Cai Shaofen is an evergreen figure in the film industry. Not only has she been a movie queen for many years, she also became popular again for her role as the queen in "The Legend of Zhen Huan".

In 2008, Cai Shaofen married mainland actor Zhang Jin. In 2011, the same year she starred in "The Legend of Zhen Huan", her eldest daughter was born. Two years later, in 2013, her youngest daughter came to her, and last year , already 46 years old, she resolutely gave birth to Zhang Jin’s third child.

The birth of their son added another little angel to Zhang Jin and Cai Shaofen’s family.

Many people admire Cai Shaofen who still insists on giving birth to her third child at such an advanced age. Compared with her career achievements, this actress also has her own understanding and persistence in parenting.

In "My Wife's Romantic Travel", Cai Shaofen mentioned one thing:

My two or three-year-old sister is very attached to Cai Shaofen and often wants her mother to hug her .

Once the whole family was going out to eat, and my sister wanted to be hugged by her mother.

But this time, Cai Shaofen felt that this was inappropriate because she hugged her sister every time, which was not fair to her. She told her sister: "Sister, sister needs me too. This time you and dad, My sister and I."

But my sister didn't listen and insisted on Cai Shaofen hugging her when she cried.

Seeing that her sister couldn't stop crying, her family members advised her to forget it and hug her sister, otherwise she wouldn't stop crying.

But Cai Shaofen knows very well that if you compromise once, there will be countless times. Therefore, she communicated well with Zhang Jin and took her sister upstairs for dinner, while Zhang Jin stayed with her crying sister downstairs.

Unexpectedly, my sister cried for an hour downstairs, and Cai Shaofen remained unmoved. When his sister had cried enough, Zhang Jin reasoned with her and told her why her mother refused to hug you.

After the sister calmed down, she heard her father ask her: "What are you going to say when you go up?"

The sister said, "Say sorry."

Zhang Jin was very pleased: "Okay, then I will love you back and don't do this again next time, you know?"

Then he hugged and kissed his sister and took her upstairs.

After going upstairs, my sister took the initiative to apologize to her mother and sister: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this. It's unfair to my sister. I will never do this again."

Really The thing is, from then on, the younger sister really never competed with her elder sister for favor. The two sisters got along very well.

What Dad wants to say is that the age of two or three years old is the sensitive period for a child’s self-awareness, when she realizes that she is different from her mother and is independent. As an individual, she can become "selfish, willful, and disobedient." However, these are normal situations. When the child has passed this sensitive period, she has completed her growth in this area.

Cai Shaofen must have discovered that her sister was different from the past. She had become rebellious, clingy and crying, so she used this gentle and persistent approach to make her sister understand. , mother is not only her mother, but also her sister’s mother.

Another point to note is that the child cannot be left alone. The father must be present, then the child's crying is safe. Although her mother "snubbed" her sister, her father's company was an important support after her sister's mood stabilized.

So, when we see Cai Shaofen doing this, what we should pay attention to is:

1. Consider the sister’s feelings and not be partial;

2. Be gentle and gentle Persistence rather than mechanical application, otherwise such approach will not achieve better results.

Once, my sister was rejected by her friends. Like all children, the first thing she did was to cry to her mother.

Next, Cai Shaofen will say: "Then we won't play with them, we will play with ourselves."

Or: "Did you do something wrong somewhere? Be careful when playing with others, go ahead, mom supports you."

She didn't say that, so what did she say?

This is what she said:

These words may seem ordinary, but they make a lot of sense. Let’s break them down.

Your feelings are real. This is because your mother understands you, and it is also telling your sister that you feel uncomfortable being ignored.

I accept your feelings. This is a mother's attitude. Acceptance rather than rejection is the beginning of communication. In parenting, this is called "love", and mother stands with you.

Let me teach you, smile more and take the initiative, be yourself, and attract them. Believe that we are attractive, we will be more active and happy, and will attract those friends to play with you.

Note, this is the key, the initiative lies with me. If they don’t come over, it will be their loss, and I will definitely be able to attract them, as long as I am more sunny and positive.

Many times, adults will find that asking for help from others is the most difficult thing. So, it is better to ask for help from others than from yourself. As long as you are good to yourself, others will be attracted.

If you care, you will never be happy. This is to tell my sister that if we let go of this feeling, we don’t care about it, and by letting ourselves go, we can make ourselves happier.

Savor it carefully, what kind of flavor do these words contain?

***Love is to accept the child, and also to let the sister accept herself, and at the same time to improve herself. We are attractive. If not, let us become attractive. It’s hard to feel empty in the end and be ostracized, but time will take away all this, right?

Maybe my sister can’t fully understand what her mother said, but it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need to fully understand what her mother said right now. She just needs to keep telling her what she wants to do. One day, she will You will wake up and your horizons will be opened.

Now, all I need is my sister to do what she understands.

As a result, at the end of the show, my sister really made her first friend despite repeated defeats.

This is family education.

Once, Cai Shaofen took her two sisters to participate in "Incredible Mom 2". There was a task that required the mother and daughter to walk to the top of the mountain to find a grandfather Zhou who raised chickens.

This journey is not only long, but also uphill. It is very challenging for the two sisters who grew up in a wealthy family in the city.

Their performance exceeded everyone’s imagination. Not only did they not feel it was hard, they also enjoyed the process.

Along the way, when they are tired from walking and take a break, the children will talk to the grass on the roadside. Their shoes are covered with mud, but they don’t feel uncomfortable. When they are tired from walking, they will break off a branch to make a walking stick and continue walking. Go up.

This kind of performance really reminded Mr. Ting of the sentence in a certain advertisement:

Life is a journey. We don’t care about the destination. What we care about is the scenery along the way. , and the mood of looking at the scenery.

Isn’t that what life is like? It's like a journey with no end in sight. Keep going all the way, where is your destination?

Let the children feel and understand during such a journey, and let the hardships of the journey become a kind of happiness and enjoyment.

Therefore, it is better to travel thousands of miles than to read thousands of books. On the journey of thousands of miles, you can understand people and life.

Under this kind of education, Sha Yi used three special words to describe the two sisters:

To raise girls rich, what should be raised is their mind and realm, transcending material things And the present is the soul and the future.

Is it very vain?

It’s not false at all. Going on the road with good things in mind is a training for children to resist frustration. When they realize the joy of growing up, this kind of training is happy.

Children are the coaches of parents. It is with them that our lives are complete.

What Cai Shaofen does in educating children is to integrate education into life, and it is also something we ordinary people can do.

We can learn from her approach, but there is no need to copy it.

In this world, even twins are not exactly the same.

We understand the truth here and use it as a reference.

At the same time, don’t ask yourself to be a 100-point mother. That’s not necessary. 60 points is enough. Only flesh-and-blood parents can fulfill flesh-and-blood children.

Perfect parents will not produce perfect children, remember.

What should I do if there are shortcomings? Accept it calmly and discover to your surprise that you still have countless advantages. This is enough.