Last generation, we received traditional authoritative education. When parents and children have differences, it must be the child's fault, and children must listen to their parents.

The next generation, children demand to be respected and understood. They received a lot of information. They can do it if their parents say a word. They have to ask a "why" in everything, and it is not enough to add a "why".

For example, not long ago, I heard a conversation between a mother and a son, who was only in the fourth grade of primary school.

Mom: You should respect the teacher and be obedient.

Son: That teacher should also respect me.

Mom: It is necessary to respect teachers.

Son: I'm human, and so is the teacher. If he respects me, I will respect him. Respect should be mutual. Everyone is equal.

Mom: ...

I can understand her gaping, searching for the right words in her mind and breaking off her son's head. After all, it sounds reasonable.

Parents of our generation often struggle: it is better to educate their children to be democratic or authoritarian. It is better to treat children as their debating friends and argue with them seriously, or directly suppress them by force and let them do a good job.

Recently, I watched an interview in Beijing Youth, in which one episode interviewed Lai Mingjia, a comedian from Wenzhou.

Lai Mingjia is a girl who grew up in a democratic family. Her parents choose to respect her, even though they disagree with many of her choices.

Lai Mingjia said that parents will discuss with her and her sister what decisions they have to make since childhood. Mom and dad, she and her sister will sit down and make decisions through meetings and voting.

So she knew how to express her views and fight for the right to speak from an early age. Lai Mingjia also said that it is very interesting that although there are only four people in the family, the competition at the meeting is extremely fierce, and she and her sister will form gangs to fight for rights and interests. And all parents acquiesced because they didn't want their children to be weak.

It is Lai Mingjia's own decision to choose the art test. At that time, her parents did not agree or even explicitly opposed it. But the parents' opposition is just an attitude, and it is she who makes the final decision.

Malai said to her: If you want to learn acting, of course we can give you money to support you, or you can take the art test without studying at school, but if you think about it, you will get nothing. Don't regret it then, let alone blame us. Anyway, you made your own choice, and you are responsible for it.

Lai Mingjia really embarked on the road of acting, and now he has become a good comedian, able to support himself and make the audience happy.

She looks confident and knows exactly what she wants. Although she is ordinary, she has some very unique advantages.

This is what a girl who has been respected since childhood looks like when she grows up.

There are no perfect parents and no perfect children. If parents and children never disagree, then the world will be harmonious and beautiful.

Unfortunately, this is impossible.

From wearing long pants to staying up late, to choosing a job, marrying a man, marrying a second child, and how to educate the third generation, there are always differences between the two generations.

Most families deal with it either by quarreling fiercely or by children running away from home and refusing to communicate.

Lai Mingjia certainly has many differences with his parents and even conflicts of ideas.

She is engaged in the comedy industry and is not very stable in the eyes of the older generation. Her parents didn't support it, but there was no fierce opposition.

So Lai Mingjia engaged in his favorite career, while repeatedly communicating with his parents, what is the work content and what is the achievement. Slowly, my parents accepted the job.

The attitude of continuous communication with elders is a scarce resource in parent-child relationship today.

On the one hand, if parents are stubborn, children will simply close communication channels, because as long as both sides are unhappy, why bother asking for it.

On the other hand, young people's time is precious, and it is not fragrant to have time to communicate with their elders, chase dramas and go shopping. Being able to communicate with parents patiently and slowly shows that the parent-child relationship is really close. After all, company is the longest confession.

This is a healthy way of communication for adults, instead of parents treating their children as giant babies and trying to control each other, while children shut their parents out. An abnormal relationship in which the two sides dislike each other when they are together, but miss each other when they are not together.

Lai Mingjia also told her parents that she didn't want to find a boyfriend.

Dad said, so you won't feel the feeling of love, you will be lonely in the future, you will regret it, and you will feel that your youth has been wasted. Don't you want someone to be nice to you and give you a rely on? You are a girl.

Lai Mingjia asked: Why do I have to have a boyfriend? Why should I rely on others? I think I can live well, too. I earn money by my own ability, honor my parents, and am also a useful person to society. what can I do? If you have such a son, will you persuade him to fall in love as you advised me?

Dad thought for a moment and nodded, but it wasn't.

Slowly, they accepted the fact that their daughter was not looking for a boyfriend or even planning to get married. Lai Mingjia said that her parents will always be her backing. Even if she goes home for half a year without work, her parents will not say anything. So she won't be particularly anxious, because there is a retreat called "home" wherever she goes.

This is the greatest gain for parents who know how to respect their children. When there are differences in ideas, the two sides can come up with their own ideas honestly and collide amicably.

What is even more rare is that Lai Mingjia's parents are easily persuaded by their daughters. It is not easy for an old man in his fifties and sixties to change his mind easily, unless the communication mode between the two sides determines that his parents have been listening to his daughter's thoughts effectively for so many years.

Say it, thinking, "Don't listen, don't listen, bitch, I'll convince you anyway. Son, you have to live when you are born, and you have to live if you are not born. I verbally promised to take all the children away, and I lied to you to give birth to the children first. Are there still fewer parents?

Every cause has its consequences. Parents respect their children from childhood, and children will respect their parents when they grow up.

Lai Mingjia looks ordinary and can be seen in the crowd. However, in the entertainment circle where beautiful women are like clouds, they are smashed into slag in minutes. After seeing her acting skills, more than one director said to her with regret: You acted very well, but your appearance was almost poor. Why not get a nose job and get a face-lifting needle?

Even if it is only a small role, the director may make such a request.

If you change a girl, your face will definitely be a "big fight." Have you ever found that in the entertainment circle, even female stars with good quality and beautiful appearance can do all kinds of plastic surgery?

If a director asks you for plastic surgery, you may scoff. If both directors say so, you may still take it seriously, but everyone says so, it's hard not to change your position.

Lai Mingjia, on the other hand, can always insist on being himself, resist appearance anxiety and find his own way of playing. I think this self-confidence may be unique to children who have been respected by their parents since childhood: they dare to challenge authority and stick to their own ideas.

Girls who are respected by their parents will not easily become PUA when they grow up.

Lai Mingjia said that he especially dislikes male friends using "virtuous" to describe women.

She said that most boys have the same courtship framework. Looking for a girlfriend should be gentle, obedient, simple and caring.

But in Lai Mingjia's view, what are the benefits of obedience?

Why is it difficult for boys to find the other half from the perspective of respecting and appreciating women from the heart? For example, I appreciate my girlfriend's ability and the way she works hard. ...

When a male friend "kindly" reminded her of what changes she had to make to find a partner, Lai Mingjia dismissed it. She doesn't want to be a "obedient", "gentle" and "caring" girl and change herself to cater to the framework of male mate selection.

Such a girl, whether single or with someone who really understands her love, will not be wronged for marriage, nor will she easily become a PUA.

Are you kidding? She is so confident. How could it be PUA?

From the parents' point of view, if you want to cultivate a good girl, a daughter who meets the requirements of men for women, then you can talk big when she is young and she will listen to everything you say. If she doesn't rebel halfway, it's over.

But if you want to cultivate a confident, brave, independent, self-reliant, self-reliant daughter who can only accept healthy sexual relations without PUA, you must learn to respect children.

If you respect her, others will respect her.

So do boys.