Shanglian: Ben 3 Road 1 Zhi 2; In a word: 9 is 8 dare to marry 7 buy a house; Horizontal batch: Qi 456
There is a fight between rice and steamed buns, and there are many people in the rice. When you see something with a package, you hit it, and no one is spared, including sugar packets, meat packets and steamed dumplings. Zongzi was forced to the corner, but in desperation, she tore her clothes and shouted, you see clearly, I am undercover!
In other words, that classmate was in primary school at that time. On the eve of a final exam, in the evening, he heard his parents discussing what to make him breakfast tomorrow morning. His mother said, why don't you make fried dough sticks and eggs? One fried dough stick and two eggs are a hundred points. His father was silent for a while and said: He has taken so many exams, and the score of 100 is not enough. Why not make him instant noodles and eat that "unification 100"?
The Chinese teacher looked back and saw that there was nothing but the Yellow Crane Tower. The math teacher looked back and saw the symmetry axis of quadratic function. When the English teacher turned around, I was sorry to add three grams of oil. As soon as the chemistry teacher turned around, carbon dioxide turned into gasoline. As soon as the physics teacher turned around, he levered up the earth. As soon as the biology teacher turned around, the IVF swam in the water. As soon as the PE teacher turned around, Jordan switched to playing table tennis. When all the teachers turn around, the people of the world will not be free!
When applying for a job as a freshman, the boss asked him, "What kind of working environment do you want?" He replied: "The monthly salary is 6,543,800 yuan, and I go abroad for 30 days at public expense every year." Boss: "I will give you a monthly salary of 200,000 yuan, give you a house, and go abroad for 60 days at public expense every year." He said in surprise, "Great! Are you kidding? " Boss: "You were joking with me first."
Sisters secretly love a married male colleague and write a love letter silently in the draft email every day. One day, she was drunk, so sad that she decided to send him all hundreds of emails. IT wasn't long before she suddenly regretted it and asked me to help her find an IT expert to waste that buddy's mailbox. As a result, IT man sent tens of thousands of emails praising the motherland and the party to his buddy's mailbox ... He got away smoothly, and the buddy was probably so angry that he deleted all the tickets.
In the subway, man A and woman B quarreled because of a little collision and stopped at the station. Female B hesitated as soon as she got off the bus, rushed up and slapped A, then turned and ran. As a result, a group of people rushed up and squeezed B back. Then A rushed up and kicked B, and B hit back. After that, I started to play all the time, and I didn't stop playing n stops. At this moment, a strong man suddenly stood up and shouted, Stop fucking fighting! I saw you all standing there fighting!
The company decided to let me pass the exam and lay off several employees. I asked a question, and the idiom fills in the blanks: "Not at all ()". The personnel department didn't understand, so I explained the answer: who fills in "Gou", the man stays and the woman leaves; Whoever writes "hang up" will leave, and the woman will stay.
There is always such a person, which we call "well"-that is to say, it means two anyway.
When I just graduated: Brothers, see you later; One year after graduation: brother, and a wife in the future; Later: brothers, regret marrying a wife; Later: brothers, there will be a stepmother; Finally: Brothers, regret marrying the second wife.
You are like a police car around me, and I have the urge to overturn you every day. Such sweet talk is really immoral!
At the opening ceremony of a plastic surgery hospital in Wenzhou, the clothes worn by two beautiful women actually said "Zhou Libo", and they can get breast augmentation in seven days, Mamma Mia!
A thunder in mid-air suddenly reminds people of an old song by Ku Kuiji: "Good sound, good sound, good sound ..."
The husband challenged his wife's IQ and asked, Dear, do you have the ability to say something that makes me happy and angry? The wife was silent for a while and said, I found that of all your friends, only you don't have to take Viagra.
I changed my signature to "I love your wife". At this time, many people asked me if I was in love, but most people still insisted that I was hacked. In fact, the truth is that I typed the space in the wrong place, so I changed it to "I love your wife". By this time, everyone thought the goods were mine.
When I was in college, I just lay down one night and suddenly received a phone call. It turned out to be from my classmate in the next room. "Come here, I have something to do." I barely got up and asked why when I passed by. "We are all lying down, and no one wants to get up and close the door. Please help me close the door, thank you, hehe. " I ...
Tan doesn't understand why he is always despised by sin and cos. Later, Kurt told him tearfully: Because we have no lower limit. ...
There are four weirdos living upstairs. On the fourth floor, they like to grind kitchen knives; On the third floor, they like to pee on the window; On the second floor, they like to paint things green; On the first floor, they like to eat cucumbers. One day, the kitchen knife accidentally fell on the fourth floor ... Hands up if you understand ~
Three elements of success: first, persistence. Second, shameless. Third, shameless persistence.
When I was a child, my mother kindly said to me: Good boy, you will never starve to death if you learn this skill. So my mother taught me to eat!
One day, I was in a hurry to urinate and ran into the luxurious bathroom of a hotel. Walking into the urinal, I saw several big characters written on it: "Don't wear it out!" " "My heart secretly funny. I'm waiting for quality people and sleeping in a five-star hotel. What scenes have I not seen? It's over, automatic induction, automatic water spraying, huge amount of water! When I was soaked to the skin, I suddenly realized, "Damn, a comma will kill me! " "
Don't be a racist, learn to be Uncle Mario-he is Italian, but made in Japan, speaks English fluently, can run like a Jamaican, jump higher than a black man, and loves collecting gold coins like a Jew. ...
Stupid birds have four choices: ① stupid birds fly first; 2 stupid birds fly behind; 3 stupid birds fly around; Stupid birds don't fly-passive, patient, leisurely, and then lay an egg and pin their hopes on the next generation!
Modern three obedience and four virtues: wife three obedience: never washing clothes; Never cook; Never mopping the floor. Husband 4: the wife has to wait for makeup; Wife should be willing to spend money; A wife must endure losing her temper; You should make your wife angry.
A foreign guy participated in a blind date program in China. W: Where do you live after marriage? Do you have a room? I live with my grandmother, father and stepmother. This house belongs to the last century. 10 lights out. W: What do you do? Where is your father? A: I am a soldier and my father has no unit. Eight lights went out. Woman: Married with a BMW? A: Is a carriage all right? All the lights went out. Compere: Where are you from? What's your name? The young man was embarrassed to answer: In England, people call me Prince William.
The circus owner got a call, "Hey, do you need a talking donkey?" The boss got bored and hung up. After a while, the phone rang again. The other party still asked this question, and the boss hung up again. The third time, the phone rang again. As soon as the boss answered the phone, he only heard the other party say, "Don't fucking hang up! It's easy for me to bark with my hooves! "
The first thing a Japanese woman said on her wedding night was, "Please forgive me if I don't serve well tonight." The first thing a China woman said on her wedding night was, "Go and see how much money she received today."
I went swimming after cupping yesterday and had a good time. Suddenly, I heard a little girl behind me say loudly, "ladybug!" " "I don't know what happened, so I looked back at her. As a result, she immediately cried and said to her mother, "Mom, ladybug essence ..."
A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: I can only realize one of your wishes. Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. Man: I want a wife ... the magic lamp immediately conjures up a beautiful woman, and then disdains to say: I'm starving and greedy for beauty! Pathetic! Then he disappeared. Man: ... bread.
My classmates asked me if I knew that Sophie had 4 10mm long night use. I asked what was going on. She said it changed her worldview. I'm curious that this sanitary napkin is so powerful. She replied, "Because I found that I was only as tall as four sanitary napkins, I felt so small."
There is a colleague in the unit, Mongolian, who belongs to the great god who often flies in the sky. I went home after a year off, but I didn't come back after a few days off. The leader called and said on the phone: Leader, I am still riding on the Hulunbeier grassland to find a home. My family is a nomadic people, and now I don't know where to move.
A sexy MM was walking on the road when she suddenly heard: Don't move. A big man stopped her, MM was anxious and said, I'll give you money, so don't rob her, okay? The big fellow said, don't be wordy. Then push down MM, mm frightened: no. M: I'm bored to death. Take off your socks quickly. I'm in a hurry to rob a bank.
A couple from China went to work in Australia, and their youngest son stayed in the local kindergarten. One day, the director asked the friends what 1+ 1 was, and the friends were at a loss. At this time, the younger son was depressed and didn't know? Then he shouted 1+ 1. Isn't that equal to 2? The next day, the director came to the couple's house with a serious face and said, look what you have tortured the child into! 1+ 1=2 is what he should know now?
Internet cafes go to the toilet and see a lot of handwriting on the toilet door. The first one says: women are cheap! And attach some vulgar swear words. Then a reply: Men are the meanest! I also attached some swearing words, which should be a female reply. A few lines came and went like this, and finally someone shouted: Stop fucking arguing, men and women are fucking bitches! What is expensive now is pork!
The six places where women in China are most likely to lose their virginity are bars, Internet cafes, karaoke bars, offices, rented houses around universities and Beijing Metro Line 1.