I believe that a person who understands others will definitely feel their love and predicament, and the other person will be willing to learn to understand you.
Therefore, to find someone who understands you, you must first become someone who understands others. If you don't want to be a person who understands others, it's hard for you to "find" people who understand you, and it's easy to miss some good people.
▓ Is your love standard too idealistic, so you were dumped?
In reality, it is much more difficult for you to find someone who "knows you" than to ask the other person to be rich or handsome.
Money can be earned, and the appearance can be dressed up or reshaped, but to understand a person, if not a god, who can have a "perspective eye" to see through your ever-changing emotions, expectations and desires? Who can accurately respond to your needs in the "right way"?
From the perspective of psychoanalysis, this seems to be the baby's expectation for his mother: I am hungry. Before I cry, you should see my needs in time, know what I want, and hand over my breasts quickly so that I can eat; I am bored. Before I feel sad, you should understand my needs, come and hug me, comfort me or Doby me. I was crying. When I can't coax you, mom, you can't be sad. You have to understand me, love me as always, and believe that I have always been a good baby, not a bad baby. If you don't understand me and can't reply me in time in the way I need, you are an incompetent mother!
Can you see that you have such expectations for your partner in your heart?
If there is, it needs to really grow up from the heart, from this "unitary world" (mom and I are one) to a "dual world" (mom and I are independent individuals).
When we enter the "binary world" in our hearts, we realize that no matter how close we are, we are also independent individuals. Without a mother who can meet her own needs, we can give up to some extent. We must get a partner who completely meets our ideal at once and give up our insistence on integrating both sides.
In real life, you will see some people, the so-called people who understand each other, often the tacit understanding cultivated by both sides at the beginning, and then through mutual companionship, they are constantly running in and are willing to learn and grow each other.
Therefore, instead of "cultivating" people who understand you, it is better to "find" people who understand you.
In other words, find a person first, and then slowly cultivate into a person who understands you. This is more practical. If you are troubled in this process, you can seek the help of professional psychological consultation, solve some deep-seated inner troubles, repair some obstacles, and let you reap the life you want in reality.