What do you think of love? Let me tell you some thoughts and attitudes about love!

Gender difference

The best-selling book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus misleads the public, claiming that there are so many problems between men and women because they are two different animals. In fact, apart from physical differences, there are some obvious psychological differences between men and women, but the differences are not as exaggerated as the book says. I won't say much about artistic differences, but mainly about emotional and sexual psychological differences.

In terms of nonverbal perception, women are usually more accurate than men in judging the emotions and intentions of others. This may be related to the fact that men are generally in a strong group in society, because the weak groups can only make more favorable actions if they interpret the information of the strong groups more sensitively. This skill is a great asset for women. Ironically, this practical and enjoyable ability perpetuates the stereotype of men and women.

In interpersonal communication between men and women, men pay more attention to the same goal, while women tend to be emotional. Therefore, when male friends get together, they just chat or participate in activities together. When women are together, they often talk about emotional entanglements and gossip about clothes. This is also a long-term social stereotype, because expressing emotions is a woman's nature, while political affairs are a man's duty. So emotionally, men tend to be introverted, while women tend to express. In the study of homosexuality, it is also found that gay men are generally more expressive than straight men, while lesbians are more instrumental than heterosexual women. When lovelorn or divorced, this difference in emotional expression also makes it easier for men to experience inner loneliness, because male friends drink together at most, while women feel less lonely, because there are many girlfriends who can exchange feelings. Of course, emotional sensitivity naturally means that women are more susceptible to emotional fluctuations and are not as decisive as men in making judgments and decisions. At the same time, it also means that women are easily hinted at. Studies have found that all female animals in nature are more easily hypnotized than male animals.

General experience tells us that women are romantic, more eager for love, more likely to fall in love and more loyal to love. But in fact, the research on the measurement of love relationship shows that the fact is just the opposite. In the relationship between men and women, men are more romantic than women, and men are more likely to fall in love. In fact, after divorce, the suicide rate of men is several times that of women. However, it seems that men are always more likely to come out when they are lovelorn, and women will adopt a more persistent attitude in a failed love. But in terms of sexual attitude, men are more casual than women, because the cost of male sexual behavior is lower than that of women. Men pay more attention to feelings in sexual behavior, while women pay more attention to emotion and commitment. So women are also more likely to fall in love with the first person who has sex.

Know each other

Of all the towns and bars in the world, she walked into mine. ? Casablanca

First of all, we must get close and get to know each other. We may not fall in love with the people we meet, but first we have to get to know them. For everyone, there may be n members of the opposite sex who are your best partners, but due to the distance of space, these may all become zero. The proximity of space makes more communication, both physically and psychologically. This kind of interpersonal relationship has high reward value, which is called exposure effect in psychology. This is why many people eventually marry their classmates or friends. Therefore, in this sense, distance can not produce beauty, but only a sense of alienation. Of course, many people will say that long-distance love is sweet. In fact, the spatial distance has widened, and the psychological distance has naturally emerged. Moreover, this sweetness is often caused by missing each other's feelings, and once they really live together, most long-distance relationships break up in just a few months, because in this short time, some problems with each other that they didn't care about before broke out. Not to mention online dating, which is self-deception to some extent.

Stimulation? Values? Roles, which are three different types of information we get from our partners, will affect the development of intimate relationships. When couples meet for the first time, their attraction is mainly based on stimulating information, including obvious external characteristics such as age, gender and appearance. Then enter the stage of values, and the attraction depends on the obvious similarity of each other's attitudes and beliefs, such as your views on this person, this matter and what kind of life you yearn for. Later, the compatibility of roles became more important. At this time, couples finally find out whether they are consistent in basic life elements such as career and family.

There is a kind of attraction called fatal attraction 1, for example, the other party seems to be very active and funny at first, but later it may become irresponsible and stupid; At first she was strong and persistent, and then she became overbearing; At first, I felt that the other party was very concerned and devoted, but later I was too possessive and lost my free space.

economical and practical

For women, a man's appearance is no longer handsome, which is also unable to resist his lack of economic ability. At this time, his attractiveness will be significantly reduced. Because it is an indisputable fact that the world is a patriarchal society, although the slogan of feminist movement and equality between men and women has been shouted for so many years, more social resources in this society are occupied by men, while women have to obtain such resources and rights through marriage and sex. That is, I won't talk to you without bread. I'm starving. I'll talk about love. This is why women tend to marry a man several years older than themselves. There are more mistresses and lovers in society, and now there is a new profession of goddaughter, instead of playboy and gigolo.

Although many girls will say when they are in love, I really don't care if you have money or not in the future, it is enough for us to have love. But I really didn't care at that time, because I wasn't married. I always remember that women are emotional animals. At this moment, your feelings determine what she said, and then it is hard to say what emotions will dominate. Once married, all kinds of living costs come down, almost all women will feel that the economic foundation determines the scientific nature of the superstructure at this time, and they can't wait to cry at Marx's photo and regret that the original design was broken. This is silly and naive. Especially, coupled with the complaints of female relatives and the contrast of female friends, the marriage atmosphere becomes more and more tense, and all kinds of small things can trigger wars. At this time, the door of the Civil Affairs Bureau has been opened. Even if individual girls can really insist on inner peace, it is also a test of the man's psychological quality. Maybe the man will start to get upset or learned helplessness, in which case the marriage is difficult to maintain. Of course, nowadays, the society is rich in material resources, and women can easily obtain social resources, which makes the society pay less attention to women's economic ability when choosing a spouse, but it is still very heavy.

This economic ability of a man not only refers to the current family situation, but also includes his personal future. There are naturally not many people with backgrounds, and more people just have backgrounds. It is not difficult to explain why women prefer confident men, because self-confidence means expressing: I can do it, regardless of whether the facts can be done or not, but expressing it is better than cowardice. In a word, no matter what the current situation is, as a boy, we should all have a kind of self-motivation, which can give each other enough sense of security. For women in China, due to the existence of the ancient dynasty for too long, most women's independence has been low, and the lack of personality independence makes them ask for little, that is, the lowest sense of security, which can only be obtained by men. The most basic thing is the house. No matter how difficult the outside world is, you will have a reassuring psychological experience when you return to your own house. Home is the place that gives people the greatest sense of security. Although parents can give more, marriage has declared its independence to the world and it is impossible to go back to the past. Nowadays, some women have a high social status and may think that they may no longer value each other's economic ability, but the fact is that the more successful women are, the more likely they are to find a man who is more successful than themselves.

Not long ago, the tragedy of newlyweds in Nanjing, especially the mother who died after 1990, made netizens cry. I saw the photos, too. They were really beautiful. Well, Laozi, Zhuangzi, Kant, Nietzsche and Marx all said that everything should be measured and money should not be too supreme.

Step 2 show up

There is no doubt that all human beings are related to appearance. This habit of human beings has been formed since birth, and newborns will pay more attention to beautiful faces for a longer time. If I show you a picture of a stranger, please speculate on this person's personality and life prospects. Therefore, it is generally believed that people who are more attractive in appearance are more interesting, more sociable and more likely to succeed in life and love. Because handsome appearance will give us a positive awakening, and this awakening can stimulate personal pleasure. Because of this stereotype, appearance is of great significance to individuals. So plastic surgery will be so popular now, and there will be a national plastic surgery assembly line. However, this handsome standard also varies from person to person. We can easily find the difference of everyone's aesthetic standards, and this difference will be more obvious with the difference of social culture and subculture. And because of the role of women's physiological cycle, the appearance of men who feel attractive will change every month.

A line in Love with a Pure Son is that all men like a woman who can't master it with one hand. Women's career line is naturally attractive to men, but the study found that the ratio of women's waist-hip ratio of 0.7 is more lethal to men than big breasts, while the most attractive ratio of men's waist-hip ratio is 0.9. Of course, women are often taller than themselves, and men don't want to look up at their partners. Charming people are happier than others because they are more popular and have better social skills. The attractiveness of looks can explain 10% variables that affect people's adaptability and happy life. The attractiveness of looks has a greater impact on men's social activities than women's, but men pay more attention to each other's looks than women, so now more than 90% of plastic surgery are women.

In a relationship, looks generally match. The more formal, serious and devoted the relationship is, the more obvious the match will be. When a mismatch occurs, the relationship is unstable unless other factors can offset the mismatch. So many couples are very close in appearance attraction, and no one really wants to find someone who is less attractive than himself.

A story: A goddess married the son of a general, but she was depressed after giving birth to the child, because the man looked like a pig's head and the child still looked like a pig's head. Girls look at their children every day, and the more they look, the more depressed they get. The story tells us that from the time scale, God is fair to everyone. This behavior also encroaches on the happiness of the next generation. We could have found a better balance, but the result was too paranoid. Happiness psychology tells us not to be too paranoid.

3. Similar

The most basic assumption of interpersonal attraction is that the appearance of the other person is rewarding for us, and the meaning of this reward is to directly appreciate and be similar to ourselves. Sometimes this reward factor is not easy to detect. In addition to handsome appearance and likable personality, we appreciate people who have the same points with us, even if they are irrelevant, which will make each other look more likable.

In addition to appearance, the similarity between men and women will also make us feel that each other has a lot of attraction. This is first of all self-reward, because similarity is self-affirmation from another angle, which is also the reason why birds of a feather flock together. When intimacy develops, similarity will bring more tolerance and fit. Because of similarity, we can understand each other more easily, which is why the more similar the two sides are, the higher the happiness of marriage. Of course, these similarities refer to positive similarities, such as interests, hobbies, intelligence, love expectations, likable temperament, looks and so on. Negative similarities such as insecurity and lack of expressive ability will naturally increase the possibility of failure of intimate relationships. Traditionally, we believe that complementarity will bring more happiness in marriage, but this complementarity is actually based on the fact that the two people have the same marriage attitude, personality and values, in order to better continue this intimate relationship. This complementarity is also common in love and marriage. Most complementary behaviors are actually similar, and complementarity is more precisely the domination and obedience of both sides. In love and marriage, two tigers are not allowed in one mountain, and it is inevitable that one will suffer. Fools are always willing to obey unless they agree with each other more. In the psychological research of the same dormitory, we will find that the complementarity between the students in the same dormitory begins to be obvious around fifteen weeks.

Another effect of similarity is that the people we aspire to be are attractive to us. We all envy talented and capable people, which we don't have but want to have. This also makes us like those who are similar to our ideal self. The most attractive partners are those who are similar to us in many ways, but have the ideal qualities that we can achieve through hard work.

Therefore, the similarity of expression ability and emotional understanding ability of both parties is increasingly emphasized in the current marriage. The research on marriage also finds that the similarity of these two aspects is very predictive of whether the marriage can last for a long time. But there are also primary and secondary points. Housework and gender roles are two very important points. Couples with similar gender roles are happier than couples with different styles and abilities.

This shows that the traditional marriage of big men and small women looks stable in the short term, but in the long run, the happiness of both sides will inevitably decline, because without communication and understanding, there will be no emotion. So Duan Yu and Wang Yuyan will be happy together, but if Qiao Feng and Wang Yuyan are together, it will double the possibility of extramarital affairs and divorce.

4. Age

Giddens Ko said with emotion: When a girl is mature, any boy can't stand it. He recalled chasing a girl and giving her an umbrella in rainy days. In order to be a man, he got wet and covered the girl with an umbrella. He didn't understand until now that what the girl wanted was to be closer to her.

Because girls' puberty development is two years earlier than boys', this difference also makes girls of the same age more mature emotionally than boys. In addition, women are mainly emotional, so boys are emotionally naive than girls of the same age. This is why girls tend to choose men older than themselves to marry. This choice is not only out of the other person's social status, but also out of the perspective of emotional needs. Of course, the love between brother and sister is very common now, and the love between Elva Hsiao and Kai Ko surprises many people. This is also related to women's easier access to social resources, but the difference in emotional maturity is an insurmountable obstacle in the love of sister-in-law.

Men tend to choose young women from beginning to end, which is related to the sexual attraction of young women. From an evolutionary point of view, young people represent a high fertility rate. Although women will also be attracted to young men, although there may be temporary stimulation, in the long run, women pay more attention to the emotional care of mature men.

5. Love expectation

Adults with stable personality, values, world outlook and outlook on life will have an expectation for love in their minds. This expectation is everyone's cognition of love and marriage, and some people call it a love story. These stories may come from Mango Taiwan, Shakespeare and other famous works, various love movies and real life. This kind of love cognition will affect our belief in love and its relationship, so it will affect our love behavior. This can also explain everyone's choice in love, whether to refuse or accept, whether to give up or insist.

A love story should tell love with characters, plots and themes. When you meet a person who suits your love story, you will establish a relationship with him and fall in love with him. We will be very satisfied with this relationship, in which we conform to the characters in the story. The power of a love story lies in perfecting our own role in a love and marriage, and we will respond to the events in the relationship according to the story. Moreover, love stories have great stability and are difficult to change. Psychologists have found that couples always believe in similar love stories, and the greater the difference between their partners' stories, the less happy they are.

Wang Shi chose to divorce and stay with Tian Pujun because he knew what he wanted and found a balance between Chinese marriage and Western marriage, which many people with high social status in China could not do. Because in today's China society, keeping mistresses and mistresses is a common phenomenon, which will not cause too much criticism. But he chose a considerable price to realize his love story. Yang Zhenning said: Weng Fan is a gift from God, and many people take a shameless attitude towards it. In fact, the most precious thing in marriage and love is that people always know what they want and can stick to it.

The most impressive part of Travels around the Flying House is the episode of married life at the beginning. If you meet the right person, you will have a simple and happy life.

6. Self-esteem

Self-esteem comes from a positive evaluation of one's skills and characteristics. And this evaluation is formed in the long-term daily life. Evaluation and self-awareness from the outside world. Inferiority comes from interpersonal communication, and the next step will continue to affect the development of interpersonal communication.

Men are face-saving animals with strong self-esteem. When the woman is too strong or superior to herself in too many places, the feeling of male self-esteem is frustrated. Because men's gender stereotypes are high above, giving their families a sky. If this male role cannot be realized, the man is likely to choose to hold a woman with lower requirements. Injured self-esteem means self-denial, and everyone is afraid of being denied. This is also one of the important psychological reasons why some people are difficult to recover after being frustrated in love or marriage. However, this is only because of people. Individuals with high self-esteem can easily recover from setbacks, because individuals with high self-esteem will have a clearer understanding of themselves and a more rational analysis of things. Women's self-esteem in marriage mostly comes from each other's ability and family happiness. Although self-esteem is not as strong as that of men, it will also cause problems when accumulated.

The level of self-esteem has a great influence on personal handling of various marriage and love issues. When there are problems in the relationship between marriage and love, individuals with high self-esteem are full of confidence in their partner's love and relationship, and even if there are problems, they will actively seek solutions to narrow the distance with their partners. On the contrary, individuals with low self-esteem will also have doubts about their partners' care and dependence at this time. Once the situation worsens, they will pull away to protect themselves.

Psychologists point out that we all need to keep a balance between connecting with others and protecting ourselves, but people with low self-esteem always put their fragile self-esteem before intimate relationships. As a result, people with low self-esteem are self-suspicious, sensitive and fragile, which makes them create a mountain of problems from countless trivial matters. When it comes to your partner's shortcomings, you react violently and mistakenly think that stumbling on the road of love is an ominous sign. Then he showed disgust, self-defeating injury and anger, completely isolating himself from the comfort of his eager partner. Individuals with high self-esteem don't care about small things and have the confidence to solve these problems. The end result is that once low self-esteem is formed, it is difficult to change it. Even individuals with low self-esteem, who have been married for more than ten years, still feel that the other party does not accept and love themselves like cowherd and weaver girl.

A new title is Phoenix Man, and the other is Peacock Girl. It is not uncommon for Phoenix man to turn his back on Peacock girl and find Sparrow girl mistress.

7. Family factors

Everyone's earliest growing environment has a great influence on their personality, ability and social coping style. This influence was formed in a subtle way, and it was not until I became an adult that I suddenly discovered that I had so many things given by my parents. For example, an active and happy family will bring high self-esteem to individuals and cultivate positive social coping styles. In other respects, same-sex parents give us our habits, hobbies and the role of the same sex in the family. For example, boys can learn from their fathers, like poetry and drink tea, while girls will learn from their mothers' steadiness, diligence and love to worry. On the other hand, we will also get some bad habits and attitudes that our parents have no intention of giving us. So we sometimes find the shadow of parents' marriage on the marriage of the next generation of children, happiness, happiness, but there are problems and similar problems.

Happy families are similar, but unhappy families are different. And this unfortunate childhood has given individuals more psychological negative things, such as inferiority, sensitivity and lack. And this unhealthy psychology will affect the individual's initial mate selection and marriage relationship. A classic example is the daughter of an alcoholic father. When choosing a spouse, there is a 60% chance that she will choose a husband who is also an alcoholic. This choice is unconscious, which comes from my father's lack of love and saving psychology in his early years, and he fantasizes about saving each other to soothe my traumatic childhood. But this is irrational, and the result is another painful marriage and his own childhood injury.

Some tragedies are doomed from the beginning, and no matter how hard you try, it is only to prove that this is a tragedy.

Parents' kindness to us needs to be repaid in a lifetime. However, we should also be soberly aware that we should count what our parents have given us. Some bad things should be thrown away as soon as possible, because in essence, they are not what parents want to give us at all.

8. Sex and love

When it comes to sex, you can't help but talk about love. Because sexual arousal can stimulate love to some extent, and sexual contact in love is appropriate. At this point, I only say some philosophical and psychological speculation to see if I can understand it.

In the physiological sense, sexual desire can be properly defined as the accumulation and release of physical tension. Accordingly, love is an experience implied by personal intention and behavior. Sexual desire is the rhythm of stimulation and reaction, while sexual desire is a state of existence. Freud and others interpreted sexual pleasure as relieving tension. On the contrary, in the state of lust, we not only don't want to get rid of this excitement, but are more willing to indulge in it, bathe in it and even strengthen it. The ultimate goal of sexual desire is satisfaction and relaxation, while the goal of sexual desire is desire, longing, eternal expansion, search and expansion.

It is not difficult for us to see that the combination of sex and love can just achieve a balance. Without sex, there is no necessary passion. No sex, purely mechanical exercise. Without energy, it will soon fail. The latter is also the psychological root of many impotence and sexual apathy in today's society. Anthony in ancient Rome had a large number of handmaiden to satisfy all his sexual needs, but it was not until he met Cleopatra that love entered his field of vision, which brought him to a brand-new world and made him feel ecstatic and destroyed at the same time.

The ancient Greeks used the most perfect myths and fables to express their feelings from the prototype of human psychology. Cupid is a child of the god of war and beauty, but he didn't grow up like other children, and he is still a short, fat and ruddy child. The frightened mother was told? Love without passion can't grow? Aphrodite could never figure out the secret meaning of this sentence, and the truth was not revealed until the birth of Antille, the god of passion. When he was with the god of passion, Cupid began to grow up and became a handsome man, but once separated, he returned to his childhood appearance and playfulness. Love without passion is also immature.

9. Others

9. 1 Society and the concept of marriage and love

With the great enrichment of social material, the integration of modern culture and the change of values, China people are more and more open to marriage and love. In choosing a spouse, we will consider more things other than objective factors, such as personality, temperament and taste, and pay more attention to the quality of love and marriage than to make do. Cross-cultural research has proved that different societies have strong homogeneity in mate selection, and the order is kindness, understanding, wisdom, making people laugh, health, belief and pursuit.

9.2 The emergence of elite leftover men and women

There are more and more elite men and women, which represents the improvement of spiritual pursuit level. Of course, high pursuit and high taste also represent high maintenance costs. Although people are born unique, most people are a process of becoming vulgar, because people become vulgar without cost. Some people also commented that the emergence of elite leftover women is actually a denial of men in China, because it shows that the values and spiritual pursuits represented by men in China are not good.

9.3 Divorce expenses

Another point is that the divorce rate is too high because the cost of divorce is low.

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