It’s a bit long

But it’s very useful. You can understand it as you read it. . . . .

Problems such as interpersonal imbalance, social jealousy, social inferiority, and social fear come one after another; psychological experiences such as pride, inferiority, loneliness, boredom, hopelessness, and fear frequently occur. Many college students interact with their classmates with the expectation of good interpersonal relationships, but after a few rounds, they often lose patience and tolerance and complain again and again. College students are too selfish and difficult to get along with. Almost everyone is counting the shortcomings and shortcomings of other people's relationships. Almost everyone feels that interpersonal relationships in college are complicated. Starting from the freshman year, college students are reserved, arrogant, arrogant, and solitary, and their narrow-minded and selfish flaws begin to be fully exposed in interpersonal relationships.

The most difficult problem in the four years of university life is the problem of interpersonal relationships. At the same time, the contact tentacles of college students have been greatly extended. They actively reach out to teachers, outside the school, and outside the school. They have joined the society and are eager to gain real communication experience and insights from these "wordless books". However, if it is difficult to communicate in one room, how can we talk about going out into the society? The lack of language arts and technical skills in communication, cognitive biases, etc., bring them more shock and confusion.

American psychologist W. Buck said: "Man cannot live without others - he wants to learn from them, hurt them, dominate them... In short, people need to be with other people." Therefore, life We need friendship, life needs communication, and life needs self-image promotion and display. No matter what job you are engaged in, you must learn to deal with various interpersonal relationships and learn the public relations of life.

From a certain perspective, good interpersonal relationships should be when individuals use the principles of honesty, tolerance and understanding to establish a good image of themselves and form a harmonious relationship in the collective in the process of interacting with others. , and actively expand one's social contacts outwards, constantly win praise from others and society, and is the best way to help life achieve success.

1. Social Phobia

Yang Meng is a sophomore at a polytechnic university with excellent grades, but she has felt extremely distressed in recent years. She has been suffering from psychological disorders for a long time, and to this day, she still cannot get rid of this shadow. It has taken a huge toll on her life and studies.

Yang Meng has been introverted, timid and withdrawn since she was a child. Her parents were extremely demanding and even harsh on her. My father's anger was terrible. When Yang Meng did not do well in an exam in elementary school, her father asked her to retake the exam. She was not happy with it, and her father threw the pen at her face in anger. The tip of the pen pricked her face, causing blood to flow. To this day, Yang Meng still feels very embarrassed when she thinks of that incident. Her parents were very orthodox and old-fashioned, and they had many taboos against Yang Meng. She was not allowed to interact with strange children. My father thinks it is inappropriate for girls to play and play around outside, and they can easily be fooled by bad people. So apart from school and home, Yang Meng rarely plays outside.

Talking about unpleasant experiences, Yang Meng still remembers: In junior high school, she had always done very well, but she failed to answer a question once. The teacher criticized her and ridiculed her in public, which made her so sad that she shed tears. Then when she was a freshman, one of her classmates, S, came from a rural area and had a poor family background. Yang Meng often took the initiative to help her, but this seemed to hurt her self-esteem. Instead of treating Yang Meng as a friend, S often picked on her and criticized her. She made things difficult for her, deliberately made love to other classmates in front of her, ignored her and isolated her. This made Yang Meng extremely aggrieved and sad. She hated herself and blamed herself for being persona non grata.

Unknowingly, Yang Meng was afraid of contact with others and became more and more shy. She thought she was a weirdo and her only problem was that she was shy. For more than a year, she never talked to others. When she spoke to others, she did not dare to look directly at her, and her eyes dodged, as if she had done something wrong. His face gets hot when he talks, and he lowers his head and stares at his toes. My heart was pounding, my muscles were getting goosebumps, and my whole body seemed to be shaking. She did not want to have contact with her classmates. She felt that others hated her and she was a "weird" in the eyes of others.

I am also afraid of teachers. During class, I am not nervous until the teacher turns his back to the students and writes on the blackboard. As long as the teacher faces the students, he does not dare to look in the direction of the blackboard. Often because of nervousness, I don’t understand what the teacher is saying. What's worse is that speaking in front of relatives, friends and neighbors is now "unnatural". Because of these problems, he rarely goes to social places and has little contact with others. I have tried hard to overcome this strange problem.

Yang Meng suffers from a common psychological disorder - social phobia.

When facing people, not only do they feel shy, but they also feel afraid, and they also have a strong sense of uneasiness and rejection of the world outside themselves. This kind of anxiety and incompatibility with social life and groups creates Social disorder is called social phobia, which is one of the most common psychological problems among college students.

Social phobia is actually an obsessive idea with a high prevalence rate. The patient is distressed by human contact. Of course, everyone may have some degree of social phobia, but when it develops into symptoms of neurosis, the degree of fear and pain is so deep that the person avoids contact with others, causing serious obstacles to daily life.

In the United States, social anxiety accounts for 12%-13% of the population, that is, one in every eight people is troubled by the anxiety caused by this fear at some stage in his life or throughout his life. It seriously affects their lives, interactions and personal development.

The situation in our country is not optimistic either. Especially after the reform and opening up, people are facing various psychological pressures. The phenomenon of inadaptation is getting worse day by day, and social phobia has also increased sharply. Although there is no national epidemic survey report so far, it is not difficult to see from daily outpatient services that social phobia accounts for almost 20% of mental illnesses, second only to depression and anxiety disorders. If divided by age, social phobia is the first mental disorder among adolescents. College students, as educated young people, are a high-risk group for this disease.

The psychology of social phobia basically originates from shyness. No matter how old the patient is, their mentality is the same, but everyone has different situations and different explanations. There is shallow psychological shyness, and there is also deep psychological shyness; there are those that one is aware of, and there are those that one is not aware of.

The process of social phobia is as follows:

First, the patient is afraid of strangers and even familiar people; second, everyone avoids them; third, the patient avoids the companions in fear. There are obvious tension, sweating and trembling, as well as many vegetative dysfunctions; fourth, in the development of the disease, excessive self-defense mechanisms often appear; finally, similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder, a state of knowing that one should not do it but being unable to control it.

Although fear is a psychological process, it will inevitably affect physiological functions, so nervousness, sweating, palpitation, shortness of breath, and trembling will follow one after another. Blushing is the easiest phenomenon to manifest. These reactions are actually a manifestation of anxiety. In order to get rid of anxiety, avoidance is the only way. The purpose of avoidance is to avoid attacks of anxiety. As long as there are no situations where people are exposed, people with social phobia will feel at ease. When avoiding, many patients will also develop "allergic involvement", which is a self-defense psychological mechanism. In response to feared scenes or people, a psychological generalization of "everything is a threat" will occur, and an abnormal allergic reaction will occur to external things. If you feel that others are paying attention to you, even other people's every move implies dislike, rejection, helplessness, etc. towards the patient, thereby strengthening the reason for his avoidance: Because I am not good, people hate me. Rather than making people hate me, it is better to take the initiative. Leave the crowd, why bother yourself? Thereby using this kind of projection psychology to achieve a pathological balance.

A symposium on social phobia was held in Shanghai in 2000. The speaker was David Sheehan, a famous American psychiatry professor. He believed that both psychological and physiological factors would affect the development of social phobia. It also causes social phobia, which is caused by an imbalance of a chemical called "5-hydroxytryptamine" in the human body. This substance is responsible for transmitting messages to nerve cells in the brain. Too much or too little of this substance can cause people to feel fearful.

Social phobia may be caused by a family inheritance or by experiencing some kind of trauma or distressing life event. Anyone who develops the disease will discover the true background of the disease after investigation and analysis of the medical history: family, personality, upbringing environment and style, childhood trauma and experience, especially sexual education during puberty and sexual development. Depression etc.

Just like the growth of trees must have suitable soil for their growth, for social phobia to take root in patients, there must also be suitable soil, that is, susceptibility qualities. Generally speaking, people with the following personality traits are prone to social phobia:

①Introverts. Introverts tend to be quiet, introspective, and do not like to interact with others; emotionally unstable people are prone to anxiety and react too strongly to various stimuli. After their emotions are aroused, it is difficult to calm down. When interacting with others, strong emotional reactions affect normal adaptation.

②Sensitive people. Sensitive people often feel that others can see that he or she is nervous or unnatural, and they can see from other people's eyes that others dislike or hate him or her, or that he or she is unnatural, and do not want to continue talking to him or her. Therefore, Even more nervous and scared.

③Those with low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem have low self-esteem, believe that they lack social skills and abilities, and are afraid of causing bad reactions from others.

④Perfectionist. People who pursue perfection excessively have excessive demands on themselves, hoping that they will perform perfectly in front of everyone, on any occasion, and in all aspects, and be praised by others. But no one is perfect, and this will inevitably lead to repeated self-defeat, and eventually becoming nervous and fearful when meeting people.

The treatment of social phobia is generally through psychological analysis and psychotherapy.

For Yang Meng in the previous case, the treatment plan can be cognitive comprehension therapy and relaxation training.

First, let her review the unpleasant events she has experienced and analyze the process of forming her personality to find out the real cause of her current situation. From the narrative, we can know:

① Yang Meng’s introverted, withdrawn, and timid personality traits are internal factors that affect interpersonal communication.

② Her parents’ awareness of taboos in her interactions formed a strong sense of shame in her character, which hindered interpersonal communication.

③When she was a child, the fear reaction caused by her father's anger and the humiliating reaction caused by the teacher's public criticism and sarcasm left negative psychological marks deep in her soul. This imprint will be activated due to negative life events in the future and play a role in the emergence and development of psychological disorders.

④ When getting along with classmates, they feel that "good intentions are not rewarded", but are misunderstood and treated maliciously, so they feel aggrieved, resentful, and angry; and due to the role of psychological defense mechanisms, these frustrations are reflected in the subconscious was converted into suppressed hostility and avoidance reactions towards that classmate, which caused Yang Meng to develop a generalized psychological phenomenon (that is, from hostility and avoidance towards a certain person to a wariness and avoidance reaction towards everyone around him); On the other hand, self-blame and self-pity aggravated the shame and timidity in Yang Meng's character. Therefore, the negative life event of interpersonal conflict was the direct and realistic cause of her fear of others.

⑤When Yang Meng showed fear of others, he criticized and urged himself to do what he should do, and controlled what he should not do, which produced a hint and strengthened the "symptoms". In addition, the more "unnatural", "embarrassing" and "embarrassing" she felt, the more "imaginary concepts" appeared in her mind. This further led to a deterioration in her sense of self. In such a vicious circle, the "symptoms" become increasingly serious. In this predicament where she wanted to change but was unable to change, and wanted to escape but was unable to escape, the negative psychological imprints from her early years were activated, intertwined with practical problems, and produced a comprehensive effect.

After Yang Meng realizes how social phobia is formed, she can adopt the following suggestions:

①Put yourself in the shoes of the person who is being helped but is not treating her well. Think about it from the perspective of a friendly classmate, understand and tolerate her. At the same time, check whether you have any allergies, suspicions, or other psychological conditions that are not conducive to communication. In this way, the suppressed hostility is gradually released.

② Correctly understand normal interactions between people. To get to know people, you need to express yourself through interactions, abandon the old sense of shame, and respect your own legitimate wishes.

③Find two girls with whom you have a good relationship and find out how they react to you when interacting with others, such as blushing, shaking, blurry eyes and other "unnatural" states. The purpose is for her to overcome the role of the "imagined audience" through her investigation.

Social phobia is relatively acquired, which means that social ability does not come with fear. On the one hand, it is of course necessary to master social skills through interpersonal communication in order to expand the social network. On the other hand, it is necessary to have sound personality development before interpersonal communication is possible. Therefore, social phobia is actually unavoidable in the personality development process, especially for college students. However, it is the imperfect development of personal personality that leads to habitual social phobia, thus forming social phobia, which affects normal learning and life. Therefore, increasing self-confidence and participating in group activities are the keys to overcoming social fear.

2． Why didn’t she dare to approach the opposite sex?

At that time, Minli was in the third grade of junior high school. She said goodbye to playfulness and devoted herself to the general review of the third grade of junior high school. But at the last stage, by chance, she discovered that something was wrong with her eyes - she was afraid to look at the opposite sex, and her eyes were a little improper. Since then, she has been afraid of looking at men. Soon, to make matters worse, she contracted jaundice and hepatitis. But with tenacious perseverance and hard work, Minli was admitted to a key high school. She was full of confidence and hope in slowly overcoming her eyes while studying hard, hoping that it would no longer betray her. But after such a long time, it is still the case. She didn't know how the years had passed. Whenever I think of her, I feel that I am really a sinner, and that it is a sin. Whenever she accidentally looks at others with that look, she comforts herself like this: It's none of my business, please don't blame me.

In class, Minli tried to avoid the teacher's eyes while focusing on the lecture. Especially when listening to the male teacher's lecture, she was almost covered with shame, feeling it was a shame and extremely uncomfortable. .

This attitude caused misunderstandings from many people, including her teachers, especially her math teacher-Li Guangyang. The teacher and his wife were not having a good relationship, and because of her inappropriate gaze, he always cared a lot about her. In fact, Minli didn't mean to do this. She always felt sorry for them. When she was in her second year of high school, her eyes aroused the misunderstanding of a selfish boy. He knew that her grades were very good and he was in a relationship with a beautiful girl at that time, but he kept running to Minli's place every day. Minli didn’t mean that at all. She tried her best to restrain herself, but she couldn't resist the temptation of the handsome boy, and her grades plummeted. She was ridiculed by her classmates, blamed by her teachers, and disappointed by her parents. It was then that she truly realized that life was worse than death. What was even more uncomfortable was the boy's pride, because Minli had never surrendered to anyone, and now she finally fell at his feet. He was extremely proud! Every evening, Minli sat alone in the classroom. Her heart ached, her head ached, and her emotions ached. But she still barely passed the college entrance examination and entered the senior year of high school.

When she entered her senior year of high school, Minli tore up all her diaries, destroyed everything that could evoke her memories, and began to adjust her mentality. She really did it! She became the best student in the class. But the selfish boy started harassing her again. She tried her best to restrain and resist. She thought she could defeat the temptation, but she failed. Minli hated him so much, and also hated her own eyes that always betrayed her!

Minli lost her reputation in the college entrance examination.

After one year of repeating her studies, she was admitted to an ordinary university. Due to the trauma of failing the exam and the psychological distortion, Minli often felt hopeless, lonely, and helpless. She often wanders around the streets alone, experiencing the feeling of loss, wandering, helplessness, and desolation.

Sometimes she wished she could be hit by a car so she wouldn't have to find another excuse to die. There is nothing in the world that worries her. The only thing that worries her is her mother...

"Life is so beautiful, and it's so good to be alive." Her roommates always say this to her. "It's good to die." Minli always thought stubbornly. She remained inscrutably distant from all boys. No boy dared to approach her. She was as cold as an iceberg. She subconsciously protects herself from harassment.

"How can you get married like this?" Those roommates joked to her.

"I will become a monk and will not marry." She said this every time. She was afraid of men.

Whenever Minli thinks about going into society and facing many people and many things, she becomes upset. "What should I do? The society is so complicated and people are so difficult to get along with. What should I do? I have to work and survive. I have to earn money to support myself." She really felt that she should not be in this world, and God should not Punish her with this disease. Sometimes she wanted to escape society and live a quiet life, but she was really unwilling to do so. If it weren't for the harassment of this disease, she would be particularly outstanding. She once vowed that she would be a strong woman and take the master's degree and doctorate exams. She is diligent, studious, and strong. She is very able to control herself and dominate herself. She has a wide range of hobbies, and she likes to learn all aspects of knowledge. She is good at almost all aspects of art, sports, etc., and she can control time. She is a good girl with outstanding intelligence.

But she is really in pain and often feels that life would be worse than death. What should she do?

Psychologists say: psychological conflict + soul disease + physical abnormality = source of neurological disease.

This patient with heterophobia has always been confronted with the violent conflict between "study life" and "erotic life", this contradiction between reason and instinct, this kind of sexual delusion and The psychological vortex formed by the conflict between sexual taboos appears repeatedly, and the mental energy consumed exceeds the limit, which will naturally trigger phobia of the opposite sex.

"Sexual maturity" is called "spring of love" in the "Huangdi Neijing", which is equivalent to the first estrus period of female animals. "Spring love" after sexual maturity is first revealed as sexual delusion. Sexual delusion is an instinctive activity of sex. From a social perspective, it is "evil"; from a moral perspective, it is a "shadow". It is indeed very embarrassing, very shameful and very frightening for a girl to look at her with "evil" and "shadow" thoughts in her early stages of puberty. The subject's consciousness and self-will cannot be controlled. Excessive sexual delusions and sexual fears lead to special sensitivity to contact with the opposite sex, which is the so-called "heterophobia".

This kind of "spring of love" with sexual delusions and fears can be divided into two situations:

The first one is something one can realize. For example, Freud quoted a female patient in his work who recalled: "Many girls, who are not yet of marriage age, dream of being the plaything of a mature man and imagine lewd and secret scenes." Another woman The patient recalled: "In my dreams, there was not a despicable and shameful thing that I did not do." Extroverted girls use this erotic and arrogant imagination to compensate for their erotic needs.

The second type is something you are not aware of. Sexual delusions are completed in the deep psychological level, that is, in the subconscious mind. By the time they manifest themselves, rational struggles are of no avail, and abnormal physical and mental reactions have already formed. For example, the situation mentioned in the patient's narrative above reflects the sexual delusions and fears of introverted girls.

Heterophobia fears one’s own sexual delusions. Girls, especially those who have been brought up too cautiously and have never received sex education, will have their first sexual desires and delusions. When they discover sexual delusions, they will be shocked and suffer from mental illness. Sexual delusions as "imagined facts" make them always pathologically timid, afraid of men approaching them, and afraid of men staring at them. Men's approach and gaze are a kind of mental torture. This is what the psychology of fear and the eyes express.

Polyneurosis such as heterophobia is easier to regulate and there is no need to worry too much. For the cases in this section, good results can be obtained by adopting the following treatments:

●Cognitive comprehension therapy

Human psychological disorders always arise when motivation conflicts are difficult to resolve. will appear. On the one hand, the patient has the need to interact with the opposite sex, but on the other hand, he is afraid of interacting with the opposite sex. As a result, a psychological barrier appears. The solution is to first let go of ideological baggage. Minli has reached the age of love, and no one will say anything about her normal relationship.

The main advantage of cognitive comprehension therapy is that once it is comprehended, the problem is basically solved.

●Behavioral therapy

People who are heterophobic do not dare to make eye contact with the opposite sex, let alone talk to the opposite sex. Even if they talk to the opposite sex, their face will turn red and their ears will turn red, and their speech will not be clear. When they see the opposite sex If you walk towards yourself, your whole body will be tense and sweaty. Psychiatrists believe that behavior modification treatment is one of the best methods at present. The following are several behavioral therapies:

①Imitate "selfless" behavior. People who are heterophobic are mostly people with sensitive interpersonal attitudes. They generally pay too much attention to other people's attitudes toward their own behavior, so they often adopt rigid, formal, and formulaic behaviors. Although I also feel that being a human being is too tiring, I can't find a way to express my feelings.

You must know that if people's ideas and thoughts suppress emotions too much, it will lead to psychological depression, and then there will be contrast and variation in emotions and behavior. Therefore, take advantage of some opportunities to change your original social image. For example, in public situations, you can learn to talk to the opposite sex; playing with children in front of strangers can make you have behavioral courage and a carefree mood that you have never had before.

②Complete behavioral assignments. Behavioral homework is a means of correcting fear through external behavior. The so-called "homework" refers to activities that one does not want to do, but must do. The psychology may be passive, but in exchange for behavioral initiative. Based on this principle, set tasks for yourself, such as discussing product issues with a salesperson of the opposite sex for one minute, and learning to argue with unreasonable passengers of the opposite sex in public situations. Every time you complete an assignment, keep detailed records, write down the experience of victory, and constantly create new ways of behavior. In this way, you can unconsciously find a new self.

③Reconstruct the belief network. The most sensitive time stage for the occurrence of heterosexual fear is the emotional state at the beginning. The common mental state is "I met her again, it will definitely be as bad as last time", and then I feel frightened, and the fear symptoms appear in sequence according to the original program. This shows that the momentary emotional state determines the behavior throughout the whole process of communication. Therefore, before approaching the opposite sex, you should relax your whole body, take 3-4 deep breaths, and self-suggest, "I am particularly calm and calm today, and I am in a great mood!" "You can also recall a proud incident in your life and express it through your facial muscles. And think about the first words you want to say, and say them slowly and calmly when you meet.

●Systematic desensitization therapy

Systematic desensitization therapy is also a type of behavioral therapy. Before using this method, the patient is asked to classify the fear of the opposite sex into grades from mild to severe. , for example: father and brother who are close to him → older male teacher → young male teacher → ordinary man → familiar man → ordinary male classmate → male classmate whom he likes. The specific order depends on your specific situation.

Then, actively and repeatedly contact these feared objects in grades from mild to severe. When fear occurs, relax the muscles until the tension is eliminated. After adapting to objects of a lighter level, proceed to the next level, and so on. Each level lasts about a week, so that after a few weeks, the fear of the opposite sex is eliminated, and the patient gets rid of his spiritual troubles. ”

3. The Lonely Walker

I am a college student. Since I entered college, I suddenly met many people that I had never met before, or that I had never met before. I am aware of the problem. This makes me feel very painful and helpless. I am in the bustle. In fact, I am very lonely.

When I was young, there were many classmates in the place after school. A lot of people went to my house to play, and it was like this for a long time. Gradually, I got used to staying at home and waiting for others to come to me. I never took the initiative to go find others when I was with others. I was just a listener and never or rarely participated in everyone’s discussions.

When I got to high school, I found that there were fewer and fewer friends around me. I didn’t make any new friends in high school. However, because of that. Studying in high school was too stressful and busy, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. I thought, it would be nice to be quieter, I can do my own thing with peace of mind.

I have been in college for almost a year now, but I still feel like I am doing my own thing. I feel out of tune with the students around me. I feel that many students are of poor quality, vulgar, and selfish. For example, when foreign friends come to visit the school and take photos of the students, the students deliberately crowd into a group in front of the guests and compete for immediate photos. ; After turning off the lights at night, I still turn on the radio loudly without caring about others... But my classmates think that I am arrogant, conceited, and expressive, and they don't want to talk to me.

I feel very lonely and don't know that I should just follow the crowd. . Or continue to maintain my personality? I can't concentrate on the class now, and my studies have plummeted. Please help me.

Loneliness comes from the mind. Isolation.

There are generally two types of loneliness: one is emotional isolation, which means that the lonely person is unwilling to interact with the people around him; the other is social isolation, which means that the lonely person does not have friends or relatives.

Loneliness does not mean simply living alone, nor does it mean being alone. A person may not feel lonely when he is alone; but he may not feel lonely when he is in a large group of people. Loneliness occurs for many and complex reasons, such as frustration, lack of interaction, loss of maternal love, lack of friends around, etc. Loneliness is also related to a person’s personality, such as being aloof and looking down on others. Therefore, it is easy for people around them to leave; some people are changeable in mood, often have ups and downs, and easily offend others, thus putting themselves in a lonely state; some people are good at calculating, always care about everything, and consider everything. Personal gains and losses are too heavy, thus causing barriers to interpersonal communication.

The loneliness of college students is generally closely related to their personality. Just like the loneliness of the self-reported person in the above example, it is mainly caused by his passive personality in communication.

Loneliness is still a deliberate rejection of the environment.

Generally speaking, loneliness is a state that people are unwilling to accept. It brings people a variety of negative experiences, such as frustration, helplessness, depression, irritability, low self-esteem, despair, etc. Therefore, loneliness has a great impact on human health. hazards. According to statistics, physically healthy but mentally lonely people die twice as many times in ten years as those who are physically healthy and sociable. The mortality rate caused by human mental loneliness is as high as that caused by smoking, obesity, and high blood pressure. But this does not mean that loneliness will necessarily lead to bad emotions. Bad emotions come from loneliness.

Loneliness is cut off from friendship and has no chance of understanding. Loneliness is close to sin and equal to death. A positive life should transcend loneliness.

Social psychologists believe that loneliness has the following three characteristics: first, it is caused by defects in social relationships; second, it is unpleasant and distressing; finally, it is a subjective feeling rather than an objective state.

From the situation of the self-reporter in the above example, it seems that it is interpersonal tension caused by maladaptation. A person with social attributes must interact with others. Especially in today's society where people have more frequent and closer contacts, interactions, and cooperation, if you are not good at interpersonal communication, it will be difficult to gain a foothold in society. However, it is not advisable to go with the crowd or fight against others.

Therefore, it is recommended that lonely college students may practice in the following ways:

●Strengthen self-understanding and correctly evaluate oneself

Lao Tzu said: "He who knows others is wise; He who knows himself is wise, he who conquers others is powerful, and he who conquers himself is strong.” Have a full understanding and knowledge of your own personality, temperament, abilities, emotions, value orientation, etc. Only in this way can we find our own coordinates, grasp ourselves well, not lose ourselves, and not care so much about other people's evaluations, and not follow what others say.

If you cannot integrate into this group, you should first find the reason within yourself. Continuing to maintain the original personality will definitely not help change the status quo. We must learn to abandon the bad aspects of personality, such as arrogance, self-centeredness, and lack of sense of propriety in speaking and acting. At the same time, promote the good side of your personality: enthusiasm, liveliness, generosity, and helpfulness. Maintain a peaceful attitude toward others and yourself, and neither be arrogant nor too inferior.

●Be open-minded and generous

School is not a pure land. It is not surprising that all kinds of values ????in society will be reflected in the school. Using an idealized standard to measure all people will inevitably lead to disappointment and cynicism. Therefore, don’t have too high expectations of the outside world, and see more of the mainstream side of people, the good side of people’s hearts. For non-principled issues, learn to be humble, not care about, and ignore them. Laugh off or silence others' teasing and sarcasm. Remember that most people do not mean to hurt you.

●Learn to listen

Listen first so that you can understand other people’s thoughts and feelings and learn from others’ strengths. Otherwise, if you keep talking and boasting, you will be left out and ignored. Others, if they talk too much, they will make mistakes and put themselves in a passive position. Others find it boring to interact with you, and you also find it difficult to get along with others and unable to integrate into the group.

●Cultivate empathy and understand the needs of others

Judge other people’s emotions and needs from their expressions, sitting postures, body postures and other non-verbal expressions, and accurately infer others behavior. Choose a topic that the other person is interested in, put yourself in the other person's shoes, put yourself in their shoes, and "think of yourself and treat others the same way." This can reduce many misunderstandings and unpleasant conflicts. People find you understanding and enjoy being around you.

●Be good at controlling emotions

On the one hand, we must learn to adapt to this environment (such as "taking tranquility amidst the noise"), on the other hand, we can control our own behavior and emotions and maintain good health Emotional state, in order to influence and move other people's behavior and emotions. When putting forward your own opinions or criticisms, pay attention to the way and tone of speaking, so that others can accept it and you can express your wishes well.

●Praise others and make friends of all kinds

While learning to discover the bright spots in the people around you, sincerely express your appreciation and help others. Praise should be timely to express your gratitude.

You can make friends with people with different interests and hobbies, such as golf friends, book friends, chess friends, etc. In this way, you will not be isolated or feel lonely, and you will have harmonious and pleasant interpersonal relationships.

4. Jealousy is a disease

The tranquility of the night was broken by a sharp scream. Female college student Chen Haoying threw concentrated sulfuric acid on her roommate Li Miaoling, and then she died with a weird smile. Li Miaoling's head, face, neck, and hands were severely burned by concentrated sulfuric acid, with burns covering 8% of her body. Even if she undergoes plastic surgery in the future, it will be difficult for her eyes and ears to return to normal.